Title - Kyouya x Reborn - Mistaken
Summary: Kyouya gets mistaken for Fon a surprising amount and Reborn accidentally keeps assaulting him. Kyouya ends up just cutting his hair.
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The Vongola mansion movie room, with wide staggered steps and beanbags everywhere, is filled with loud chatter since most of the Vongola, Varia and Arcobaleno have already crashed the place along with a few others – most notably a Byakuran dressed in cute pink pyjamas.
Reborn, as always, is far more dramatic and the man swans in wearing a white Victorian-era nightgown with frilly lace edging, holding a large bowl of popcorn.
He sees Fon in the back lounging on a beanbag near Dino and beelines it for the man but gets waylaid by the Arcobaleno who have claimed the best spot at the front of the room (yes they fought the Varia for it).
Colonnello sticks out a leg and Skull grabs fistfuls of the nightgown to drag Reborn down while Mammon shoves him from behind using their tentacles. Reborn topples over, some popcorn spilling out onto Verde who is reading scientific papers on a tablet because he was forced to be here.
There's a tussle and eventually Lal has to step in because Colonnello is being choked out and definitely losing. Skull has eaten most of the popcorn.
Reborn clambers back up with his popcorn bowl in one arm, kicks Skull in the stomach, and weaves around the Varia (barely dodging a nearby Bianchi's grasping hands) before sauntering up to the back of the room.
"You got raided," Dino laughs, bundled up burrito style on his massive beanbag that he shares with Tsuna.
"They're all gremlins," Reborn mutters in annoyance.
Reborn kicks open Fon's legs and turns around, seating himself on the man's lap and then lying back against his chest, making himself comfortable before putting the bowl on his own stomach.
Tsuna is staring in quiet horror. Dino opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. Skull just cracks up laughing from the front of the room, which makes the other Arcobaleno turn and they start laughing too.
"This isn't Fon," Reborn realises.
"No," deadpans Kyouya from under Reborn, particularly upset.
Reborn looks over his shoulder, hair brushing Kyouya's cheek. "Why are you wearing Fon's clothes?" he complains. "What are you expecting me to do? You're already a clone – you're so inconvenient!"
Fon -the real one- steps into the room, also wearing black pyjamas. "Ah."
"You're wearing literally the same clothes!" Reborn cries, flinging a hand out at Fon. "Come on!"
Fon smiles peaceably. "I lent him some clothes. Kyouya didn't bring proper pyjamas with him – you know he doesn't stay in Italy long."
"Well I've already sat down," Reborn says firmly.
"Uh," Tsuna begins, sitting up. "Why don't you sit here next to Dino? You can ruin the movie for him by pointing out all the plot holes like you usually do."
"I refuse," Reborn states. "I've sat down, now we all just have to live with it."
"I'll be here then," Fon chuckles and physically picks up the giant that is Verde to move the scientist and make room for himself.
"Why are you sitting on Fon anyway?" Dino wonders.
"We're dating now," Reborn says simply. "Again. I mean technically Skull was…that's not important."
Kyouya seems to finally understand that Reborn actually isn't going to leave and so starts shoving the hitman off – and then Leon peeps out from under Reborn's collar.
Kyouya settles back in, now with a small animal in hand, and pets Leon through the whole movie marathon.
Spanner dims the lights using his little control box and the movie starts. It's a deliberately bad action movie and Xanxus is the loudest as he cusses out garbage firearm handling.
After the movie marathon, Fon lifts a sleeping Skull into his arms while Lal hefts Colonnello into a fireman's carry because the large soldier is far too big for her to be carrying him bridal style. Verde does not help. Mammon has already fucked off.
Fon walks to the back of the room and smiles apologetically. "Kyouya, would you mind bringing him back?"
Kyouya rolls his eyes but tucks Leon back into Reborn's nightgown, shifts a sleeping hitman into his arms and stands, following Fon through the carpeted hallway of the third floor of the private west wing. There aren't enough rooms for everyone so most of the Arcobaleno get deposited into the room reserved for Reborn.
"Do you have a room?" Lal asks. "You can just sleep here."
Kyouya just grunts and leaves because there are too many people. Instead, he drives back to his hotel room.
Kyouya gets home one day to the sight of more shoes on his front step and frowns. Fon (and so the other Arcobaleno) have started using this place as a house to crash in when they come to Japan. Today, it looks like only Fon and -shiny leather shoes- Reborn.
Kyouya passes Fon who's in the kitchen and strips off in his room, going straight to the large open air onsen in the middle of the house because he's been chasing down herbivores for too long and he's sweaty.
Kyouya soaks for only a few minutes, arms propped up on the natural rock edge, when he hears the doors slide open and Reborn ducks inside wearing a towel. Kyouya tips his head back and closes his eyes, relaxing into the warmth and the quiet noise of Reborn scrubbing down.
Water splashes and Kyouya gets the fright of his life when someone very naked straddles his lap and kisses him.
Reborn dodges the punch and laughs. "Did I scare-" He sees Kyouya's scowl, and Fon only ever smiles, so Reborn quickly connects the dots. "When did you get back!?" Reborn shoves away, gliding back through the water.
Fon slides open the door and pauses. "I feel like I should wear a name tag."
"You said you'd be in the bath!" Reborn complains. "Now I've traumatised Kyouya, the poor little eunuch."
Kyouya stands with a fiery glare on his face.
"I was making some tea in the kitchen," Fon explains calmly. "Kyouya, please don't fight, you'll get hurt."
They fight, and Reborn holds Kyouya under the water until Fon has to step in, because Kyouya wasn't tapping out and Reborn would one hundred percent drown a person just to prove a point.
Leon paddles around as a bright green duck and enjoys his bath time.
Kyouya staggers into the Romanian safehouse because they found him in the hotel, holding the key from the safety deposit box Fon told him about.
He strips his clothes off as he stumbles straight into the bedroom. His leg is bleeding through the bandages, his ribs are in constant throbbing pain and he's dizzy enough to have a concussion. He falls into the messy bed, shoves a hidden gun out from under the pillow and passes out.
When Kyouya wakes, it's to the warmth of a blanket tucked around him and no pain. He blinks his eyes open and glances down. The bandages are gone, the wounds healed with what can only be Sun flames, and the blood has been cleaned off.
Reborn is moving around the room quietly, pulling a laptop charger out of a fancy white leather suitcase – the absolute hardest to keep clean because Reborn likes a challenge.
"I'm not Fon," Kyouya says.
Reborn glances at him. "I know, he's in China." He stands up, cable in hand. "Food is almost ready."
"I would have gone somewhere else, if I knew you'd be here."
Reborn pauses but he can cold read people's thoughts so he sees; I don't want to involve you, this is my problem and I'll deal with it.
"I finished my hit already," Reborn shrugs. "Come sightsee with me later."
Kyouya purses his lips but says nothing as Reborn leaves the room.
"Oh, and there are some dead bodies in the backyard now - that's your responsibility!" Reborn calls back.
Kyouya sits beside Fon on the back porch of his Namimori home, looking out across the backyard as they sip tea in silence. Some koi splash in the pond, swimming under the shallow red bridges that weave down the large garden.
"How is it?" Kyouya asks suddenly. "With the hitman."
Fon tilts his head, long braid swinging. There's a long pause. "Well enough."
Kyouya glances sideways at Fon but says nothing more.
Kyouya cuts the hanging ropes, the woman propped up over his shoulder so she doesn't collapse as soon as she's cut free from the ceiling. She wraps her arms around Kyouya's neck, taking shallow gasping breaths, makeup smudged and her black pencil skirt ripped at the hem, while her white blouse is rumpled with a few buttons missing.
Kyouya holsters one tonfa and puts his forearm under her thighs, holding her up in the crook of one arm. She's heavier than she looks but Kyouya is stronger that he looks so it's not difficult to maintain.
Kyouya makes his way back through the underground cellar of the warehouse and takes the stairs back up, stepping over bodies and moving quickly to avoid the shipment of drugs he just set fire to.
Fon is outside, sitting in the passenger side of a car, the window rolled down so he can enjoy the sea breeze. "Ah, Kyouya. I apologise, we were in the area and Reborn does like to play damsel in distress."
Kyouya slowly turns to look at the woman propped on his arm.
"I was already wearing the skirt anyway," Reborn admits easily. "You were very handsome with the rescue, but a little rough."
Kyouya dumps Reborn onto the car hood and walks off to get his motorbike.
Kyouya opens the door at 8pm on his birthday and Reborn is holding the most ridiculously extravagant cake Kyouya has ever seen.
"This took me seven hours to make," Reborn states. "I'm going to watch you eat it even if I have to force it down your throat."
They have a quiet party, where Reborn leads Leon, Hibird and Roll into singing happy birthday and makes Kyouya blow out candles. They talk some, about nothing much at all.
Kyouya goes to bed that night and stares up at the ceiling for a long time before he goes to sleep.
"When did they start dating?" Kyouya asks Skull, when the visiting stuntman is successfully lured over to check out the motorbike Kyouya parked in front of the Vongola.
"Who?" Skull asks, squatting down to check the wheels.
"The hitman and my relative."
"Dating?" Skull scoffs and then quickly looks up. "Uh, yeah, only recently I guess. Nearly two months now…"
Reborn turns to look over his shoulder when the door to Tsuna's office is pushed open and Tsuna looks up from behind his desk, eyes going wide.
Kyouya strides in, hair cut short enough that it spikes up a bit. He comes to a stop in front of Reborn and waits.
Reborn chuckles, a wry smile twisting his lips. "If you wanted me to stop, all you had to do was ask."
"Did you think I wouldn't find out that your relationship was fake?" Kyouya demands.
"I don't chase people," Reborn tsks. "That's not what I do. So maybe my plan was a bit convoluted, but you had to be the one to ask me out."
Tsuna looks between them. "Wait. Wait, Reborn you faked dating Fon so you could seduce Kyouya?"
Reborn shrugs. "It was fun while it lasted."
"Let's go get coffee," Kyouya says instead.
Reborn pauses and then smirks. "Oh? I want to ride on the back of your bike, I think that's hot."
Kyouya escorts Reborn out with a hand on the small of his back and Reborn leaning into Kyouya's shoulder.
Tsuna is staring, mostly in horror because this is one of the worst pairings he could think of, these two monsters running around terrorising people on a date ohgodno-