Highlights from my week included signing the lease for a really nice apartment and finding out that 6 years is enough time away from formal math education to completely forget the rules of calculus and trigonometry. I laughed so hard when I got the score for my college math placement test! And to think I used to be a physics major... good thing I'm going for a liberal arts degree this time!

Chapter 19: Reunion

John approached him as soon as he got back into camp, a deer carcass draped over Boadicea's rump. "Arthur?" he started.

"What is it, John?"

"Hosea's drinking again. Over on that log." The log in question was on the edge of camp, half hidden in the dark behind the bushes.

"And no one stopped him?"

"Most folk are out," John said. "Anna, Karen, and the Callanders went to the saloon. Dutch is meeting with that guy, again."

"That Trelawny?"

"Yeah. I tried to stop Hosea, but he wouldn't listen."

Arthur sighed. "Can you take care of Bo?"

"Sure."

"Where's Isaac?"

"With the girls."

"Good."

Ever since they returned from Indiana, ever since Bessie's funeral, really, Hosea couldn't be found far from a bottle. If they didn't catch Hosea before he started drinking, it was nearly impossible to get him to stop. They all tried, with limited success. Now, Arthur found himself focusing on keeping Hosea alive rather than coaxing him to start living. Because until Hosea opened up and talked to them, it was all he knew how to do.

"Hosea?" he called to the older man. The whiskey bottle was almost half empty, and Hosea was slumped on his side. "Shit, not again. Come on, old man, get up," he said, shaking Hosea's shoulder.

"Arthur?" Hosea groaned.

"Yeah, it's me. Time for bed."

Arthur tried reaching for the whiskey, but Hosea yanked it away. "Leave me be."

"Hosea-" he tried again.

"Leave me be!" Hosea shouted, swinging the bottle at Arthur.

And on impulse, Arthur flinched back. Even years later, he still couldn't stop the reaction. It would be so easy to catch Hosea's arm, stop his off-balance swing and keep Hosea from falling into the mud. But he didn't, and Hosea fell.

And Hosea began to sob, again.

"Come on, Hosea," Arthur said, grabbing his arm again. This time, Hosea let him. "You need water, a bit of food, and sleep."

"No."

"Yes. I ain't losing you, Hosea, so you've got to drink something that isn't booze."

He wrenched the bottle from Hosea's hand and replaced it with a canteen of water. Hosea didn't seem to notice, even after Arthur deposited him into his bedroll. "I need her back, Arthur," he cried.

"Hosea…"

"Everyday without her… it shouldn't have been her."

"Go to sleep, Hosea," Arthur said, never sure how to respond to Hosea's comment. Every night, Hosea managed to shatter his heart. Arthur understood. But even at Arthur's lowest moments, he was able to bounce back because he had support from Hosea and Dutch.

Hosea wasn't accepting their help. And with how drunk Hosea was that night, he quickly passed out.

Arthur went to the girls' tent once he was sure Hosea was settled. "Hey, Isaac, I'm home," he said as he entered.

"Hi, Pa!" Isaac said, barely looking up from the domino game he had set up with Susan and Tilly.

"How did you get on today, Mr. Morgan?" Susan asked.

"Well, I dropped off a deer for Pearson. And put Hosea to bed," he said pointedly to her.

"That man doesn't listen to me anymore. I've tried-"

"Maybe if you didn't yell at him," Arthur said.

"Excuse me?"

Arthur brushed her off, saying, "Never mind, I ain't in the mood."

"I can't help him if he won't listen, Mr. Morgan," Susan said.

Arthur ignored her. "Who's turn is it?"

"Mine," Isaac said. "I can't decide between these two."

"Huh."

Arthur reached for the tiles, and Susan tried to slap his hand away. "Don't help him!"

"Why? Afraid he'll win?" Arthur asked with a grin before pointing at the piece on the left. "Play that one."

"I wish I knew how to help Mr. Matthews," Tilly said, fiddling with her next piece before putting it down next to Isaac's.

"We all do, sweetheart," Arthur said. After three months, Arthur hoped that Hosea would stop his destructive spiral, but nothing was changing.

"Maybe we could convince Hosea to take a trip into town tomorrow," Tilly said. "He hasn't left camp in so long. We could all go."

"Worth a try," Arthur agreed.

And they did try, hoping to entice Hosea into checking out the town's bookstore with them. But Hosea wouldn't move from his bedroll. Disappointed but not surprised, Arthur decided to take Tilly and Isaac into town, anyway. Karen came along, too, wanting to buy some things from the general store.

"Go on, now, both of you pick something out. My treat," Arthur said to Tilly and Isaac, handing Tilly some money. "Karen and I will be at the general store."

Karen nudged him as they walked across the street. "You know, when I first met you, I'd never have guessed you were such a softy."

"Who, me?"

"Yeah! Big, tough Arthur Morgan always hauling animals and pelts over your shoulder like they weigh nothing. I figured you liked to wrestle bears in your spare time, not take your son on rides and draw flowers in your journal."

"Karen, if you looked in my journal-"

"No, I would never! I asked John what you wrote in there."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Of course he told you that it's flowers. They're local herbs!"

Karen paused at the general store door. "You need anything inside?"

"Naw, I'll wait for you out here."

He sat on a bench and leaned back, stretching his legs and surveying the town. It was much like their normal stops, with a train station, a general store, and a bank. Arthur took a moment to study the small, brick building. One guard outside, maybe another inside. Should be easy enough. The gang had hit several banks on the West Coast, and it was usually the last thing they did when they were prepared to move on.

But for the first time since their gang's founding, Hosea wouldn't be a part of it.

Arthur eyes drifted away from the bank to the man struggling with his two shire horses down the road. He was trying to hitch them to the wagon, but one of the horses was spooked by a sign flapping in the wind. He sighed, getting up to help the man, when the horse broke free. It galloped down the road, right towards a woman crossing the street.

"Hey, look out!" Arthur shouted, jumping out into the street to try to grab or at least divert the horse. The shire did change directions upon seeing him, but the heavy horse couldn't turn very quickly. It bumped Arthur's shoulder, knocking him into the mud.

"Oh, sir, are you alright?" the woman asked.

Arthur groaned. His wooden leg was not sitting correctly. Hopefully the strap wasn't broken. "I'll be fine," he said.

"Let me help you up," she said. But before he could take her offered hand, she gasped, "Arthur?"

Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a bun behind her head, a loose piece hanging over the mark on her cheek, and her eyes full of surprise and concern. "Mary?" he said, stunned.

Arthur hadn't seen Mary since she broke off their engagement, a long time ago, now. At the time, he'd been understanding and yet heartbroken. Mary had been the first person he'd truly been interested in, the first person he loved. The gang tried to console him. Well, Hosea, Bessie, and Annabelle tried to console him. Dutch and Susan mostly bragged that they'd been right about Mary. That a high-society girl like her would never abandon her pearls and her gowns to run with a bunch of outlaws. But he still spent many nights drowning his sorrows at a local saloon.

Which was where he met Eliza.

Arthur staggered to his feet, his wooden leg definitely twisted out of place. Mary noticed the problem too, gasping, "Is your leg alright?"

"I'll be fine," he said, half-dragging it behind him as he made his way back to the bench. Arthur had taken to wearing a pair of batwing chaps to protect his wooden leg, so for the moment, his knee looked dislocated.

Mary's eyes bugged out even further when Arthur pulled the wooden leg off. "What happened?" she asked.

"Long story," Arthur said. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for our train," she said carefully. "Me and Barry… my fiance."

"You got engaged." He didn't mean to sound dumbfounded, but it still slipped out. He could see the ring on her finger, a diamond, so different from the one he gave her.

"Yes, I-"

Whatever she was going to say next was interrupted by Isaac running across the road, yelling, "Pa! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Isaac. Just got knocked over."

Mary, just as surprised by this new revelation, said, "You have a kid?"

"Yeah. Guess we have a lot to catch up on."

Then the man who Arthur assumed to be her fiance appeared, as did Tilly and Karen. After some chaotic introductions and conversation, Karen took Tilly and Isaac to the nearby stables to look at the horses, winking over her shoulder as she left. Mary's fiance let Mary and Arthur get a cup of coffee alone after she explained that they were old friends.

"So, things are pretty different now, huh?" Mary said nervously. "You have a son."

"I have a son," he repeated.

"When did that happen?"

"Not long after we ended things," he admitted. "Her name was Eliza."

"Are you two married?"

"No. She, uh, she died. Was killed, while I was out with Isaac."

"I'm sorry," Mary said, placing her hand over his own.

"Yeah, me too. We weren't married, or anything like that. But I would visit, bring them money."

"And your leg?"

"Nasty run-in with the O'Driscoll gang," Arthur said.

"I take it you aren't with the gang anymore, then," she said, almost hopeful.

"I'm still with them."

Mary frowned, shaking her head. "Oh, Arthur, even with your boy?"

"It ain't like that," Arthur said. "I'm not robbing anymore. I help bring in money in other ways. Hunting, pelts…" Mary huffed, rolled her eyes at him, and Arthur sighed. "Don't look at me like that. They are family to me and Isaac."

"He's a child!"

"And he's my child. I decide what's best for him. Just because you didn't want to live that life doesn't mean it's not working for me and him."

Mary brushed the loose hair away from her face, not meeting his eyes. "There we go, fighting again," she said.

"I don't mean to," Arthur said.

"I know."

"So, uh, Barry Linton? How long… how did you meet?"

She bit her lip lightly, then said, "Daddy introduced us. Once Jamie went off to boarding school, he started pushing me to find a husband. And Barry is nice, and sweet."

"He a good man?"

"He is."

"He treats you right?"

"He does."

"And you're happy?"

He thought he imagined the slight hesitation before she said, "Yes. I am."

"Good," Arthur said.

Mary studied him while he took a sip of coffee. "Are you alright, Arthur?"

He almost lied. Almost. But Mary had been the one person who he could always talk to about his fears and his doubts, and it all spilled out. Bessie's death. Hosea's drinking. Dutch's and Annabelle's continuing relationship problems.

By the time he was done, they were on their third cup of coffee. "I just don't know how to help him, Mary. I've never seen Hosea like this before."

"You mean the drinking?"

"Not just that. He doesn't care about anything anymore. He just wants to be with her, and she's gone."

"I wish I knew what to say," Mary said.

"Yeah, me too," Arthur replied.

"Maybe… oh, I don't know," Mary started. "Find a way to remind him that there's still plenty of good left in the world?"

"If only it were that easy," he lamented.

"I know." Mary fiddled with her mug. "Just be there for him, you know? Sit with him, talk to him. Keep him busy so he doesn't think about the drink. And then maybe he'll open up to you. Maybe not, but…"

"I'll try," Arthur said.

They sat in silence for while. Just being with her, Arthur was overwhelmed by memories and old feelings. He still loved her, a realization that normally would have driven him towards despair. But life had changed, and the love changed, too. He could love her without imagining what their lives could have been together. As a friend. "You should probably head to the train station soon," he said.

"Yes, I suppose I should," Mary said.

Arthur slid some coins over to the waitress for the coffees, and walked her over to where Barry was waiting. "You two get a chance to catch up?" Barry asked.

"We did," Mary said, taking Barry's hand. "It was good to see you again, Arthur."

"You, too. Congratulations, Mary," said Arthur, genuinely, and they parted ways once again.

He was immediately swarmed by Karen, Tilly, and Isaac.

"Who was that? An old flame?" Karen teased.

"Calm down, it ain't your business."

"She's real pretty. And rich," Karen continued. "I don't buy that childhood friend line she spun her fiance."

"Well, not childhood, but we were pretty young when we met."

"So, first girlfriend?"

"What happened?" Tilly asked.

"We wanted different things from life, that's all! Now, let's get back to camp."

Still, Karen and Tilly pestered him about the details of his relationship with Mary. But Isaac was quiet. Once he parked the wagon and convinced the girls to leave them alone, he turned to his son. "You alright, Isaac?"

"You loved someone else? Not just my ma?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah, I did," Arthur said, awkward and unsure about how to have that particular conversation. Ever since Isaac came to live with him, romantic relationships were the furthest thing from his mind. And even before Isaac, he was never actively seeking a relationship. He met Mary by chance, and the speed at which his feelings developed had both surprised and confused him.

Isaac dropped his head down, kicking at the dirt. "Oh," he said.

"I know it's kind of odd to hear that," Arthur said. "But finding someone you want to spend your life with can be hard. It would be nice to just know who the perfect person is, but you don't. You meet people you like, and if they like you back, you start a relationship. And see what happens."

"But you loved her."

"I did. But she didn't want to join the gang, and I didn't want to join her life, so we ended things."

"But you didn't live with me and ma. She didn't want to be in the gang, either."

"Well, that's… true," Arthur said. "But your ma and I talked and made it work. Falling in love isn't the end. There's usually a lot of compromises you have to make. And when you and someone else aren't willing to make those compromises, like with me and Mary, it doesn't matter how much you love them. It just won't work."

"So, you loved both of them?"

"Yeah. I loved them both, just in different ways," Arthur said.

"Okay."

"Besides, if I married Mary and didn't meet your ma, you wouldn't be here! And I love you so much."

"I love you too, Pa," Isaac said, wrapping his arms around Arthur's middle.

Arthur hugged him back. He was relieved that Isaac understood and that he could finally talk about Mary. Even after Isaac's birth, even as his respect for Eliza grew into a platonic love, his love for Mary never completely vanished. Not while Mary still kept the engagement ring he gave her, the one that he insisted she keep, because one day they might change their minds and choose each other. But now he knew. They both moved on and found their own lives. His relationship with Mary was a step, not a stumble.

And it was easier to deal with everyone's curiosity as rumors of his meeting with Mary spread like wildfire around the camp.

"Heard you saw Mary," John said, coming up to him during dinner.

"Shut up, John."

"Mary? Really?" Dutch asked.

"I never liked that woman," Susan said.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it," said Arthur. "She's found someone else."

"She wasn't right for you," Susan continued. "Oh, but Mr. Morgan, can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?"

She motioned towards Hosea, trudging to the edge of camp with another bottle. Arthur sighed. "You can't just hide the whiskey?"

"You think I haven't tried that! Last time, he went to town and bought more. I was worried sick!"

"I'll see what I can do," Arthur said, sitting down on the log next to Hosea. The older man ignored him, face blank. "Hey, Hosea," he tried.

"Leave me be, Arthur."

"I'm just trying to look out for you," Arthur said.

"Don't. Just don't waste your time. You don't understand."

"Hosea-"

"Leave me alone!"

"No!" Arthur said. "I'm not leaving you alone. I love you, Hosea. We all do. I don't want to lose you. So, I'm going to stay right here."

"You don't understand! I'm all alone."

"You're not alone."

"Yes, I am! It's all moving on without me." Hosea choked on a sob, falling forward onto his hands and dropping the bottle. Arthur let it shatter. "The gang's gone on with their lives and their jobs, and it hurts. Everyday, it hurts, and I'm all alone."

"You're not alone," Arthur said again. "We want to help you, it's just… I don't know how, Hosea."

"It shouldn't have been her," Hosea said. "Why her?"

Arthur rubbed his back, and said, "I don't know."

"She was so good, and I'm not. Why am I still here? Why do I have to keep going without her?"

"I don't know. But we want you here, Hosea. Don't forget that."

"She told me to be okay, and I can't even do that. I don't know how to do that. It just hurts, and I don't want it to hurt no more."

"I know," Arthur said, still holding him. "I wish I could just fix that for you, but I can't. But you need to lay off the drinking, Hosea. It won't stop you from hurting. How about you come to town with me tomorrow?"

"No," Hosea said.

"Then I'll stick around camp. Work on the orders here. I've got more than enough to do."

And Arthur did. He sat in Hosea's tent and worked as the man woke up, hungover and angry. He stayed as his presence stopped working as a distraction, and Hosea began to look for a drink. He stayed when Hosea grew bitter and angry, screaming at him to leave, and found a drink anyway.

He just stayed.