Chapter 41: Not a victory
Fear was always there.
There, in the eyes of those around him, fear of him.
After a while, it became almost comforting.
Something constant that Gaara knew was there without having to bother to even look for it...or rather...something that was almost always there.
So why?
Why were there so many people here looking at him with those eyes?
Defiant, angered, fearless.
Almost as if daring him to try and extinguish the fire burning within their eyes. Mocking him for being unable to do so. For failing to obtain the one thing that hadn't been gifted to him. What he'd foolishly longed for as a child. It was different with the Uchiha; there was hatred in his gaze, and cruelness hid beneath, a wish to make others suffer, just like his own. Even with that girl by his side, the boy still surrounded himself with darkness.
As for the girl...that energy of hers was different, terrifying, intoxicating. Shuukaku's conflicting messages soared inside him, he'd almost lost it during her match, and yet, even in her, he could see that darkness as well. He'd felt the ice in her voice when she'd confronted him.
Those gazes, that hatred, Gaara could accept.
It was the other, the anger laced with something else, something he barely ever saw around him, what made his blood boil. The same look in the stupid blond's eyes as he stood back up. More than just anger, more than just hatred shined within him, taunted him. Even those two had changed after he'd arrived, their moves becoming more efficient, a different look in their eyes as they became willing baits despite knowing one single slip would mean their end.
Willing to fight.
Willing to die.
He'd tried to destroy them, then.
Snuff it out of existence and prove his own, give the monster inside the blood it craved. And yet, he was falling as the sand around him lost consistency, crumbling down with him as the girl's energy rippled through it, closely followed by two more attacks, making sure would be nothing left of the giant sand body.
The boy wasn't letting him go, though.
Uzumaki Naruto's fist was tightly gripping his shirt, pulling him up before handing yet another hit. Pain bloomed from the place it hit, somehow worse than the one he got from finally hitting the ground right across the giant summon's blade. Struggling, Gaara fought to stand up. His wounds hurt, they stung and burned, but there was something else within that glare now. Even if his enemy was in the same state as the redhead, more people were here, and they'd come looking for his head. He would lose.
"This time, I'm really...completely empty...you too, right?" The boy was panting, unwilling to stop. "One more punch is all I've got left. My friends can likely fight for longer, but...we're birds of a feather...let's make this it!"
Birds of a feather...
He said it, back in the hospital, hadn't he? That inside the stupidly grinning boy, a real monster was caged.
Maybe...maybe it was the truth. The amount of chakra needed to keep that summon on, even after the number of clones used during the fight, wasn't...
Was there any point in getting up anyway?
The other genins would still come, no matter what, and the sand was refusing to move at all. The smart choice would be to try and run.
His legs trembled as the redhead forced himself to move forward.
Not to him.
Gaara could not lose to Uzumaki Naruto, to any of the others, but not to him.
Something was wrong.
Terribly wrong.
"Caring about my subordinates' lives?" It took more than Orochimaru would've liked to keep his tone mocking. "How long are you going to keep spouting such nonsense?!"
His old teacher should be knocking on death's door, and yet, all three of his clones remained standing. Two of them sported a seal in the middle of their chest, their clothing ripped open by something the prodigious Sannin had failed to see, only to disappear a second later.
"Come, Enma!"
At Sarutobi's scream, his sword was in his hands once more, bitterness tainting his tongue as he had no choice but to defend himself. That forbidden jutsu was not something anyone but him could cancel, so then why...?
The weight of his parries was becoming heavier, the force behind the old man's hits stronger than they should've. The hilt slipped through his fingers, Kusanagi sent flying through the air. Enma's arm came out of the transformed staff straight at him. Chakra pooled on his arms for less than a second before summoned snakes came flying out, wrapping around the monkey king's limb. Twisting it, making it unable to move. And yet, before any sense of victory could be felt, it was a pair of hands grabbing on to him what he felt.
"This is it!" When had the old man got there? "The end!"
There were no hand seals, no sudden bursts of chakra.
But he could feel it...something pulling at him.
What...what the fuck was happening here?
He couldn't wait to find out.
Orochimaru was going to finish this fight.
Chakra gathered again, around his hand this time, and he pulled his sword, directing it with a flick of his fingers. This was not time for grandstanding. Whatever Sarutobi-sensei had done, it had the potential to kill him. So he screamed, his voice mixing with that of the dying man's.
"DIE!"
He pulled more.
The sound of his blade tearing through his flesh was not what he expected to hear; neither was the sight of his crimson-stained sword piercing through the old man's chest. Old Enma's last-minute attempt to stop the weapon's path was useless. Sensei had to know he was going to attack, so then...
"Why...didn't you evade?"
"This jutsu...you see..." Despite the pain he could hear in his voice, his teacher sounded confident.
Racing, Orochimaru moved to weave a seal, letting Saeutobi-sensei keep a hold of him was not a good idea. Pooling chakra to unleash a...no, it wasn't gathering...he couldn't even feel it.
"The caster must hand over their own soul to the God of Death for the jutsu to work...it's a sealing jutsu. And it requires the sacrifice of one's life." The fucking old man was even smiling. "That's why I didn't evade your blade...I'm going to die anyway.
"As soon as the seal is completed, my soul will be devoured... This jutsu belonged to the hero who once saved this village. And through this jutsu...you too shall die!"
"So, this is what was used to seal the Kyuubi." And the reason why the former Hokage's had stopped moving, their souls consumed by the shinigami.
"Indeed...I shall pull out your soul out of your body...and bind it!
"You will see soon enough..." Sarutobi-sensei kept smiling. "Already, half of your body has been pulled from you. Those souls bound...using this jutsu will never rest in peace...but suffer from eternity inside the belly of the shinigami. Both, the caster and the sealed...their souls shall battle each other with a deep hatred for eternity!"
No...
This couldn't be his end...
It hurt.
All of it hurt, and Gaara could not even move a finger, even breathing was a struggle. Somehow, however, the heavy huffs of his enemy sounded loud in the clearing. The blond was crawling, not even able to use his arms to push himself forward, instead, using his chin to propel himself ahead despite the obvious fact that the boy was just as spent as Gaara himself...why...?
Why was Uzumaki Naruto still moving? How could he move at all? Where was he even getting such strength?
Did the blond plan on fighting still?
"I will not cease to exist!" Fear forced the words out of him. "I won't! I refuse!"
He couldn't stop.
No matter what...Naruto had to keep moving.
Because this was his fight.
He could see it, hidden beneath the anger and the rage of Gaara of the Desert's cold eyes. The pain and the loneliness, the hurt of hearing accusations at his back, of people laughing at him while being terrified of him all the same, of insults and the impotence of not even knowing why...what had he done to deserve it?
For half of his life, that was all he remembered. The pain and the hurt which gave birth to a hatred that had once threatened to consume him. Back then...he had hated the village, but more than anything else...he'd hated being alone. With no purpose, simply drifting alone in an empty world that sought to hurt him. Hating and being hated becoming the cycle he lived his life. Until it was offered to him, a helping hand.
Color had seeped into his life in a way the boy had never expected; warmth and laughter suddenly filled his days. Homemade meals began to appear in his hands, jokes that managed to make him forget the whispered insults thrown at his back. Back when he was four, Naruto would've never dared to dream that someone would willingly fight for him. The two heirs of the two of the founding clans had not only seen him but found him worthy of standing by their side, of trusting and believing in him.
Once before, he almost lost it all.
Lost them.
It hit him then, not the old anger or hatred, but fear. The fear of being back in his lonely little world. Being forgotten, lost once more.
"D-don't come near me!" Gaara was scared...
"That pain...of being all alone...it's not trivial." Somehow, their lives had started out the same. "The way you feel...I dunno why, but...I understand it so well...the hurt."
He did.
The thought of going back to being alone had terrified him back then. It terrified him now. Even if the blond could understand, however, even if he could see himself in Gaara's light blue eyes as clearly as he saw himself in the mirror.
"But...I've got people who care about me now..people that are important to me...I won't let you hurt them." No matter what lengths he had to go to. "Even if I have to kill you...I will stop you!"
"Why..." There was nothing left of the monster in Gaara's eyes, only a small, scared child. "Why do you care about others."
"They saved me from my pit of loneliness..." It was pity, Naruto realized. What he felt for Gaara now was only pity. "And they understand me...I couldn't live without them...I love them."
Orochimaru could not move, his life was being threatened, and all he could do was curse in silence as a weird sensation seemed to come over him, immobilizing him. Like something was being pulled out of him, something he could not even name.
"This...is the end of your ambitions..." For all that his voice was getting weaker, the old man's words had a tone of confidence to them.
It was the sound, the light metallic clank, that caught his attention, bringing his gaze to rest on the demonic-looking creature standing behind Sarutobi-sensei. Its purplish skin a garish contrast to the crimson horns that protruded from its head and sharp nails. And as the being got the tanto out of his mouth, it was all Orochimaru could do not to shiver. The things free hand moved up, the translucent faces of the former Hokages sprouting from it only to be sliced by the shinigami's blade and be swallowed by the monstrous creature. Gnawing sounds reached his ears; panic was starting to take over now. He had to do something, and quick.
And even if he couldn't stop the jutsu...if the energy that summoned the shinigami became unavailable before it was completed...if his teacher's life were to ran out before his soul could be pulled, perhaps...
"No!" Things were not over yet; there was still one thing he could do. "You do not get your way, old man!"
It was almost nothing, the movement he could get away with, but it was enough. This much was enough to command Kusanagi to be pulled over towards him, forcing the blood inside the old Sandaime to move, to seep away faster. He could make it; it would not take too long now, it could not.
"Now...die!"
"It seems..." the old man panted. "I don't have enough strength left to drag out all of your soul."
"Then, by all means, please die, Sarutobi-sensei!" The faster, the better.
"However..." Why was his teacher still talking? HE should be dead already. "I shall put an end to your plans...here and now!"
"You think you can stop me?" Panic still laced his words. "You talk like an old fool!"
The giant form of the shinigami loomed behind his former teacher, looking at him, tongue moving around. He was running out of time, but the Sannin's arms were still trapped. All of the knowledge he'd acquired entirely useless inside his mind.
"Let me go!" He tried to struggle only to fail, his body still frozen. "I cannot be stopped! You will die here!"
"I will not allow you to destroy this village!"
"Do you really think that you in your decrepit state have the power to save this village as the Sandaime Hokage?!" If he could get the senile man to let him go, then maybe..."Look around you! In addition to my followers...Suna shinobis have invaded this village as well, you know. All Konoha shinobi will be annihilated! Women and children included...operation Destroy Konoha shall be fulfilled!"
"You really don't understand, do you, Orochimaru?" Again, there was that damn smile on Sarutobi-sensei's face. "Don't underestimate the shinobi of this village. The shinobi of Konoha, in order to defend their village, will all fight everything they've got!
"In this world, true strength...arises not from honed ninjutsu. I thought I taught you this once. I told you that a shinobi's true strength emerges when people are defending those precious to them."
"Spare me the lecture!" Orochimaru spat out.
"No matter, it's not like I intend to forgive you at this point anymore." The old man spoke as if a sword wasn't piercing his entrails. "To you, who is addicted to false pride...there is no greater or more appropriate punishment...I shall take all your jutsu with me!"
"What?!"
The pull grew stronger and Orochimaru could see it now, his soul being pulled out, the translucent form of his arms straining against the sealed purple skin of the monster behind his teacher. The other hand rising, blade in hand in a motion that could only mean one thing.
"Don't tell me..." Dread froze his blood. "No!"
"Seal!"
The Sannin didn't see the part of his soul being sealed, or Sarutobi-sensei's face as the old man groaned. Instead, golden eyes traveled down, to where the skin of his arms was slowly discoloring, a necrotic purple taking over, painting his limbs at the same rate he lost sensation over them.
"Now you can no longer use either arm...and thus, you can no longer weave seals...you have no ninjutsu left to use...operation Konoha is over..."
"You useless old man!" Anger, fear, hatred, desperation, it all twisted and mixed inside him. "Give me back my arms!"
"Now, who is the fool, Orochimaru?" Amusement, the shitty old man was amused at this. "It's a shame I can't take you with me, but...my dear disciple, let us meet again, one day in the afterlife."
"You old fool!" Now, pain was beginning to creep into his dead limbs. "How dare you?! How dare you take my jutsu?!"
"Where tree leaves dance...one shall find flames..." Sarutobi-sensei said peacefully.
Orochimaru could not move his arms.
The Sandaime Hokage lost his balance and fell over, only a corpse now.
His former teacher had been smiling.
Orochimaru could not move his arms.
"Crazy old man!" he yelled. "What's so funny?!"
Anger and hatred boiled inside him, and yet, the pain of fire consuming the flesh of his lost limbs was stronger, all-encompassing.
"Orochimaru-sama!"
"...we're done, for now..." The Sannin struggled to speak. "You may take down the shield...we're going home."
"Yes, sir!"
Humiliating couldn't even begin to describe what it felt like to have two of his subordinates grab hold of his now useless arms and lift him upwards. The surrounding ANBU tried to move after him, Jiraiya's scream almost managed to penetrate his haze of anger and pain.
No.
This would not be it.
He would get them back, his arms and his jutsu. And once he did...this time not even ashes would remain from his pitiful excuse of a village. If the old man thought this place was something worth dying for, he would destroy it. Anything and everything Sarutobi-sensei had once loved would be crushed by his own hand if it was the last thing he did.
There would be nothing left.
It was the sound of wind rushing, followed by the angered scream of one of their Sannins that broke the standstill, all eyes moving toward the place both generals had been battling.
The barrier had broken.
And Orochimaru was trying to escape.
Dread froze his blood as his brain worked overtime to try and find different possibilities that could explain Jiraiya-dono's enraged scream and unusually impulsive actions while trying to reach the other Sannin.
"Kakashi! They're on the move!" Gai's yell forced him to look back. "Should we chase after them?!"
"No, wait, Gai!" Emotions could be dealt with later; for now, he needed to make good decisions. "Let's not be hasty. If we rush in...we'll only get snared in the enemy's traps."
"I'm well aware of that. But whether there are traps waiting or no, I can't let enemies get away...it's just my nature as a Konoha shinobi," Gai grumbled but stayed put.
"So...all you ended up doing was watching..." Forcing down his worry, Kakashi turned his gaze towards the enemies in front of them. "Kabuto..."
There wasn't even a hint of tension in the fake ANBU's arm as it moved to take off the mask. Calm black eyes watched them with dark amusement behind his glasses. Bitterness laced his tongue; what was the use of being Sharingan Kakashi if he could not get rid of such an obvious threat to not only the village but his own team.
"So, you know..."
"Hey, what's the plan?" the Suna jounin by his side asked.
"I think we should retreat." Kabuto's answer was irritatingly calm.
"Running away from me?" Kakashi's mocking tone failed to incite a reaction.
"For now, yes..." The boy smiled at him. "I no longer wish to show my jutsu so you can just copy it...although, it does seem like you haven't mastered that eye as completely as a member of the Uchiha clan could have"
"Well, then..." They were gone before he could finish.
He could almost feel the blood on his tongue as Kakashi forced himself to remain still. This was bait, nothing more; the same words he'd told Gai applied to him as well. Besides, they should go...confirm the result of the battle...and, move to help the civilians outside.
"Let's go..." His gaze landed back on the top of the tower. "There is more we can do."
Love.
It had been so long since he truly thought about that word, and suddenly, his uncle's voice echoed inside his blissfully silent mind. The feeling that gave the strength to protect those who are precious to you...Gaara could see it, that love burning strong behind the blond's tears...tears the redhead began to suspect were shed for him, not because of him.
I see so that's why he's so strong...
Even now, Uzumaki Naruto was still attempting to move. To put a stop to the threat that Gaara represented.
"That's enough, Naruto-kun." The voice from the Higurashi girl rose through the clearing, a softness he'd only ever heard from afar lacing her words as both she and the Uchiha slowly made their way towards them. "Thank you."
"Gaara's used up all his chakra, so stop making your injuries worse." There wasn't any real anger in the Uchiha's voice.
"Oh...good..."
With one last sigh, Uzumaki Naruto finally fell unconscious.
In an instant, the girl was kneeling by his side, hands flying through seals. Oh...this was also the love the blond had been talking about, this urgency of her movements to make sure her teammate was really alright.
"You have enough?" There was also worry in Sasuke's question.
"I made sure to save a little for this." The energy that had once torn him between wanting to run away and devour it was now soothing as a pink glow covered the blond. "It doesn't feel like he broke any bones."
"Idiot always has had some luck."
There was no hurry to her motions as she rose and turned towards him. Slow step by slow step, the girl got closer. Although, whether that speed was for her sake or his, Gaara couldn't tell. Panic began to rise again, sure, those two might be injured and tired, but as drained as the redhead was, even a simple kunai would be enough to mark his end.
A soft thump reached him at the same time a shadow fell over him.
Temari was standing in front of him, their brother slung over one of her arms and a kunai tightly clenched on her free hand. She was not leaning on her blood-covered leg. Was she planning on fighting? True, the two genins within the clearing were tired, but the Taishos would take no time in coming back, and chakra exhaustion or not, one against five would be far too much to handle. Especially trying to protect both paralyzed siblings. Was she still planning to fight with those odds?
"Internal injuries can be deadly if not treated fast enough." The Higurashi's words were soft and calm. "Do you know how to heal them?"
"Wha..."
"Naruto-kun wasn't badly hurt...too much; I should still be able to help a little." From the ground, Gaara could see the other girl smile.
The disbelief that spread through him was probably about the same that Temari had to be feeling right now as the Konoha kunoichi's words fully sunk in. Because it seemed almost impossible to accept the fact that this girl was genuinely offering to heal him. Ice blue met azure, and he could not find it. Not fear, not hatred, not even resentment as the Higurashi heiress looked at him. In a way, he could see some of the same kind of sympathy he'd seen in Naruto's eyes...and he could not understand it...
"Why...?" The word slipped off his tongue before he realized what he was doing. "...why don't you hate me?"
"How could I hate someone I don't know?" There was no mockery in her voice either. "All of this," she waved around to the destroyed trees. "was provoked by the monster inside you...if I were to hate one just for existing...then I'd have to hate the other."
So it was the truth...the blond was the same as him.
"It's okay, Temari."
His sister hesitated for a second, turning to look at him before letting the younger girl pass. Unlike her, Higurashi Kagome walked with confidence, kneeling by his side just as she'd done with her teammate...there truly was no disgust in her gaze, and there was no trembling in her hands as she reached for him. "This might feel a bit weird; it's just a diagnostic, though."
Gaara wasn't sure what he'd been expecting to feel as the girl weaved the hand seals. Back during her match, the use of her energy had caused Shukaku to stir within him. The urge to kill flaring to live with an urgency he'd rarely felt before. It was the same during their fight, except this time, there was also a lingering fear in the back of the demon's mind. The certainty that this thing, whatever it was, could hurt him. The soothing waves of warmth flowing through his broken and battered body had to be the farthest away from what he'd expected. After all, it wouldn't even be unjustified for the girl to lie and attempt to take his life instead.
"Some torn muscles and a broken rib..." she trailed off. "Probably from the fall, but I can't feel any internal bleeding. I can help reset the bone to its proper place; however, that's about it."
It took Gaara more than just a second to realize she was asking for his permission. Willingly giving him the chance to decide what to do. Hesitantly, the redhead nodded, the warmth growing stronger, soothing the pain away just a little, his exhaustion lessening before it left. "You should hurry up and leave..."
"What..." A new voice interrupted the Higurashi; a pink-haired girl was watching them from the start of the clearing. "Are you...are you letting them leave?"
The tension that had just left him seemed to come back all at once. Were their teammates already gathering in this spot?... If that was the case, then...the ruffling sound of leaves being crushed reached his tired ears before the entire Taisho team stepped into this place.
How were they supposed to...?
"Oh dear, would you look at that; the last attack tossed us all farther away than we thought possible. Such a shame that by the time we regrouped and came back here, there was no one left." Before any of the newcomers could speak, the Higurashi girl spoke out. "Isn't that right, Miroku-san?"
"...and such a pity it is, Kagome-sama, but nothing could be done, truly."
"Have you lost your minds?!" Again, the pink-haired genin screamed. "When I tell my..."
"Shut up." Anger was back in the Uchiha's voice. "I told you to stop meddling in things that do not involve you."
"Wha...but..."
"Who do you think people are going to believe? Members of renown clans or a civilian-born nobody?" Cruelty shone once more in Sasuke's mocking questions.
There was definitely something more going on, but he could see the pink-haired girl retreat from his position on the floor. His sibling's arms lifted him before his tired mind had any time to really process what was going on. The images of the Konoha and Taisho genins blurring as they moved, giving him only the faint image of the two clan heirs moving to carry the blond that had cried for him.
"Temari...Kankuro..." The words left him before he had a chance to stop them; he felt his older brother tense. "I'm so...sorry."
Was that enough of a start?
Did he want it to be enough?
"Huh...well..." Temari hesitated slightly before continuing. "It's okay, I guess..."
It hurt to hear the doubt in her voice, but the redhead couldn't bring himself to blame her.
Tired eyes closed, he could still feel Shuukaku inside him, but it was almost as if the girl's energy had soothed the monster into a deeper sleep now than what the badger felt like after exhausting its chakra fighting Uzumaki Naruto. For once, his thoughts finally felt like his own.
They would remain that way.
No matter how much he had to fight the demon caged within him, Gaara's thoughts would remain his own from now on.
A/N: And here we are, sorry about the delay but for the sake of replenishing a bit of my backlog was severely depleted I had to take some time to write the next few chapters added to the load of reading I had to do for my career and well, it took a bit longer. I debated about giving Gaara his own POV and ended up deciding that since he carries so much of the emotional weight and carries an important role as Naruto's foil it was only fair. Plus, he will appear again later on, and some scenes will probably work better from his POV, so he ended up getting one just before this arc was finished.
Anyway, the Suna invasion is almost over and I can't believe I didn't even notice that it has actually been over a year since I started posting this. What started as a small idea ended up becoming this monster of a fic that has over 500 pages written down in my drafts and I'm so, so thankful for all of you who've read it and left such kind comments during all this time. The story will be picking up really fast after this and hopefully you all like it! As always thank you guys so much for reading and any review/comment/criticism is greatly appreciated!