"So he could…" Dib glanced around, the lights in the lab that still worked were flickering. "That's why you stopped me earlier."
"I sensed that his frustration was bordering on dangerous levels." the computer replied, "Now, what are you here to do, Irken Dib? You're here on behalf of the Tallest?"
"Y-yeah, I had no clue all of… that, I just, they, I was sent to retrieve Zim's old… projects? Weapons of mass destruction?"
"I'm afraid I cannot allow that."
"Why not? He's not using them, clearly."
"I was expressly instructed by the Master on multiple occasions to not allow his creations to fall into foreign hands."
"I'm not foreign, I'm—"
"You may be able to convince him…" The computer's tone changed, if Dib didn't know any better he'd say the AI was smirking. "If you can safely restore his memories."
"But you didn't back his PAK up," Dib stood from the chair he hadn't realised he'd sat down in. "Shouldn't he—"
"What were you encoded as? A scientist drone? Surely you know, then, that every PAK unit comes equipped with a recovery drive in the event of corruption or tampering?'
"I— yes, I just," Dib honestly hadn't known. Most of his work was on SIR units and other military weaponry. Nothing that had to do with the PAK. "Okay, okay, so I need to help you before I can finish my mission?"
"Unless you want to return to your precious 'Tallest' empty handed," The computer sounded spiteful, Dib almost didn't blame him, although every wire in his PAK told him to defend his leaders' will and honor.
"Fine," Dib grumbled, "Now how do we go about this without making him explode?"
"You're still here?" Dib emerged from the toilet in the kitchen. Zim glanced up, annoyed, but not to a deadly extent. "I thought you'd gone home."
Dib didn't know where to start. The computer had explained that this was a delicate, long process. It wasn't as simple as ripping Zim's PAK off and rebooting from the recovery drive. Zim wasn't a robot, so the process was more akin to stitching everything back together. Dib wasn't even sure if he should start the process immediately, but the sooner he got this done, the sooner he could get home.
"Are you just going to stand in the middle of my kitchen all day? Some doctor," Zim rolled his eyes, returning to his project.
"What are you... up to?"
Zim blinked, taking his sweet time to respond, "I'm working."
"On what?"
"What kind of 'doctor' are you anyway? You'd better not be one of those therapists."
"Just a— I'm not really a— I..." Dib racked his brain for an answer. Why didn't he do more research before coming to earth? Because you didn't expect to be here any longer than an hour, the voice in his mind snarked at him. "What's a therapist?"
"With all the questions you're asking, you might as well be one." Zim sighed, standing up from his project to address Dib. He still had to look up to make eye contact, but it was the thought that mattered. "Okay, therapist. What do you want to ask me?"
"What were you working on?"
"That," Zim pointed at Dib's stun gun on the kitchen table. "Next question."
"Do you want my help?
"Are you a therapist or an engineer?" Zim folded his arms, "I'll be fine. Next."
Dib groaned, he wasn't sure if he preferred this prickly Zim or the paranoid Zim. At least he wasn't trying to blind him anymore. "I want to help you, Zim," in more ways than one... Dib tried to get past the shorter Irken. Maybe deconstructing the gun would be a good place to start. After all, Zim had evidently been a skilled engineer in his time. "Let's look at it together."
"So you're one of those doctors." Zim huffed, but he reluctantly sat back down. Dib pulled a chair up next to him, grabbing a multi tool out of his PAK.
"It'll be fun. Tell me about yourself." Dib flicked the tool open, finding the right screw tip to take off the casing. He handed the tool to Zim.
"I've never seen anything like this," Zim turned the tool over in his hands, ignoring the gun and inspecting every little part of the tool. "Like some sort of weird swiss army knife. Is there a knife on this?" Zim asked, a little too excitedly.
"No," Dib hurriedly answered, "It's a multi tool. Back home I'm a scientist."
"Back home?" Zim scrutinized Dib, who shifted uncomfortably. He'd re-enabled his holo-disguise to keep Zim from having another near-death experience. "You're a foreigner, then?"
"Something like that."
"And certainly not a registered doctor." Zim mused, flicking through the multi tool until he got back to the screw bit that worked with the stun gun. "Sounds like you're just visiting. Why are you here, then?"
"I'm in town for..." Dib had always been terrible at lying, especially coming up with things on the spot. "A... convention? Science... stuff..."
"Oh! You mean the presentation Professor Membrane is holding in a few days? You're early, but I heard it's gonna be great." The stun gun was already halfway disassembled. Dib didn't even notice, relieved his lie had gone undetected. "Still doesn't explain why you showed up here but if you need a place to stay we have an extra room. Gir prefers to sleep on the couch anyway."
"That really isn't—" Dib stopped himself. On one hand, more time around Zim meant more time helping the rogue invader remember his past, which meant he could get home sooner. On the other, even a blissfully ignorant Zim was chaotic and dangerous to extreme levels. Dib was eternally grateful the smaller Irken hadn't figured out how to use the stun gun. "I... mean, thank you, Zim. I'll take you up on that."
"Yeah, yeah, that's great. What's an "Irken Empire?" Dib choked. While he was stuck in his head, Zim had finished disassembling the stun gun. "This is the same little emblem you have on your coat. Is it some sort of cult?" Zim held up a piece of the stun gun, which read "Property of the Irken Empire" on the inside.
"You can read that?" Dib took the piece of metal, narrowing his eyes at it. It was written in Irken, the military insignia was emblazoned underneath.
"Uhh, yeah?" Zim snatched the metal casing back, "So you're in a cult?"
"No, that's my home," Dib wasn't sure how far he could take this. He assumed the computer would stop him if things got dangerous.
"Weird, you're some sort of government scientist, then?" Zim's attention was fully focused on the gun, which he was now attempting to reassemble. Dib watched him with intrigue.
"Military scientist. I help develop, uh, weapon tech. And stuff."
"Explains the high tech gun. Weird, though. I know I don't exactly pay attention in school, but I've never heard of any Irken empire. I'm getting USSR vibes from it, though."
"I... don't know what that is."
"It doesn't matter, look!" Zim held up what used to be Dib's stun gun. "I improved it. Your gun was broken, see, when you shoot it it just sorta... tingles." Zim pushed back his chair, standing up, 'improved' gun in hand. "I fixed it, now it'll really do some damage."
Dib watched slack jawed as Zim held up the former stun gun, aiming at a can on the counter. He didn't just shoot the can, it exploded on contact with the laser beam. "You—"
"It works like a dream," Zim beamed, aiming the gun at a jar. He missed by a little bit, hitting an old stack of papers that went up in flames. "Oh shi—" Zim turned on the sink, spraying the flame with the little attached hose.
"I, uh, thanks," Dib finally got out of his shocked stupor, "I'll take that back, now..." Zim was wielding the former stun gun in one hand and the sink-hose in the other.
"Of course," Dib was worried for a moment that Zim wouldn't give the gun back, but the short Irken loosened his grip and allowed Dib to take it. So this was what the Tallest meant when they said he was a very dangerous force of chaos and destruction. Zim returned the hose to the sink and leaned against the counter. "You're welcome, by the way. Take that back to your empire or whatever. Show them what a real laser gun looks like."
"I'll... do that." Dib gaped at the weapon in his hands, he was almost too scared to hold it. He flicked the safety on, relieved Zim hadn't disabled it, and stuffed it in his PAK.
"If you'll excuse me, I promised Gir we'd go to Krazy Taco today. You can tag along, but..." Zim trailed off.
"I've got a call to make," Dib shrugged, standing up as well.
"That's fine, I'll show you to Gir's room. We'll probably be back in a half-hour. More if Gir starts terrorising the staff. Wouldn't be the first time."
"Best of luck with your... crazy taco, then." Dib's mind was already thirty steps ahead, trying to figure out what he'd say to his supervisor, or if he should just call the Tallest directly. What would he tell the Tallest? Should he even tru— Dib felt a jolt, like he'd been shocked by a normal, non-'improved' stun gun. Of course he could trust the Tallest. Why wouldn't he? He had no stake in this feud, he was just an innocent third party.
A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone for the comments and favourites! It really means a lot and I hope you all enjoy the story so far. I'm gonna be uploading rather erratically (pretty much whenever I finish a chapter) so I wouldn't expect much in the way of consistency. I've also been drawing a lot of tangentially related work on my DeviantArt, including a full-res version of the story's cover. Feel free to check that out if you so desire. Otherwise, thanks again and see you next time!
- Tallest Aqua (god it's been a LONG time since I've written that)