Lloyd didn't know what he was supposed to think anymore.
She was gone.
That was the horrid truth of the matter.
The machine keeping track of her pulse stayed completely flat, the tone dull, breaking his soul into a million little pieces.
He hugged himself tightly, breaking at the seams. For the second time that day, he sobbed, every inch of him screaming in pain from all he had endured the past day.
She couldn't be dead.
But she was. He couldn't change that.
It wasn't for lack of trying, though.
His chest still burned from the output of energy he'd put into her. His fingertips were singed from the flames, from his own element.
He should rest, but he couldn't.
It had been a rush to get her from the palace to the hospital, just over half an hour. It didn't feel like that long. How was it supposed to feel long when the girl he'd loved for years was lying in a hospital bed, dead?
Life wasn't fair, he knew that. By gosh he knew that better than anyone else his age.
That didn't mean that he hadn't hoped she'd live longer, long enough for them to retire.
His fingers found the ring on her finger and he held it tight, trying to ground himself through his tears, through the pain. It helped more than anything else he'd tried.
The first of his family he'd have to bury... there was something messed up about that. Something messed up about having to bury your wife.
They had only been married for a little under a year. He'd been so happy, so excited.
The thought of her blushing when he said how beautiful she looked just made him cry harder.
"It's true, Rumi! You look incredible."
"Lloyd, you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding! It's bad luck!"
"Bah, since when have we cared? Bad luck or no, I think you're absolutely stunning."
He squeezed her hand, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. He had to pull himself together, had to find some way to reconcile himself to her-
No, he couldn't even think it. Not now, not when her hand was growing cold in his grasp.
He sniffed, forcing himself to breathe, to look at her lovely face. Still as beautiful as the day he'd married her...
He took another deep breath, his eyes locked on her face. That hair that she'd chopped off to make it easier to fight when she adopted his lifestyle, abandoning the life of a princess for him. The eyes that had danced and laughed at him for being an idiot, too many times to count.
In for three, out for four. Just like he'd learned long ago. He could find something out. He could keep going. He had no choice.
He blinked tears away, squeezing her hand. "I love you, Rumi. I always will."
It seemed subtle, almost too soft for him to notice at first. Maybe it was because the heart monitor had faded into white noise in the background.
However, when he was able to take a breath, to reorient himself, he realized something was... different.
That was when he realized that the heart monitor was beeping.
Beep beep. Beep beep.
Was she...
He sat upright, his heart missing two beats. When he looked at the monitor, he had to take time to catch his breath.
She was breathing.
"Rumi?!" He whispered, sitting forward and touching her cheek. Warmth...
"FSM..." He scrambled for the call button, pressing it urgently. "Come on, come on!"
His eyes flicked back to her. She was breathing, she was alive. He could see her moving.
How often had he wished for a miracle and had it come true?!
"Mr Garmadon?" A nurse came in, opening the door softly. "Is something wrong, sir?"
"She's- she's breathing!" He couldn't breathe from excitement. "She's alive!"
"What?" The nurse came forward, confusion on her face. "That's impossible..."
"Clearly not!"
She touched the different machines, confused. "That shouldn't be possible. She was dead."
"I- I know, but she's not anymore!" Hope flashed through him, faster than a speeding train. She was alive! He didn't know how, but she was! He could barely think straight. Who cared how it may have happened. She was alive! Her heart was beating!
"This is odd... I'll have to get the doctor to look into this. If she wakes up, press that button again right away." The nurse turned and disappeared again, leaving him alone in the room with Harumi.
He glanced back at her, reaching up to brush her cheek gently. How was she alive, how was she breathing? These kinds of things didn't just happen. Sure, this was Ninjago, but... maybe she'd be able to tell him. He'd ask her when she woke up.
"Please wake up soon." He whispered. "I have so much to say to you, so many things to tell you that I didn't have enough time for before this." He squeezed her hand, the sound of her breathing such a reassuring sound.
When the nurse came back, she was followed by a doctor, the same one who had announced that she was dead when they had arrived at the hospital, a mere half an hour ago. It felt like longer than that.
"It seems impossible, as I said, but she's alive. Her pulse is a little lower than normal, but she's breathing." The nurse gestured towards the heart monitor, which was steadily beeping, counting her heartbeats.
"You're right..." The doctor peered at it, confusion in his features. "This isn't normal, not even by our standards." He glanced at Lloyd. "Mr Garmadon, what were you doing when she started breathing again?"
Lloyd swallowed, glancing away from her to look at the doctor. He could only pray his voice wouldn't shake. "Saying goodbye. Then her heart monitor started beeping again and I realized she was breathing."
"Were you doing anything that could have prompted anything like this?"
"Well... I was using my power to see if I could try to heal her, but it was more out of desperation." He looked away, a bit embarrassed. "I didn't think anything would- or could- happen because of it."
The doctor was quiet, watching the monitor with a ponderous expression on his face. "Has the green power brought anyone back to life before this?"
"... No. In my experience, it heals and binds together. The whole 'bringing back to life' is more of the area of the golden power."
"Alright." The doctor nodded, tapping the computer. "Let's keep her under close surveillance, just in case. Mr Garmadon, I don't want you to use your power around her anymore, just as an extra precaution. If it was that, we don't want her to develop any side effects from the amount of elemental energy that was put into her. If anything changes, press the call button and one of the nurses will come as quickly as possible." He headed for the door and paused, glancing back at Lloyd. "Also, I would suggest calling your family and giving them the news. A death hits everyone very hard."
"Wait, one more thing." Lloyd struggled for words for a second, still holding Harumi's hand tightly. "Is she going to be alright? Like, you said her pulse was lower than normal, could that be bad?"
"Honestly, as far as I can tell, she's just asleep, or in a temporary coma-like state due to the stress she was just put under. As long as nothing goes wrong, she will be alright. It's just a matter of keeping her stable until she wakes up."
Lloyd nodded, relieved. "Okay... good. Thank you."
"Of course. Press that button if anything changes."
He nodded again, turning back to Harumi as the door closed behind the two. She was okay... she was going to be okay. The main thing was going to be keeping her stable until she woke up naturally. That shouldn't take too long. She was a fighter... she'd be awake and feeling more herself within a few days, he was sure of that.
However... days morphed into weeks, and still she didn't wake.
He spent hours with her, sometimes almost the whole day. When they moved her from the ER to the normal hospital, he brought a few things from her room to make it a bit more her own, spending hours just talking to her, or sometimes even just quietly holding her hand and desperately wishing she'd wake up. This was never what was supposed to happen... he wasn't supposed to be here, staring at his wife, whispering for her to open her eyes and look at him, wishing he could hear her voice again.
This was simultaneously better and worse than when she was dead.
After almost a month and a half of spending all his time between the Monastery and her hospital room, he was sitting there beside her, reading something he'd written a long time ago. When he was younger, he'd kept a journal, and she'd always expressed an interest in one day being able to read them. He had never really understood how she was just so sweet all the time. Well, once he'd decided that it was best to talk to her, he'd started reading them to her, even the parts that still made him choke up.
As best as he could tell, the current journal entry was just after he'd found out she was the Quiet One, just before he'd stopped journalling. Life had gotten so busy after that, and journalling hadn't seemed so important. Now that he was thinking about it, he kind of wished he'd have continued. Reading this stuff was hard, but... therapeutic.
"I never really used to think about loving someone before. About how I could see myself falling in love with a girl, seeing a future together with her. For the first time in my life, I saw it with her. I saw it with Harumi. Now, I don't even know what to do. She was lying to me this whole time, playing me like a puppet, and I was too head-over-heels to see it. She tried to murder me, tried to murder my family, and she doesn't even care. Those eyes that used to captivate me now fill me with rage, and I can't even think about her without either wanting to explode something or burst into tears.
Neither is a good thing, I don't think.
I've never been very good at romance, at caring about someone enough to look at them and feel butterflies in my stomach. Heck, I'd never felt like this for any girl except for her.
I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I think about what could have been, and it makes me wish that whatever had really happened to her, that it hadn't turned her into this.
She wants to bring back my father, and now, with those masks, she can do it. I don't even want to think about what will happen when she does, but I'll have to go fight him. Again. This has become the story of my life, and I hate it. Well... that story was changed a bit this time. Now, she broke my heart along with it.
I think it would have been best if we had never met. At least this way, I wouldn't feel so horrible about it all."
He stared down at the journal, his heart hurting. He'd forgotten how rough that time had been on him, how hopeless he'd felt. He'd never told anyone, but... those were the days when he'd seriously considered giving up, just stopping. He'd forgotten...
His eyes flickered back to Harumi, and he smiled a little, finding her hand and squeezing it. "That time was rough on both of us. I was trying so hard to just stay together, and you were so angry. Neither of us got the other, I guess. All I wanted was to be able to keep my family safe and not have to fight my father again." He sighed a little, letting go of her hand. "I don't think either of us saw this coming..."
Looking away from her, he glanced back down at the journal, turning the page and getting ready to read the next entry. Before he could start reading, though, a strange sound gave him pause, causing him to look up curiously.
Her heart monitor was beeping faster... closer to... normal?
She inhaled more audibly, and a quick glance at her hands made him drop the journal on the floor. Her hands were moving, were twitching.
She was waking up.
He scrambled for the call button, pressing it frantically. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, please wake up, Rumi!"
Dropping the button again, he moved to pick up the journal, intending on placing it on the bedside table to be able to devote all his attention to her.
Before he could, though, her eyes fluttered open and closed again briefly.
He'd forgotten how much he'd missed her eyes.
The second time they opened, she winced, the bright lights on the ceiling probably hurting her. "What- where am I?" Her voice was hoarse, and it sounded difficult for her to talk, but she was talking.
"Oh my gosh! You're awake!" He tried not to be too excited, not wanting to freak her out or startle her.
As it turned out, he did both. At the sound of his voice, she sat up and scrambled away from him, her jade eyes full of panic and confusion. "What- who are you? What's going on?"
His look of surprise and shock must have been pretty obvious, but he pushed past it. "I'm- do you not know?"
She slowly shook her head, still keeping away from him. She reached up and took the oxygen tube, barely even responding to how it must have hurt a little. "No, no, I have no idea. How did I get here?"
Before he could respond, the door opened and a nurse came in, followed by the doctor who had been taking care of her, Doctor Mangel. He looked surprised and delighted when he saw her talking. "Mrs. Garmadon! I'm so glad you're awake! How are you feeling?"
"Garmadon?" She frowned. "Is that- is that my last name?"
Mangel's expression changed from joyously surprised to suddenly worried. "It is. Do you not remember."
"No! I just said that! I don't remember! Why am I here? What happened? Where am I?" She looked between all three of them desperately, and the confusion and panic in her voice broke Lloyd's heart into a million tiny pieces.
She didn't remember... FSM, she hadn't known who she was. She didn't remember her last name. She didn't remember who he was.
The shock and panic hit him like a wave, and he slowly put a hand over his mouth, trying not to draw too much attention to it.
FSM, this couldn't be happening right now. No, no, no, please no.
Doctor Mangel slowly glanced at Lloyd, and then at the nurse. "Do you mind checking Mrs. Garmadon's vitals while... Lloyd and I step out for a minute?"
"Of course." The nurse stepped forward, drawing Harumi's attention. Silently, Lloyd stood and followed the doctor out the door. When it closed behind them, he slumped against the wall heavily, still making an attempt to process it all.
"She- she didn't know who I am."
Doctor Mengel slowly shook his head. "No. I'm afraid she didn't. Whatever happened to her must have done more damage than we thought. We're going to have to do some memory tests with her, try and gauge how much and how little she remembers of everything. I'm... going to have to ask you to stay out here."
Lloyd glanced up at him and shook his head. "No, no, absolutely not. I'm her husband, we're married."
"She may not remember that you're married, Mr. Garmadon. If she doesn't, it may make it all worse. It's better to have it just be a few people that she should trust right away. I am sorry, but this is important. You must at least see that."
Lloyd crossed his arms, trying to fight back tears. Why now, why them? "I- yes. I do. Fine, fine... I'll wait out here."
"Is there anything I can do for you right now?"
"No." He shook his head. "Just... help her. Please."
"I will." Mangel rested a hand on Lloyd's shoulder briefly before going back into the room and closing the door behind him, leaving Lloyd alone in the hallway.
Slowly, he sank down into a chair, right across the way from the room. He tried to fight back tears, burying his head in his hands. She would remember, she had to. It would work out, just like it always did. She couldn't have just forgotten it all... right?
The woman he'd bled and fought for couldn't have forgotten him. There was no way that was possible.
He fumbled in his pocket for his phone, needing to talk to someone, anyone.
Kai. Kai would be able to help. Kai always knew what to do.
He dialed the number quickly, and Kai picked up almost immediately.
"Hey kid! What's up? Aren't you with Harumi right now?"
"Well... yeah, I am. There's good news." Kai's voice sounded so cheerful, so bright... despite everything that had just happened.
"Seriously? You gotta tell me right now!"
"Um... Harumi's awake." He pressed a hand against his forehead, still trying to bite back tears.
"That's awesome! How is she?"
"She's... alright."
"... You don't sound so happy about that. Is something wrong?"
Lloyd bowed his head, a single tear falling, even though he tried to stop it. "She doesn't remember me, Kai. She- she didn't know who I was. I'm outside her room right now while the doc tries to figure out just- just how much she's forgotten."
"Oh no." Kai was quiet for a long second. "I'm coming right over there. Hang in there, alright?"
He nodded, a sob climbing his throat. "O- okay."
"I'll be right there." Kai promised, and then the line went dead, silence once again prevading.
Lloyd let the phone drop beside him, burying his head in his hands and trying to fight back his sobs, the feeling of hopelessness that he couldn't stop. Why? Why was this happening? How could she not remember him? What would he do if she never remembered?
No, no, he couldn't think like this. He didn't even know if it was so much like that. She might just be missing it because she woke up from something similar to a coma. He had to be hopeful, had to keep thinking that it would work out.
He didn't know how long he sat there, trying to hold himself together. It must not have been very long, because Kai had still not gotten there when Harumi's door opened again and the doctor came out looking... sad.
Oh no. Oh please, FSM, no.
"So... as far as I can tell, she has a lot of gaps in her memory. She doesn't remember a lot, and only the most basic functions, like eating and conversation, is still there. Whatever that creature did to her... the damage is very severe."
Lloyd glanced up at him, having managed to regain some basic control of himself. "What do you mean by the gaps?"
"I mean that much of what made her her is gone. The death of her birth parents, her time as the princess and the Quiet One, her near death experience and rehabilition. Just about everything of the past years are gone. I'm really sorry, but... you're missing from all of them. Somehow, she doesn't remember you at all."
Lloyd swallowed, feeling the tears coming back. "So, she doesn't remember that-" He couldn't say it. Not now, not after this.
"No. She does not remember that you're married."
Lloyd clapped a hand to his mouth, trying to stifle the pain that seemed to spread all over him from this. No, no, no. "I- oh my FSM..." What was he going to do? She didn't remember him.
Mangel looked down, obviously saddened. "Is there anything I can do to help you, Lloyd?"
He shook his head, having a hard time talking. "No. No, my own wife doesn't remember me. I- I just want to be left alone."
"Alright." Mangel paused. "I am really sorry, Lloyd. We're going to do all we can to help her remember."
Lloyd just nodded, sure that if he had to say anything out loud, he'd start crying and wouldn't be able to stop. Without another word, the doctor slipped past him and disappeared back into Harumi's hospital room, leaving Lloyd alone.
Almost as if on cue, Kai came bounding up the stairs, out of breath and looking more disheveled than normal. As soon as he saw Lloyd, he stopped, worry in his eyes. "... Lloyd?"
Lloyd shook his head, still trying to hold back tears. He couldn't start sobbing, not right now. Not while his world was crumbling around him, and the woman who was his world didn't even remember his name.
"Oh my gosh." Kai came forward and wrapped him in a warm hug, holding him tightly. "That bad?"
Once Kai gave him that hug, Lloyd didn't even bother to hold back the tears, just sobbing, wishing none of this had ever happened.
Why did this always happen to them? Why was it that the Garmadons always had such horrible luck? Why couldn't they have just... been happy, instead of having to deal with all this? Why couldn't things just be normal for once?
Why couldn't he just be happy? What was so wrong with that? Why did he have to lose the ones he cared about, and then, when all was said and done, have it almost be worse than before?
She didn't remember him...
That thought just made him sob even more, holding Kai tightly.
"What- what am I going to do, Kai?" He sobbed, feeling like his heart was shattering into a hundred thousand pieces. It hurt, the worst type of pain. He'd dealt with other kinds, but this was different. This was a pain that couldn't be healed easily.
"I don't know." Kai sounded teary too, squeezing Lloyd tightly. "I- I honestly don't know. I am so, so sorry, Lloyd. I don't even know what to say."
Why, why, why? Why her? Why couldn't it have- just for once- fixed itself?
Why did his life have to exist from one tragedy to the other?
Why in the the realms did whoever was in charge seem to like to torture him? Why couldn't he catch a break? Why did his family always have to suffer? Why did Harumi always have to suffer?!
He didn't understand it, just wanted the stabbing pain in his heart to go away.
He had wanted his wife back, wanted to see her beautiful eyes again, wanted to hear her laugh, but now... now, he wished he had made that a little more specific.
He wanted her to remember him, remember everything they'd been through.
That, however was impossible now.
She didn't remember, and no amount of wishing on his part would change that right now.
Well then, on that depressing note...
HEY GUYS! I AM STILL ALIIVEEEEEEE.
This chapter took a hot second to write for a variety of reasons (namely me accidentally deleting the tab once or twice without saving my work *incoherent sobbing*), but it's here! Finally!
Due to popular request, I have decided to make this a full on fic, and while i have no idea how many chapters it's gonna have, I've got so many ideas for it that... well, rest assured there will be a lot.
Anyways, thanks for reading all that depressing stuff, and if you liked it, drop me a review! I love to hear what you think and if you have any ideas to make it even angstier *snickers evilly*
TTFN y'all!