Propped uncomfortably on the folding human chair, I grumble, covering my face with the magazine. The Earth's sun is strong this afternoon; sweat beads down my otherwise perfect neck. I grumble louder, wiping my superior brow.

Why - why and how - could the Zee do this to me? There were other ways to blend in with the humans, after all. We didn't have to come to stupid Zita-human's stupid pool-party. We could be studying the humans from a safe distance, in a telescope. But somehow the little fool had convinced me to come to a pool party, to be "social"! There is none more social than ZIM!

But Zee decided staying home from the party would further isolate us from the humans. You know, I don't think she fully understands that the humans are idiots. They've never suspected me because my disguise is pure genius, and she's been quite lucky herself. We'd be perfectly safe if we were in my lab, plotting my next move in Earth's destruction. Instead, I am fortunate enough to witness my first game of volleyball, the foolish human game which involves hitting a ball over a net. That's right - hitting a ball over a net. That's the game. "Easily amused human-monkeys," I growl.

The Irkens never engage in such frivolity. Our only parties are celebrations of duels, won battles, and Irken observances. There's never Poop-branded soda or chips and certainly never any of these foolish human games.

Despite that, silly Zee has joined right in! She's running and jumping and playing volleyball and engaging in she-human conservation. I'm sitting out, watching the worm-babies frolic in disgust, but Zee has joined them! She's a disgrace to the Tallest. I cringe with embarrassment just looking at her.

"Come on in, Zee!" Sara-human's voice calls. "The water's great!"

I peer over the magazine. The filthmongers are in the water, splashing and laughing, and Sara-human is beckoning Zee to join. Zee stands near the steps, looking, for once, at a loss for words.

"Uh, did I forget to mention I can't swim?"

That voice! How I cringe at that voice. I hate it more every time she uses it.

Torque Smacky, a cup of pukey human punch in hand, laughs. "Aw, is poor wittle Zee afraid of the water?"

Zee turns around, her back to the pool, and bites her lip. The fool, I can see her swallowing her pride.

"Terrified," she answers. "There is nothing I fear more than drowning."

Children in the pool start chanting, "Chicken!" and making clucking noises with their tongues. What has this to do with poultry? I wonder.

Torque-monkey laughs again. "Little baby Zee, a-scared of a little water. Pathetic."

Zee looks from the shrieking children back to Torque. "Quite." She moves closer to the pool, staring into its depths, and nearly sticks a foot in.

I know what's going to happen before it happens.

I do not know how it's possible, but I'm already running to the pool as he pushes her in. I'm prepared to hear her cry out and the children laugh. I'm not surprised by what Torque does.

I am surprised at myself when I jump in.

What are you doing?! ZIM! Get out of this pool right now! Get out and go bathe in paste! Leave Zee and go!*

My instincts try to pull me in the other direction, but I know Zee wasn't prepared. Her disguise remains in tact, but smoke rises from it; she's flailing her arms around, her human eyes darting around in desperation.

My mind flashes back to my Junior Soldier Test back on Chlorinia. We'd had thirty seconds to jump into the water and rescue our dummy, which was tied by the foot to a weight. This is similar, but the water here is dirty Earth water rather than the pure fuchsia lakes of Chlorinia, and my dummy isn't a Vortian prisoner. My dummy is Zee, my lab technician, my minion.

As I had done on Chlorinia, I grab Zee around the waist and push up off the ground with my feet. I flop her onto the side of the pool and climb out myself. The slimy humans have already formed a crowd around her; I shoo them and examine her for myself.

Her skin still smokes; there's a horrible sizzling sound where the worst burns are, and the stench of burnt skin lingers around her. Her disguise has a new bald patch in its big orange hair. There are hideous scorch marks all over her body. And to make it all worse, her eyes are closed. An Irken is never, ever, EVER supposed to be unconscious. Her chest rises up and down in short, agonized breaths.

Ignoring the humans' alarmed whispers, I turn Zee over. "PAK, scan for damage and reactivate," I command, tapping Zee's back just where her PAK should be, but the PAK can't hear me through the disguise. Zee's either a genius for building such a realistic disguise or an imbecile for taking such a risk, I realize.

I know what I have to do. I pick Zee up and rush past the humans, back to my base.