Harry has a different reaction to his near death experience at age nearly seven and become a right little Machiavellian Prince and, as his relatives tell everyone he's a hooligan, he starts bringing their falsehoods to life.
I don't own or derive any material benefit out of Harry Potter or Stargate. This story is not a crossover, though it will feature a certain general from Texas.
Not being American, I know nothing about San Antonio and may get things wrong, a lot. The school is real; the events portrayed are not. Harry has his own views about religion. He's 7, so may not be correct. That doesn't mean he'll change his views. He is rather stubborn.
Hermione had departed. That meant everyone had gone. That included Colonel George Hammond, as well. He and his group had been deployed to Puerto Rico for a couple of years. Harry decided to retrieve his mother's wand. He pulled an overnighter. Whilst wondering around Nurmengard, Harry Potter came across a book on complex charms. The Fidelius Charm was picked apart, by none other than Gellert Grindelwald. Harry read his notes. Only the one who cast the Fidelius could remove it. Dumbledore had cast both the one for this place and for Godric's Hollow. So how had Harry been able to remove it. He wasn't, as far he knew, the son of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. No, that would have been too gross for words. Dumbledore must have given Harry his blood. That's what enabled all the traces and everything. Dumbledore would have been checked for Harry's blood. Harry thought the Ministry would have done that. Dumbledore had been really sneaky.
When he went down for breakfast, back in Texas, Claudette gave him a big hug. She had repaired relations with her parents. The Grangers, Graignons and Hammonds had connections all thanks to Harry James Potter, whom they all knew as James Hammond. Harry thought he should get a medal that read 'Best Son ever'. It would be tricky for Harry. He'd built an excellent rapport with grandfather Colonel George and the same could not be said for Fred and Claudette, his adoptive parents.
For the next couple of weeks. Harry spent as much time as he could with Fred and Claudette. They advised on his homework and played together. Harry was now one of two dozen children who were pretty good friends and who would all go up to the grade level of the school together. One of those kids was having a party that Saturday. All of the year was going to be there. The boy's name was Peter. By a strange coincidence, it was also his brother Paul's birthday. They were born on the same day, a year apart. Harry took his card and gift to their house. Their parents were successful lawyers. It was a big house, even for Texas. This house said Mansion or even Palace. Harry thought it was on the Nurmengard scale of size. Harry thought Fred and Claudette's house was just the right size for a family, though. This said ego. What Harry saw of it, though, was tastefully decorated with pictures hanging in their frames. Harry didn't know enough about art to tell if they were reproductions or originals. He did see one picture that he'd seen in Nurmengard and he knew that was a reproduction. The original was definitely hanging in Nurmengard. It was a looted painting, taken from Belgium, the note had said. Peter's dad was telling everyone it was original. Harry didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't.
Harry didn't know why the 9 year old had no friends at the party. Perhaps having 25 kids in one house was all the parents could manage. The games involved a lot of shrieking and shouting. Harry was yelling himself hoarse. There was plenty of laughing. Then Peter and Paul hit a couple of bookcases, which fell down. Peter and Paul stopped both of them and pushed them back up, magically. Harry shuddered. Accidental magic in front of parents and children who didn't know about magic.
"Freaks," their parents yelled.
Harry spoke. "Wouldn't you stop a bookcase falling on you with all those books, if you could?"
There were a lot of nods. "Let's not let something like this ruin a perfectly good party. There's good food and cake and jello to come," Harry said. The other kids went back to having fun. Harry went off to the kitchen. There he found the parents berating the kids.
"They are not freaks. Accidental magic is perfectly normal for children."
"Who asked you to interfere?" the female asked.
"Is this the first time this has happened?" Harry asked.
"No," the man of the house answered.
"Did anyone visit you?" Harry pressed.
"Yes, told us things. Unnatural things," the female said.
"You'll get another visit, preferably not today," Harry said, a bit loudly. "It's not unnatural, but is rather unsettling, if you're not used to it. Peter, Paul, it's nothing to cry over. Try not to use your powers, when anyone else is around and not in the same place or you'll leave magic around a No-Maj could walk into. This is far too good a party to spoil."
The boys stopped crying and ran off back to the party. The parents looked like they want to roast Harry over an open fire.
"I begin to see why your 9 year old has nobody here. They're afraid of him. He could try smiling and not trying to use his powers on them. He's Catholic. He should tell Father Gillespie that he's been lying about all the things he can do, because he knows the good Father doesn't like such things. He's been a bad boy. You really should remove him from Confession, because things like this cannot, under any circumstances, be confessed. You two can't confess these things, either. You'll bring a whole load of trouble down on yourselves. If you want to talk about things, I'm willing to help. It would be a good thing to withdraw both your boys from Confession. You could say they aren't honouring the Sacrament and until you believe they will, you're not letting them have it."
"Thanks for the offer," the man said.
"We'll think it over," the female said. Harry reckoned she was the one he had to convince.
"I'm a good listener, ma'am," Harry said. He went back to the party. He hadn't told them he and Paul usually sat together in class. Paul didn't say much about Peter. Harry had missed that flag. He'd thought the brothers weren't close. This party showed they were. Harry ran off to have some fun. The parents looked at each other. An 8 year old had just managed the situation and kept everyone from running off. They'd be asking James Hammond for assistance. MACUSA agents on site were impressed they hadn't been needed. It would have been trip number three, if they had. They were required to report the incident, though. MACUSA passed the information across to Ilvermorny to 'deal' with.
Ilvermorny also received a letter from James Hammond explaining that a couple of friends of his were suffering from accidental magic and could use some help. James explained that he'd found himself inheriting the Potter assets in the US and would pay for Summer Camp for both boys out of the Potter account, if needed. Ilvermorny despatched Giles Sedgemore to investigate and to interview James Hammond.
Neither Peter nor Paul mentioned what had happened at the Party on Monday. Both were pulled from Confession. A very irate Father Gillespie said that until they honoured the Sacrament, they wouldn't be let back. Harry smirked. Paul's classmates complemented him on a neat, if dangerous trick.
That evening Wizard Sedgemore knocked on their door. Paul's dad answered the door.
"Good evening. I'm Sedgemore from Ilvermorny, the school your boys will most likely be attending after they turn 11. The school received a letter from a James Hammond."
He was invited in. The boys were in the living room. "Hello boys, I'm Wizard Sedgemore. I'm here to invite you to Summer Camp to help you with what you've been experiencing. Accidental magic can be difficult to understand for both those it's happening to and those around them. All fees have been paid by James Hammond. I'll be giving James Hammond an invite later this evening."
"Does this happen often?" Peter's mother asked.
"All too frequently. Magical children used to be taken from their non-magical parents who were obliviated of any memory of ever having children. All those who knew had to be obliviated as well and modern communications meant too many were being missed. It was decided to leave the children where they were. There's a procedure that is supposed to be in place. It's been activated now."
They talked the rest of the evening and into the night. Wizard Sedgemore told them all about accidental magic and why it happened. It was too late to visit the Hammonds, so Sedgemore called it a night.
Peter and Paul grabbed Harry at school, the next day, and talked his ear off. Harry said he'd be at Summer Camp with them. He was just finished telling Fred and Claudette about it, when Sedgemore rang the doorbell. He was soon sent on his way with the knowledge that the Hammonds were both Squibs and that James was adopted. He'd be delighted to attend Summer Camp. Harry remembered he hadn't shown Fred his (and Hermione's) plans for Potter Inc. So, he did. Fred thought they were very fair ideas and agreed James could send them off to the lawyers. He made a note of the number. He'd call the following morning. James would drop the letter off on his way to school. Harry told them about Peter and Paul and the problems they were having with accidental magic, his offer to help and letter to the school, which he now owned thanks to inheriting the Potter assets in the US.
Fred did call the lawyers. He told them a letter was on the way. He gave his name as Fred Hammond and said he'd adopted James Hammond, who was their client. In future, letters were to go through him. The lawyers agreed to include Fred in any future correspondence. Fred had no doubt that there would be plenty of that. Fred also sent a letter to Ilvermorny, stating the same. He would receive a letter from the school by return of post stating that as he wasn't magical that would not be possible. It was James Hammond with whom they would correspond. Fred was unhappy about that. James was only eight and Fred worried that the school would try to take advantage of him.
Harry, who had to remember to answer to James, was at school and he'd gone with Paul to 'big school' to see Paul's brother Peter. He'd found Peter being threatened by 5 13 year olds. Just like Dudley and his gang. Harry doubted their gangs could be any bigger than they could count fingers and thumbs on one hand. Harry rallied Peter's yearmates to his aid. Naturally, the bullies backed down and said they'd get Harry, as they'd run off.
Harry thought nothing of their threats until a couple of weeks later, separated from Fred and Claudette, the five came across Harry and Harry took off. He'd thought 'Harry Hunting' was a thing of the past. He'd have to deal with these rather more permanently than he'd dealt with Dudley and his gang.
Harry ducked into an alley and the five ran by, as though they didn't see it. Harry turned and saw a dirty, but beautiful girl, who could be no more than 14 throwing herself at an older man. She looked like she hadn't eaten in quite a while. Harry could hear her offering to do sexual acts for money. The man was refusing and trying to get away. He was wearing a dog-collar and cassock. A Catholic. Harry sighed. He thought about not getting involved. He could see the man or priest not wanting anything to do with her. He made up his mind.
"Hey," he yelled, running at top speed towards the girl. "Leave that priest alone." The girl seemed confused. Harry grabbed her left arm with his. He felt a compulsion sweep over him. His own magic responded and fought it off. The priest had gone, as if vanished into thin air.
"I'm James," Harry said. The girl could see the name Harry, but if the boy wanted to be James, so be it." She pulled her arm free.
"I'm Missy. I had another name, once, but all people have ever said to me is 'Hey, Missy, clear off', so that's now my name."
Harry remembered how he thought his name was 'Freak', so he felt for the girl. He had plenty of money in his pocket. He could stretch his Big Mac to include a super sized one for her.
"You look like you could use a mean, Missy. Let me buy you one," Harry said.
"Okay," Missy said. She noticed 'James' looked carefully to see if anyone was watching the alley, before leading her off towards the nearest MacDonald's restaurant. The pair entered the busy restaurant and they waited to order. Harry let ten minutes pass without saying anything. He ordered for both of them and they went to find a table for two. They were all taken, so they sat opposite each other in a four seater. They ate in silence. Missy was hungry. It wasn't as good as what she normally ate, but it was filling. Two men came in and sat down with them. Harry could feel a privacy spell go up around them. Harry guessed these were MACUSA. Were they there for him or the girl? Missy certainly looked alarmed. Guess that answered Harry's question.
"You failed your assignment, Missy. It's back to captivity for you."
"You're the reason Missy was trying to have sex with that priest?" Harry asked.
"It's natural for a succubus," one of the men answered. Harry knew what a succubus was and the powers they had. He'd read about Lilith, of course.
"You're letting a succubus wander around a city full of No-Maj. Are you insane?" Harry fumed.
"You need not concern yourself, Master Hammond." Missy saw the name Potter in Harry's mind. So that's who he was. He didn't want people to know who he was. Interesting trick for one so young. Perhaps those books about the young Harry Potter weren't so far-fetched, after all. "The man was no man or a priest. He's a Watcher named Drexel," the man continued.
A Watcher? Harry had thought they were all gone. A serious mistake on his part. "Who was this Watcher watching?"
"You, Master Hammond." Well, didn't that put the proverbial cat among the pigeons? "We'll take the young woman back with us, if you don't mind."
Harry did mind. "Missy needs to finish her meal. She doesn't look she's eaten in quite a while. I'm going to take her meet my parents. They'll get her cleaned up, provide her with new clothes and find her relatives."
"Succubus don't eat normal human food."
"It's not as good as their normal diet, but is suffices," Harry said confidently. Missy was now definitely interested. Humans Harry's age should know nothing about a succubus. She was thinking about using her abilities on the two MACUSA agents, when they both shrugged, got up and left.
Harry took them to San Antonio's magical district and bought Hermione's birthday present. Magical Creatures of the United States of Magical America was the book and it cost Harry 100 Draguts. Missy wondered why Harry, she couldn't think of him as a 'James', bought such an expensive book. Harry took her home and did his chores, whilst Missy had a nice hot bath, including putting Missy's clothes into the wash. He wrote Hermione a letter wishing her a happy birthday and asking her to find out what she could about a succubus MACUSA had detained, who appeared about 14 years old.
Harry noticed that Fred and Claudette looked like they had had a row. Just as he was about to introduce them to Missy, he heard the phone ring. This was bad, Harry thought. If they divorced, he'd lose the stable home he now had. Claudette was speaking as Harry entered.
"Was that your mistress, Fred? What did she want?" Claudette demanded.
"Yes," Fred admitted. "That was my mistress. She's pregnant and demanding I leave you."
Claudette slumped into a chair. Harry could see she was devastated. Rage was sure to follow.
"Mum, dad, you can work this out. Dad, you can't leave. Ring her up and tell her you want to meet. There's a nice abandoned warehouse not too far away. We'll appeal to her better nature and try to make her see reason. I do own Potter Inc. What's her specialty?"
"Security."
"That's great. I need someone to help train Potter Inc security and be my eyes and ears in the company."
"And if we can't make her see reason?"
Missy entered, cleaned and clothed. Harry introduced her. "Mum, dad, this is Missy. She needs our help. She is a succubus. Take us along, dad, and if your ex-mistress doesn't see reason, we'll just have to explore other options."
"James, you can't fix this. It is not a childish matter."
"I'll help, Mr Hammond," Missy said. She wanted to help Harry and he was giving her an opportunity to feed.
"It's not a fix, dad. It's a buyoff. If it doesn't happen, you'll lose your job and marriage and, as I am adopted, I'll lose both of you and get thrown into the 'System' and I don't want that. It wouldn't be fair on George."
"I want children," Claudette screamed. "You can't fix that."
"I can try," Harry said. "I'll research a potion." He knew that's what Hermione would do. He hugged Claudette and she calmed down. That gave Missy cause to pause. That ability was one of her own.
Fred rang his mistress and arranged a meeting that night at 10pm in the abandoned warehouse. Harry would have liked to apparate – that was the word his books used – to the warehouse and 'case the joint'. If the woman was doing this off her own bat, there would be no-one else there. If this was part of a plot against Fred, there'd be all sorts of backup. That would mean he couldn't use anything other than silent and wandless magic. In other words, a nice bit of accidental magic. Make everyone go away because there was nothing to see here. Absolutely no dead bodies, at all.
What story could Harry fabricate for Fred? They had liked each other before, but done nothing about it. Both got drunk at a works do, didn't want to drive home, so got a motel room and one thing lead to another. They saw each other a few times after that, getting more and more uncomfortable about the situation and then the woman found out she was pregnant and that Fred was the father. That brought both of them up to that evening and the meeting that night.
Fred pulled his car into the empty warehouse. Harry could sense more than just the woman. He sent a 'nothing to see here, leave with all equipment' compulsion out silently and wandlessly. People left. The woman appeared worried. Harry and Missy stayed in the car. Harry knew that Fred had been set up. Unfortunately, he couldn't ever tell Fred that.
Fred approached the woman who held the fate of his job in her hands.
"You'll resign your job, leave your wife and come set up home with me," the woman said.
"That is not what is going to happen," Fred said.
"You don't have a choice, Fred Hammond," the woman said. Harry and Missy saw how Fred was hanging his head. They got out of the car and walked towards the pair.
"What, children? You don't think you can appeal to my good nature, do you?" the woman sneered. "Hello, kiddies. You are out of your depth. This doesn't concern you."
"On the contrary," Harry said. "I'm adopted and I'll be taken away from them, if they divorce. That is not going to happen," Harry said, icily.
"Oh, I am so scared," the woman mocked. Missy looked at Harry. She was ready to kill the woman, for Harry, of course. Harry raised a hand. Missy stopped.
"I've a proposition for you. You tell your bosses that it was a one-night stand and you're the one who will resign. I own a company and I need eyes and ears in the place. You'll have a job for life. Your child will be cared for and be put through College. Your name will be Chloe Leadbitter."
"Not interested." Harry deflated. So much for no bodies tonight.
"It's a good deal. You should take it," Harry said.
"No."
"Plan B?" Missy asked.
"Plan B," Harry agreed. Missy ran to the woman. Kissed her full on the lips and drained the life out of her. Harry drew his mother's wand and said, "Evanesco." The woman's body vanished. Harry did the same to her car. Harry then vanished the top soil, removing any trace of any car ever being on top.
"Fred, she agreed to leave her job and drove off," Harry said, with a touch of memory charm. Harry put the wand away. The drive back was done in silence. Harry had now to prevent the marriage of Fred and Claudette from breaking up. He'd been sure the woman would see reason. She hadn't.
Claudette had packed a case for Fred and left it outside. Well, this was fine and dandy. Fred had nowhere to go. Claudette might be too angry to listen to anything Harry had to say. George was far away. Missy stayed with Fred in the car. Fred couldn't think of anything to say. With what he'd witnessed that night, James wasn't going to take no for an answer from Claudette. He had been the one to take a mistress. He'd been an idiot. He had broken it off. The child had been a complication, he hadn't seen coming.
Harry entered the house. He soon found Claudette. She'd been drinking. Not a good sign. Claudette was slumped on the settee. She heard Harry enter.
"You can tell Fred to leave. I'm getting a divorce. If you had not come, this would never have happened."
"If I hadn't been adopted by you both, this would still have happened. You would certainly have divorced. I'd lose you both, if you divorced now and I'm not having that."
"You're not having that?" Claudette said. "You're being selfish."
"You both have provided me with the first stable family that I can remember. You have lots of love and I love both of you and I love it here with both of you. Divorce and I get thrown into the 'System'."
"Fred and I don't love each other anymore."
"That's not true," Harry said.
"Who is this Missy?"
"She's a succubus and needs our help. Well, my company's help with clothes, somewhere to live and be educated." Harry refrained from saying he'd already told both her and Fred that Missy was a succubus. Claudette did have rather a weight on her mind.
"A succubus? You don't play fair, James. Alright, they can both come in, but Fred is taking the couch."
"Okay," Harry said. He fetched the others. Fred wasn't too happy about getting the couch, but was wise enough to say nothing.
Meal times on Sunday were a bit awkward. Harry explained what he wanted for Missy. Missy agreed that she was 14, in grade 9. She was less keen on the being kept somewhere. She felt better, when Harry said she needed an education to function in the No-Maj world. It wasn't like she owed him or anything. Usually she stayed somewhere, fed a little on the people she was staying with and then left to repeat every so often. Having someone actually care about her was a novel experience and Missy found it nice. Nice was not a word she used very often.
Monday morning, Fred and Claudette exchanged a goodbye. Missy arranged a time and place to meet up with Claudette after Claudette had finished teaching for the day. Fred posted Harry's present and letter for Hermione Granger and contacted the lawyers who looked after the owner's interest in Potter Inc. He explained what the owner wanted for Missy and the lawyers promised to look into it and get things set up.
Fred Hammond was also asked about what happened at his meeting with the woman. Fred wondered how they would have known. Then again, they were the FBI and did keep tabs on their employees. Fred explained that the woman had agreed to leave town and had left. Fred hadn't paid attention to where she was going. The FBI didn't mind Fred calling lawyers for Potter Inc. They had long had suspicions as to what the company got up to and had tried for decades to get an operative inside, without success. Now, it appeared their prayers had been answered.
At school, the bullying five had come looking for him. They'd been caught and dealt with. They had repeated their threat to deal with James out of school. Harry had, naturally enough, been debating his ethics. Had he been justified in taking the woman's life? Technically, Missy had done the actual taking, but he had certainly agreed with it. Harry had a really good thing going here in the US and did not want to lose it. He'd heard stories in the playground about kids who had known other kids who had gone into the 'System' and come out of it changed. They had made it clear that change in this context was something very bad.
The woman had threatened to ruin Harry's life just as much as Fred's. Harry had experienced years of abuse at the Dursleys and would never go back to that, willingly. Never. If someone tried to ruin his life, he'd ruin theirs. If that made him a murderer, so be it. There would be few people who would think him capable of killing people, whilst he was so young. It really wasn't a case of that was how he wanted to solve every difficult situation.
The situation with the woman might not be finished with, either. If she had written things down about what she was going to do and those were at her home, where the police would find them, there would be more questions. Harry had gambled that the woman had not written anything down, expressed herself to a best friend that Fred would soon be hers or otherwise had left evidence to counter the notion that she had just upped sticks and left to start life elsewhere under a new name.
Harry would not know it, but the FBI told the City of San Antonio Police Department not to investigate. The FBI had told Bexar County Sheriffs not to investigate. There was one Texas law institution the FBI could not intimidate. The Texas Rangers took a dim view of the FBI trying to stop them investigating crime in Texas. The idea of someone just upping sticks and leaving Texas struck most Rangers as tantamount to blasphemy. No God-Fearing Texan would leave God's own country. It didn't matter, to a Texas Ranger, how old a murderer was, be it 8 or 80. A murderer was a murderer was a murderer.
Harry was oblivious to all of that. His Watcher, Drexel, was aware of what was going on. He felt he owed James Hammond. He did. Had he succumbed to the succubus, he'd have been made evil right away, by God, just like all those Watchers who had married human wives, so long ago. Still, Drexel watched and did his job. Other Watchers watched him. If he were to help James Hammond, it would have to be done in a very subtle manner.
The Texas Rangers assigned the case to a 30-year veteran, Silas MacGruder who had made 53 arrests that had subsequently seen guilty verdicts with long sentences. As he put it, it would have been 54 had one suspect not died in an exchange of gunfire that had left MacGruder with a slight limp in his right leg.
MacGruder decided to review all the information he had about the case. He followed up with the best friend, who liked she had been crying.
"She told me that she was moving away, making a new start and new friends. I was so upset. I wish her well, though."
Well, that was that. He wasn't going to get any help from the best friend or ex-best friend. MacGruder decided to focus on the Hammond family. He would make a nuisance of himself and see what he could shake loose. He was convinced the woman had been murdered and his feelings were always right. He turned up, unannounced, on the Hammond doorstep. He managed to get inside and ask some questions, before Mr Hammond threw him out. Silas noticed the downstairs couch in the lounge that was made up for someone to sleep on. Somebody's marriage was on the rocks. Silas' own marriage had ended many years before. He hadn't really noticed. He was married to his job.
Harry was minding his own business, when he heard a voice.
"Can I ask a question?" MacGruder asked.
"Have you a warrant?" Harry asked.
"No. I thought you'd prefer to answer questions away from my office."
"Not really. You're trespassing."
"Young James, you must have something to hide or you'd answer my questions."
"You're a scream," Harry said. "You remind me of someone. Let's see. Oh, yes, the Dishevelled Detective."
"Colombo," MacGruder said.
"Leave," Harry demanded. Harry decided he'd go back to the house. He made to move around MacGruder. MacGruder grabbed Harry's shoulder.
"That's assault, you pervert," Harry yelled. "Get off me!" Harry felt the ground and found a branch. He struggled. He twisted one way and then the other. MacGruder did not let go. Harry used the branch to stab the arm that was holding the shoulder, painfully, for Harry. MacGruder yelped and let go of Harry. He staggered back. He was a good two feet taller than Harry. His gun hand, instinctively went for his gun. Harry saw this and knew, if he didn't act, the man would shoot him. He couldn't throw the branch. It wasn't spear shaped. The man was beginning to draw his weapon. Harry leapt and thrust his branch at the man's throat. The man drew his weapon and was bringing it up to fire as Harry stabbed him in the throat and fell back onto the ground. Harry ran for the house. He didn't see MacGruder's throat gush blood or the man sink to his knees, still trying to bring his weapon to bear.
Harry ran into the house, out of breath. He drew in a heavy breath.
"Mum, a man started asking me questions and then grabbed me, when I moved towards the house. He wouldn't leave when I demanded. I tried to shake his hand loose, but I couldn't. I grabbed a branch and stabbed his arm. He let go. Then he started to draw his weapon and I had to stab his throat. I ran."
"Come upstairs, James," Claudette said. She went ahead up the stairs.
"Dad, get your bosses here. We're about to have company." Harry went upstairs. Fred called the FBI, explained the situation and said someone would be along, very soon. Fred went off to check on the Texas Ranger. The Ranger was dead. His service weapon was drawn and cocked. There was a branch in his throat and a pool of blood. Fred left everything as he found it.
Claudette checked Harry's shoulder. There were some fingernail marks in the shoulder. Claudette treated those. Fortunately, the shoulder wasn't broken or otherwise damaged. That was as far as Claudette knew.
There was, sometime later, a showdown between the FBI and the Texas Rangers. That ended with the examination of MacGruder's body and Harry telling them that there'd be his skin under the man's left-hand finger nails and showing them his shoulder. The lead Texas Ranger said that Harry must be very dangerous. Harry told them that he'd already been the plaything of one pervert and wouldn't never suffer that again. Harry told the Texas Rangers that he would sue them. They laughed.