AN: This story is rated M for a reason. It includes swearing/coarse language, smoking, drinking, smut and sexual humour/innuendos. Be forewarned.
This story is also crossposted to AO3 if you wish to read it there instead; all the chapters and content are the same.
I would also like to note that this is NOT a self-insert OC story.
I guess that this story would be considered a slow-burn romance. The romance takes a while to develop as the characters get to know each other, and there is also some emotional constipation. It's a long haul and it'll be mostly focused on character development and character interactions and dynamics.
The song that I feel goes along with this story as a whole is Fiend by Sam Roberts Band. Other songs that I post at the beginnings of the chapters are meant to go along with the one specific chapter that they preface.
I'm Canadian and I've never been to the United Kingdom, but I'll try my best to use British vocabulary and slang. My apologies if it's cringey.
Chapter 1: Revenge is a dish best served with pumpkin juice
It was September first, so of course I was back here in the Great Hall, picking at my food at the Ravenclaw table while my housemates talked around me. My stomach was churning and tied in knots and it had been for the whole day now, which made eating nearly impossible. I'd had uneasy and anxious thoughts about this coming school year all throughout the break, and not because it would be my last year before McGonagall booted myself and the other seventh years out into the adult world to fend for ourselves. In the weeks leading up to the start of term, I had barely eaten and slept, and the moment that I had stepped foot onto the Hogwarts grounds again, I had known that this year my abilities of Sight and other Seer-related powers would be a giant pain in my arse.
Ever since my Seer abilities had emerged in fifth year, I'd done a pretty good job at keeping them in check and secret. Being a Ravenclaw meant that I was a lot more clever at controlling, honing and hiding my powers of Sight. In fifth year I had spent hours in the library reading all sorts of materials on Divination and the gift of Sight, until Madam Pince had known me by name and had stopped treating me like a first year in danger of spilling an ink pot everywhere. After I had read every book at Hogwarts relating to Seers, I had spent months exploring my abilities until I knew them inside out and was much more in tune with them. If I knew everything about my problematic "gift", then I could at least partially predict and control it. Clearly, I was a Ravenclaw.
Even from first year I had been bored in class and started reading and learning new materials ahead of the class, as well as material not covered. When I had first come across the concept of animagi in fifth year, I had set out to become one as soon as summer rolled around. I hadn't expected being in my animal form to bring so much peace to me. When I was in my animal form, I didn't have any visions or dreams or premonitions, and I could finally be at rest, if only for a brief period of time. And now, going into my seventh year, I knew that I would be spending a lot more time in my animal form, running away from my problems, if my nerves and insomnia were any indicators.
"Ridgelow, how was your break?" asked a fellow seventh year, Daniel Chambers.
"Oh, hi. Wasn't too bad, thanks," I replied nonchalantly. I was mostly acquaintances with all my fellow seventh years at Hogwarts, even my own housemates. I was more or less friends with Emily Sanderson, Theresa Rhodes and Amelia Stainton, but that was probably because we shared a dormitory.
"Can't believe you even got a genuine answer from her," Emily drawled from beside me. "Considering she barely talked to me on the train today." She pouted at me and pretended to brush away tears. I just laughed it off and shoved her away gently.
There was the usual back-to-school speech from Dumbledore and the terrified first years getting sorted into their houses which was at least partially amusing. As Emily, Theresa, Amelia and I left the Great Hall with everyone else to head to our dormitories, the girls chatted about this coming year and how some of the seventh year boys had grown into themselves and gotten more handsome over the break, while I trudged beside them trying to will away my nerves and hoping that I didn't have a prophetic dream of some sort on my first night back.
The next morning I woke up early after a night of tossing and turning, feeling like shit. I stumbled down to the Great Hall after slipping on my robes and brushing my hair, planning on drinking several cups of tea while reading a book in peace. Maybe then I wouldn't fall asleep in class on the first day, which I had done in sixth year and gotten teased for doing so for a month after, and then pissed off my whole house because I lost them ten points.
At this hour I was one of the only students awake, seeing as it was 6 am and the sun was only just beginning to illuminate the dark and cold interior of the castle as it shone through the windows. Being so high up in the Ravenclaw tower which housed my dormitory meant that as I descended the many staircases to the Great Hall, the morning light was gradually replaced by floating candles, as the sun hadn't hit the lower levels of the castle yet. Tiptoeing towards the doors of the Great Hall which thankfully always seemed to be open no matter the hour, I briefly considered going down to the kitchens below to ask the house elves for an early breakfast. I decided against it, not wanting to disturb them. I knew full well how to get into the kitchens, which I had accidentally found out by watching that ridiculous group of Gryffindor boys who called themselves the "Marauders" tickle the pear in the painting. A neat trick, but my stomach was still in anxious knots and I didn't think I'd be able to eat anything this morning.
I sat down at one end of the Ravenclaw table and pulled out my book and the teacup and teapot that I had crammed in my bookbag. I quickly fashioned myself a pot of tea with magic of course, poured myself a first cup, cracked my book about Advanced Charms open, and set to sipping and reading away the early morning hours.
"Hey. Hey, Grindylow. Grinnndyyy. Wake up, Grindylow." I could vaguely feel someone shoving my shoulder none too nicely. I blinked my eyes open and realized that I had been sleeping with my face on my open book and that most of the other students had now arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast. I quickly lifted my head and turned to see Avery, a seventh-year Slytherin standing over me, smirking at me. He must have been the one shaking me.
"While you were sleeping, Grindylow, I drastically improved your personality," Avery said in his smarmy voice. I was about to open my mouth to tell him to piss off, when I realized that my mouth was completely shut with some sort of spell, leaving me unable to retaliate.
Avery laughed at my panicked face as I raised my fingers to touch my mouth, which was outwardly the same despite its current functional shortcomings. He leaned down, bringing his face next to mine so he could look me in the eye. "You're much prettier when you can't talk, Grindylow," he said, giving me a smile that made me want to punch him. He laughed at my angry but totally mute expression, pulling away and walking over to the Slytherin table to sit with his other insufferable friends, Mulciber and Snape. I watched him, wishing more than ever that I could give him a piece of my mind. The three of them turned to look at me from their table, causing them to break out into guffaws all over again.
I turned back around to my table, watching as Emily, Theresa and Amelia entered the Great Hall and headed over to me. Just then, the food appeared and I scrambled to put away my things in my bag. I waved to the girls and they headed over, and I turned to look at Avery, suddenly knowing exactly what I could do to get back at him. As the girls sat down around me, chatting and beginning to serve themselves food, I focused on Avery who was currently holding a jug of pumpkin juice and preparing to pour himself a glass. A quick flick of my wand and the jug lurched out of his grasp, and before he realized what was happening, dumped its contents all over him in a sticky mess.
Avery sprung to his feet, cursing and furious, trying to shake off his sticky hands. He whipped around and stared at me, face red with rage and ready to stomp over to my table, when McGonagall intercepted him.
"Mr. Avery, that is unacceptable language to use in the Great Hall, not to mention your carelessness with handling your food. Sit back down and five points from Slytherin. Do control yourself in the future, lest I deduct more points," she scolded him. I flipped him off from behind McGonagall and he clenched his fists and grew even more angry.
"Yes, Professor," he said and sat back down, but not before giving me a nasty look. I watched with glee as his fellow Slytherins began to hassle him about losing them points on the first day, smirking in satisfaction. I turned back to the girls who were staring at me in amusement.
"What was that for, you devil?" Theresa asked. I just pointed to my sealed mouth, which they understood easily, given that they had been there when I had rejected Avery's advances last year and subsequently ignited his passion for irritating me.
Seeing as I could no longer hope to enjoy breakfast, I decided to go back to the dormitory to reverse Avery's spell, as I didn't want to show up mute to the first class of the day. As I was getting up, Avery turned to glare at me. I blew him a kiss and waggled my fingers at him, earning some chuckles from my house and the other houses. Avery knew better than to push his luck with McGonagall, so he just fumed at me from his table and turned back to Snape and Mulciber, probably plotting my demise. Insufferable arsehole.
By the time I arrived at my first class, Advanced Charms, I'd thankfully managed to undo Avery's spell. At the seventh year level, not many people took Advanced Charms, so neither Emily, nor Theresa, nor Amelia were in this class. Sitting down at a desk, I was pulling my stuff out when someone approached me.
"Could I sit here?" fellow seventh year, Lily Evans asked. I smiled and made room for her on the bench and she sat next to me. I knew Lily only a little, but we both were often in the same advanced classes, so I figured that I would be seeing more of her this year since the classes were smaller.
"What was that all about with Avery this morning," she asked, getting her quill and parchment out of her bag. "I saw him taunting you and the pumpkin juice."
"That was revenge for sealing my mouth shut magically when I was asleep at my table," I laughed, twirling my quill in between my fingers. "He's had it out for me ever since I turned him down for a date to Hogsmeade last year."
Lily laughed, turning to me. "He must think that irritating you will make you suddenly fall madly in love with him, no matter how backwards that is."
"Evans, you insult my abilities to charm you," James Potter piped up from beside Lily whom he had walked over to, no doubt to irritate her into liking him. "Ridgelow," he nodded to me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, not recalling a single time when I had spoken to him before. "That was great what you did to Avery, anyone who pranks him and his Slytherin friends is a friend of ours," he said, gesturing to himself and his group who were crammed into the bench across from me and Lily. Remus Lupin was poring over a book, Peter Pettigrew was looking around anxiously to see if Flitwick had appeared yet, and Sirius Black was leaning back in his seat, hands behind his head and looking bored. At James's gesture, he turned his gaze to me and Lily, flashing me a lazy grin and a wink.
I turned back to James. "Anytime," I said, grinning at him.
As Professor Flitwick entered the class, James hesitantly retreated to his seat after casting a longing look at Lily. She shook her head, the corners of her mouth curling upwards. Apparently she was enjoying his pestering this year, as opposed to previous years when she seemed to want nothing to do with him. I didn't know much considering I rarely hung out with Gryffindors, but given how obvious James had always been in his constant pursuit of Lily, and how obvious she had been with her rejections, it didn't take a genius to see the difference. It probably had something to do with the pair being Head Boy and Head Girl; it must give them something to bond over.
As Flitwick began his lecture, I sat back and continued to twirl my quill in my fingers, knowing I had already learnt the material during the summer. Every year I had spent the summer reading ahead and learning the spells, charms, jinxes and other material that we would learn in the coming school year. It made class easier since I could zone out. When the visions and dreams had started in fifth year I had been so exhausted from the stress and lack of sleep that paying attention in class had become near-impossible, in which case I didn't have to worry about needing to focus on lessons and lectures because I had already studied whatever it was we were learning. Plus, it gave me more time to scour the library for books about Seers.
Class passed relatively quickly, and soon Lily and I were getting up from our seats with the rest of the class. As we were gathering up our books, Lily turned to me. "Kersti, what classes do you have next?"
"I think Potions, D.A.D.A., Apparition," I said. "Though I can't really remember my schedule."
Lily smiled. "Me too. Do you mind if we go together?"
"Sure. And I'll fend off Potter if he gets too clingy," I said, giving her a cheeky grin. Most people weren't aware of my sneaky, rebellious side, which was too bad because it would probably be better at earning me friends instead of the typical loner and bookworm vibe I gave off. That was probably for the better though, seeing as Emily, Amelia and Theresa most likely wouldn't be able to handle my rebellious alter-ego. Lily and I fell into step as we walked out of Charms, heading to the dungeons for Slughorn's dreadful Potions class. I knew that Lily was a particular favourite of Slughorn because she was at the top of her class and thus part of his "elite" Slug Club, not to mention that everyone, teachers included, liked Lily Evans. On the other hand, I don't even think that Slughorn knew my first name, but that was probably because I didn't pay attention to him half the time and didn't give him the satisfaction of caring about his Wizarding World connections and networking. It was probably only Flitwick among the professors who knew my first name, but then again he was the Head of Ravenclaw.
"How was your break, Kersti?" Lily asked me from my right side as we descended the staircase.
"It was fine, read up on all the materials we'll learn this year so I think I have a good idea of what Sluggie might throw at us," I said as we passed some fifth years heading in the opposite direction.
"Do you usually read in advance?" she asked, her interest clearly piqued. I suppose it wasn't too often that a top student like Lily ran into another girl who cared about grades as much as she did.
"Yeah. Every year. But don't get me wrong," I said, turning to meet her pretty green eyes, "it's only so I can be a bad student and not pay attention in class, but still pass my NEWTs."
"Bad student? Are you discussing me, my beautiful Lily?" James said, coming up beside her and inserting himself obnoxiously into the conversation, staring at her expectantly. Typical.
"No, they were talking about me, of course," Sirius said, squashing himself between Lily and I and throwing an arm around both of us. "Ladies never talk about you willingly, Prongs." Sirius turned to me, his face awfully close to mine considering I'd never had a full conversation with the guy before. I met his grey eyes, his wavy black hair framing his absurdly handsome face. "Ridgelow," he addressed me.
I raised an eyebrow. "Black," I quipped, feeling taken aback by how quickly the Marauders seemed to latch on to anyone who spent time around Lily Evans, given that James was their leader and was always trailing behind her. Well, except Snape. Even I knew that they hated him. I shrugged out from under Sirius's arm, as did Lily, which was a good plan because James was eyeing Sirius as if he would fight even his best friend to the death with tooth and nail to have exclusive access to the object of his affections. Soon enough, the whole gang of boys was here, making me feel claustrophobic. Although, Remus was half decent, and I was often in the same advanced classes as him as well as Lily. Peter I knew nothing about.
"Ridgelow," Remus said, smiling softly at me. "Have you signed up for Apparition classes this year?" he asked, hiking his book bag shoulder strap up as it tried to slip down his lanky arm. Remus and I fell into conversation about our classes, while Lily and James seemed to be having a remarkably amicable conversation, with Sirius poking fun at them. We soon arrived at Potions and entered the class, splitting up into our groups from Charms, though not before James cast another lovey-dovey look at a blushing Lily, which made me gag out loud, earning a bark of laughter from Sirius. Lily and I sat down together and again got out our class materials. It was only the first day of classes and the most interesting things that had happened to me were getting revenge on Avery and being bombarded by Lily and the Marauders, none of which spelled a normal school year for me.
Slughorn entered the class and the lesson began. We were learning to brew the luck potion, Felix felices today, but I had already learnt it so I was once again sitting back at the desk, thinking of ways that I could pass the class time faster. Considering that I was still feeling queasy and uneasy because of my premonition that this year would be different, I would probably have to spend tonight in the Forbidden Forest. I had started exploring the woods as soon as I became an animagus, but sneaking out to sleep there hadn't started until last year, when the horrifying Seer dreams had increased in frequency. I was lucky that my animal form was that of an extremely dangerous apex predator, because then I could sleep in the woods without worrying that an acromantula or hippogriff or other creature might mistake me for their next meal. Although, sleeping in the trees had certainly mitigated any chance of that happening.
I smiled to myself, remembering when I had been dozing at night up in a tree in my human form, my back to the trunk. Sometime during my nap I had shifted and then proceeded to fall from the tree, landing on the forest floor on my back. I had gasped and struggled for air, thinking that I had done something to my lungs. Turns out, I was only winded and was fine in a few minutes. After that I hadn't slept in any of the trees in my human form, fearing a repeat falling episode.
That was the more benign of my experiences sneaking into the Forbidden Forest, which mostly consisted of me taking off as my tiger form and running as long and fast as I could, trying to run away from seeing the future. Or I would stalk the woods alone, despairingly lonely. I wished that I could give up being a Seer, but I didn't think that that would even give me a better shot at being normal, seeing as I was already a chaotic mess.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully, except for Avery giving me some nasty side eye in Apparition. As evening rolled around, Emily, Amelia and I were lounging in the Ravenclaw Common Room. Em and Amelia were talking excitedly about some party that was happening on Friday in the Gryffindor Common Room and how Emily had somehow scored an invite to it even though she was from a different house.
"Kersti, will you be coming with us? You could really use the social interaction and branching out," Amelia asked me as I lay on one of the couches, feet crossed and trying to read a book about mastering wandless magic.
I turned my head to look at her. "Lia, I can't. Emily shouldn't be rude and bring more than one plus-one to the party, and I'm not friends with any Gryffindors."
The problem was that Emily and Lia weren't that easily put off their mission to have a reason to get me primped up and out in the open. Emily was always complaining that I owed her a chance to play with my long wavy red hair since she wished she could trade in her fine, straight blond hair for it.
"Oh, you poo. You're such a spoilsport," Emily said. "It's not about getting to dress you up this time, it's about getting you laid."
My eyebrows shot up at that. "That's bold of you to assume," I said.
"Seriously, woman. You'd be less uptight if you got to channel your suppressed rage into fucking the shit out of a hot Gryffindor guy," Emily shot back.
I burst out laughing. "I'll come with you two, if that makes you stop accusing me of needing to get laid."
Emily clapped her hands together and high fived Lia. "Finally! You've never gone to a single out-of-house party before, this is a great accomplishment for me." I tried to interject with some sort of remark but she cut me off. "Shut up, you're not getting out of this."
I put my book on my chest, raising my hands in surrender. Emily smiled at me. "Okay ladies, let's get our assignments finished, because I can't afford to fail Apparition and Transfiguration kicked my arse last year." Emily and Lia got down to work, while I went back to my book. Emily might seem like she would be better off in another house, but she was remarkably sharp and insightful when it came down to it. Her strong suit was Duelling though, and she had been the reigning queen of the Duelling Club at Hogwarts since fifth year. I wished that I could be as good as her, but my tactic relied more on the element of surprise and not the quick thinking and reaction times that the Duelling Club honed in its members.
Later that night, I sat in the window sill in our dormitory, staring out at the dark sky with its tiny stars and the forest that covered so much of the Hogwarts grounds. Emily, Lia and Theresa were chatting excitedly as they got ready for bed, having convinced Tess to come to the party as well. My fingers traced the metal work of the window pane, wishing I could smoke a joint in the dormitory. Unfortunately, Tess had asthma, Lia hated the smell of smoke, and Emily didn't trust me to not light the whole dorm room and Ravenclaw tower on fire. Smart girl.
As the girls and I slipped into our beds and under our covers, I drew my bed curtains closed, casting a silencing charm around my four poster bed. Ever since I had woken Tess up in the night two years ago with my screaming and crying, I casted a charm to mute any noises I might make every night. Having Seer dreams and nightmares often made me cry out in my sleep, and the last thing I needed was trying to explain why I screamed in my dreams to three sharp Ravenclaws. They would put two and two together quickly, I'm sure.