Chapter 51: Night Terrors
That week was a happy blur of revelling in my new relationship with Sirius. Both of us hesitated to break the news, seeing as neither of us was particularly excited to receive the world's biggest "I-told-you-so." While the boys and Lily meant well, Sirius and I were content to secretly bask in the excitement and amazement that our fledgeling relationship was bringing us. With Sirius occupying my thoughts, I could hardly be blamed for forgetting about Regulus's warning.
Like most of the other ones that week, I spent Thursday evening with Sirius, putting off a Charms essay and studying for Ancient Runes. But when I inevitably had to leave the warmth and comfort of his four-poster bed to head back to the Ravenclaw Tower, I decided to stop by the library to spend an hour getting caught up on my assignments.
Most of the tables and aisles between the bookshelves were empty, save a handful of over-ambitious Ravenclaws and the occasional Hufflepuff. It was one hour until curfew and most of the students had given up on studying for the night, preferring to spend the last hours of the evening in their Common Rooms with friends. But by the time The Pincer came around to kick students out in order to close the library, I'd not made nearly as much progress on my Charms essay as I'd hoped. Instead of filing out of the library doors like a good little Ravenclaw, I hid and avoided Madam Pince until I was left alone in the darkened library, the doors locked from the outside. It wasn't like I couldn't get out, and I could certainly still see despite the lack of light.
A couple hours after curfew, my head and eyelids were drooping and I decided to stop working on my Charms essay for the night. At this rate I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open during any of my classes tomorrow. I snuck out the doors and made my way up a flight of stairs to the second floor, rereading what I'd written for my essay as I went. I was being careless, not keeping an ear out for Filch or Mrs. Norris, but concentrating wholeheartedly on my essay as I climbed another staircase to a third-floor corridor.
All at once, two things happened: my wand went flying out of my hand; and ropes appeared out of thin air, binding my arms to my sides and my legs together, making me stumble and fall to the stone floor. My Charms essay floated down and landed a pace from my head.
There was a laugh and the sharp sound of a high-five. "Nice job catching the mudblood's wand."
My pulse roared in my ears and my body went cold as I recognized the voice. I was totally immobilized, lying on my side with only a view of the stone floor. Dust and dirt from the floor was in my mouth and nose, making me cough.
Someone walked into my line of vision, but all I could see were the black uniform shoes. "You're not so noisy now, Grindylow."
My heartbeat was frantic like a caged rabbit's as Avery picked up my Charms essay and burnt it, letting the ashes fall onto my face. When I started coughing and wheezing from the dust and ash, there was a chorus of cruel laughs.
"What do you reckon? Should we use the Imperius curse like with Macdonald?" Avery said.
Mulciber laughed, sounding far too excited for any sane person.
"Nah, too boring," someone cut in. "Why bother doing what we've already done before?" I recognized the third voice as that of Evan Rosier.
"Since you don't like that plan, what d'you reckon we should do to Grindylow, Severus? Got any new spells you've come up with?"
"Ones you'd like to see tested on the mudblood?" Snape drawled. "Hmm."
There was a beat of silence, but to me all I could hear were my harsh, frantic breaths. Was this what Mary had felt like when they'd trapped her in the girls' lavatories in fifth year? Merlin knows what they'd done to her. No one had been there to stop them from assaulting Mary two years ago, and there would be no one to save me now.
"Well, Severus?" Avery said, pacing next to me in impatience. "What've you got?"
"What about the one you tried on that first-year the other day? You said it needs some proper testing still," Rosier said.
I could almost hear Snape's oily smile. "Sectumsempra?"
Avery and Rosier cheered. "Yes, mate! That one!"
"Gut the mudblood like a fish," Mulciber said with a deranged, cawing laugh.
My whole body shook and tears started dripping down my face onto the dirty floor. When they were done with me, maybe Filch would have to scrape my remains off the stones. Every nasty, hate-fuelled encounter I'd had with Avery and his lackeys this year flashed through my mind. There was an ocean of bad blood between me and Avery, certainly enough to enrage him and his friends into doing even worse things than they'd done to Mary.
"Why don't we warm up with a little crucio before we start with your new spell, Severus," Avery said.
"Brilliant," Rosier said with a laugh.
I closed my eyes, my body wracked with trembles. I realized that Sirius might never find out what happened to me, and that thought alone had me sobbing in fear and grief.
"Oh, look! Grindylow's crying!" Avery kicked me over onto my back with the pointed toe of his shoe. "Have we really scared you, little mudblood?" he said before they all laughed.
In the darkness of the hallway, I met Avery's eyes as he taunted me. I squeezed my eyes shut, but as soon as I did, the Slytherins' laughs were replaced with silence, save the steady sound of water dripping.
Footsteps echoed on the floor and I opened my eyes, but the corridor in Hogwarts had fallen away in the wake of a vision. Instead I was lying unbound on the cold floor of someone's cellar. Two wizards dressed in black robes were standing guard on the other side of the room. The only light came from a lantern hanging on the wall near a staircase that must be the entrance from the floor above us, though I could hear no one moving on the first floor. The building was deathly quiet.
The moment I stirred from my prostrate position, one of the wizards raised his wand and said to the other, "Summon him."
His companion lifted his sleeve and quickly touched a mark on the inside of his forearm.
There was a rush of commotion on the stairs as other dark-robed witches and wizards came down into the cellar, and I blinked slowly, my head pounding. But their whispering fell quiet all at once as a man walked forward, looking down at me. I couldn't see his face; it was hidden under a dark hood and my eyesight seemed to be clouding over. My head gave a terrible throb and I lowered it back down to the floor, too weak to do anything. I knew that this man was too powerful, and I was vastly outnumbered and didn't have my wand.
He tilted his head in a strange show of curiosity, like a snake eyeing a mouse. After a lengthy moment, he said, "Excellent work."
A few wizards said quietly, "Thank you, my Lord."
The hooded man brandished his wand and threw his hood back. I cracked my eyes open and glimpsed an exceptionally handsome face with dark brows and pale skin. But his smile was cruel and cold, and I knew then that there was no hope of making it out of this cellar alive.
"Let's use the Cruciatus curse to loosen your tongue, Seer," he said, grinning at my helpless form.
The curse hit me and my head wrenched back, my body writhing in agony. The pain of what felt like thousands of knives biting into me overwhelmed my senses, and only when the curse ceased briefly did I realize that the awful screaming had been mine. The man standing over me laughed as the curse wracked me once again.
Time blurred together; the man in the dark robes tortured me for what felt like hours, though he hadn't used the curse on me more than a few times. I simply wished that they would hurry up and stop toying with me, that they would kill me to end my suffering.
I closed my eyes and the vision was gone, leaving me gasping for air on the floor of the corridor like someone had been holding my head underwater. The right side of my head immediately exploded into a debilitating post-vision migraine. Dust and dirt from the stones were in my mouth and nose and all over my robes, and sweat made my skin clammy. I scrabbled at the floor, trying to sit up.
Strong hands helped me get upright and I started crying again when I heard Sirius's soothing whisper. "S'okay, kitten. I'm here."
I felt him put an arm around my shoulders as I turned my head away to vomit onto the floor. When I'd finished spewing bile, Sirius quietly cast scourgify over me. I shifted and without meeting his eyes I hid my face in the front of his robes as I cried. Like he had in the loo at the party, he held me close and let me drip snot and tears all over his uniform as we sat on the floor. I didn't know how he'd gotten to me in time, but for the millionth time since I'd met him, I was again so very grateful that he was here for me.
I vaguely registered the sounds of at least two other people murmuring to each other, and when my tears had slowed to a steady trickle, I leaned back from Sirius to wipe my face clean and saw James, Remus and Peter standing together a few paces from us. Remus's eyes were flitting from me to Sirius in a way that made me nervous about how much they'd seen and what conclusions they were drawing. Had I been rolling around on the ground like a madwoman?
Peter was gnawing at his fingernails like he hadn't eaten for a week, watery eyes darting from one end of the hallway to the next. "We should go. What if they come back?"
"They won't come back, Wormtail," James said calmly. "They might be daft, but not daft enough to come back after the beating they got from Padfoot."
"And from you, Prongs," Remus added, studying me intently.
Looking up from staring at my shaking hands, I met Sirius's eyes.
He let out a long breath, wiping my tears with his thumb, his grey eyes missing nothing.
"Thank you," I whispered, my voice croaking.
"What if they heard the screaming?" Peter fretted to no one in particular.
"They cast a silencing charm. Calm down, mate," James said, twiddling his wand.
I looked back to Sirius, horrified that not only I'd had a vision in front of the Slytherins and the Marauders, but that I'd acted them out and been writhing and screaming on the floor while in its throes, judging by my dirty robes and hoarse voice.
Sirius clenched his jaw before saying softly, "Come on, kitten. We do need to get out of here before anyone comes."
He helped me stand on shaky legs and I wiped my clammy face with the sleeve of my outer robes. Even though he wasn't using legilimency on me, Sirius already guessed that I would want— and need— to stay with him in his dormitory tonight, and so James led the way back up to the Gryffindor Tower, Sirius's arm never leaving my shoulders as he let me lean some of my weight into his tall frame.
Beside me, Sirius drew a deep breath as we went up a staircase, and in a rush he bit out, "What in the bloody hell were you thinking, Kersti, roaming the halls in the middle of the night by yourself?"
I shrunk away from him and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.
He made a frustrated sound when I didn't answer him. "You do know how stupid it was to be in the halls alone at night, don't you? Or was what just happened—" he gestured with his hand— "not enough of a lesson?"
"Padfoot!" Remus hissed.
James looked wide-eyed from me to Sirius.
Fresh tears began leaking out of my face at Sirius's scathing tone.
"Do you have any fucking idea how close I was to not getting to you in time? If Prongs hadn't shown me the Map when he did, you could be dead!"
"Padfoot, I think that's a bit of an exaggeration," James said quickly as he and Remus looked between us.
Sirius kept his piercing gaze on me as he snapped, "No, it's not a bloody exaggeration. You didn't see his face when I got there first."
"Can't you have this discussion later?" Remus said nervously. "There's always tomorrow and after everything that's happened tonight, I think it'd be wise to—"
"Are you just going to ignore my questions?" Sirius snarled at me. "Or do you think I wasn't going out of my mind with worry?"
We'd reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, and Sirius and I abruptly stopped to face each other. Remus was the first to disappear through the portrait hole, quickly followed by Peter, sensing that a row was about to happen. James only took a moment longer to glance between the two of us before he left as well.
I finally looked up to meet Sirius's eyes.
His jaw and fists were clenched tight, his mouth a hard line. "Go on, answer the questions," he snarled.
"Stop taking your fucking anger at what happened out on me!" I snapped. I shook my head and wiped away some tears, but when I spoke again my voice was soft. "I know you're livid at what happened and at what could have happened, but there's no reason for you to yell at me because you want to murder Avery and his lot. I'm not a fucking idiot, Sirius. Of course I know how terrifying it was to… find me like that, trapped by the Slytherins."
Sirius sighed, clutching at his dark hair as he paced to the portrait. When he came back to me, his features were no longer taught with anger. He brushed a strand of hair away from my face and wiped some more tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry, kitten," he murmured, "for taking my anger out on you."
I gave him a wobbly smile, seeing the worried crease in his brow. "S'okay."
"It's not, really." He sighed and watched me. "I'm being such a selfish arsehole, yelling at you after what happened. I just… I thought I was going to go mad, worrying about you. I was so…" He trailed off.
"Scared?" I whispered for him, my hand holding the hem of his sleeve.
He swallowed and gave me a sad smile before wrapping me up in a hug, burying his face in my hair and breathing in my scent. I hid my face in his chest, clutching at him even as my hands still shook from the fear.
I felt him clench his fists. "It's okay, Sirius," I murmured. "I'm safe."
He let out a short, angry breath. "I'd love nothing more than to strangle that filthy git right now."
"I know. But I worry about you trying to fight every battle for me."
He drew back to meet my eyes, tracing my cheekbone with a fingertip. "I'd fight any battle for you, kitten. I'd fight anyone. Anything to make it easier for you." His grey eyes were sad as he added, "Merlin knows you don't need any extra problems as it is."
A few tears leaked out of my eyes as I offered him a small quirk of my lips. "I know. But this is my battle. And besides," I added, attempting a more lighthearted tone, "I want to be the one to get revenge."
Sirius smiled, making heat bubble in my stomach. "I guess you do have a point there."
I let him wrap me up in a tight hug again. How much I loved this boy who'd unexpectedly waltzed into my life in September.
His deep sigh stirred my hair. "Just don't wander the corridors at night by yourself, yeah? Or else you'll kill me from the stress."
I chuckled and rubbed my forehead against his chest. "Thanks for… coming to help me."
He made a low sound of agreement but didn't say anything more as he hugged me. I did my best to match my breathing to his slow inhalations and exhalations, his scent washing over me and the feeling of his solid body seeping into me. Even simply having him hold me like this felt like I was being imbued with the calmness that had been shattered by Avery's attack and the vision.
"Merlin, together we've attracted a ridiculous amount of drama and animosity this year," I mumbled into his uniform jumper.
He gave a soft bark of laughter. "D'you reckon if we'd met before this year the school would have been completely burnt down from all the fights and conflicts?"
I smiled. "Yeah."
Pulling away from me, Sirius searched my face before saying, "We won't have to walk through the Common Room in front of everyone, kitten."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Really?"
The corners of his lips quirked up in the beginning of his mischievous grin that I loved so much. "I brought the cloak." He raised his right hand which I hadn't realized had been holding it. "Well, Moony brought it, the clever bloke."
"I'll have to properly thank him tomorrow."
He smiled and squeezed my hand a last time before unfolding the cloak and draping it over both of us. We had to hunch our shoulders a bit to keep our feet hidden, and Sirius raised his left arm around me to keep the cloak away from our faces. We had no trouble getting past the Fat Lady because she'd seen our whole interaction and was absolutely smitten with Sirius. We'd just made it through the portrait hole and into the moderately full Common Room when my attention was drawn to a certain irritated-sounding redhead witch.
"What do you mean 'it doesn't matter?' It seemed awfully serious if it could make your best mate go running across the Common Room like a lunatic," Lily retorted, arms crossed as she faced a guilty-looking James. Remus and Peter were trying to camouflage themselves with the couch nearest to James and Lily, while Mary and Marlene were looking at the couple curiously from a pair of armchairs.
"Okay, maybe it does matter. But I can't tell you why we had to leave so suddenly. I'm sorry. Maybe… maybe you can find out later," James said with a nervous hair ruffle.
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Is it something to do with Kersti? Because I hardly think anything else could make Sirius literally run out of the Common Room at the drop of a hat."
James swallowed nervously, eyes darting to Remus who simply shrugged.
Under the cloak, Sirius gave me a lop-sided smile.
"Oh, so it is something to do with her!" Lily said, grinning and looking proud.
"Why don't we just start calling him 'Lover Boy,'" Mary joked.
James burst out laughing. "Yeah, if you want to get hexed into next year, you can."
Lily stopped laughing and grew serious. "She's alright though, James? I thought that something bad had happened, judging from Sirius's behaviour."
James snuck a quick look at the portrait hole, not that he could see us as we inched our way in between two armchairs on our way towards the staircase. "Er… I think she'll be fine. Just had a bit of a scare, that's all."
Lily shook her head, smiling. "Maybe I'll get the truth out of her tomorrow." She gave a last sigh as she sat back down on the couch and was quickly joined by James.
As we started up the stairs, Sirius muttered under his breath about hexing MacDonald for calling him Lover Boy, making me press my lips together to stop from giggling.
Now safely inside the Marauders' dormitory, Sirius threw the cloak off us with a grin. "Merlin, you've no idea how many adventures we've had with this cloak. It's truly brilliant. And even more brilliant that Prongs inherited it from his dad."
I smiled and watched him as he went over to hang it on the frame of James's four-poster bed. "The least of which was sneaking up on me and Lily in the library?"
He walked back to me, kicking his shoes off along the way. "Exactly, kitten. Used to be easier to fit all four of us under it in our earlier years. But then me and Prongs got tall in fourth year. And then Moony grew in fifth year, and by that time there was no way of fitting all four of us under the cloak."
I smiled and left my shoes next to his bed.
He came back to me, scanning my face. "You alright? Fancy going to bed?"
I nodded and let him gently push my black outer robes off me and onto the floor. As I undressed, Sirius went over to his closet and found me a t-shirt to wear to bed. He gave me a black one with a design on the front of a ray of white light going into a triangle and then breaking into a multi-coloured band of light on the other side.
Sliding under the covers on his unmade bed, I lay there and after a moment began trembling and crying, the events of tonight setting in just the smallest bit.
Sirius was at the bed in an instant. "You crying, kitten?"
I rolled onto my side away from him, feeling too many things at once.
He lay down beside me. "Kersti, talk to me. Please don't bottle it up. Trust me, it'll make it worse."
I let him coax me with a warm hand on my arm into rolling over, and when I had, he held me and let me cry into his chest yet again.
"How have you not started resenting me for always being a weepy mess in front of you?" I choked out between sniffles.
He half-laughed, half-sighed. "I'd never start resenting you for having to deal with difficult shit in your life." After a long silence, he whispered, "Tell me what happened." When I didn't answer, he continued. "Do you not trust me?"
"Of course I trust you," I said quickly, hating the pained note I'd heard in his voice in the darkness of the dormitory. I exhaled a slow breath before I told him about Avery and the vision, though I left out Regulus's warning.
He didn't say anything for a long time, and when he finally did, his voice croaked. "Bloody hell… I'm sorry I wasn't there to… to stop everything from happening."
"It's not your fault. I was out alone in the corridors, I was careless, and unfortunately I walked right into their trap."
He let out a shaky sigh. "Merlin, I'm such a git, yelling at you outside the Common Room. Sometimes I can be such an ignorant arsehole."
I curled an arm around his middle and snuggled closer to his warmth. "S'okay, Sirius," I mumbled against his skin. "I know you were just angry about the Slytherins and scared about me. I forgive you."
He held me but didn't say anything.
Breaking the long, tense silence, I asked, "You found me with the Map?"
He sighed before saying, "Yeah. Prongs had gone up to the dormitory to get something and looked at the Map. He said I would want to have a look at it. I saw you cornered by the Slytherins on the third-floor corridor and went to find you."
I stroked my thumb over his cheekbone, dimly making out his features in the darkness. "Did you really go running out of the Common Room?"
He cocked an eyebrow. "You think I wouldn't?"
I managed a small laugh.
"When I got to you," Sirius said, rolling onto his back to stare up at his bed drapes, "you were thrashing around on the floor, but I don't think they'd done anything to you yet besides incarcerous. They looked rather confused. Snivellus seemed especially keen to stick his greasy nose in it. He was prodding you with his toe."
I made a disgusted noise, once more grateful that Sirius had arrived in time to stop them from using the Imperius or Cruciatus curse on me.
"I hexed the greasy git first," Sirius said with a chuckle. "Prongs and Moony arrived shortly after to help me get rid of the rest of their lot. And then I had to wait while you…"
"Finished having the vision?"
"Yeah," he said, voice thick.
With all of the shock and fear that evening, both of us were too tired to do much more than lie there. After he'd fallen asleep, I lay awake for a long time in the darkened dormitory with an arm around him. None of the night's events had set in yet, except the burning ember of anger and vengeance in my chest, which would no doubt remain with me when I woke the next morning.