"You're sure I can't convince you to join Mary, Marlene and I after the Quidditch game, Sev?" Lily asked as she pressed out the wrinkles on her minty green blouse. Creases that had no-doubt formed from her rather aggressive hugs to Severus.
"I know it's your favorite spot to spend time with your girlfriends, but...I hope you can understand that I'm not keen on going back to the lake." Severus' face scrunched sourly in reference to the site of his worst memory. Even during his adult life, the rolling, green hills near the lake were not a location he held any fondness for. Until that day, the shade under a tree had been his preferred place to study, as it kept him away from the crowd while also allowing him to keep an eye on Lily as she and her friends went through their odd habit of dipping their feet into the lake.
It was a very feminine ritual that Severus never understood. Bloody Grindylows and savage Merpeople called that lake home. Even lounging near the shallows seemed like a reckless idea for the otherwise clever witch. Nonetheless, it was something that she and numerous other students loved to do, and there had not been any incidents for those smart enough to keep to the shores.
"Well, you won't have to worry about Potter and company. McGonagall's making all four of them serve detention with her today, even Remus for how ineffective he's been at his Prefect duties." Lily added, hopeful that she could change his mind and begin the process of broadening the company he kept. But she wasn't going to push him.
Once she had worked out the wrinkles in her attire, Lily gave one final wave to Severus. "The offer is always open, Sev. If you get released by Madam Pomfrey early enough, I hope you'll at least consider it. Marlene's always at her most mellow after a Quidditch game has exhausted her, win or lose, so you won't have to worry about anyone being unfriendly. Take care. And don't forget to take your second vial of Wiggenweld before dinner!"
With that, Lily quietly returned to the castle corridors and left him alone in the Hospital Wing again.
"Sorry, Lily…" Severus muttered, the wheels in his tactical mind beginning to turn again. Once he was discharged by Madam Pomfrey, the first and only stop on his list was to see the Headmaster. With no risk of interference from James Potter and no further questions of what the password to enter the office was, the reborn Slytherin had no desire to waste another second of time in beginning work on the path that lay before him.
Even if it meant holding Lily at arms' length and treating her distantly, he couldn't afford to be distracted anymore.
After a brief examination from Madam Pomfrey, Severus was granted a release from the Hospital Wing, but not before she gave her expectations of what was to be avoided. No fighting, regular sleep and meals, steering clear of stressful situations if at all possible, and of course taking his remaining two doses of Wiggenweld during the weekend.
It was quite a reasonable list of demands from the otherwise strict Mediwitch, he realized as he absentmindedly donned his tattered and ill-fitting Slytherin robes. While getting dressed, Severus did everything he could to avoid looking at himself in the mirror, scarcely believing the youthful reflection that stared back at him.
The only thing he did pay attention to, however...was the clean, pale flesh on his left arm. No Dark Mark in sight; no branding or proof of the vile choices he had made during his teenage years. More amusingly, it had not yet turned sallow from over a decade of exposure to the potions that almost literally stained his very skin.
As he made his way down the Headmasters' Corridor for the second time in as many days, that dreadful ticking from the school's clock tower became audible once more. The time, the precious seconds that were passing were something Severus scarcely needed reminding of.
Obviously, five years until Lily's fated death should have seemed a long time, but the young man was keenly aware that it had been almost seventeen years since he and Dumbedore formed their partnership. And in the end, the Dark Lord had outlasted them both. Every ounce of time that he could devote towards his purpose, resurrected into this new life, was as important as breathing.
Severus couldn't help but grimace in embarrassment once he arrived at the place he had put on a show for half the student body just one night before. The weak and pitiful display he had shown brought nothing but loathing and revulsion to the pit of his stomach.
No. Even being tempted to end his life had been the wrong answer, and the hug Lily had given him that day only reaffirmed how important it was that she lived this time. He would not allow that almost saintly light in a life filled with misery and darkness to be snuffed out again.
As he made it to the reformed Stairwell Gargoyle stationed in front of the entrance to the Headmaster's Office, Severus noticed that the guardian statue seemed to tense its clawed hands as he approached. This unspoken fear that perhaps Snape might repeat his explosive actions from the night before caused the Slytherin to raise his arms in a nonviolent gesture.
"My apologies...erm...Gargoyle." he awkwardly quipped at the statue before rolling his eyes at the absurdity of trying to be polite to an animated stone statue. "Chocolate Frogs."
The graven image of the Gargoyle quickly stepped aside once the correct password had been given, eager to see the young Snape on his way from a safe distance in the event that any further explosions could materialize.
Ascending the gilded, circular staircase of the Headmaster's Office as he had done countless times in another life, Severus made his way into the extravagant office of Albus Dumbledore. All of the familiar magical artifacts were neatly arranged in their shelves. The line of portraits from previous Headmasters were arranged exactly as he had left them in his old life...with the exception of one.
"Ah, Mr. Snape. It's good to see you up and about." The voice of that single missing portrait subject echoed through the stone archway. "I was about to come and check to see if you gleaned the meaning behind my parting words for the charming Miss Whittle. I should have known that one of Professor Slughorn's brightest young students could figure it out."
As Severus' black eyes rose to meet the form of his very much alive former colleague, the much younger man's breath caught in his throat. Another ghost of his past, like Lily...like Potter. This time, however, it was one that he himself had murdered. In his mind's eye, Snape saw those half-moon glasses reflect the harsh green light of the Killing Curse he had been forced to cast that terrible night; an act that virtually sundered his soul and left him truly alone in a world that loathed him. Acquaintances who vilified him, and enemies that he spied on who never cared for his status as a half-blood to begin with.
Seeing the hints of panic beginning to form on the Slytherin boy's face, Albus raised a single hand up. "Please, Mr. Snape. Please remain calm. I know that you have been through much over these past few days, but I'm sure you can understand how inconvenient it would be to cause any explosions this side of the Gargoyle that guards my office. Besides…" the old wizard paused deliberately. A frequent quirk of the Headmaster that Severus had been frequently annoyed by.
"I know why you are here, Severus."
The black eyes widened, looking into those spectacled, blue eyes of Dumbledore's in total confusion. "I...seriously doubt that to be the case, sir. Even with your lofty talents." He insisted.
Dumbledore rose from his chair, his imposing height towering over Severus momentarily before sitting down upon the small series of steps leading up to his desk.
"Actually, while you were still being tended to by Madam Pomfrey, I paid the Hospital Wing a little visit. I'm well aware of the secret that you're hiding. And how it has affected you in the short time since. The only question is how could it possibly have happened?"
Severus raised a perplexed eyebrow, staring at the concerned expression of the Headmaster. "How could you possibly know about it from going to see me while I was unconscious..?" Something seemed peculiar about this line of conversation. Were Severus and Dumbledore even referring to the same secret?
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed, recognizing the same dilemma that Snape himself had arrived at. It was a shame, then, that Albus was the first one to strike in this duel of wits and gathering of information. "Does this discussion not involve your inability to intentionally cast spells, Mr. Snape?" Those blue orbs locked onto the black, searching for something once the realization came that a secret was in the black-haired boy's mind.
Severus, recognizing the onset of covert Legilimency by the Headmaster, simply blinked and averted his gaze towards the bird perched behind Dumbledore's chair. Evidently, Fawkes had been reborn quite recently, as his body was still quite delicate and tiny. The phoenix playfully chirped out a raspy little song for Snape to focus on, rather than letting his mind be intruded upon.
Dumbledore would have what he sought...but Severus would be damned if he didn't at least reveal it in the most sensible way.
"Perhaps rather than trying to invade my mind, you could simply allow me to speak, sir." He declared in his usually respectful tone that he reserved only for the Headmaster, keeping his eyes locked on the crimson-feathered hatchling.
Albus blinked in astonishment, his ironclad composure staggered just a bit by the young student recognizing and countering his attempt for information. "Very well, Mr. Snape. I'm quite curious to hear what you have to say to me then."
"Not say-" Severus shook his head as he pulled out his ebony wand and placed it against his temple. "-Show. You have a Pensieve in this room and I believe that would be the most convenient and coherent way to share all of this…"
As he focused upon the memories of his former life, the very same memories that he had shared with Harry Potter during his final moments to tell the tale of the Half-Blood Prince…
Nothing happened. There was no silvery thread of memories to be extracted from his mind.
Severus groaned, once again stifled by the uselessness of his magical ailment. How was he to accomplish anything if he couldn't even do this?
"Allow me, Severus…" Dumbledore calmly replied, drawing the mighty Elder Wand which Severus briefly reeled from. It had, after all, been the very same wand that Voldemort desired and had killed the spy over.
The momentary surprise quickly faded once Snape felt its tip gently placed against his flesh, feeling the Headmaster's attempts to extract whatever memories that his student brought to the forefront.
This time, much to Severus' relief, the ethereal silver thread that represented his memories poured forth like droplets from a trickling faucet. Every secret...every relevant scene that could explain his tragic story to Dumbledore as expediently as possible. Even the scene of his demise at the hands of Voldemort and Nagini. His meeting with the Headmaster in the afterlife. For the first time in over a year, Severus Snape put all of himself to Dumbledore's judgement.
Once he felt the strength and intensity of his chosen memories begin to temporarily dim, Severus ceased his recollections and allowed his mind to relax again. As intended, once he severed the link, the long string of glowing memories were plucked out of his head like an errant strand of hair.
"I must say, Severus...this is quite an impressive strand of memories for one so young." Dumbledore murmured in wonder as he placed the memories within a temporary vial. He took a few steps towards the Pensieve at the rear of his office before motioning towards the plush armchair at his desk. "This may take some time to give them a complete viewing, so you're more than welcome to relax. Perhaps even help yourself to some licorice wands. You did just come from the Hospital Wing, after all..." he added with a warm grin.
Severus merely stood by impatiently, watching as Dumbledore curiously released the silvery threads into the runed basin of his Pensieve and dove in without an ounce of hesitation…He couldn't wait for the Headmaster to stop treating him like a child.
Nearly two hours of maddening waiting followed for Severus. At first, he tried to remain patient, but after being subjected to the constant snoring of Headmasters and Headmistresses of centuries past, his irritation proved too much and he made for the bookshelf to find something to read in order to pass the time.
"Hm...I suppose you aren't the quiet little runt from five years back, are you?" an unexpected voice called out from the top of the bookcase. Startled for an instant, Severus' wand instinctively pointed towards the intruder before relaxing at the sight of the Sorting Hat.
"You might say that." he responded with a disinterested scowl.
"Aye...curious indeed to look at a boy who carries himself like an adult. Slytherin has helped you grow quite quickly. Always a pleasure to see that I have not lost my touch for sorting after centuries serving Hogwarts faithfully.
"A bit presumptuous of you." Severus spat, glaring at the hat as it congratulated itself on the choice that ruined him forever. Biting his lip to hold back the growing desire to set the meddlesome hat on fire, he snatched the talking wizard's cap.
"Someone once told me that we sort too soon. Why don't we test that theory?" he hissed, aggressively planting the hat onto his head.
The voice of the fraying old hat made a series of incomprehensible little mutterings of a feeble, dying man, obviously trying to comprehend the circumstances of the boy who was wearing it.
"'Tis quite fortunate that I sorted you when I did, Severus Snape. Had fate brought you further back to before you were sorted, yours would be a hatstall like none in history. What I see in you now is incredibly difficult to discern."
"Spare me the riddles and be specific." Snape demanded.
"Well, you have lost nearly all the ambition you had when you were a child. Took you far, it did...but perhaps too far and caused you to abandon it. Have you zero goals left to achieve for yourself?"
"None…" he answered without a second thought.
"Still…" the hat's mouth furrowed as it continued to ponder. "While you may have abandoned one aspect that made you an ideal Slytherin, you are perhaps more cunning now than you ever were before. Few alive could say that they kept their composure in the face of such a monumental task as the life you lived previously. Intriguing…But as it happens, all things change. Where before I saw a boy, wide-eyed and eager to carve his place in the world, all I can see now is a man with little regard for his own life, willing to throw it away at a moment's notice if it was for the benefit of the girl who stole your heart. The reckless chivalry of a Gryffindor, although tempered by the loyalty and dedication to direct it all to one. The most cherished traits of any true Hufflepuff."
Severus' pale cheeks reddened slightly at the hat's implications, forgetting the strength of the legilimency that it had been enchanted with.
"Alas, for a lad as prickly and antisocial as you were, and still are...you would either mellow out or be ostracized in the company of such a house. Quite difficult to figure out which outcome is more likely, might I add? And then we have Ravenclaw. Clearly your talent and wit has led to many a series of great things. Ingenious changes to potion recipes, and a true knack and curiosity for the essence of magic so as to create your own spells. Cold and logical...at least, you would be, if not for the fire that burns for that girl."
"Get on with it. Just make your choice." Snape pleaded, his hostility towards the hat regressing to just annoyance directed inward. Why had he been so curious to do this in the first place? Was it the statement that Dumbledore had made during their discussion about Igor Karkaroff?
"As I said previously, Severus Snape...yours would be a Hatstall like none before. To choose one House of Hogwarts over the other would be contradictory to so many of the other aspects that make up who you are presently." The hat mumbled in contemplation.
"You say that as if I'm special…" Severus shook his head, causing the old hat to dance on its brim to keep its balance. "Contrary to a silly hat like you, people are not static. We change. We grow. We learn. And some of us...we lose. Everything. If it were up to me, I'd abolish the bloody sorting and make all of Hogwarts into one house. Too many like-minded people gathered in one place naturally causes dissension, tribalism...and can eviscerate friendships forever."
"An incredibly wise observation, no doubt from personally experiencing the hardships of the world around you. Certainly not a reflection of the narrow-minded, ambitious boy you were when I sorted you nearly five years ago. Or perhaps in your case I should say twenty-seven years ago?"
"Did you ignore what I just said, you meddlesome hat?!" Severus growled, just about done with this exercise but having a feeling in his gut that he knew where this was headed.
"I suppose if I were to sort you as you are now, Snape...then the best place would probably be…"
"I don't care anymore." The raven-haired boy interrupted by nearly ripping the hat off of his head and throwing it back to the top of the shelf. He wasn't bothered or curious by whatever verdict the Sorting Hat would come to. It made no difference in the end, anyway. He was sorted into Slytherin, and upon leaving this meeting with Dumbledore would likely be forced back into his dormitory with those rotten thugs, Avery, Mulciber, and Rosier. That was his lot in life, to live in the bloody dungeons with future criminals and there was no changing it…
He wasn't yet the Head of Slytherin who kept his students on a shorter leash than the absentminded and oftentimes negligent Slughorn who only favored students of influence and extraordinary talent. Very few of Severus' own students had become Death Eaters, unlike the near-entire generation that sprouted under Slughorn's nose.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sound of splashing water and gasps for air as Dumbledore fell backwards out of the Pensieve.
The Headmaster slowly looked up into his student's black eyes. That lighthearted, patronizing demeanor had obviously drowned under the weight of what Severus had offered.
"You...poor man…" Dumbledore whispered hauntingly as he looked into the eyes of a boy he now knew to be anything but. Disbelief and sorrow for innocence lost.
"Save it." Snape folded his arms and turned away from those wide blue orbs that stared up at him in disbelief.
"Severus, please." The Headmaster repeated those words which had left nearly irreparable cracks upon the mirror of his soul. Echoes of the night at the Astronomy Tower…
"I don't want your pity!" the younger wizard snapped back, his heartbeat beginning to accelerate at the reminder of that horrible night. "I remained loyal to you until the very end of my life and it cost me the oath you had me swear to uphold in her memory. One final betrayal of Lily Evans. You played me for a fool and demanded that I send her son to the grave!"
Severus shouted before the glass display case holding Dumbledore's Deluminator shattered and spread across the floor in a thousand tiny fragments.
Both wizards were startled by the sudden Reductor Curse that blasted the glass next to Albus. Finally definitive proof to the reborn Slytherin that Lily's theories were indeed correct. His magic was not gone...it had just become an uncontrollable force of nature. Hardly much better, for what good was power if it could not be controlled and reined in?
Fortunately, neither man was hurt by the accidental display of magic, and Albus quickly repaired the glass case as he had no-doubt done to the Gargoyle statue the night before. The Elder Wand was indeed capable of extraordinary magic to make such complex repairs to destructive curses look effortless.
As Severus took a few deep breaths, trying to temper the anger that literally blew up into a mess, his aggression retreated in favor of his usual stoicism.
Finally, Dumbledore's composure had returned, and he regarded the younger wizard with a newfound respect that was not reserved for children. His wrinkled hand softly came to rest upon Severus' shoulder.
"Clearly you and I have much to discuss…" he whispered warmly.
Author's Note: Once I started writing Viridi, I realized how vital it was that he reveal everything to Dumbledore as soon as possible and not waste time playing games. While my original intention with Tempus Vita had been for Severus to try and stay outside of Voldemort's Wizarding War, the plan had always been for him to stumble into it upon realization that even his inaction was going to make waves amongst his militant Slytherin classmates. So eventually, he'd reluctantly decide to trust Dumbledore again and would cast himself into the Order once more.
This, however, seems contrary to the fatalistic Slytherin man who seems to have zero regard for his own well-being and will go to any lengths for the mere memory of a woman who died over fifteen years prior. Of course he'd continue to see himself as a tool and wouldn't see this rebirth as the gift and second chance that it is. During Severus' conversation with Dumbledore in the next chapter, I have an exchange planned that will hopefully illustrate just how foreign a concept that even seems to Sev. It's so not an option that he doesn't even think about it.
This is the reason why I planned to rewrite TV into this new structure, because it gives a lot more time for everyone to breathe. If you actually think about how quickly Severus and Lily found one another in Tempus, it had to have occurred in the span of like...two weeks. That's an awfully quick turnaround for a man who believes he deserves no happiness, which I can hopefully handle in a much better way this time around. He has one goal. Only one. Obviously this will change and expand over the course of this story, but as TJ Jordan described in their awesome review of Chapter 7, this is the story of a man rebuilding himself. The first step in accomplishing that is the realization that he has anything worth rebuilding in the first place, which is an awfully tall order for someone who spent almost his entire 17 years of adult life as a depressed man with a death wish, with the only worth he saw in himself as being a tool for Dumbledore.
Another thing I decided to explore was a meeting with the Sorting Hat. A lot of these "Sev Back in Time" stories have him in some form of this type of scene, whether it be privately, or if Severus has gone back to his childhood prior to ever entering Hogwarts, they'll put him in another sorting with a potentially different outcome. I wanted to do this as well, but I'll leave the outcome of the Hat's decision up to your imagination.
As always, feel free to share your thoughts on the chapter! Reviews are always helpful!