Over the course of several hours, Severus sat across from Dumbledore and the two conversed. It was perhaps the most cathartic sensation since the time he and Lily were children. After all...riding the Hogwarts Express, being sorted and separated from her was a bittersweet feeling. Graduating from Hogwarts and taking the Dark Mark shortly after was the moment of his greatest shame. Sharing his memories with Harry as he lay dying in the Shrieking Shack only left a hole in his heart as he was sending the boy off to his death, betraying Lily's memory once again.
Even reconciling with her in this lifetime, healing as it might have been, did not compare to the feeling of being open and honest with the Headmaster. Because in the end, Severus knew that he had not been truthful with his childhood friend, and perhaps the day would never come that he could be.
However, as Severus filled in the blanks and details surrounding each of the memories he had offered Dumbledore, the tension and solitude that had been bursting at the seams over the last year...finally began to ebb.
"I hope you don't mind my asking, Severus." the Headmaster began, having entirely ceased calling him the more polite and formal 'Mr. Snape' once he was aware of the Slytherin boy's extraordinary circumstances. "What are your goals in this new life?"
"I should think that to be obvious, Albus." Severus joined Dumbledore in addressing his companion in a more relaxed manner.
The old wizard stroked his long, silver beard for a moment before nodding. "Hm...yes. I suppose the answer is obvious. You wish to be with Lily Evans, yes?"
"Be...with her..?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow. "Surely you don't think I'm that naive. My only goal...my only purpose in this second life is the same as it was once we first reached a partnership that night on the hilltop. The night I changed sides. It starts and ends with Lily's survival. Nothing more. Nothing less."
This time it was Dumbledore's turn to be confused. "But I...Severus...before you defected, you first went to Lord Voldemort and begged for him to spare Lily's life."
"I did." Severus nodded curtly, his previously relaxed demeanor tensing up once he realized what the Headmaster was implying. "Do you harbor some depraved idea that I had asked him to present her to me like a trophy? Perhaps keep her like a pet? Defile her mind with the Imperius Curse and have her as a slave to fulfill my every whim?"
Snape's expression quickly soured as he ran down the list of horrible possibilities that an outsider must have felt a Death Eater would turn to. But before the embers of his ire could burst into a flame, the boy simply cast his gaze downward to his lap.
"I wanted her to live. That is all. This may come as a shock to you, but after the night she cut me out of her life, I stayed away from her. I honestly wonder if she so much as recalled my existence during her happy life with James Potter and his bloody Marauders."
"I'm sure she did, Severus." Dumbledore insisted. "And I'm sure she mourned what had become of her friend. Anger and bitterness...two emotions that you are quite intimately familiar with. Believe it or not, they are quite fleeting and fade in the presence of such a loving environment as the one Lily called home."
Severus nodded slightly in agreement. Lily's emotional outbursts were always spontaneous and short-lived. If she was capable of holding a grudge for someone in the way that he had, she surely never would have married Potter in the first place.
"Which is why I must echo my future self...or should I say past..? I'm not entirely sure." Dumbledore lightheartedly quipped before his warm expression turned stony. "The idea that you would be okay with the death of the husband and the child, leaving the mother...the wife to mourn and suffer her loss..."
"Don't bother telling me that I disgust you again. I disgust myself!" Snape hissed, his voice dripping in self-loathing. "But what would you have had me do? Beg the Dark Lord to spare the child that was his very target? Perhaps show a shred of concern for James Potter, who was more than content in making my childhood a living hell? As if he'd give me an ounce of thought if the tables were turned."
"If I may, Severus?" Dumbledore interrupted. "He would. James Potter is brash. He acts without thinking of the consequences. He perhaps has too much aspiration for being the hero of his own story, and as a result, an inflated opinion of himself. A boyish sense of justice, ignorant of the weight behind the choices we make and the company we keep. But he is not one to wish harm upon those in need. And if I'm not mistaken, that is why he froze last night once it became obvious that your spirit had been truly broken. In that moment, you were no longer the untrustworthy foe with a penchant for the dark arts and questionable morals that his childish mind viewed as the villain. Instead, he saw you for what you are, Severus."
"A worthless fool?" Snape scoffed dismissively.
"A victim." The old wizard answered. "I understand Mr. Potter quite well because he reminds me quite a bit of the reckless boy I had once been."
Severus went quiet, obviously gritting his teeth hidden behind pursed lips. "A victim? What a joke. One that he so callously chose to keep pressing. Keep antagonizing. Keep instigating."
"And you were the one who escalated following that instigating, Severus. When James Potter was calling you names and grandstanded like a clown, you responded by slicing into him with your cutting curse. You fought back. You made it your personal mission to see them fall and it could have cost you your life last year in the Shrieking Shack had James not gone out of his way to save you from Sirius Black's horrifying attempt to get back at you.."
Before Snape could retort, Albus continued. "But while we're on the subject of antagonizing a victim, as you so eloquently put it, might I also ask why you thought it vital to take it upon yourself to frequently bully and humiliate two students in particular during your time as a Hogwarts teacher? I have a hard time believing that as intimidating a man as you grow up to be, that two young Gryffindors could possibly have deserved your unabashed scorn. Especially two boys with such tragic histories as Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom."
The reborn Slytherin remained silent, stewing under the astute accusations of his ally.
"Knowing what I know now, Severus, there certainly is a perfectly logical explanation for lashing out at the son of the man you hated, and the other boy who could have been chosen by the prophecy instead of Harry. I'm sure that a man with no jealousy or desire whatsoever for Lily Evans has another reason for so much spite?"
Sensing that he had made his point at the wilting posture of Severus Snape, Dumbledore breathed a sigh before raising his hand. "I am not here to judge your past sins, Severus. You paid for them with a horrible death. So I ask again. You do desire to be with Lily in this life, don't you?"
"It doesn't matter." Severus shook his head insistently. "What I want makes no difference to my only goal for this life. For her to be safe, and to one day live to see her son off on the Hogwarts Express for herself. Perhaps one day wake up to see what a fool she married."
Snape's features softened, a hint of sorrow in his eyes. "Besides...as you so shrewdly described...I do not deserve her."
"That's not what I was suggesting at all, Severus. As I just said, you paid for your sins. Shouldn't it be time for you to think about your own happiness now that the young woman you spent seventeen years mourning is living and breathing in the here and now? Shouldn't it be a worthy endeavor to at least try?" Dumbledore asked with growing exasperation.
"None of my happiness matters until I can ensure that she keeps living and breathing!" the boy snapped back. "Time is exactly the thing I cannot waste with meaningless distractions that will only end in failure."
"It's bold of you to assume that events shall play out exactly as they did in the past. Your worst memory did not come to pass...I also think it safe to assume that you shall not be joining the Death Eaters again. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, why do you write off the things that I can do to avert this tragedy with the valuable information you have shared? You think yourself the only one that can change things simply because you are the one who travelled a lifetime to come here?"
"I…" Severus stuttered, shaken by how quickly Dumbledore was adapting and taking control of the situation. A situation that almost anyone else would find to be utter codswallop.
"Once again, I ask and have yet to receive a real answer to my question. Lily Evans: the Mother Who Died, the girl who yet lives and the one that you cherish above all else. If the explanation that my dear, departed future self gave to you holds any merit, then your love for her is the reason you stand here today. Do you intend to let that love go unfulfilled once more without so much as trying to achieve happiness for yourself, Severus?"
"I'm far too old for her now. She's still a girl." Another excuse, another attempt to deflect.
"Really? Because in my eyes, the two of you are the same age, young Mr. Snape." The Headmaster answered with his trademark, playful cheek.
"You know bloody well what I mean, Albus!" Severus spat, desperate for a change of subject that Dumbledore simply refused to acquiesce to. His pale complexion had started to turn red over lingering so long on this issue.
"I wasn't entirely joking, Severus. For a man near his forties who has endured so much unimaginable pain, I've honestly seen students in this school who have more emotional maturity than you do. Perhaps those years of Occlumency and hiding your true emotions rather than learning from them has kept you the petty person that you were as a teenager? But since you are clearly so determined to dodge such a simple question, then I'll make an offer to you."
Severus' head rose in curiosity. In all his years of knowing Dumbledore, he'd never been offered anything besides a job.
"If you're too concerned about your age gap with Lily Evans to actually pursue your own agenda like the Slytherin you are...then I could simply Obliviate you."
The boy's black eyes widened. "What? Why?! Absolutely not!" he stammered in a panic. "What purpose would that serve? My goal is-"
"-The protection and survival of Lily Evans. You've repeated yourself enough, Severus." Dumbledore grinned knowingly.
"Obviously I haven't, otherwise your brilliant mind would never suggest something so foolish. My memories and experiences are all I have to ensure that happens with my magic as uncertain as it is!"
"Actually, in the chaos of everything you revealed to me this afternoon, I fear that I neglected to mention that I am intimately familiar with the complications you've had to cast magic. Especially since it's clear to me now that my ethereal, future self is the one who bestowed it upon you."
"Of course you'd be the one to curse me…" Snape groaned, though he was unsure of whatever method had been used. In all his years of studying Dark Magic and how to treat its effects, he had never come across any ailments like what he was now going through.
"Regardless, I will not tell you anymore until you have answered my pressing question. My offer to take away those horrible memories of a future that I promise shall no longer come to pass. It no longer needs to be your burden to bear."
"And I already gave you my answer!" Severus barked back with a scowl.
"I'm afraid that one way or another, your answer shall not be valid until tomorrow night, my young friend." Dumbledore answered the boy's hostility with a warm smile. "Such an important decision needs to be made after significant consideration. You have a whole day to spend thinking about it before the stress of those dreaded O.W.L.s are upon you again."
Dumbledore pulled an antique, silver watch out of the pocket of his robes. "My goodness, is it nearly curfew already? I had scarcely noticed the sun go down. Off you go, Severus. Students shouldn't be up after curfew."
Snape rolled his eyes, annoyed by the mocking behavior of the powerful, old sorcerer as he finally got to his feet. It was time to put on that grotesque mask for the benefit of his vile roommates.
"One last thing before you go, Severus. I think for the short remainder left in the school year, you are entitled to some privacy, away from the dungeons. Slytherin though you may be, I think that a dutiful staff member here at Hogwarts deserves their own quarters, would you not agree?"
Severus snorted, ignoring Dumbledore's attempt to patronize him.
"The third floor corridor houses a staff chamber, just two doors down from the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor. It has been disused for thirty years since the retirement of my dear colleague, Galatea Merrythought. I'll be certain to have the House Elves clean up the room and have your belongings moved there before you arrive. It's also the current location of something rather valuable to the school, but I trust your judgment, Professor Snape."
Tired of the constant little jabs of his former role juxtaposed against his ridiculous teenage body, Severus turned and left the Headmaster's Office without a word.
True to his word, Professor Dumbledore had seen to all of the preparations for Severus' private chambers before the man-turned-boy hastily arrived. The queen-sized mattress had its pillows freshly fluffed and all of its crimson sheets warm and clean. The nearby fireplace was dimly lit and crackling with a supply of burning wood.
"Cedar…" he softly murmured after a brief sniff, his hooked nose well-versed in all manner of natural scents thanks to decades of potioneering.
As Severus made his way towards the bed that would no-doubt be softer than the firm hospital bed that had confined him for the last two days, his keen reflexes alerted him to another presence in the reflection of the mirror as he passed it.
Sharply turning with his wand drawn, though knowing what little threat that would consciously pose to the intruder, Severus' eyes cautiously scanned the chambers.
Was there a ghost present in this room? Perhaps he had been stalked by Peeves on his way down the unfamiliar corridor? Had Potter decided to tail him thanks to that blasted Invisibility Cloak?
But as Severus turned back towards the mirror, his mouth parted in amazement. Standing at his side was a very familiar figure. As his eyes wandered across those copper curls, her thin lips curled upwards in a radiant smile, and those almond-shaped, emerald eyes...he couldn't shake the feeling that Lily Evans was a bit older than the 16-year old girl that he had seen earlier that day. She was taller, her figure more elegant, mature and ladylike. Her freckled skin had become a silky white, and she wore a well-fitting black dress: certainly not a color she wore often as a teenager. She still couldn't be older than 21.
His lips trembling, Severus Snape realized that he was looking into the fabled Mirror of Erised; a legendary artifact that he had never encountered during his previous life at Hogwarts. And for good reason. Staring back at him was the ghost of the woman who died that terrible Halloween night. The true Lily that he remembered, for whom that lingering desire for absolution had always burned. If he had found this Mirror during his previous life, he likely would never have moved from it again.
Severus' quivering stare lowered just a bit once he noticed that she was holding a sleeping baby. Potter's son...and Lily's. The boy that he nearly doomed in sharing the prophecy with a madman whose goals could never align with his own. The boy he had doomed with his final moments of that first life.
As Snape had always wished, Lily was alive, free to raise her child as she deserved to. Perhaps nurture some of her own traits in that infuriating whelp.
But as Severus studied the face of the black-haired infant...he couldn't help but notice that the mouth and nose were all wrong...and as he looked even closer, he discovered that the baby he was looking at was not a boy at all, but a girl.
Nor, for that matter, did the little one look anything like James Potter.
Desperately searching her face for a sign, Severus looked back up into those waiting eyes of Lily Evans. The smile that she gave him was not one given to a dear and trusted friend, like he always hoped that he would be. It was something else entirely. Something more. Her green eyes positively shimmered with adoration as she beamed at him in a manner that nobody else had ever given him before.
And as the Slytherin man stared into the reflection, totally dumbfounded by the mother and child in front of him, the reflection-Lily's mouth began to move without any sound.
Yet the observant former spy could read lips very well as he watched her silently whisper so as to not wake the baby, his black eyes wide in rapture at the beautiful woman before him.
"I love you, my Prince."
Author's Note: I've always envisioned Severus' relationship with Dumbledore to be one of a playful series of passive-aggression. Both men respect one another despite their wildly different personalities. And while the Headmaster probably never approved of the rather spiteful way that Sev would treat his students, I think a part of him realized that emotional immaturity just came with the territory. A big part of him lives in the past, regrets and bitterness mixing to form the man known as Severus Snape. And when so much of us lives in the past, it's often too hard to really grow up and move on, especially if we have as little good in our lives as he does.
Of course, Dumbledore cannot help but try to meddle in Severus' affairs, given the curiosity of a boy from a time beyond his own, sent back by his future self. He feels a bit of responsibility for this second chance not ending up like the first. And so he prods at the scabbed and wounded heart of that bitter man, trying to see if there's anything left that can be salvaged. Even makes him an offer that sounds absurd at first.
But now that Severus has seen what he has in the Mirror of Erised, could there be more than just absurdity to it?
As always, PLEASE continue to send in your reviews! The more of your thoughts you'd like to share, the better! It's always the treat that follows a day of writing.