"Did you find that display to be amusing, Albus?" Severus asked bitterly as he and Dumbledore arrived in the Headmaster's Office.
"Actually, Severus, seeing you staring at that mirror so longingly reminded me quite a bit of my own struggles with those reflections. And it also brought me a great deal of comfort seeing you react in such a way." Dumbledore said as he took the seat at his desk.
The young Snape sneered in disgust. "Comfort? It brought you comfort to see it tormenting me?!"
"It was a comfort that, despite all of your assurances and protests to the contrary, you are still a man. A man with hopes, dreams, and desires of your own, even if the tragedies in your life made you forget and bury them. You aren't a soulless tool who exists for one purpose. You're as human as the rest of us, Severus, and I'll not see you waste another life believing that you are expendable."
"Since when did you care about what happens to me?" Severus asked with a biting tone. "You were perfectly content treating me like that tool all in the name of your 'Greater Good' nonsense, leaving me in the dark about what your plans were for Harry Potter until it was far too late for me to tell you 'No'."
"I feel it is my obligation to be invested in your life and where it takes you this time around. After all, wasn't it my future self who sent you back to this era?" Albus asked with a knowing grin.
"Are you going to stop being cryptic with me, or was that just another misdirection that I should have come to expect of you by now?!" Severus spat.
Dumbledore nodded, closing his eyes momentarily to collect his thoughts.
"Tell me, in all your years of working together with me, did the subject of Gellert Grindelwald ever come up, Severus?" The old wizard asked, his blue eyes opening back up in curiosity."
"Never." said Snape, taken aback by the sudden change of topic. Of course, he knew of the legendary dark wizard. Even during the peak of Lord Voldemort, a man who would stop at nothing to achieve his own ends, the wizarding world could never forget the dark wizard who preceded him.
There was no disputing the absolute power that was wielded by Gellert Grindelwald. With only a small group of followers, the former owner of the Elder Wand had almost managed to topple every standing government in the entire wizarding world despite it being united against him. Voldemort, meanwhile, relied on his charisma to lure in the more prejudiced pureblood families to split Europe in two. Both were dark wizards with terrible feats, but none could argue that Grindelwald's were far more widespread.
"So you did not know that he and I were once...very close? Once upon a time, I might have even stood side-by-side with him in his bid to crush the Muggles and the Statute of Secrecy?"
"What happened?" Severus asked, shocked that Dumbledore, seemingly the very conscience of Hogwarts, could ever have been tempted by such a notorious foe.
"Much like you, my eyes were opened by a tragedy in my own life. Someone I loved was taken from me, and I spent years wondering who was truly to blame. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, you and I have much in common."
Dumbledore paused, taking a moment to give him a comforting nod of respect, a gesture that Snape was unsure of how to receive. Despite the trust that he and Albus shared in his previous life, there was no doubt who was in charge. It was less of a partnership and more of an understanding of the lengths that Severus would go in his attempts to attone. Never before had he been privy to any real details of the old wizard's personal life.
"Forgive me for putting you through that, Severus. You're right. It was cruel to make you come face to face with things that might shake you to your core, but that was precisely the point. I needed to be sure of my theories, and it took a full day to reach a conclusion. Quite some time for a wizard who has seen as much as I have in life."
"Meaning?" Snape asked with confusion.
"The nature of your ailment is something I gleaned from the memories that you most graciously shared with me. You sarcastically spoke of it as a curse, and...that was not far off the path of truth. I have never conceived the idea of using this spell in order to help someone." Dumbledore said as he stroked his long, white beard in contemplation.
"What spell?"
"The very spell I used to defeat Grindelwald. Ancient Magic from a time so long ago that history scarcely has pages written of it."
Dumbledore then reached for a blank piece of parchment, retrieving a feather quill with his dominant hand. After taking a moment to dip the tip of the quill into an inkwell,he began to draw a large image.
Severus' eyes traced along the path of Dumbledore's hand as the old wizard drew a distorted lemniscate, a rather basic symbol commonly known for infinite. But the drawing was distorted, the rounded ends curled upward, almost as if it were a heart.
"The incantation for the spell is Potentia Animus, and I heard those words spoken by my future self during your meeting in that white purgatory. There can be no doubt that you were hit by the same spell that defeated Grindelwald over 30 years ago."
"What does it do?" Severus asked, content to let Dumbledore explain as he gazed at the symbol.
"That, my friend, is a rather complicated question as the wizard who invented the spell died over two thousand years ago. I trust you understand that asking the man is quite impossible." Albus said cryptically. "The short of it is that it creates a permanent mark upon the soul of the target. Irreversibly changing and warping their magical core in such a way that it should be impossible to cast spells…It was used to defeat many a dark wizard during the more lawless times prior to the establishment of our wizarding government."
Severus' heart nearly stopped when he heard the old wizard describe the intended effect.
"What?!" he shouted as he rose to his feet. "Why in Merlin's name would you ever believe that such a thing would be appropriate to cast upon me?!"
Dumbledore shook his head. "Clearly my future self was in possession of some knowledge to the contrary, Severus. I would never place such a mark upon one whom I had high hopes for, but as you and I are well aware...you are very much still capable of casting magic. Which is why I needed time to dissect that information, and entertain other theories."
Snape continued to glare down at Dumbledore. Despite the fact that his anger should have been directed towards the ghostly Albus that sent him on his way, the living one sitting in front of him was the only appropriate substitute for that ire.
"Take out your wand, Severus. I want to see you cast the Patronus Charm that I saw in your memories. Show me."
Perplexed by Dumbledore's request, Severus nonetheless withdrew his ebony wand and prepared to cast the spell, knowing full-well that it was going to fail as all his other casting attempts had.
Still, bringing that precious memory to the forefront of his mind, the Slytherin boy closed his eyes. Taking himself back to a far simpler time, when he first saw her. Before Voldemort, before James Potter, before even Hogwarts school itself, there was simply the copper-haired girl who made him smile. Recalling that tight warmth in his chest when he grew nervous to approach her, but so desperate to make friends with that pretty witch just to hear that melodic laughter she let out as she played at the park in Cokeworth. Even when he was a boy...Lily Evans was his symbol that life could be better than the misery of his father's home at Spinner's End.
"Expecto...Patronum!" Severus shouted.
With absolutely no difficulty or resistance, the silvery mist burst forth from his wand before immediately coalescing into the shape of that tender and innocent animal. The doe pranced around the two wizards before coming to rest in front of her owner. Her wide, black eyes looked up at him with an innocence not unlike the sweet child from the mirror.
Severus' arm instinctively reached out to touch the doe on the side of her head. He hadn't lost her...no matter what had happened to his magic, the doe was still there with him. And that realization brought with it a comforting, warm sensation in his chest, right over his heart…
"How..?" Severus asked in wonder, petting the doe.
"How, indeed?" Dumbledore asked with a teary-eyed grin. "I suppose I should inform you that the Patronus Charm was invented by the very same wizard who created the soul-altering mark. A brilliant magical scholar by the name of Apeiron. And while much of what is known about him is lost to time, I will tell you that the incantation, Potentia Animus, was the foundation of his whole life's work.
"Strength of the Heart...it was the foremost ideal of his contributions to the wizarding world. One of the reasons why the Patronus Charm is such a singularly difficult spell for so many to cast is that it is cast not from the mind, but from the heart. And before his untimely death, it had been Apeiron's goal to create more spells of what he referred to as 'Heart Magic'. The reason being quite sound. Witches and wizards can cast spells by bringing them to life within our mind's eye. Our minds are powerful, yes. But our hearts...there are things in the soul that cannot be put into words. An almost infinite potential for unimaginable joy...but also, unspeakable pain."
"Why does your theory seem more certain than you let on, Albus?" Severus asked, finally taking his eyes off of the doe and looking into those twinkling blue eyes of the Headmaster again.
"Because while you were spending your day thinking about my offer, Severus, I met with an old friend of mine for the first time in decades. To see if he, too, had any observations on the Mark of Apeiron. I should hope that he did, considering that he is the only living recipient of it besides you."
Severus' eyes narrowed for a moment before widening back in realization. "You don't mean…"
"Nurmengard Castle. The prison of Gellert Grindelwald. It was an...illuminating conversation between two old fools who haven't spoken since long before you were born. But he, too, seems to not have been as permanently disabled in his magical ability as I once thought."
Dumbledore smiled as he looked into Snape's eyes. "I am more than willing to assist you in whatever capacity you deem necessary, Severus. If you wish to wash your hands of this whole ordeal, I'm content to leave you be. As I said, you've provided a lot of useful information to help in the war to come. However...If you wish for an ally in your fight against Voldemort, I would be more than happy to accept you into the Order of the Phoenix as a proper member this time. No more spying for you, I'm afraid. I doubt that Occlumency will be a particularly helpful skill for you to employ in your quest to reclaim your magic."
"My quest?" Severus asked, doing his best to follow along with the old wizard's usual, vague manner of speech.
"I'd wager that you're going to need to learn to cast all spells in the same, visceral manner as the Patronus Charm. Your magic has remained unpredictable and only shows itself during periods of raw, unchecked emotion. Hiding from it or storing it away in a trunk inside your mind will most likely do you no good."
Severus could feel the rage burning beneath the surface in response to this explanation given by the Headmaster. "Albus! I'll ask you again! What could possess you to believe that this would ever be a good idea?! I was perfectly capable of casting powerful magic on my own before you went and ruined everything. Why would it ever be okay to do this and ruin me?!"
With a sharp crack, the wooden wardrobe to the right of Dumbledore's desk suddenly caught fire as if it were struck by an Incendio Maxima. After shrinking a little at the sight of his outburst, Dumbledore calmly doused the burning wood with a conjured stream of water.
"That is why, Severus. I think it was one final gift from my departed future self to help you learn to accept and embrace your heart again. Perhaps...you might even become an even greater wizard than you were before should you become adept enough at navigating the joys and woes of a heart as expressive as yours."
"I'm leaving." Snape groaned, too tired to continue listening to anymore of the headmaster's sappy nonsense.
"Oh, Severus...before you go." Dumbledore called behind him. "We shall discuss more permanent living arrangements at a later date. It's hardly appropriate to force you to live amongst that crowd when you no longer share their faith in Lord Voldemort."
"Why are you so content in keeping them here?" Severus asked, beside himself. "They're going to be your enemies in just a couple of years!"
"Because of an upbringing they had no control over, nor say in. Would I punish the son for the sins of the father before he is yet of age to make his own choices? There may yet be another besides yourself who might turn away from that path, and I truly believe that it is our choices that make us who we are. Not our parents, not the house we sort into, or even the path that we first walk. None of us are beyond redemption...save perhaps Voldemort himself. I learned that today from my conversation with Gellert, and I am so grateful to you for helping inspire it."
Once Severus made his way back towards the Great Staircase under the cover of night, the quiet of the school made some noises more audible when not drowned by crowds of infuriating children. That ominous ticking of the clock tower being chief among them, and he was desperate to return to the sanctuary of his room on the third floor so as to flee from the constant reminder of time moving towards Halloween 1981…
Eventually, the Staircase decided to cooperate and at last allowed him to ascend to the quiet of the relatively abandoned corridor.
As he marched, however, Severus became aware of the sound of tapping, almost as if he were being followed by tiny, almost inaudible footsteps. In fact, they would have been totally inaudible if he weren't so keenly listening for confirmation that he'd escaped from that bloody ticking...
Despite his lengthy conversation with Dumbledore, there had still been over an hour for him to get some quick rest before starting the day. No student besides the Prefects should have been up and out of bed, and no matter who it was, they should not have made such dainty-sounding tapping for footsteps…
Unless he was being followed by a rat.
Pretending to be ignorant of the intruder's presence was a simple matter as Severus turned the corner into his cozy room, still lit by the gentle flames of the fireplace. While he was tempted to again look at the mirror and find comfort in the image waiting for him, that needed to wait.
As the furry, plump rat skittered into his room, Severus was ready, planting his shoe onto the creature's pink tail. What followed was a pitiful display to escape as it screeched and struggled, but the black-haired wizard drew his wand as he pressed down harder.
"You and I both know that tail isn't a part of you. There's an easy way to stop the pain. Change back into your true self, Wormtail!"
Once the rat morphed into the human form of Peter Pettigrew, the dumpy boy tried to charge out of the room only for Severus to grab his cloak. What followed was so unlike the restraint he showed during his time in Voldemort's service, when Wormtail had been gifted to him as a servant.
It took every ounce of control and Occlumency he could muster to keep from violently assaulting the wizard then, and without such things to rely on now, Severus shoved Pettigrew into the wall of his room. He raised his wand menacingly to stop the Gryffindor boy's escape, almost desperate to see what sort of spell his emotions might trigger this time.
"P-p-please!" Wormtail shrieked, dropping to his knees and groveling.
"Your snivelling will only make this end worse for you, Pettigrew." Severus said, his voice venomous with hatred. "Tell me why Potter sent his little pet to spy on me and I might let you walk out of here."
"N-n-not James…" the boy said, teeth chattering in fear. "T-they found out...said I'd go to Azkaban for being...an Animagus if I didn't do as they said s-see where you were staying at night!"
Pettigrew was reduced to tears of dread, wrapping his arms around Severus' thin legs before the Slytherin kicked him back to the wall.
"They..?" Severus asked, having a strong suspicion who the boy was referring to. Surely Wormtail had not followed him into the Headmaster's Office
"R-rosier...Mulciber...they caught me outside their dorms and said if I don't do exactly as they tell me, they are going to have me put away with the Dementors! I s-saw you at the Staircase on my way back up to the Gryffindor Common room and followed you up here as a rat. All I saw was you in this room, I swear!"
Pettigrew's wide eyes shot up to his attacker, shaking his head desperately. "B-but you know why I did it! Why we all did it! Remus needed help. Why should I go to Azkaban just to help a friend?!"
Severus sneered back with no empathy, placing his wand against Peter's cheek. "Is that what you tell yourself? The things you try to say to justify your cowardly methods of self-preservation? I suppose that you're willing to sell your own friends out if it means that you get to live another day?" he asked.
His voice was ragged with rage as Pettigrew stared at him in a mixture of confusion and fear.
Severus knew the only language this little cretin understood was fear. If the Slytherins had already begun the process of intimidating the rat into submission, then darkness was what this situation called for.
"Are you familiar with my spell, Sectumsempra?"
Wormtail's beady eyes widened more than ever before as his lips quivered, nodding his head.
"Of course you are." Snape said with a smirk. "You've seen your stupid friend get hit by it more than a time or two. Warning shots, I assure you, to leave me the bloody hell alone. If I so desired, that spell would do far worse than gash a person's cheek."
He softly rubbed the tip of his wand against Pettigrew's neck, savoring the fear that he saw in the disgusting boy's eyes. "What would happen, I wonder, if I nicked this artery with it? I'd hazard a guess that you would bleed like a stuck pig and die a very slow, agonizing death."
"P-p-please! I didn't do any-" Peter stammered before Severus shoved him back.
"Ah, but that is too quick, compared to a Dementor's Kiss. Or perhaps any punishment that a Death Eater could give. I need you to fear me more than the Dark Lord himself, you miserable rat!" Snape spat.
"So I'll share with you a secret. Are you also aware that Sectumsempra has a counter-curse of my invention? So long as the blade does not sever a limb, the wounds may be healed, no matter how severe."
Peter's shivering stopped, turning white as a sheet as he caught on to his attacker's implication.
"I don't care if you side with Rosier's little gang of prats like the coward you are. I couldn't care less if you grow a spine and remain loyal to Potter. However!"
Severus paused, his glare intensifying. When next he spoke, his voice was quiet and icy.
"Mark my words. Should the day ever come in your pathetic excuse of a life when you betray Lily Evans to the Dark Lord...know this. I will find you. I will cut you with my spell until you nearly bleed to death, Then, I will heal the wounds and force feed you a blood-replenishment potion. And I will do this every day of your miserable life until one of us dies of old age. A Dementor's Kiss is as nothing before my wrath, Pettigrew. Do you understand me?"
"Y-y-y-yesss!" Pettigrew squealed, and if looks could kill, the short, fat lad would already be dead.
But no matter how justified he may have felt in removing the weed that was Wormtail before it grew into something truly evil, Severus knew he could not help Lily from a cell in Azkaban. So after several minutes of holding Peter's cloak in a death grip, he released it.
"Go. I'm sure Potter is worrying where his little rat has been all night. Feel free to lie to him, not that it matters to me."
Not one to be told twice, Pettigrew bolted out of the chambers, leaving Severus alone.
The tension drained from his face at last as he looked towards the mirror that awaited him. The dark persona that was Professor Snape, a teacher that was never to be crossed...it was an exhausting mask for him to wear, even for his enemies.
But when he heard the sound of footsteps heading in his direction again, Severus sighed.
"Forget something, Wormtail?" he said bitterly. He was preparing for other ways to get his point across to the rat before Lily Evans surprisingly stood before him.
His throat ran dry as he looked into those green eyes and saw the anger within. Clearly Lily had not just stumbled across his new room.
"...How long were you listening..?" he asked, barely able to get the words out. Seeing those eyes...in this room...so close to the mirror which showed his ideal life...it disarmed him, leaving him scarcely able to think up an excuse.
"Long enough. Start talking, Severus. What the hell was that all about?! And why in Merlin's name did you threaten to torture Pettigrew?! What you just said was more horrible than the bloody Cruciatus Curse!"
He watched Lily fold her arms in abject frustration, waiting for an answer as she no-doubt came to her own conclusions by the second.
Severus stood beside himself. How much could he tell her? Surely the truth of his rebirth was too much for a girl of 16 to possibly understand, wasn't it? But as Lily began tapping her foot impatiently, almost in time to that wretched ticking clock...he knew that his only chance was to say something now...
Author's Note: There's an awful lot to unpack in this chapter, so I decided to cut it off to exactly where Lily left off and bring the two branching paths back together. Most importantly is the explanation of Severus' 'curse'. The Mark left upon his soul is the same as it was in Tempus Vita, but I decided to expand upon Dumbledore's own backstory and history.
It always seemed odd to me how two wizards, nearly equal in skill, could have a legendary duel that resulted in the victory of the one NOT wielding the Elder Wand. It's contrary to everything that we know about the Deathstick, so I decided to answer that question using my own plot device. It's a bit on the nose, to be sure, but the potential is there for a lot of character growth for Severus if he truly wants to learn how to cast his magic skillfully and properly again.