Chapter 1: The First Cut

It came suddenly, out of nowhere and without any warning. One moment she was fine, the next she felt terrible.

She was hit hard by hit.

It was during a dinner party when she first felt it. It was a strange time to be affected by such a thing, but then again, it chose no moment to strike. Sitting at the table and eating a well-made pasta mean cooked by Papyrus, Frisk sat on her chair, eating and listening quietly as Papyrus gleefully boasted about the deliciousness of the meal he cooked.

Smiling as she listened, she couldn't help but feel warm and happy at her life. This was her home and they were her family.

Looking around at the faces gathered at the table, Toriel, Asgore, Papyrus, and Sans, she couldn't help but feel her heart pump out with joy, knowing that they were her family. A family who loved her, made her happy, and would do everything to keep her safe. They may not be what a normal human would call an average family, but to Frisk they were the best family she ever had.

Love, fun, warmth, and care.

These were some of the many great things she felt whenever she was with them.

She had many great memories with them, memories she cherished and loved. She may be different from them, but she felt accepted as if she was one of them. She was comfortable with them, and they with her. She was glad to have chosen this life to be the one she would continue on, a life where she and them can be glad and happy.

But just as she was thinking about how happy they made her feel, a pang of something sour entered her mind.

You destroyed this happy family once.

She didn't know why she suddenly though of that, but having it her mind made her guilty.

Suddenly staring blankly, lost in her thoughts, she felt the pull of sadness pull at her heart, as images of another timeline filled her mind. There was nothing but death there, death that she caused. The sorrow she brought, the horror she showed, the remorse that she never gave. They all came back at her and it felt terrible.

Although having many great memories of her family, she also had many sad ones too. She had done bad things, terrible actions that she knew she couldn't forgive herself for. It's been five years since she received her happy ending, but now, as she sat there, she began to wonder if she deserved such a happy ending.

Ending her empty stare and turning her head, she looked around the table and glanced towards the faces before her, staring at who they are now, yet being plagued by images of their final moments in a long gone timeline.

Toriel…

Asgore…

Papyrus…

Sans…

She had slaughtered them once, showed them mercy and exterminated them. In a timeline long ago, she had did something to ruin the happy lives that they were enjoying, destroying the ones she had cared for and wreaking havoc through the underworld. Although that wasn't the case anymore, the tug of the distant timeline suddenly pulled at her.

A sense of great guilt and sadness filled her at that moment, as she searched the faces of those whom she did the unthinkable. If only they knew, if only they have remembered what she had done to them, would they act the same in front of her? They loved her now and treated her like family, but if they knew the truth of the past timeline, would they feel the same?

She was a killer, someone who murdered them all. The thought of the terrible deed brought great pain to her heart, but she could scarcely imagine the pain each one of them felt when she betrayed them. She wasn't the savior they knew today. No. She was far from it.

Ending her glance at Sans and allowing her eyes to linger on him, she felt her heart drop as she looked at the jokester skeleton.

He remembers. The voice in her head told her. He remembers your sins and judges you because of them.

Gulping and feeling her throat dry out, Frisk found it harder to breath as the thought that Sans was criticizing her entered her mind.

Sans knew her past actions, remembered the timelines they went thought. They had fought and she had one. She battled him and killed him. Just like the others.

But unlike the others, he knew and remembered.

He too had the ability to remember the previous timelines and there was no doubt he remembered the terrible things she has done, the slaughter, her killing them all. Feeling frozen as sshe stared, she wondered what was in his mind whenever he looked at her. Surely he couldn't help but remember that horrible moment, remember it just like how she remembered now. What happened then wasn't something that was easy to forget, nor was it something that was easy to forgive.

Did he hate her for it?

She had killed his friends, his brother, and later on, he himself. She had brought him more pain than she or him could have imagined. More pain a friend should have brought to their friend. She could barely think about it now without feeling guilt, so she wondered what he felt whenever he thought about it.

Anger! The voice in her head said. He feels anger for your sins! You were relentless in your attacks and you brought to much pain and suffering to him!

Hearing this in her head made her shake in her seat, as her gaze wavered and soon looked away from him. No, she was having trouble looking at Sans without thinking such things.

Did he really hate her?

Of course he does! The voice told her. Who wouldn't? He hates you more than his allowed to show! You destroyed a timeline that could have been happy! You destroyed everyone!

Feeling lightheaded and sick, she knew that the words that hit her were true. She did destroy that timeline, and she brought so much pain by doing so. Heartbroken at this thought, she felt even more shattered, knowing that Sans knew her crime and hated her for it.

Feeling guilty and broken because of this, she hang her head low in shame, as she ignored those around her.

Finding it hard to stay in the same room with them without shattering in her own pain, she decided to excuse herself from the dinner, telling Toriel that she felt sick and was having a stomach ache. Then, getting off of her chair and heading out of the dining room, she quickly made her way upstairs, her eyes watering at the thought of her past's sins.

They probably wouldn't even miss me… She thought as she went up. They'll enjoy the dinner whether I'm there or not.

Entering her room and locking the door behind her, she plotted herself on her bed, burying her face on her pillow as she allowed the tears and cries that she held back to finally flow free. Shaking uncontrollably and overfilled with sadness, she just laid there on her bed, soaking her pillow with her tears as she grieved on the death of her family in the previous time line.

It was all because of her and she knew that she, nor they, could ever forgive her.

"Why where you so stupid?" She managed to cry out between burst of tears. "Why did you have to choose that path?"

She was a terrible person, someone who didn't deserve the life she right now. For years she had laid easy here, thinking that her struggles her over and the she can now live in peace. But now, she began to realize how wrong she was.

People like her don't deserve peace. Nor did she deserve the life she had now.

She could have had this life long ago, in another timeline, but she changed that and now she was not worthy of having it anymore. She let go of the opportunity of a wonderful life when she tried to make another, and there were no take backs. She can't allow herself to enjoy this life, not anymore. This was for the sake of those she killed, for their memories, for their vengeance. If she really loved them, then she should not allow herself to enjoy a life that she did not deserve.

You must punish yourself. The voice said, as it spoke up once more. Honor your memory by making a mark that you will never forget. A mark that would serve as a symbol of your sins!

Nodding as tears still fell, she shakily got up from her bed, sniffling as she made her way up and onto a table on the other end. There, she glanced to look for something, but quickly found and grabbed what she was looking for.

Returning to her bed and beginning to cry again, she held a box cuter firmly in her hands, staring at it with her hazy sight. Clouded by tears and urged on by what she knew was the right thing to do, she slowly moved the cutter closer and closer towards her wrist, as she presented the soft vulnerable skin.

This was what she had to do, she knew this was the only way. She did not deserve a happy life, not after what she had done. She must receive punishment, a way for her to remember the terrible things she done. She must suffer and this was the only way. She must feel the pin that they felt, feel the hurt which she brought.

Lowering the sharp edge onto her skin, she pressed the blade and allowed the steel to make the cut.

The first cut.