Disclaimer: I don't own Undertale
Trigger Warning: Selfharm/Suicide
A.N. I can't seem to stop writing heartbreaking Undertale stories. I cried all through this. It's largely inspired by the animation of the vocaloid song "Don't Go". If you search on youtube for Don't Go Undertale and look for the publisher O nion , you'll find it. But I cried a ocean watching it, and cried a ocean writing this.
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You're 14 when you realize you've fallen in love with your best friend. It takes until you are 16 before you bring up the DETERMINATION to tell him.
"sorry frisk," he saids in a quiet, deadened voice, no smile across his face. The lack of the normal endearment sends your heart to your feet, but the way he says the next words and turns, walking away in the snow, makes the red bleed from your soul.
"some days i can't even like you."
And as Sans moves out of sight, the other who had been in your mind, so quiet, starts laughing manically, and as if a parody of how the red left your soul, it returns to your eyes.
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nandemonai to kuchi o tsugunda
It's nothing, I thought to myself.
hontou wa chotto ashi o tometakute
The truth is, I want to stop those footsteps for a moment,
dakedomo kimi wa hayaashi de sutto mae o iku kara
But you're gliding forward with such quick steps
boku wa sore o mitsumeteru
That I simply watch.
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Now you are the one in your head, laughing, because laughing was better than crying. But you are crying too, and the red eyes drop tears against Chara's will, a chilled smile on your face.
You never notice Papyrus watching you from the distance, and if you had, you weren't sure you could care.
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saishuubin kimi wa noru boku o oitette
On the last train, you board, leaving me behind,
hashiridasu yukkuri to jimen ga zureteiku
Gliding away. Slowly, the ground slides away.
naicha dame naicha dame
Don't cry. Don't cry.
demo hontou wa iitai yo
But the truth is, I want to say out loud,
"ikanaide"
"Don't go."
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At home, Chara slips out a knife. You lived on your own now, despite only being 16- being an Ambassador allowed you certain freedoms. But as Chara slips into the living room, they pass the mirror, and the red eyes bring you back.
You remember the red scarf on the ground, and the look of hate in Sans eyes, at the end, and you scream. And then its you, and you feel your LV ping. Your head goes dizzy and you notice you are bleeding, and its been a lot.
You drop the knife, rushing to the bathroom. You find yourself cleaning the wound, except its furious, and injuring you more. Your LV pings again, and Chara's voice is muted. You had never gained LV before, and you thought that maybe that was where you went wrong.
You bandage the wound, and try to clean the blood from the cream carpet, but the stain doesn't fade. When Papyrus visits you next, it seems normal, but when he asks about the stain on the floor, you just tell him its im-pasta-ble to get spaghetti sauce out of carpet.
He freaks out, as you knew he would, and you are never so glad that you wore sweaters, even in summer, because it hid the blood stained bandage. You smile and joke, but its tight and painful.
You don't notice as his eyes linger on the stain, shadowed, as he says goodbye.
When he gets home, his mood is subdued.
"what's up bro," Sans asks.
"THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE HUMAN . . . " Papyrus says in a solemn manner, his eyes far away as he remembers the stain.
And he doesn't see his brother's eye glowing blue as he watches Papyrus go up to the room, his shoulder's slumped.
"i'm sure she's fine," he says, fingers twitching.
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matsuri mo owareba itsumo to onaji
When the festival is over, everything'll be the same.
kawaranu yoru ga kurunda to shitta
The same night as ever would come, I knew that.
dakedomo kimi wa itsumo yori zutto iroppoku miete
But you looked so much more alluring than usual
boku wa sore o mitsumeteru
That I simply watched.
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You didn't visit much, anymore, and when you do, you feel unwanted, because Sans seems as if he hadn't even realized you were gone.
Your LV grew as the scars along your arms did.
It's another night like that, where you can't even taste the spaghetti anymore. You only felt heartsick and empty.
And you are so tired, so very tired.
You don't know that Papyrus notices as Sans walked away dismissively, and you flinched. You don't know how insightful he is, when hug him and he leans over to hug you closer, and you tell him you love him, and to take care of Sans.
So it makes no sense, that its Papyrus that follows you silently. You carefully cut your arm from wrist to elbow, your soul floating grey in front of you. You couldn't do it anymore, but you promised Sans, no more resets.
You wish you had said goodbye to Sans, as your LV dings one more time, and your HP slowly fades. The knife in your hand drops and hope these buttercups that filled your garden could take you to where-ever Asriel was. You wanted your brother again.
Papyrus flinched when he read your stats, wondering who you had killed. But when he saw the scars littering your arm, and watched your LV ping as you dealt yourself the final blow, he wouldn't let your HP go away- You needed your hope.
He healed you, and hugged you as you sobbed. He tried to make you promise not to do it again, and you refused. He attempted to make you promise again, and you refused.
"PLEASE.. DON'T . . I BELIEVE IN YOU," he said, crying too now. You nod into his shoulder, and promise.
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jikan dake ga sugiteiku boku o tsuretette
Time alone is passing, carrying me along.
kaerimichi kurai keredo hitori de daijoubu ka na
The way home is dark, but I guess I'll be okay by myself.
gaitou ni terasarete kage ga dekiteiru
The street lamp shines on me, making a shadow.
hitoribocchi sa
All alone.
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You try to keep your promise, you really do.
It's a regular jog in the morning, because running until your legs hurt was sort of enough. You catch a glimpse of a familiar figure, and because you are high on adrenaline, turn to wave at Sans.
You never notice the bus coming, but it clips you, hard. And as you stand, in quiet acknowledgement that your LV has gotten so high with that aborted attempt that nothing but yourself causes you damage.
As you lift your head, a hateful glowing blue eye watches you, and you flinch as Sans shortcuts away.
Papyrus looks up from his cooking as Sans stalks in, freezing as he repeats the words he denied before.
"there is something wrong with the human," Sans says, and it sounds dangerous.
"YES . . BUT I BELIEVE IN THEM . . !" Papyrus says, trying to stay optimistic. It obviously fails, and the mood plummets, as Sans turns away, trying to hide the blue eye from Papyrus.
"well i don't," he snaps.
Papyrus watches him for a long moment, having caught that, before turning away to stir the bubbling pasta.
"WELL THEN.. " he says. "I AM VERY SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY." And stops talking to Sans, no matter the prompting.
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tooku eto kieteiku boku wo oitette
It fades out of sight, far far away, leaving me behind
kanzen ni mata kondo yoru ga nijindeiku
Completely. Once again, the night spreads itself out.
naicha dame naicha dame
Don't cry. Don't cry.
demo hontou wa iitai yo
But the truth is, I want to say out loud,
"ikanaide"
"Don't go."
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You sit in the garden, bleeding out, your LV maxed. You couldn't make yourself look at the wounds, so you dropped the knife, letting your sleeves roll down, and hold your arms close to yourself.
As you sit there, the blood soaks into your sweater, your skirt, the prettiest ones, because if you were going to die, you wanted to feel a little special. The scarf around your neck wasn't Papyrus. It was simply store bought, and still had the tag on it. It wasn't even knit the same.
But you hoped that Papyrus could read the apology in it. He was the only one that cared to notice.
You more feel than see Sans flash in, and stand, wobbling from blood loss. If you were going to go, it was going to be with the little dignity you had left. As you turned, and he took in your blood stained outfit and the knife by your feed, you giggle bitterly.
"Papyrus.. I broke my promise.." you told the missing brother, tears falling. A snarl emerges from Sans, and the fight scene initiates, your grey soul coming out. He hadn't even seen it when he releases a Gaster Blaster at you.
Your HP was almost gone anyhow, so you stood there and accepted it. It did less damage than you though, but you only had abut 5HP left anyhow. You didn't know how your soul could be pure enough to not die immediately. You had broken your promise.
You wept, but smiled at Sans, who sends another blast at you. A wall of bones rocket up, and Sans drops, heavy. Papyrus is there, crying.
"YOU PROMISED , HUMAN . . !" he said, rolling up your sleeves, the scars and wounds exposed. Sans watches stunned, as Papyrus starts healing you.
Your hope, HP, dwindles faster than his healing can keep up. "I'm sorry Pap, it hurt so much." you said, weeping.
"DON'T GO, FRISK . . " he pled, as your HP hit below decimel points and his fingers trembled in fear.
"I'm sorry Pap," you apologized.
"TRY TO RESET . . .!" he begged. Both Sans and you are stunned. Because he had remembered, all this time, and never stopped believing. The sobbing is real now, but your HP is so weak you can't even do more than cry.
"I promised Sans.." you told Papyrus, real grief in your eyes.
And for a long moment, he closed his, orange trailing down his face in pained tears, before he opened them, DETERMINED.
"WELL . . I DIDN'T ."
He tenderly places a skull kiss on your lips, and while you gained LOVE, you gained love. Then before anyone can stop him, he's somehow accessed your Menu, and slaps his gloved hand on RESET.
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naicha dame naicha dame
Don't cry. Don't cry.
demo hontou wa iitai yo
But the truth is, I want to say out loud,
"ikanaide"
"Don't go."
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You wake up in a field of buttercups, a child again, and tearstains on your face.
The knowledge you are loved fills you with DETERMINATION.
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A.N. WAAHH ;A; I think this one may be a collection of one shots if I can bring myself to work on it. I wanted to share it, regardless