Chapter four

Molly gently and slowly moved back from Harry, wiped his face with her apron, then took his hands in hers.

'I want to tell you something Harry, something Arthur and I have never told anyone, not even our own children.'

'Okay.' Harry said as he stared into her eyes.

'When Ginny was sixth months old, I found out I was pregnant again, with twins, girls this time, but because of what was going on, the stress just got too much and I lost them.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be sorry Harry because it wasn't your fault. We all know it was his fault but now, since you killed him there are families, lots of people out there now ready to have babies, lots of babies and you did that for our world. It might not help with the pain you feel right now, but you are giving people a chance to start having families, to start making new lives for themselves.'

'I didn't do it alone.'

'We know, we all helped, Ron and Hermione more than most. But it was you, the chosen one that ended everyone's suffering, now it's time to end yours. He's dead, now your parents, Sirius, Remus, Nymphadora, Fred, every one of them can rest in peace because he is finally gone from our world and you brought that about. Now Minerva said you don't want to talk, that's fine, you don't need to. Just let your family, this family that has been with you for years, let us be here for you, let us help you deal with your pain. You've got all the time in the world now to do that, heal, rest and learn to live with what has happened in your young life. Will you let your family help Harry, help you while you heal?'

Harry stared at Molly Weasley, then at everyone else before he finally nodded, but again never said anything.

'Good, now I need to see your chest. Minerva explained what happened and Poppy said you left before she could finish making sure it healed. So come on, off with the shirt.'

Harry heard Ginny, Ron, George and Charlie laugh softly, 'You're part of the family Harry and you know you can't stop mum when she's like this,' Ron said.

Harry sighed, then slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open to loud gasps from everyone.

'Blimey, doesn't that hurt?' Charlie asked.

'A bit,' Harry shrugged.

'You need a potion, stay there and leave your shirt opened.'

'Can you tell us why you made it bigger? It was half that size before you took to it with a razor blade,' Hermione said.

'I needed to change it.'

'You didn't want it shaped like your other one?' Charlie asked as he sat next to Harry and very gently touched his large red scar that he could see wasn't healed. Everyone stared at Charlie wondering what he was doing and why Harry just sat there.

Harry shrugged, 'It was a reminder.'

'A reminder of what?' Charlie asked but instantly felt Harry tense, 'You don't have to tell us if you don't want to.'

'You're family, but I can't.'

'Do you want Hermione and I to tell them Harry?' Ron asked and got a small nod from Harry, but his mother walked over to him and handed him a potion, 'Expect that to taste like shit mate.'

'I'm used to it,' Harry drank the potion, 'Thanks.'

'You'll need that every day for a week. Now I'll finish getting lunch and you are going to start eating Harry, because you are much too skinny.'

'Now what is this that Harry meant, a reminder?' Arthur asked.

'We explained what a horcrux was, after hearing Harry say it to Voldemort that night,' Ron saw Harry flinch, 'Sorry, I'll say him or something. Anyway, we said he made six, but he made seven, Harry ended up being the other one. Harry never knew until that night. After getting that memory from Snape, Harry watched it and found out. So he went into the forbidden forest to die because he realised while he lived, so did… you-know-who. Harry never knew he would survive, he thought he had to die. But the killing curse he used on Harry destroyed the piece of soul, but actually kept Harry alive. So his chest had another lightning shaped scar, but it reminded Harry that he kept you-know-who alive, kept him here.'

'But also it was a reminder of what Harry lost,' Hermione saw Harry nod, 'His parents, Sirius, Remus, Fred, Dumbledore, Dobby, Hedwig. The one on his head, well he has lived with that all his life, this new one was just too much for Harry to deal with, so he cut it, changed it.' Hermione said sadly.

'That must have bloody hurt doing that Harry,' Charlie said still staring at his chest.

'Not really, I'm good at blocking out pain,' Harry went to pull his shirt together.

'No, leave it open Harry, it needs to air to get at it.'

'You can't eat with this.'

'We'll deal with it, do what Molly said Harry, she was a healer.' Arthur saw Harry nod but watched him as he looked down at his mother's diary.

'Harry, if you went into the house, did you go into your old room?' Hermione asked.

Harry nodded again, then put his hand into his pocket and handed Hermione the locket.

Hermione stared down at the large G, then turned it over, 'Godric Gryffindor.'

'What it's it Hermione?' Bill asked.

'This is what…' Hermione hesitated, 'what he was going to use that night. Dumbledore told Harry he wanted something from the four founders, but the sword of Gryffindor is the only thing around and it was missing until Harry pulled it from the sorting hat. It looks like he found something. But it's almost identical to the one that belonged to Salazar Slytherin,' Hermione handed it to Ron.

'Yeah, it is, what are you going to do with it?' Ron looked over at Harry as he handed him back the locket.

Harry shrugged, 'Don't know.'

Everyone realised Harry just wasn't going to say much, at least not for a while. So they started to talk amongst themselves, but always glanced at Harry who mainly stared down at his mother's diary. Hermione could see her parents looked a little confused, so she knew she would have to explain why Harry was like this.

After everyone had lunch, with Harry mainly picking at his food and only ate a very small amount. Bill and Fleur stood up ready to head home to Shell Cottage.

'Um, soon, can I go to your place to see Dobby?'

'Anytime you want Harry, you know the way,' Bill said kindly before hugging his parents and leaving with his wife, then Percy also left.

'Just so you know Harry, I've got Percy's room ready for you to use. We thought that small room of Ron's was just too small for two young men.'

'Thanks,' Harry said and again that's all he said but kept staring at the diary but occasionally tugged at his shirt like he wanted to close it.

'I sent word to Kingsley that you're here. Aberforth let him know you left his pub but didn't know where you went,' Arthur said but all Harry did was nod.

'Harry, I thought you should finally meet my parents, you know I've told them a lot about you over the years,' Hermione said softly as she took Harry's hand.

Harry looked up then over at Hermione's parents, 'You look like your dad,' Harry stuck his hand out and shook both the Granger's hands, 'Nice to meet you.'

'It's a pleasure to meet you young man and yes, Hermione does look like me.'

'Can we come in Arthur, Molly?' Kingsley called from the door.

'Yes, of course Kingsley,' Molly opened the door to let Kingsley and two aurors step inside.

Harry turned and pulled his shirt closed, 'Leave it open Harry, you need to let the air get to it.'

Harry sighed, but moved his shirt aside again, but picked up his mother's diary and held it as he stared down at it.

'You had everyone worried Harry, why did you disappear from the hospital?'

Harry shrugged, 'Just had to.'

'After leaving Aberforth's, he went to the house, Minerva talked him into coming home,' Molly said.

'From what Albus said, part of the roof is down in there, it could have been dangerous.'

'It's not bad, just my room,' Harry never looked up just kept staring at the diary.

Kingsley looked at Molly and Arthur who shrugged, 'That's Harry's mother's diary, he found it in the house,' Arthur explained.

'He found something else out, something about his mother,' Hermione said quietly, then put her hand on the book and Harry let her take it. She opened the page and handed it to Kingsley but noticed Harry instantly took a long drink.

'I'm sorry Harry, I heard rumours that your parents were planning on more children, but we never knew she was pregnant at the time.'

'Twin girls, I would have had sisters,' Harry stared down at the table then pulled at his shirt again.

Kingsley walked over to Harry with his two guards staying right behind him, then made Harry turn and look at him before kneeling down, staring at his chest.

'We saw the memory you left in the pensieve,' Kingsley looked into Harry's face, 'Aurors are known for their courage, you're not an auror even if you want to be one. You're still a boy really, only seventeen. So tell me Harry, how did you find the courage to do that, to walk to your death, for us?'

Harry stared into the dark eyes of his friend, 'I was so scared, not of dying, death has never scared me, but I was scared for all of you. We know what he would have done to all of you that was left back at the castle if we failed. I used to see it, see the blood, the torture, I heard the screams. He would have slaughtered all of you, anyone that supported me,' Harry reached up and wiped the tears that had started to fall down his face. 'I hoped dying would give you the same protection my mother gave me. She sacrificed herself and her unborn daughters to save me. I wanted to make her proud of me, for all of you to…to,' Harry lowered his head as his hands started shaking as he grabbed back his mother's diary and put it to his chest, 'She should have let him kill me, he gave her the choice to live. He said move aside and you live, she wouldn't. Why would she do that, not save her daughters?'

'You knew him more than I did Harry, if she agreed to move, he would have killed you then he would have killed her for the only reasons she was your mother and a muggleborn, nothing would have stopped him. You were the one that was meant to stop him, the chosen one, the one the prophecy said either had to die at the hand of the other. It was meant to be Harry, you were meant to kill him and save the world.'

'Maybe,' Harry looked down again, 'How do you live with the things you see. I've seen so much death, so much torture, too much blood. That's all I see when I close my eyes, blood, like I'm drowning in it. I hear screams inside my head, all the time, screams of his victims. How do I go on with all that because it's deep in my very soul?'

'With time, with people that care about you, but mostly, with help, you can't do it alone Harry, no one can. My wife listens to me every time I go home with news of what I had to do or see that day. She's heard me say I've killed, she never judges because she knows it's my job, so she just listens. That's what you need, just to have people to listen. Right now you might not want to talk, then don't, but sooner or later you will have to or all you've seen, all you've heard, everything you were put through, it will get to you. If you don't talk about that, it can destroy you, destroy your very soul and the good in your heart.'

'Do I still have a good soul, he shared it for so long?'

'You have a very good soul and you know why I'm positive about that,' Kingsley gave Harry a smile who shook his head, 'If you didn't, you wouldn't have cared if he slaughtered all of us. A person with a damaged or bad soul only cares about themselves. You were literally going to give up your life for us, for all of us. Not just for your friends, not just for the Weasley's, not just for Hermione and Ron, but for every single person, wizard, witch, squib, muggles, creatures, house elves, giants, dragons, merepeople, hippogriffs, centaurs, owls, unicorns, even little things like bowtruckles. Do you hear what I'm saying Harry Potter, you are a hero and you have a very pure and good soul, never doubt that my friend.'

Harry kept staring at Kingsley and knew everyone was staring at him. But hearing Kingsley's words gave him hope, so he's mouth turned up in the slightest of smiles, the first one he's had in weeks.