Chapter nine

Molly with everyone else ran towards the bathroom, 'Let me at him Charlie,' Molly moved her wand over Harry's wrist, 'Ginny, the dark red potion in the small bottles, get me two, hurry,' Molly shouted, then slowly moved the towels off before moving her wand over both wrists.

'Here,' Ginny shoved two bottles into her hand.

Molly poured both potions into Harry's mouth before doing her charms again. Everyone else stood around the bathroom door watching and waiting, then they heard Harry's small gasp of breath but remained unconscious.

'That was close,' Molly said panting heavily, 'Charlie, get him into bed, but we might need to change our mind about a specialised healer. It seems everything it just getting to him right now.'

Charlie lifted Harry into his arms then headed to his bedroom, Hermione opened the door and pulled the covers down. Charlie gently put Harry on the bed then took his glasses and his shoes off. No one said anything they just watched as Charlie took care of Harry, then lay beside him pulling him into his arms.

They slowly walked down the stairs, 'He needs help, he can't do this alone,' Alice said.

'Ron, contact your dad, get him to tell Kingsley what happened, he'll know someone that's trustworthy that hopefully Harry might listen to.'

'He won't talk to him, maybe if we can get Charlie to be a bit more serious, then Harry might talk to him,' Hermione sighed.

'We could try, we have to do something or any little thing is going to get to him,' Molly sighed then took the bloody towels into the bathroom.

'I'll just go clean the bathroom,' Ginny said then headed up the stairs.

'Was he ever depressed before Hermione?' George asked.

'There were times, nothing like now though. Usually we could all get a smile or the occasional laugh out of him.'

'Quidditch always cheered him up Hermione, maybe getting a game going will be good for Harry,' Ron said, 'Dad's contacting Kingsley and said for now make sure Charlie or someone is always with him. He also said Charlie should even go into the bathroom with Harry, his depressing is just too strong right now.'

Up in Charlie's room, he kept running his fingers down Harry's cheek, 'We had an idea Charlie,' Ginny said from the door.

'Tell me, because I have to do something to help him.'

'That you get a little more serious, stop with telling anyone what you do in private, no sex jokes at all. Harry does like you Charlie, we can all see it, but he's not ready for your strong personality. He's had serious his whole life, he doesn't know how to cope with someone that makes fun of everything, that's so casual about whatever subject comes up, especially something that is personal. Harry's always kept his personal life to himself.'

'Okay, I'll do it, change so he'll give us a chance to get him through this. But seeing him before, there's no way he could handle being an auror, not for a hell of a long time.'

'Think of this though, maybe concentrating on auror work, going out there and catching anyone dangerous could help. He could see that as stopping another Voldemort before they get too many supporters. I'm not talking about now, but maybe six months or a year from now. Before though, I don't think it was what was being said, that didn't help, but it's inside him right now, all these confusing feelings, painful memories, so one little thing and his not handling anything.'

'Thanks Gin, this has given me a lot to think about. I've never had to deal with anyone else before, it was all casual, nothing serious. Now I've got the chance at someone I've wanted for so long, but if don't get through to him, I could lose him.'

'I'm sorry,' Harry's weak voice said.

'I'll leave you two alone,' Ginny said then left closing the door behind her.

'Well, you should be, but is that why you're sorry, hurting yourself?'

'No, I'm sorry for hurting you.'

'Sorry for hurting me, but not yourself,' Charlie sighed, 'Do you know I've loved you for a long time and it's killing me to know you won't let me help.'

'Don't love me, people that love me get killed,' Harry turned his head, 'Sirius loved me, I'm sure my parents did, Dumbledore did.'

'It's different now, he's dead, the war is over Harry. I'm not going to die, please trust me and believe that it's safe now,' Charlie turned Harry's head back, 'Give me a chance to prove it to you.'

'If,' Harry chewed on his lip, 'Okay, if I try, you have to promise me something.'

'Anything, just tell me what you want.'

'That you won't die.'

Charlie sighed, 'No one can promise that, but you know what, I'm going to promise that, I…will…not…die…I…promise. So now will you bloody well talk, about everything?'

'To you, no one else,' Harry moved his head until it was against Charlie, 'I don't know how to handle all this. One minute I'm okay, the next I want to die. I want to be with you, I want to be alone, but I'm scared to be alone, then I'm scared to be with people. I hate it when it's quiet, then I hate the noise. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I'm so scared Charlie, scared of everything,' Harry gave a small sob, 'Please, help me,' he buried his head in Charlie's chest and cried.

Charlie wrapped his arms around Harry, 'I'll help, I want to help.'

Outside the door Ginny was using some extendable ears, when she heard enough she walked downstairs.

'First Charlie told Harry he loved him, Harry told him not to that people that love him die. Charlie said it's over now that he won't die, but Harry wanted a promise from him. He wanted Charlie to promise not to die, even though Charlie said no one can promise that, he did, he made that promise to Harry. Finally he said he'll talk to Charlie but no one else. Then he started talking before he broke down,' Ginny sighed then sat down.

'Did he say anything else?' Hermione asked.

'That he's fine one minute and wants to die the next, he scared to be alone then he wants to be alone, he hates it being quiet, then he wants it quiet. He doesn't want to eat even though he's hungry, then he said he was scared, of everything. Over the last few years he was always so strong, tense but strong, capable of handling anything, some dangerous situations, but he was fine.'

'He lived with that life for so long that he knows how to handle that, but it all stopped so suddenly and he doesn't know what to do, how to cope. Let's hope now he will talk to Charlie,' Molly sighed.

Hermione kept thinking about Harry's life, it went from one extreme to the next in a heartbeat, will he be able to cope with that. Ron always saw Harry as a strong person, right now he wasn't strong at all. Ginny had seen Harry defiant in the face of death, now he just looks so defeated. The three friends all sat there lost in their own thoughts of Harry, one thought they all shared, they hoped Charlie could get through to him, to bring Harry back.

Just before dinner Charlie and Harry slowly walked down the stairs, everyone glanced at them, including Kingsley and the two aurors. Harry kept his head lowered and sat down, but kept staring at the table.

'So are you going to tell me why you tried to kill yourself?' Kingsley asked.

Harry shrugged, 'He's not coping with anything Kingsley. It doesn't matter what gets said, he's just not handling anything.' Charlie explained.

'You need to speak with a specialist healer.'

Harry shook his head, 'No.'

Charlie could see Kingsley was frustrated, 'He said he'll talk to me and he has been, so let's just leave it Kingsley.'

'He's talking to you and said he would talk to you, okay, is that a promise you can give me Harry?'

Harry slowly lifted his head but kept chewing on his lip, 'Yes.'

Kingsley sighed in relief, 'Good and since I know you keep your promises, that makes me feel better.'

'Why?' Harry asked softly.

'Why what, I have to know what you mean.'

'Why are you so concerned about me?'

Kingsley gave a small growl of frustration, 'Okay, first, you're my friend, I don't want anything happening to you, you bloody git,' Kingsley saw Harry's mouth turned up slightly, 'Ah, a smile, about time. Okay, second, even though I don't really give a shit what people think of me, if something happened to you, they would want my head on a stake.'

Harry's brow furrowed, 'I don't get it.'

'Mr. Potter, Minister Shacklebolt will be blamed if you, the saviour was to die and he didn't prevent it from happening,' Malus said.

'It wouldn't be his fault, it's no one's fault, just mine.'

'The people wouldn't see that Mr. Potter, they would just see the new minister, who is a friend of yours, let you die, their hero, the young man that ended their suffering,' Terence said.

'I'm not a hero,' Harry said softly as he looked down again, 'I don't know what to do, I used to know what to do, now I don't, not with anything.'

'Yes, you're life Harry has been tense, full of danger, fighting and suffering, then it stopped, all in the space of a few seconds. You've got a whole new life now and you're not sure how to live with it. Tell me something, did you ever suspect that you would survive this war?' Kingsley asked.

Harry shook his head, 'I always figured I'd die, I was ready for that.'

'Yes, you were, so you see, you went from expecting to die to living and you don't know what to do, how to cope with such a big change. You're a fighter, but right now there's nothing to fight because it's inside you, it's your feelings and your emotions inside you that is causing all your problems. So right now is the time to learn to live with this new life. You're here with your friends, with your family, with Charlie. Relax, be normal, snog, shag if you want, fly, play quidditch, sit and read, sit and be bored if that's what you want. Don't think about anything serious, just find some inner peace, something you've never had before.'

Harry stared over at Kingsley, 'Sounds good, sounds easy,' Harry shrugged then lowered his head, 'We did shag.'

Charlie chuckled, 'That we did, but you just surprised me admitting it and in front of everyone.'

'I have to stop living in the past, thinking if I talk I'll get hit,' Harry shrugged.

'When Hestia and Dedilus was listening to the wireless and heard he was dead at your hands, do you know what they did?' Kingsley asked.

Harry lifted his head, 'No.'

'They made the Dursley's listen to what was being said. What everyone was saying about you, what you were being called, how you were thought of and respected. Hestia said there were times she wanted to curse then, but when they heard what happened at Hogwarts, your relatives actually turned white and looked like they were going to pass out. They were worried that you might turn up and curse them now you were of age and ended up killing Voldemort. Dedilus had to say something else as well, he told them that your godfather came from a very wealthy family, when he died he left you everything making you very wealthy. Dedilus who as you know is a pretty calm man, not really a fighter. He said he felt like hitting your uncle because he got the greedy look about him. They both said that no one will let them get on knut from you not that you'd let them.'

Harry's mouth turned up, 'I'll have to thank Hestia and Dedilus for that.'

'We talked about that Kingsley, I said I'd like to go and tell them how Harry is respected, Harry just wanted to forget the past, maybe just tell them he was rich.'

'They know that now, but Harry, you can't just forget the past. You can learn to live with it, talk about it so you can put it to rest. But trying to just forget, to push it aside, to bury it, it won't work and will keep coming back to haunt you when you least expect it. So the Dursley's, Voldemort, death eaters, Umbridge, Quirrell, all of that needs to be talked about, then and only then will you be able to put your past to rest.'

'He is talking Kingsley, we talked about the Dursley's before,' Charlie glanced down at Harry who was running his fingernail back and forth along a grove in the wood.

'Can you tell us what you talked about?' Kingsley asked.

Harry shrugged, so Charlie answered, 'I was telling Harry how I was a skinny little runt when I was young, but working with dragons I had to build myself up. Harry said he noticed my body when he saw me the first time, before the triwizard tournament. Finally he told me why he was always so small and skinny, apart from being starved by that lot. They used to lock him in the cupboard under the stairs, sometimes for days he'd be in that small dark space, no light, no sunshine, no exercise, just stuck there. That basically stopped him growing like he should have, it stunted his growth,' Charlie stopped Harry's finger, then picked up his hand entwining their hands, 'So hopefully now he can put the weight on his should, fill out like he should,' Charlie put Harry's hand to his face and their eyes met. They just sat there staring at each other while everyone else stared at Harry and Charlie. Hearing what Charlie said shocked them, but it explained why Harry was small when they first met him. Now things will be different, he can eat when he wants, go outside in the sun when he wants, he can sit and do nothing if he wants. Now is the time that Harry can finally have a life like any other young man. He had Charlie, a man that loved him. He would get Harry to see that he would get that, get a normal life.