Hakuji (why did his name feel strange?) didn't wake screaming, but that was mainly due to shock.
Because he remembered.
He hadn't remembered in so long, but now…
Why did he remember?!
Why did he remember everything?!
For the first time since he'd become a demon, his breath caught in his throat and he couldn't seem to get enough air… He couldn't breathe!
The fact that he couldn't see anything but blackness didn't help! Was he blind? He was blind! How was he blind?! He should have been able to heal that! His eyes didn't hurt so he shouldn't be blind!
"Akaza," a calm voice said firmly, "you're panicking. You need to calm down."
The voice had spoken to him… Was that his name now? Yes… but no… He didn't know!
"Akaza…"
The voice wasn't wrong, per se, but it certainly didn't help. It wanted him to calm down. He already wanted to calm down. Now not being able to made him feel weak and guilty (why did he feel guilty? He shouldn't be guilty… should he?). His chest only hurt more, and he quickly came to the conclusion that the only reason he hadn't died was due to him being a demon.
After a couple of seconds, the voice spoke again, sounding worried. "Okay, I'll take that off, but you need to listen to me for a minute, okay?"
And suddenly he could see again.
It didn't help as much as he thought it would because he was in a cell.
Why was he in a cell?!
"Akaza! Take deep breaths, not the shallow ones! Here, breathe with me. In, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four, out, two, three, four. Again. In, two, three, four…"
He couldn't seem to actually focus on anything but that voice so he did as he was told, forcing his body to follow the voice's instructions. After a little while, he managed to calm down enough that he could breathe normally again. That was when he looked over to see the face of the boy… the boy who he'd just fought… Why did he…?
"There you go," said boy smiled brightly through the bars… of the cell? Right… Was Akaza (Hakuji?) imprisoned?
"Where… am I?" he asked, surprised at how rough his voice sounded.
Another smile. "Safe, if you'd like."
The demon snorted in hysterical derision, looking around at the cell. A wooden slab for a bed, some blankets, a pallet and one of those new western-type pillows – which made no sense. He was a demon, he didn't sleep… well, not often. "It doesn't look safe."
"Yeah," the boy (Kamado, right?) rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and looked away for a second. "Sorry about that. I took off the paper that would make you see something else, hoping that would stop the panic. But we had to put you here because this was the place you could do the least amount of damage if you lashed out."
Well… he supposed he could understand that, but still…
"Why am I even alive?" he asked.
Kamado blinked at him as if he couldn't understand the question. "Do you know what happened then?"
It was Akaza's (Hakuji's… this strange echo – almost as if another personality was fighting for dominance, even if he couldn't actually sense or feel one) turn to look at Kamado, incredulous.
"Why didn't you kill me? You're a demon slayer, isn't that what you do?" The Waxing Moon had tried to talk to slayers in the past, but that was all he usually got. 'You're a demon, so you need to die!' It had really only become worse over the years – almost a religious mantra that the demon slayers lived by.
He really shouldn't be alive right now.
The boy's eyes cleared. "Oh! Well, something happened to you and we were curious and… I don't really know what, but something stopped me."
The Waxing Three stared at him for several seconds. "Something… stopped you."
"Yeah," Kamado said. As if that were the most natural thing in the world.
"Aren't you a Hashira?" he asked.
"Yup!" the boy replied.
Akaza (Hakuji) shook his head. "You treat… I just… how?" he asked, still incredulous.
The boy blinked, then opened his mouth and pointed at his enlarged canines. "I get it," he said. "More than you know."
This… was just getting more confusing. Hakuji had never – no, Akaza had never liked confusion and was seriously contemplating tearing the whole place down around their ears. No matter where he was, it shouldn't be difficult – although he'd have to wait for night-time, as he could feel that the sun was still out, even if it was on its way down.
That sense didn't feel as strong as usual, though… huh. Something he could look into later (when his entire life and all understanding didn't twist and turn like branches in a particularly strong wind).
He rubbed his temples and shook his head (demons weren't supposed to get headaches!), looking up at the boy through his eyelashes. "I thought you weren't a demon."
"Oh!" Kamado said, smiling sheepishly, "That! Well, due to a combination of circumstances – one of which involved a particularly strange final form of a Demon Blood Art, I'm more or less slowly turning into one… though not a conventional one if Tamayo-san is right."
The Waxing Moon felt his eyes bulge. "Tamayo, the traitor?" he asked. So… that's where he was – her hideout? He wasn't quite sure what to think of that.
The boy just stared at him in curiosity (and a little wariness – at least he had some self preservation instinct). "And if I said yes?"
Hakuji (Akaza) opened his mouth to tell him he'd tear the house down around them and take her head back to Muzan-sama… except… he didn't want to say it, for some reason. He should if only because he was a Waxing Moon… he should want to even… but he just didn't. That raging demon bloodlust he'd used for centuries simply wasn't there.
What?
Before he could say anything else, a new, bubbly voice spoke out. "I'm back, Tanjiro! I got Tamayo-san!"
The boy smiled over to Akaza's (Hakuji's) left. "Thanks, Mitsuri," he said.
With that, three new figures came into view. The first was the human girl with pink hair. Akaza (Hakuji) had never seen anything like it on a human. Strange, because it wouldn't be all that uncommon in a demon… Hmm.
The second figure was also a very pretty woman by human standards, he supposed. Nothing compared to Koyuki—
Nope. He was not going to let himself go down that line of thought right now. He had too many other things to think about. Far too many things. He could figure himself out later. (Although he hoped that 'later' came very soon because it was not easy to think around Hakuji's thoughts – they felt so natural and he didn't want to really consider the implications of that.)
Akaza looked to the third figure, but they remained on the other side of Tamayo and he could only really sense that they were a demon. He couldn't get any more information at the moment, so he turned his attention back to the two women.
"So," he said to the older looking woman. "You're the traitor Tamayo."
She didn't so much as flinch, although the demon beside her finally made an appearance. Light green hair and angry, purple eyes that looked about ready to tear him apart stuck his head out to glare at the Waxing Moon. He briefly wondered, out of sheer habit, if the kid would actually fight him and give him a decent one.
However, the boy didn't speak.
The woman did. "I am," she said.
Akaza (Hakuji – he really needed to figure that out) opened his mouth to go into how doomed she was and how he'd return her to Muzan-sama – if he forced himself to start in, maybe everything would return to normal – but the pink-haired girl spoke before he could.
"Why does he look different, Tamayo-san?"
The demon frowned. "What do you mean, 'different'?"
The pink-haired woman stood straight, looking taken aback. Tamayo, on the other hand, only raised an eyebrow. "Yushiro," she said calmly, "please fetch a small mirror for our guest."
The demon boy by her side immediately straightened. "Hai, Tamayo-sama!" he practically yelped and rushed down the hall. Well, that was an interesting relationship.
That he would focus on later.
"In the meanwhile," Tamayo continued, eyes focused on the Waxing Moon, "I'm supposing you haven't really looked at yourself."
A ball of dread rose in Akaza (because he is Akaza, not Hakuji) and despite himself, his breath caught in his throat. No, he hadn't really been paying attention to anything about himself before except for the fact that he wasn't dead. After all, nothing about him had changed in centuries so why should he care?
He purposefully made sure he didn't gulp as he slowly looked down at his hands… and the pit in his stomach exploded. Or it may as well have. His hands looked… normal. Human normal. The blue stripes he had grown so used to all over his body were gone, except for the original three bands on each arm. His dark blue fingers had been replaced by regular flesh tones – the kind of tones he remembered from his…
"What have you done to me?" he asked, feeling the panic from before creeping back in.
"Nothing," Kamado started, but the traitor cut him off simply by speaking – her soft voice, somehow loud in the dungeon-like area.
"You did it to yourself," she said calmly. "By eating his hand." She gestured with her head to Kamado, who seemed just as surprised at that as Akaza (Hakuji) felt.
"What?" both of them and the pink-haired girl asked at once.
The woman smiled, seemingly satisfied. "Kamado Tanjiro's special circumstances brought about the opportunity for his body to create special cells that have come to be in response to Muzan's own demonic cells. Tanjiro's here have mutated just enough to make him a very different demon than the usual. And they spread through demonic cells faster than Muzan's can keep up. When you took them into your body, they began to change you."
Stunned silence met her words.
"Essentially, you are no longer under Muzan's command. You're under his." She said that with far too much gratification as the boy by her side paled. The girl looked shocked, gaze going between Tamayo to Kamado and back again.
"Tanjiro stole a Waxing Moon?" the girl asked, disbelieving.
"B-but… I… don't… wait…" Kamado stuttered out. "You're saying that any demon that eats me will… become my demon? I don't want to have any demons!"
Tamayo's expression gentled as she turned to him. "Tanjiro-san," she said, "you can rescue them."
The Waxing Moon didn't quite know what to think of that. Part of him couldn't help but be offended because he didn't need to be rescued! He was strong!
But part of him – likely the Hakuji part – seemed to weep in relief.
Which really just ticked him off.
Apparently the boy agreed.
"I don't need to rescue anyone if Nezuko can help turn them back into humans!" Kamado protested.
"I don't want to be a human!" Akaza (just Akaza) stood and yelled. "Humans are fleeting and weak and temporary! My strength is eternal!"
The other three turned to look at him, the older with contempt, the second with confusion and the youngest with pity. He hated all of them.
"Nothing is eternal," the traitor said calmly. "Especially not Muzan or any of his ilk."
"You dare say his name?" Akaza hissed.
The woman just raised an eyebrow, looking amused. "I'm pretty sure you can right now, too. Without dying, even."
Did she really expect a demon as old as he was to fall for that? Seriously?
"Will he die if he says my name?!" Kamado asked… in concern.
This boy made no sense.
At all.
Whatsoever.
When Tamayo looked over at him, her expression softened again (how revolting). "I don't believe so, Tanjiro. Not unless you wish it, in any case."
Akaza felt his blood freeze at that and his gaze turned to the boy, who looked about as horrified as he felt. The pink-haired girl too, for that matter.
"Why would I do that?!" Kamado asked, as if the thought would have never crossed his mind. A part of Akaza began to relax a little.
Tamayo just smiled wider. "I thought that might be your answer." The pink-haired girl seemed thoughtful while the boy looked a little shocked at that, but then Kamado shook his head.
"Why would you think I could do that?" he asked this time, sounding almost hurt.
The woman shrugged. "Because Muzan can."
Silence.
"Wait," Kamado looked pale again, "you think I'm—"
He stopped as steps came down the stairs and the demon boy (Yushiro?) appeared at the bottom, a small mirror in hand.
"Tamayo-sama!" he said, rushing up to her and bowing. "Please forgive how long it took! But I have the mirror!"
The demon woman smiled again and nodded at Haku—Akaza. "Show him."
"It really doesn't matter," the Waxing Moon insisted, hoping he sounded more nonchalant than he felt. He really didn't want to see his reflection right now.
"How dare you refute Tamayo-sama's kindness!" the boy practically shrieked. Before he could launch himself at the cell bars, though, Tamayo spoke tiredly.
"Yushiro."
The boy immediately froze. "Yes, Tamayo-sama!" he said.
Funny… even though she seemed to have this boy's loyalty completely and utterly, she almost looked like she didn't want such attention. Muzan would have demanded it.
He mentally kicked himself for such traitorous comparisons and banished the stray idea to the back of his mind.
"Um… Tamayo-san," Kamado spoke again, shuffling nervously. "What exactly are you saying about me?"
She blinked, and then smiled at him again. (The demon kid didn't seem happy with that, but didn't say anything – jealous much?)
"Tanjiro, your mutated demonic cells are superior to Muzan's, so Kanroji-san is correct: you can essentially steal his demons from him. They will be beholden to you."
"But I told you, I don't want that!" the boy insisted just as Hakuji shouted, "That's not true!"
The woman turned a cool expression on the Waxing Moon. "Really?" Then she turned to Tanjiro. "Can you sense what he's thinking?"
The boy looked about ready to throw up. "No!"
Tamayo frowned as Akaza let out a breath of relief. He did not want to have Muzan-sama's negative attention on him, and being 'beholden' to another demon (half-demon? Almost demon?) would most certainly do that.
"Really?" she asked. "Nothing at all?"
Kamado didn't answer, wide eyes fixed on Tamayo. Hak—Akaza felt his stomach drop. Somehow, he didn't think the kid was much of a liar, and thus chose not to say anything at all… Which implied…
"Tanjiro?" the pink-haired demon slayer asked, looking a bit pale herself.
The boy glanced between them for a second, then shot a look at H—Akaza, almost as if to apologize (which was stupid! Akaza didn't want an apology) and the boy's shoulders slumped.
"I… can sense his emotions – what he's feeling and the condition his body is in. If… if something were cut off or stopped working… I'm sure I could tell."
And then he squatted down, letting his head fall into his hands. The Waxing Moon just stared in a sort of shock.
"Oh?" Tamayo sounded interested – and vindicated, the traitorous witch. "What is he feeling right now?"
Kamado frowned, but then seemed to fall into something resigned as he took a deep breath. "It's… complex. He… you–" he turned to the demon in the cell. "You don't believe us. Or… more like you don't want to believe us. You still mostly want to be loyal to Muzan. Though I don't know why."
"Because he's strong!" Akaza growled, his fists at his side. "Stronger than anyone. Stronger than most people can dream of being. And most certainly stronger than you," he spat at the kid.
Tamayo scoffed. "And the fact that he gained that strength by running away from anyone who remotely posed a threat for almost a thousand years?"
Akaza felt the world sort of stop for a second before he shook his head. "No… you're lying."
She scoffed again, this time sounding somewhere between pitying and amused. "I've been around for about half that time, give or take a couple of decades." That was too nonchalant… somehow he knew she knew exactly how old she was, but didn't really care to tell him. "I have hated that man since I remembered what he made me do – what he allowed me to remember, just to see how much it would break me."
She took a breath.
"Tamayo-sama," Yushiro said quietly. She nodded at him subtly but turned her eyes right back to the Waxing Moon and went on.
"He succeeded. For the longest time, I had no hope. But then, Four hundred years ago, he met the first breath user. That man had to chop off his head and target a minimum of five brains along with multiple hearts – and that is the only reason that coward got away. I watched him squirm and run because he was too cowardly to actually face the man himself.
"So don't you dare tell me that monster is anything but a sadistic coward."
From the definitions he'd heard only a couple of days ago, she'd described Muzan to be exactly that. (Was that where Kamado got his definitions from?)
Akaza couldn't wrap his head around it.
The demon who had always seemed so… so untouchable…
"She's not wrong," Kamado said quietly – surely. "All he cares about is his own existence and how much he can hurt other people to fulfill his sick pleasure quota while he sends other people out into danger in his place. You can't tell me you haven't noticed, Akaza. I know you're not stupid or unobservant."
He had noticed… but it was up to any leader of a group to delegate. It was only smart.
And yet…
He remembered when Douma hadn't been Waxing Two… how there had been a group of Pillars who had cornered the former Waxing Two and Muzan… Muzan had come out of it alive.
No one else had.
Muzan, at the power he boasted, should have been able to handle it. Without even breaking a sweat. He should have been able to get both him and his servant out of that situation…
So why had he run? Why had he left his former Waxing Moon behind? (Not that H—Akaza was complaining because he'd much rather be Waxing Three than Waxing Four, but it was still a valid question.)
The demon shook his head. It felt so wrong to think that…
And yet, he'd always known it.
He'd just never allowed himself to really entertain that train of thought because Muzan could read their minds… (Something he also didn't like to dwell on.)
Still, it didn't matter. He couldn't turn his back on Muzan… for one very important reason.
"So, what?" he finally asked, not caring how much he growled it out, letting his own anger fill that emptiness where the demonic anger had been only days before. "I should just leave him behind? Become a rogue like you? You who has to sit and hide and pretend that your days aren't numbered?! Do you think he'd even let me go without a fight? He'd hunt me down – send multiple other Kizuki after me – fights that would be underhanded, difficult and dishonorable to say the least! I certainly couldn't stop him as I am now. Could any of you?!"
He predicted a bunch of protests or weak persuasions. Instead, he got another pitying look from Tamayo. The pink-haired girl turned her head away in shame. Yushiro watched him with a blank expression and Kamado…
Kamado just looked sad.
"What do you want?" the boy asked.
"What?" Hakuji asked, taken aback.
The boy rose to his feet and tipped his head to the side curiously. "If Muzan died today and you were not affected, what would you do? What do you want to do? Surely you don't actually want to fulfill that man's sick, disgusting desires for the rest of eternity."
Haku—AKAZA! Akaza found himself unable to answer… because he'd never thought about it. Never allowed himself to think about it – it had been too dangerous to think about. (And he hated the fact that Kamado's question brought to light the fact that Akaza did not want to be subservient to that man's whims for the rest of his existence – the rest of eternity.)
"I… want to get stronger," was all he said.
Kamado smiled. "I understand that. But why?" He sounded so genuinely curious.
Again Hakuji couldn't think of anything to say immediately. "Why… wouldn't I?" he asked. The idea of not getting stronger felt so foreign to him. Even as a human that had been his goal.
But then he'd wanted to take over his Master's dojo and teach… like his Master had.
Did he still want that? To teach? Because he obviously couldn't take over any dojo… But who would he teach as a demon?
So… why did he want to get stronger?
To show up Douma? Sure. Although that would likely take a long time and far more meals to achieve. And eventually he'd like to challenge Waxing One as well. That was, of course, assuming that he could catch up with those two.
And after that?
Muzan himself?
Just… just to prove he was the strongest?
He once again felt as if the world had been turned upside down… and sideways.
And Kamado just stared sadly at him. "You don't know… do you."
Once again, the world froze…
And he was done. Done with the situation. Done with Kamado. Done with the traitor…
"You don't know anything!" he yelled.
And with that, he was done talking. He took his usual stance and angrily called out: "Destructive Death – Compass Needle!"
He'd take all of them out. Now.
"NO!" Kamado yelped and Akaza felt something in his body clench against his will. His punch was… much slower than he'd wanted it to be – than he needed it to be. He couldn't move as fast and thus it wasn't as powerful as usual! Why couldn't he move as fast?! He barely dented the bars.
He may or may not have panicked as the pink-haired girl took out her sword – a whip-like thing that he would have found interesting at any other time – while Yushiro ushered Tamayo away from the cell.
He didn't care. He'd bring the entire building down on them anyway!
"Blood Demon Art: Shockwave Generation!" he called out almost desperately and hating himself for it.
"Akaza, stop!" the boy pleaded. The Waxing Moon brought his foot down and it felt like he was pushing his legs through molasses. The ground still shook when his foot landed, and it still cracked… but that was it.
That was it!
That should have brought down the entire structure around them! But it hadn't! He couldn't fight like this!
(And that scared him more than anything else that had happened so far.)
"What did you do?!" Akaza yelled, rushing forward (slowly, far too slowly) and reaching through the bars to grab the brat by his haori. The boy backed up out of reach, but otherwise he just stared at the demon with large, wide eyes.
From down the corridor, Tamayo the traitor laughed. "Do you truly not understand? I'll say it again. You. Are. No. Longer. Muzan's! Kamado Tanjiro is your demon sire now. Consider it an adoption of sorts when you tried to eat his strength. Just as Muzan can control demons' bodies to a point of destroying themselves—"
"I'm not destroying anyone! I would never!" Kamado yelled, panicking. Akaza could relate.
His mind kept screaming, 'No! Not again!,' because someone younger and seemingly weaker had come along and utterly overtaken the Waxing Three. Just like Douma. All the strength he'd worked so hard to acquire and he couldn't even use it!
He backed away from the bars, unable to keep the fear from his eyes because he had just realized what this boy could do to him… that the woman was right. He no longer answered to Muzan. His new overseer was nothing more than an inexperienced boy…
Akaza let out a sort of hysterical laugh.
Because he'd been forcefully recruited to one side – by his own actions even – and it wasn't the stronger side.
And now he was in a weaker position than he'd been in… centuries.
"Akaza," the boy said softly, walking up to the bars again.
The demon shook his head, suddenly utterly terrified.
The boy winced. "Please… don't be afraid of me. I won't hurt you—"
Akaza laughed again, just as hysterical as before. "Even if we ignore everything else, you're still a demon slayer! Of course you'll kill me if I don't fall in line!"
Kamado, to his credit, clopped his mouth shut and looked away.
"Not like that," he finally whispered. "Never like that. Please… just don't hurt anyone for now."
Another laugh escaped the demon. What choice did he have?
Had it always been this bad? He'd felt so free as a demon under Muzan… but he hadn't been. And he'd known it. He'd fooled himself so thoroughly and these people had just brought that entire illusion down. He had no delusions as to what would happen if he went back to Muzan now… even if he brought in the traitor's head.
It hurt – so badly – to admit it, even just to himself, but… he'd never really been free. He'd always thought he would be able to power through anything he came across – that the rules of the world didn't apply to him. But he'd been merely subject to another set of rules. And despite all the power he'd gained, he'd never been truly strong… had he? As long as he was Muzan's demon, he couldn't catch up to the demon king's strength. It wasn't possible. And even if it was, Muzan wouldn't let him. He was a slave… and he had been since he'd accepted Muzan's offer.
And now wasn't any different. He'd always been too weak. With his father, with Koyuki and his former Master, under Muzan… he'd been too weak then and he was too weak now. He'd only traded masters.
What do you want? Kamado had asked.
He wanted to live with Koyuki – he wanted to take care of her. She'd been so weak and yet… and yet she'd been stronger than him; she'd been forced to be just to keep living. Her strength had been different from his… and was something he'd never be able to gain as he was now.
He wanted something he could never have…
He'd never noticed how useless his entire existence was before…
But now that he remembered…
All Hakuji wanted to do was cry. And Akaza, for all his power, wasn't strong enough to stop him. He managed to suppress the sobs, but he couldn't stop the tears… and he hated himself for it.
Kamado must have noticed because he shifted back and forth uncomfortably.
"Um… there will still be a guard, but… we'll, um… leave you alone. Mitsuri?"
The pink-haired girl looked a little lost, but she nodded and followed the others until they were all out of his sight. She was still there, out of sight, and hadn't sheathed her blade… but they'd left him alone.
As he finally allowed himself to fall to his knees, he wasn't sure whether he felt ashamed or grateful… and somehow thought it might be a little of both.
xXx
AN: Thank you again to TimeLordTim, Found and Quathis for beta reading and allowing me to bounce ideas off of them. :)
Discord: discord. gg/TQxEBuhVjK (no spaces)