Loyalties:

Mass Effect Trilogy is a Bioware game. For any reference to the Official Game All rights are owned by Bioware. The Fan Fiction "Mass Effect At Dawn Again" is fruit of my imagination and my work, it is a free tribute, passionate and personal to a great video game. It is not allowed any use partial or total for profit and not.

Chapter 47

Free Will

… The lifeless body of the Illusive Man lay on the floor, in all its reassuring stillness. We both stared at it, through your cold, cautionary eyes, silently. However, the fulfilling feeling of relief was short-lived. Soon replaced by the great sense of exhaustion, which was radiating into your body, and through your senses, was reaching mine.

I sensed an unmistakable weakness, oppressive and painful that made your arms heavy, sucked the energy away from your legs, and hunched your back, as crushed by an increasing weight. The pain in my flank had also become inclement, and I was no longer able to guess how much it depended on your wound, and how much it depended on what Karin was probably still doing on mine.

Nevertheless, our minds had suddenly become lighter. Gently satisfied in their mutual merge and finally freed from any malicious, poisonous slag generated by Harper's attempts to take over us. We could again feel our thoughts floating from one to the other, with satisfying easiness, freely.

It was a nice feeling, but marred by the awareness we couldn't give in to fatigue nor be delighted by the pleasant numbness of our senses due to the Perfect Fusion. However, we absorbed the beneficial and the positive effect of that, and welcomed it deeply, as a precious gift.

[I was sure you'd stop him. You were great!]

I let a sincere and caressing thought flow softly, full of gratitude and trust. My mind satisfied with the sweet thrill of your immediate response.

[I'd never have made it, without you here... inside me!]

It was then that a subdued sigh of pain diverted your attention, and mine. Your gaze flashed upon Admiral Anderson. The man, hands gripping the edge of the console, was struggling to remain standing, with what was left of his heroic willpower, now worn out.

You clenched your teeth to defend yourself from the gloomy grip of apprehension raged in your stomach, and forced yourself to take some quick steps in the direction of the man, as in response to a silent call. You grabbed his arm, straining to ignore your own painful exhaustion and offering him your shoulder. Just in time to prevent your friend's legs from giving way, making him fall to the ground, like an empty shell.

"C'mon, Anderson, I'm gonna help you. Here... sit here!" You told him thoughtfully, skillfully smothering a grunt of pain. The trembling of worry that was stirring in your voice, however, seemed much more difficult to hide.

You prayed mentally not to fall, while helping him to sit on the ground, as comfortably as possible. The man was breathing hard. He remained stiff, back resting on the low circular platform in the center of the floor.

"Well done, child!" He said with approval. "Hmm, thanks!... But go now... you just have... to open the arms..." urged in a more feeble voice. He gave you a weary look of encouragement, while he spoke. The Admiral stared at you with dull eyes and a poor-concealed grimace of suffering, which persisted like fog over his haggard face.

You nodded back respectfully, forcing your legs to move. The console was waiting a few steps away from you, but it seemed miles away. However, when your fingers finally reached the terminal, they began to move around the controls with apparent ease.

[Come on... here we go!]

I developed within you a thought rich in expectation. Our minds overflowed with the echo of every single word. The wait was short. A few simple instructions were enough to start the Station's arms opening sequence.

The huge circular walls began to move all around, with a dull noise, revealing the terrestrial globe to our sight. It appeared embedded, in the dark, teeming velvet of the surrounding space. Wrapped in the blanket of white clouds of its dense mother-of-pearl atmosphere. The Planet stood out in pain, like a wonderful creature in agony. Perpetually set on fire by the blazes of a crucial and never ending battle.

The clashes had been raging on Earth, and in orbit around it, all the time. The fires burned in a hellish vision, in total contrast to the spectacular beauty of your home Planet, which appeared before your eyes and mine.

{Ten seconds to contact... that's it, the Crucible is docked!}

We gasped for joy at the metallic croaking of the communicator, as we were pervaded by a deep sense of accomplishment. A kind of intense and therapeutic peace, able to numb any pain. At last, it seemed to be over!

"We did it!" You whispered in an incredulous tone, as you sat laboriously beside the Admiral.

You gave him a sweet look, lips drawn in a loving smile, but I knew you tried to figure out how serious his wounds could be. However, the Admiral seemed not to notice your thoughts, and you were relieved from that.

"You did a good job, child! You did good... I'm proud of you!" He said back, looking you in the eye and trying to infuse his words with a tone full of energy.

Anderson's words have poured out on you like balm. A wave of warm gratitude has spread through your senses. I felt your deep affection for him growing in my chest. I could guess it in your grateful eyes, shining with compassion in his own.

"Thank you, Sir!" You put all possible optimism in your voice. "Stay with me... It'll be over... soon!"

That last sentence was very difficult to say, because you tried with all your heart to believe in your own words. Within yourself, you were aware that the admiral was leaving, and suppressing the urge to cry became damn hard. You were sitting in there, beside your friend, staring at him, quietly. He could hardly blink, unable to move. Meanwhile, a twinge of pain penetrated deeper and deeper into your soul, and melted into mine.

I felt burdened with the weight of your helplessness and the same suffocating sense of loss. Actually, I was afraid of losing him, too. Anderson was a good man. Over the years I had many reasons to get attached to him. Reasons I never told you before. I was really hoping that he could come home with you, and remained silent, wrapped in your senses, as if in an encouraging embrace. Unfortunately, all I could offer you was my silent presence, to try to make your pain and mine more bearable.

The admiral didn't seem to suffer much, but you knew how stoically he could bear the pain. So, you wanted to be strong, stay close to him and give him all the relief you could. To make sure he didn't feel alone. Clouds of thoughts galloped in your mind. Memories, emotions and a tight, strong knot all around your soul.

"Anderson, I..." you started to say, in a shrill voice for emotion.

The man laid a tired hand on your leg to stop your sentence. He nodded softly, looking up, like he already knew what you were about to say. His voice was a little more tired when he spoke again, but he seemed serene.

"Hey, I don't wanna see you sad. I was a lucky man!" He whispered, from behind a faint smile, then coughed a couple of times before continuing.

"Well, Commander, you should do me a favor..." He started asking, slowly. "When all this is over, find Kahlee... tell her not to waste too many tears on me." His gaze was staring at a far point, beyond your shoulders and his face was serene, almost dreamy. "You know, I spent the happiest moments of my life with her. But now, it's time for her to keep her promise. She must be strong, go on and continue to be happy... without me. Tell her I'm sure she will!"

You shook your head vigorously and wouldn't listen. The Admiral gritted his teeth in a painful grimace as coughed again. Your caring hands quickly landed on his shoulders to help him find a better position. You had to force yourself choking back the knot of tears tightened in your throat and hope of being able to speak.

"You can tell her yourself, Sir. We'll be out of here soon!" There was self-persuasion in your words. You looked at your friend with eyes enlightened with a last glimmer of hope.

Anderson looked down and started talking, as if he hadn't even heard you. He seemed aware that he had little time left and something vital importance he needed to tell you.

"And as for you, child... you must come out alive!" The soldier paused for a moment of concentration, while his warm dark eyes met yours again. A single throbbing thought materialized in your mind. It resonated within you and made all of yourself vibrate inside me.

[I don't wanna lose you... please... stay with me!]

But words could not get out. They struggled, crumpled in your throat, like entangled in a suffocated gasp.

Anderson spoke again, though, unchanged voice. "You know, I was back on the Citadel two years ago, when Liara was admitted to the Huerta Memorial, after you..." He paused to catch his breath and look for the words. In the short silence, your heart went crazy in my own.

[It's okay, Love!]

I felt an irrepressible need to release a reassuring thought, which slipped lightly from my mind to yours. It reached you immediately, easing your anxiety in a tangible way, while your attention returned to focus on the Admiral's words.

"When the Normandy was destroyed and you were reported missing in action..." The man was trying not to show the painful price of his every word. "...Well, you know, that poor girl... I mean... Liara's pain can't be even remotely described! There's absolutely no way she can survive the same loss again, believe me!"

I was filled with your guilt, and instinctively knew I had to protect you. I did my best to hold back any mental reflexes that could visualize my memories in your mind. I tried to stifle any emotion that might reveal random glimpses of the prison of pain that Anderson was referring to. But I was too exhausted and our very expensive mind-meld. Unfortunately, for a matter of seconds, I was unable to prevent short perceptual prints from slipping from my mind to yours, like a suffocating vortex of shadow and light. Memories, which I could not stop, followed each other like thunderbolts in the dark:

… [ - Inert mind, passive, like stranded in mud. (No emotion, no reaction). Inner silence and a great emptiness, where I feel myself falling. Slipping away in an eternal, frightening breath. Light years away, beyond time and space. When? Where? Anywhere and nowhere. I exist despite myself. In a meadow of sleeping reality. The abyss and the void. No one and nothing anymore. Nothingness is the ocean I move in. Silence. I float in a sleepy sea of eternal loneliness, inside and outside of me. - ] …

I regained control of the merger, with a tired sigh. And a pang of anguish as I realized that your mind was still trapped by the memory of my huge vacant eyes of those days. Misty eyes, sadly wide open in the desolate eyes of Councilor David Anderson. Breath after breath I was moved by the sweetness of your thoughts, which immediately began to spread within me, like caresses.

[I'm so sorry! … Why didn't you tell me?] You whispered, directly through my soul.

[Because the choice was always and only mine, and... because I trust you!] My heart was beating in yours, spreading all the sweetness and conviction that I was capable of. Emotions were flowing into you, into us. My words were sincere, as only love can be.

[I love you so much!]

We were enveloped together in the mutual message of love, and craved to pull each other in such an embrace. We longed to be able to kiss. It was a total thrill and consoling, but painfully short. When reality regained its space, only a few fleeting seconds had elapsed. The Admiral was still looking at you, motionless, with a mixture of affectionate concern on his face. He was dying, and yet he was worried about you, about me... I found myself filled with your own gratitude and pain. My personal affection for the Admiral, and my pain that mingled with yours.

"I know!" You sighed, in a meaningful voice. "I promised Liara, I'd never leave her again! There's not a single thing in the whole Galaxy I wouldn't do for her. She knows I intend to keep my promise. I'm sure, if she were here, she'd tell you that she trusts me!"

"Good then! So, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna get your ass off that floor right now, and find a way back to her. Did you hear me, Commander? ... That's an order!"

"Yes, sir, but you're coming with me!" You gave at the man a resolute glance. "Maybe we can turn the damn beam off, and find a way down from there..." You ventured, with far more hope than you really had. Without waiting for an answer, you grabbed the Admiral by the arm and started helping him to his feet, with a tremendous effort of will.

Your boots firmly pressed against the metal footplate. His chest plate held tightly in the other hand. You gritted your teeth, and pulled as hard as you could. The man, meekly clinging to your shoulder, strove not to disappoint you. His last drops of energy sucked by that superhuman effort.

Endless seconds went by, punctuated by the blood that was rushing in your jugular veins. The man's body began to rise a few inches, laboriously, among hoarse grunts of pain. Taking advantage of a weak momentum, he stubbornly tried to get up from the floor, but in vain. The only effect of the attempt was to cut both of your breath short, with consequences similar to a fist in the stomach.

Gloomy and poignant ache ran through every fiber of your body, exploding in a shelling of angry suffering. The last strength sucked away, quickly. You only could surrender to the inevitable. No matter how hard you fought not to. You both fell on the floor together with a painful thud, and the heavy heart.

"Dammit!" You cussed out, still gasping for effort. "I just need to rest for a moment..." You were quick to add, trying to sound reassuring. Actually, a hornet's nest was buzzing in your dizzy head. Anderson's face seemed to go all the way around, as you tried to focus it with foggy eyes. Truth be told, you had no idea if you could make another attempt.

"No luck... I can't do this, Shepard!" He stated, with increasing bad coughing, exhaling a wheezing of conscious resignation. You winced at the fatalism in his voice. The dull eyes of him justified a truth you didn't want to hear. Nevertheless, deep in your heart, you admitted to yourself that your friend was leaving, and there was nothing more you could do to help him.

Sorrow and regret were carving your soul up into pieces. You couldn't bear that one of the people you cared about the most was dying because of you. Your heart was frantically bouncing against your chest, in a reluctant pounding of resigned fear. Every breath crushed in the bottom of your throat by a grip of sadness, and eyes swollen with tears not yet fallen. Nothing but my sorrowful and silent presence, as poor solace. Then, your regretting words filled the air like snowflakes.

"I'm so sorry... it's... it's all my fault!" You whispered in a low voice full of shame. "If only I hadn't had the damn gun!" You growled, with a tight lipped grimace. A lonely tear slowly slipped along the outline of your cheek, and wandered aimlessly.

"Stop talking rubbish, Shepard!" Anderson snapped, with unexpected energy. "I myself was completely under the control of that psycho. Sure as hell, if he had forced me to shoot you, I couldn't stop myself from doing it!" The Admiral leaned towards you, with a painful effort, then added in a softened tone, "Just like you did!" He took your hand and squeezed it tightly in his own. He needed an extra long breath before continuing. "There's just one thing I know, Shepard. No one could stop him but you. So, thank God you had that gun!" He asserted with a nod of pride, managing to crack a tired smile.

Little by little, your lips drew a grimace of relief on your face. Tears trembled in your eyes and glowed in your mentor's gaze, in the warm sadness of farewell. The echoes of his affectionate words spread within you like waves on the water and filled your soul with emotion. Your senses were enveloped by a deep joy, but also by a raging pain, which flowed like blood from a wound. You barely could keep from crying, without even knowing how. In your hands that held David's hands tightly, there was all the universe of your heart. The words began to flow spontaneously, quite naturally.

"Thank you, David... for everything you've done for me!" You whispered in a grateful and soft tone. Anderson's hands moved affectionately in yours, like a silent response.

"You are the finest man I've ever met. I owe you everything!" You said with genuine admiration as you watched the Admiral with deep, compassionate, loving eyes. "As a kiddo, you saved my life. Then... you gave me the opportunity to enter the Academy, and saved me twice. You know what?... I only accepted because I wanted to be like you!" You admitted frankly. Anderson nodded, as if he was not surprised at all. "I can't tell you how much you meant to me, David Anderson, and... how important you'll always be!"

The man said nothing, but the skin on his face was stretched out in an absorbed expression. He blinked slowly, as if lingering in pleasant memories, which followed each other in his mind, accompanied by the caring sound of your voice.

"All these years, your example was always before me! Your presence... the deep confidence that you've always placed in me... have been priceless!" You swallowed in an emotional pause. Frantically searching for the perfect words, to give voice to what most profound you felt in your heart.

"I've long since stopped feeling like an orphan, and... it was thanks to you! I love you... father!" You told him, from the bottom of your heart. Anderson lifted his head, and stared at you, eyes glistening with emotion. He let out a long sigh, smiling weakly. The warm voice of him enveloped your soul like in a hug. "I love you too... daughter..."

I could hear the joyful tolls of your heart at the sound of each word. As well, the David's cold hands, loosening the grip on your trembling fingers. And, your breath hiding the weeping, as you strained to decipher a new whisper, even slower, more inaudible, blown out by dying lips. "Go now, Emily Jane... it's time for you... to come back... home..."

You and David sat next to each other like a father and daughter. All those words spread ethereal all around, in space, in souls. They lay down on the hearts, as light as feathers, rested in depth and became indelible memories of a special man.

Anderson seemed asleep. Wrapped in a blanket of silence. His eyes were closed, chin resting on his chest, and an expression of peace to illuminate his face.

Nostalgia came like a physical pain, and hit you, like a fist in the middle of the chest that sucked all the air out of your lungs and mine. I felt the path of your tears running through your cheeks and mine. I shared the fierce pain of your exhausted body. Although it was the suffocating emptiness of the soul to seem unbearable.

There are losses no one can comfort, not even time. What was full before, remains empty forever. I thanked the Goddess because at least I could be there for you, with all the love I could possibly give.

Our minds vibrated with shared thoughts, painful emotions and timeless expectations suspended in a fragile stillness, until the calm became a storm.

{Shepard? … Commander?}

You flinched with a remarkable leap, as abruptly awakened from a deep sleep. It took a few seconds to get back to reality and recognize the strident noise coming from the communicator. It was a persistent voice, both alarming and familiar.

{Nothing's happening!... The Crucible is not firing!} Admiral Hackett repeated, in a shrill voice, reaffirming his urgent call to act. A sudden urge of action flooded your still incredulous mind, prodding your limbs to move. You tried to get up, in a rush of reaction, but you lacked the strength and collapsed immediately to the ground with a growl of pain. You could barely crawl on the floor, sustained by your unwavering determination, and... by me trying to give you strength with every fiber of will and every glimmer of a thought.

[C'mon, Shepard, hold on! You're not gonna give up now, are you? Come on... reach the console... Oh, Emy... how I wish I were there with you!]

Thoughts were floundering in your mind, mingling with each other in an increasingly dense mist. [Liara... control panel... aye aye... I love you... system reboot... stay with me... hold on... blue children... I'm alwaysss...] You dragged yourself to the floor in an attempt of reaching the control panel. Your hands and arms were so red with blood, but your effort was useless, immense. Everything became dark, cold and silent, like in a sunset of the senses and I felt you slip away!

I was paralyzed by the sudden lack of perception of you in my senses. Everything was still and silent, only my heart kept pounding in my chest at a crazy speed. So fast that I couldn't breathe. Luckily the risk of permanently losing contact with you caused me to react immediately. Something in me kept thinking, lucidly and rationally. Although I did not fully understand why, I was aware that I had to stay focused to keep our perfect fusion alive. The worst thing I could do was let myself panic, and I started chilling at the very thought.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm me down, mechanically. I kept telling myself that you must have passed out. I forced myself to keep mental contact, staying focused on you... standing by. I couldn't give up, because I didn't even want to consider losing you again!

[Emily, can you hear me?... Oh Love, please, wake up!]

Nothing but silence. The anxiety that I tried in every way to ignore began to grow. I couldn't risk losing focus, not now.

[Wake up!]

I thought again. My mind urged you intensely, at regular intervals. My senses extended all around, trying to perceive any signal able to rekindle our connection. The seconds slipped away, endless, like drops in an ocean of apathy. I felt like I was floating, wandering suspended through rivers of darkness and silence, waiting for a signal, which refused to come.

[Wake up!]

The stimulus bounced back, like the echo of a thought perceived by some other senses that rained in mine. I was incredulous, stunned. And yet, I thought I heard the innocent voice of a child. Along with that improbable sound, I managed to decipher in my mind the breath of your consciousness, which slowly resurfaced from the abysses of lethargy. At first, reeling among numb perceptual suggestions, which gradually took on the appearance of smells, sounds, tastes, wrapped in a foggy, but increasingly clear identifiable light.

[Emy, thank the Goddess! ... Are you okay?]

Finally, I found you back and felt myself embraced by your thoughts, merged into your senses, pervaded with happy gratitude. When your eyes opened again to reality, they flooded me with light and relief.

[I'm better now... I missed you too!]

[Wake up!]

We were startled at the force of that intrusion, as we realized it couldn't be a dream. So, that little voice was real, and now it seemed closer, crystal clear. You laboriously lifted your head, looking in the direction of the sound. A strange figure of light has taken shape before your eyes. It looked like a human child. You watched that seemingly harmless ethereal silhouette with a strange feeling of distrust as you squinted to make sure you really focused on it.

... Recovering from the great deal of astonishment was not easy nor obvious. The very last thing you expected was to discuss with a bright evanescence, looking like a human kid, which claimed to be the Catalyst. We all thought that the Citadel was the Catalyst, and the Crucible its big cannon, which finally was armed and aimed at the Reapers.

However, the fragments of truth that we had meticulously collected over the years, one tile at a time, from the beacon on Eden Prime, through Ilos, to the depths of Despoina, had slowly reconstructed the entire picture. Everything was taking its final form right there before your eyes. This clearly confirmed the disconcerting reasons behind the cyclical system of annihilation that, over millions of years, caused the sacrifice of an incalculable number of lives!

"Destroying in order to preserve... it always means destroying!" You frowned wearily, in a disapproving tone. The more you talked, the more you realized what was the biggest limitation of the Catalyst. You had this weird feeling of being actually in front of a child. It behaved like some kind of little genius, who suffered from a severe pathological emotional block. Although theoretically driven by worthy of support aims, the Catalyst was completely incapable of assessing the effects of its actions, as it was absolutely devoid of any empathy, emotion or ethical vision of reality.

Cycle after cycle, the construct seemed unchanged over time. Unable to evolve, without any direct interactions with emotions, feelings, joy or pain. Unlike the Geth and EDI herself, the Catalyst was far from having developed any semblance of... "soul"! Listening to its cold reasoning about our annihilation was hurting a lot.

"Like a cleansing fire we restore balance. New life, both organic and synthetic, can once again flourish." [...Flourish?] You were repeating yourself mentally in disgust, as the Intelligence pontificated with fatalistic casualness, with its blank and irritating tone. It seemed so cold and barren in its conviction, absolutely indifferent, detached. Simply dismissing the cruel genocide of millions of species as an insignificant side effect!

Thoughts fluttered in your brain, like wings with worn feathers. You stared at the little construct with worried eyes on a grave face. You were getting nervous, torn between contempt and endurance, hope and fear, certainty and hesitation. You had no idea how you got there. However, you were increasingly persuaded that your presence was not a coincidence. You felt the weight, but in a way, you also appreciated the privilege.

No doubt, the union of the Crucible with the Citadel had initiated a profound, radical change that was pushing the Catalyst to consider new Solutions. You listened eagerly to every word, with the secret hope that any alternative to the Reapers would necessarily be a better alternative. Soon, however, everything inside you became dismayed. A cry of desperate protest arose from every neuron of your mind, surfaced from every recess of your soul, begging for salvation.

"You are ready. And you may choose it." The Catalyst concluded, in a tone void of emotion, as stared at you with an expressionless gaze. You stood looking at it in silence, with grim eyes. Your shoulders bent under a boulder of uncertainty, your head stunned by the possible effects of such a decision. You were in a huge environment, at the center of which stood the blinding Energetic Beam generated by the Crucible. On both sides of this Beam there was a massive Polarizer Device.

You weighed the structures with a careful eye, then you took a few steps towards the Crucible, with the slow and apathetic pace of those who have not yet decided. Inside, you were looking for me in urgent and desperate need.

[Oh, Sweetheart! Did you... did you hear?] You let a dense, enveloping thought flow from your mind to mine. Your presence was pulsating in my beats, flowing in my veins, breathing in my soul.

[Every single word!] I confirmed with serious mood, doing nothing to hide the stressful sensation that tormented the pit of my stomach.

[How am I supposed to decide, for a whole Galaxy?!] You were thinking clearly, conveying a sense of growing frustration. [I don't actually see a perfect solution. Each option implies sacrifices, death, inevitable repercussions. For every single living being, each Species! Who the hell am I to choose?] You wondered with a severe frown, desperately seeking an adequate answer inside you, inside us.

[Oh, you're right!] I agreed, with a rush of empathic understanding. I was hoping to help you, by assessing the situation in every respect, as rationally as possible. [That's awful, I know, but... not choosing instead? It would mean our complete annihilation! No Future for any of us anymore, because... we would become... a Reaper!] I noticed with a shiver of disgust.

[Jesus Christ! I never imagined being in such a situation!] You confessed with a heavy heart. Nevertheless, you were perfectly aware there was no other way to rid all present and future species of the cruel threat of the Reapers!

[I love you, Shepard! And... I don't wanna anyone else makes that decision but you!] I thought with my eyes clouded with emotion. [Whatever happens, I'm not leaving you! Your mind and mine. My heart and yours. Our intuition. Come on, my Life... let's see our options!] A blaze of hope rekindled your faith and mine.

[Fine! I don't trust the Reapers at all!] You thought, trying to bring your emotions under control.

[As for the Catalyst, it really is an advanced AI, but only logic, no heart! No! ... Free Will is the Solution! We must be able to choose to continue evolving. Each species, according to its natural course. In these years, we got the opportunity to learn much more than any other civilization had ever learned before. We must treasure it! Growing up... rebuild... evolve, and... changing! That's what I myself would expect!]

My thoughts were deeply mixed with yours. I could not help but give you a sign of assent for every word. [We will spread what we have learned, together!] I wanted to add. [So that the same mistakes never happen again!]

There was a pause full of meaning. Each of us immersed in the senses of the other, in an intimate silence and welcoming. And yet, little by little, all the quiet faded away into a dark lake of regret.

[Dammit! I just wish there was another way. EDI... the Geth... they'll probably...] You hesitated for a moment, like you felt the only one responsible for. [Tell Joker...] Silent tears shone in your regretful eyes. [Tell him I'm sorry!]

[You can count on me!] I thought in a rush of ardent empathy, as I tried to hide, as best I could, the violent spasm of pain perched in the middle of my heart.

Annihilation, or Control... Synthesis, or Destruction. All your options were there in front of you. It would have been enough to do nothing, or alternatively, destroy one of the massive Energy Polarizers. Otherwise, you could jump through the Light Beam. In any case, the Crucible would have triggered the right reaction. There was no time left, but... it wasn't needed, because you had made your decision!

You were trudging towards one of the Polarizers... it was the red one! A single word thundered insistently in your brain as my heart pumped into yours.

[Destruction... Destruction... Destruction!]

You aimed carefully, as your last thoughts overwhelmed my soul. The mental connection was more intense than ever. I felt you inside of me, in my mind, in my heart, wherever. So deeply, that you have completely crossed my consciousness and become the innermost part of me!

I shared everything about you, in the most total and absolute way. Starting with the choice you were about to make. However, I couldn't help but think of the great danger you were in. How slim your chances were of getting out of there alive! Memories boiled vividly in my head, as if in a rushing stream. The ghosts of the past came back to life. In my mind's eyes, terrible pictures were emerging from the depths of my memory, biting my heart. The Normandy on fire. Your voice ordering me to go, peremptorily. My soul pierced by an equal suffocating sense of emptiness, the same uncontrolled fear, an identical excruciating pain!

[Don't you dare leave me again!] I demanded with a gasp of my heart. Your senses in my senses enveloped us with sweetness, in a reassuring impulse of love.

[No matter what happens... you mean everything to me, Liara... you always will!] I felt your need to protect me, like a shield all around me, and your guilty awareness that you were making me suffer again.

[Emily... I... I love you, and I'll wait for you for eternity!] I vowed resolutely. Determined not to allow any cruel fate to separate us again!

[Oh, my sweet blue baby! I love you too... You know I couldn't leave you... I don't want to! "I swear, never again!" ... Remember that night?!] The depth of your love lessened the sense of uncertainty. The memory of us, the strength of our bond, gave me a little confidence in the midst of so much fear.

[Every fabulous moment! Oh Emy, please don't die!... Anderson was right I... I can't bear it again! Shepard, please... tell me you're coming back!] We loved each other so much, but... could love be enough to tame our destiny? We both felt the same turmoil and rebelled against the same fear, sharing the instinct to keep hoping.

[Hey, my little Baby Girl... I'm always coming back!] I loved hearing you say that! Besides, I knew you meant it. I forced myself to consider that it was not the first time you came back from a suicide mission and... not even from death!

[I believe you!] I wrapped you with all of myself in my conviction.

Without adding anything else, you started shooting. First a bit uncertain gunshot, then another and another one. Suddenly you felt no pain anymore. You headed for the Red Polarizer, with decisive, marching steps, shooting wildly. The casing started to fail, at first mildly, then more and more, until a huge explosion enveloped everything...

[I swear... never... again!]

Your very last thought was engraved in my soul, like an indelible mark. I clung to the strength of that promise, with all the faith I had left, as I held my breath. I felt you slip away, being thrown away. Before, it was the heat... the blinding light... the darkness inside you, and inside me. Then, it was... just an ocean of silence!

"But true love is a durable fire,

In the mind ever burning,

Never sick, never old, never dead,

From itself never turning"

Sir Walter Raleigh

To be Continued...