Pressed under the light touch of Rukia's hand, Byakuya complied with her silent instructions to lie back. Flat on his back, he watches her movements with anticipation, curiosity, and not a little doubt. Aside from the fact that he wasn't drunk enough anymore to still blame his actions on the alcohol, what about Rukia?
She could have fought off his advances at any time and he couldn't have blamed her. It wasn't like he had mistaken her for his late wife-no matter how similar they were in appearance. They'd never had any secret liaisons or expressed anything outside of an awkward relationship with him mainly avoiding her due to his attempts at suppressing his feelings as much as possible.
Did she believe that this was all a foregone conclusion because of who he is? He couldn't suppress the thoughts bubbling up that because of his status, did she think that its better to just take whatever he thrust upon her because if she did fight him off there would be no justice on her part in the end, being that he, her 'brother' is the Head of the Clan and her words would mean nothing if his actions were to be called into question?
Yes. Yes, that's exactly right, isn't it? He thought, germinating the seeds of doubt in his mind to full bloom.
Because, of course, no matter how much she is a Kuchiki now, in the eyes of any truly born blue-blood, she's still the churl he adopted from the slums. No matter what she accomplished, they would never see past that.
Suddenly, Byakuya felt ashamed, the weight of it crushing him. How could he have allowed this to happen?
I gave into my selfishness. I allowed my higher faculties to be clouded by drink and excuses. Weakness! His thoughts blackened with laced venom for his actions.
Because of his selfish needs, the nobles and the council will tear her to bits for this, uncaring of what the situation was at the time. He can already hear their scathing remarks whispering to one another while smiling in his presence, trying to curry his favor.
She's work so hard, too. How selfish is it of him to do this to her?
Unimaginable selfish!
Rukia was climbing over him and Byakuya found himself caught in the middle of a tug-of-war. Internally, he wanted to stop her here and now but her shy smile was chasing the fight away from his mind. Was that smoldering desire lighting up her blue eyes born from sincerity. Was it as raw and demanding and consuming for her as much as it's been burning inside him for decades? Clawing at his insides?
Probably not. Maybe just put there to hide what she really feels about all this. After so many years dealing with the scheming nobility and coquettish women, it was difficult for him not to regress into thought patterns like these. Among the many reasons he's hidden his feelings for so long because it's so damn complicated many would never understand.
Foolish Byakuya! He admonishes himself once again trying to ignore the untamed ferocity of his needs for her now roaring at the fore and unmatched even with everything that his responsible side was trying to tell him. With everything he knows will happen if he didn't stop them right now.
Without his consent, his right hand flew up and grasp her shoulder just as the delicious feel of her bottom rested on his throbbing, aching shaft. Byakuya released an involuntary groan, whimpering softly as he arches his back, undulating insistently from the frenzy of sensations coalescing in his body, threatening to overrule his sobering judgment just from her straddling him. Breathes shallowing from the mere feel of her on top of him, pleasantly resting her body like he's glimpsed in his fantasies. Damn it! His fantasies were watered-down in comparison.
How can this be wrong when it feels so fucking wondrous? Why shouldn't he have this? He wasn't even inside her, just the contact of their skins like this had him closing his eyes, his bottom lip capture in his teeth against the purest pleasure he's ever felt, against the words paused at his throat, a breath from his tongue.
More! Oh, Sweet Gods, Rukia! I desperately want inside you! Let me have you this night.
"Did I hurt you?" she whispers in the space between them. The naivety of her question made his lips curl up slightly as he shook his head slowly over the pillow, eyes still closed as he swallowed nervously, not trusting his lips to speak.
These feelings moving inside him weren't just a need for copulation. For soul reapers, it went far deeper than the physical. It was the connection in the act. It's harmony in its purest form occurring when two life forces bond together and share each other. Some humans can experience a glimpse of this when they find a partner that harmonizes with their sexual desires and they call it "really good sex". However, what soul reapers feel quintessentially eclipses mere "really good sex". How do you begin to describe the feeling of being whole. Of completeness. Of oneness between two beings, you didn't even know you were missing all your days? Half-alive, half-presented even when you're at your mightiest. At your strongest?
He felt that for Hisana and it took him decades to push through his grief when he lost her. Is it any wonder that he'd hesitate to express love anew especially when what he feels for Rukia feels stronger?
He feels like trash just for thinking like that but it was true.
His mind's wise counsel rioted with the denied demands of his body. The innocence she still had. So many saw her and believed things only rumors had a record of but no concrete evidence to prove otherwise.
Then it hit him like a sword blow, she was just discovering her sexuality with him. This could end badly. Not only because he was so out of practice. (What little practice he had ascertained) but he could seriously frighten her for her first time.
Byakuya searched his mind for the right words, "Rukia, we, I mean this is, this is. You don't have to,..." He trailed off.
Yeah, like that made sense.
If Rukia could even guess half of his intentions right at this moment, warring with him to not just go along with this but to pin her little body down, spread her knee wide, then ease his cock length into her virgin sheath. Gods! To be buried so deep! It's been so damn long since he's had a taste of that and now all his instincts were clamoring at him, nigh, demanding him to dominate her, to master her in ways she was yet to begin to understand.
She would run screaming from this fucking room. He thought devilishly before taking a deep breath to control himself.
As the head of the Kuchiki Clan, he should be above these base needs of the flesh. He should always be an example.
Example? Byakuya thought, feeling more miserably than he's ever felt in his entire long life. He wanted to laugh bitterly out loud at his musings. With this clawing hunger blurring the line of right and wrong in his mind so easily, he didn't want to be anything more right now than the man wanted by this woman in every way of their own free will.
As Rukia leans down ready to kiss his lips like a magnet helpless to the pull, instantly Byakuya responded, rising on his elbow, meeting her kiss. Satisfying sounds fell from their mouths as their lips touched. Tasting of heat. Of icy. Of pure undiluted relish.
He pressed her against him, yearning to tell her how much he's wanted this, dreamt of doing these every night with her but he dared not say it, believing that she would feel more of an obligation to continue. At first, he thought he hadn't witness obsequiousness in her eyes but he'd been under the influence at the time.
Byakuya knew that if she hadn't moved on to other parts of his body when they broke their kiss, he would've retaken her mouth, no question about it; their tongues battling for supremacy in the duel.
No! Yes? No!
Then Rukia began kissing his jawline, then his chin, flicks of her tongue on his neck, over his bobbing Adam's apple as he swallows repeatedly and breathed deep breaths to control himself. She had him biting his bottom lip with her actions with sighing content. His steel-grey eyes rolling back into his head of their own accord. His head falling back to give her more access to his neck, enjoying immensely all of what she was making him feel. Affected by her tender kisses even as he could tell that she was nervous doing this to him. He could feel everything thing she was doing to him more than he should be too. His senses felt like they were on high alert with each action. Byakuya furrowed his brows in suspicion, barely interrupting the pleasing sensations but naggingly in the background, like a pebble in a boot. Testing, he glided his fingers over the bedsheets and found that he could feel the very fibers of the sheets he lay upon, the threads in his fists felt more pronounced. He could feel the vibrations of each of his breaths, and Rukia's as she continued to trail kisses down his body. Lower. Lower. Down his hypersensitive body.
Damn it! He was registering each sensation beyond a skin-deep level.
Microscopically! He thought breathless. Oh shit! And it was only going to get worse as time ticked on.
Even though this is her first time doing something like this to any man, (he wants to believe) the horror of the situation was dawning on him. He might come spontaneously like a randy youth having his first experience with a woman. Shame suffused him at embarrassing himself like that. His male ego wouldn't take that lying down even if he is the first and last man she will do this with. Be naked with. After all he's seen tonight, he dared not think of another looking down on Rukia bare under them. He didn't need to be more possessive at the moment. Much more possessive and jealous at something that might not happen.
When she reached his collarbone, all thoughts of scandals, and other males, and the blurred line of right and wrong between them blanked and winked out of his mind like a dismissal when she licks the slight dip at his collar bone, leaving only rapture coalescing in him like the storm outside raging as she continued to kiss, to lick at him, touching him so slowly. The further her lips went, the quieter his thoughts grew.
Voice roughened with desire, he called questioningly, "Ru...Rukia?"
Surely she wasn't thinking of...he thoughts trailed off as she leaned up then pressed her hand against his chest, "lie back," she whispers warm words over his now goosebumped skin sent a shiver through him causing him to lie back. Then Rukia resumed her kisses. Putting her lips to one of his puckered flat nipples, her pink tongue gave it a lick before closing her lips covered it. The embarrassing throaty yell that surged out of him stunned him.
"Rukia!" Desire like lightning ran amuck through his body. He could feel the blood thrumming through his shaft until it was beating like a strong pulse, making it bob so hungrily. If he thought he had been hard before, Byakuya's felt nothing like this.
He's heard of hypersensitivity, studied the subject exclusively, and understood that it would only happen to a soul reaper who paid little to no attention to certain aspects of his body like ignoring his libido for years. Byakuya knew that other activities could be used as a distraction to null or at least limit the effects. Doing things such as fighting and mediation was said to mitigate the effects of sexual hypersensitivity and he'd been in many fights, and mediated intensely, daily.
Consequently, in recent times, he hadn't done much fighting since they've returned from Hueco Mundo. Mountains of paperwork had fallen on his office desk every morning like fresh snow. And as for his mediation, though he'd been doing more and more of that, it hadn't proven to be as fruitful he'd used to find it. Peace eluded him on most days as the affairs of the Kuchiki Clan had him attending more and more frustrating clandestine meetings with the Elders of the clan to discuss things that, to be candid, was bullshit. Mainly, the topics were a subterfuge, and the main reason they wanted to talk to him was to find out when he'll part some noble female's thighs and rut long enough to give them an heir.
Here with Rukia like this, feeling all that he is? Having sex beyond what they vowed wasn't even a subject he even wanted to entertain in this capacity.
He gripped the sheets in both fists, determined not to touch Rukia. Gods help them both if he touched Rukia! His mind, ignoring his orders, was already painting all the pleasing positions he wanted to set her in as he invaded her slippery, tight, territory.
Blood pumping in his ear nearly outweighed his harried breaths. He could feel the last remnants of alcohol burning away from his body in a rush when his blood rose a few degrees higher the more she inched down his body. When she arrived at an old battle scar near his sternum, she lapped at it before asking in a sultry purr; "What luckily enemy got you here?" acknowledging the scar again with languid hot kisses. He couldn't think.
"None... I wish to recall right...now," He tried to sound diplomatic and unaffected but his shuddering and gasping under the attention of her lips and the sweet flicks of her tongue reversed the strive for stoicism he was going for.
With a final lick, she moves down further the length of his body, stopping now and then to treat herself to any scars she found over his torso; lapping, sucking, kissing them so sweetly. Maddeningly. Is this really the behavior of someone just going with it? Gods above! He wished he had more experience with these things. More knowledge depth.
All thoughts stopped when she reached the dip at his navel as she swirled her tongue into that spot. Byakuya's mouth open on a soundless moan, his cock bobbed throbbingly up to her chin, she was so close to it. If she would just touch it she would feel it hot and pulsing beneath her grip. One of his legs folded and spread wide repeatedly, unconsciously.
"Are you not ready to teach me?" Rukia asked, kissing his quivering stomach
"Teach what?" Byakuya bit out through gritted teeth, nearly yelling as she suckled the skin just at his lower stomach. A mark would remain after she was done. After tonight.
Instead of answering him, she took his length in hand, shocking him. He was too big for her hands to encircle. Byakuya stared at her, at her brazen actions as she stroked him tentatively, while moans matching out of his mouth without his permission.
"I've never done this before," she confessed as she caressed his length like he was her discovery, a fascination while Byakuya was ripping the sheets off the bed. Sweat shined his chest, his lower body undulated, pushing and pulling his shaft through her fist.
Wait...what did she just say?
"You've never done what, Rukia?" Byakuya wanted to clarify, his brows furrowing as a realization came to his lust-addled mind, now the consistency of soup; thoughts swimming. She wasn't talking about going down on him, was she?
She bit that cute bottom lip of hers as she looked up blushingly from under her lashes at him. "I don't want to speak or describe what I want to do to you, it's my first time and I don't want to lose my nerve. I just want to show you," she said with a steady gaze into his eyes.
"You want to?" Byakuya asked quietly feeling absurd for asking but needing to hear it again. This was not just going along with it? He felt like a light bulb just flickered on in his brain. When had anybody forced Rukia to do anything she didn't want to? Not even the Elders of the Kuchiki Clan could be made her budge if she didn't want to. Byakuya has seen this in action before.
She wanted to be taught by him! When he'd never had his member suckled before.
It is looked down on as vulgar and uncouth to buy sexual favors from those who made their living that way. Not that many a noblewoman, for all their posturing at dignity, hasn't hinted and hinted strongly that they would be more than willing to thirstily to drink his spend down the column of their pale necks. But down that road lead to scandals and trickery, lies and traps. To Byakuya, it never seemed worth the trouble just for a few moments of pleasure.
Add all of that to the pressure of being the head of one of the most powerful and influential clans in the soul society and his looks? And every nobleman's daughter, wife, mistress, anything with a skirt wanted to peel his robes off, by force sometimes if he didn't stand his ground. Most wanted him to enrich their family name, seeing him only as a meal ticket. Others conned themselves into falling for his physical features and his positions both in the Gotei 13 and the Soul Society. None wanted to know the real him yet so many wanted to comfort him after Hisanna died. To take advantage of his grief. How disrespectful. How dishonorable. They all just wanted to use him in some way.
"Why?" The word was spoken barely above a pained whisper, almost drowned out in a burst of thunder. He knew he might be ruining this moment but damn it he needed to know even if it cost him something he'd hungered for so long. Had dreams and fantasized about, though he'd tried to tamp down the urges. He hasn't let anyone in or this close to him since Hisanna. Was he making a mistake?
"Will you look at me with scorn if I told you that my request is born from a desire I had no idea how to deal with?" she asked softly, deliberately not looking at him.
"Go on," Byakuya urged.
"I've tried to want others. I've not to feel jealous when other women talk about you as if they..." She trailed off, dropping her hands from his member. Immediately an intense sense of loss came over him, missing her touch on his body but he resisted the burning pull to put her hand back on his length. "It's not easy listening to them talk about you so intimately when I'm supposed to be your sister. I felt so stupid for having girlish fantasies about you and feel things for a brother that hated me, "
In the blink of an eye, he was reaching for her, caressing her cheek, "Rukia, I..."
"No," She stopped him, whispering the word but Byakuya couldn't hold back the words any longer.
"I love you," Though his lust is overwhelming, and even now he had to fight not to fall upon her and do all that he's wanted for so long, his words were not influenced by his feeling to rut. With stormy grey eyes piercing midnight blue pools, he made it clear, "I've always loved you but as the head of the clan, I risk the integrity of the Kuchiki name with any rash action I take. It's just been so damn complicated, Rukia. When I found you so soon after Hisanna's passing, and I started developing feelings towards you, I felt ashamed. I couldn't understand why I felt these things and I would never dishonor Hisanna's memory or desecrate my vow to her to adopt you into the Kuchiki household by dissolving your adoption so soon after losing my wife to marry her sister. I was still so deep in grief that I felt as if I was reaching to replace her with you out of loneliness, and pain, and sorrow. I thought I was twisting my love for Hisanna with attraction for you, her sister, who looks so much like the woman I broke every rule in my clan to be with, who I would have died for. Had I acted on what I wanted, it would have done both of you a disservice, so I kept my distance. I masked affections with avoidance. But my feelings only grew stronger for you," he touched his forehead to hers, "even as my grief ebbed and I had already adopted you into the family as my sister, I couldn't just wave that away to court you. I believed that I could turn off my feelings for you, over the years I've truly tried to love you as your brother. "
"Byakuya," Rukia whispering his name like that felt deeper than any touch she's given him so far this night.
"I could never look scornfully at the woman I left a dagger on my desk for on the morning of her execution," he confessed placing a kiss on her forehead.
"What?" Rukia's brows knitted in confusion and she pulled her face back to get a better look at him.
Byakuya didn't look away instead he squared his shoulders proudly, even as his expression grew solemn, "I was going to kill myself immediately after your execution. I wanted to follow you into death's embrace." Rukia gasped horrified. He could see the questions in her eyes. Why would you do that for me? If you've felt this way why did you allow me to go through that? "I was trapped fast," he said answering the latter. "I believe I explained this before on Sokku Hill." A small nod. "What I didn't say then was that the grief I would bear if I had chosen the selfish route and lived after you died, would be worst than the gaping hole Hisanna's passing had left in my heart, and that nearly drove me to insanity. Though the world only saw the aloof mask I wore, they couldn't comprehend how thin and porcelain it was at the time."
"Then I'm just like the rest of the world," she started, voice cracking, "I couldn't, I couldn't see..."
Byakuya traced the pad of his thumb over her trembling lower lip, "Shh, shh," he soothed, craning his neck up, he places a kiss on her forehead again as he wrapped her in his arms. He kissed her hair as she tucked her face against his bared chest. The feel of her pressed up again his nakedness made him pant with sexual tension. He could feel every muscle corded with need but he chose to give her intimacy instead of focusing on himself.
Stop imagining how sublime it will feel inside her. For Godsakes, do not drag her over your lap and feed your length betwixt her thighs!
How can he be thinking like this while the need to comfort her consumes him?
His voice came out strained when he told her, "do not blame yourself. From an early age and through experience, I've been put through the paces of how to build a wall between myself and those on the outside watching. The only person who really understood or at best guessed at how I felt and what I was going through was my grandfather because he knows me sometimes better than I know myself."
After a moment of silence ran off, Byakuya told her, "Rukia, there are things that are consuming my thoughts. Things I want to do to you right now but I'm at the razor's edge of my control," his chest heaving with shallow breaths. "Perhaps we should reconsider doing this..." he cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks heating, "lesson. I might..."
"I'm not afraid, Byakuya," she assured him gently touching his jaw, not a speck of hesitation in her voice.
"I've..." he took a breath before he said something acidic and damaging to his male ego, "I don't want to frighten you, Rukia," he told her instead.
"I want to experience this with you. Right here. Tonight. Lie back, please."
Taking another deep breath, he complied with her wishes, and using another surge of effort he didn't know he had within him, he laid back down on the bed, sheets back into his grip "I'm afraid this lesson will be brief then," he said apologetically.
Rukia took him in hand once more causing a shudder to run havoc through him for a second. His voice desire roughened when he told her, "lick the crown then suck it as far into your mouth as much as you can."
What the hell else was he supposed to tell her? His wife never offered to please him in this manner and he'd never asked.
"Oh," she said in an 'I get it,' tone. "like an ice pop,"
"Ice pop?" he frowns, "Is that a real-world treat?"
She gave him a sexy smile, "yes,"
Rukia licked the tip tentatively and Byakuya felt the beginning trimmers at the base of his shaft. Once again, the sheets were tightly in his grip. He couldn't prevent his spiritual pressure from raining down. Nor could he stop his body from writhing, his head beginning to thrash from side to side on the pillow.
"Suck it into your mouth!" he urged hoarsely, needing more, surprised at his vulgarity. He would kill for more of her touch on him like this. Upon his elbows, before he could think about it, he watches as she did as he asked, not wanting to miss one second of her doing this to him. A hiss burst between his lips when she parted hers and covered him.
How erotic. Her mouth feels warm and wet and tight especially when she hollows her cheeks to suck. Byakuya had to tamp down the need to thrust up. Though his hand brush away stray hairs from her ear, he kept his finger movements light, not wanting to curl them at the back of her hair. Not to fist her strands into his palm and force her to take in more of his length. Tempting as that was. Her mouth covered only a few inches down from the tip.
Releasing him from her lips made a wet sound then she purred a groan. "Its a sin that you taste this delicious," she licked his length from the mid-shaft up the tip with the flat of her tongue, then dip it into the slit, tasting his salt; pre-cum, this wont last long as he predicted. "Are all men so divine and succulent to pleasure. You taste so good. "
"I cannot speak for any other man," Byakuya stated, covering her hand with his and using her fist to work his parts engorged shaft her mouth neglected, "and neither will you. No one but me, Rukia. No one but me will know you like this. Ever."
Byakuya leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closed. Once he was certain of his control, he began gently thrusting his hips between soft lips. His lips agape as he kept up a steady stream of moans from this act. He was close to coming, that heat growing ever nearer to the crown. It was then that his ears picked up on a creaking sound almost covered by the rain still pouring outside. His eyes snapping open immediately then shifting towards the sound, up to his windows. He has high windows, almost to the tall ceilings. Again this is a measure to prevent casual spying . Yet a pair of eyes highlighted in flash of lightning met his from outside in the pouring rain through the window. Who ever it was, had been watching him and Rukia for Gods only knew how long.