I always wondered how Christian never deviated or questioned Elena when he was away at Harvard. Didn't the loneliness get to him? How could Elena have known if he did have friends or met someone who could potentially understand him and honor his limits in a vanilla-ish way?

This is just a little story floating in my mind. So when Facebook, instagram and WhatsApp all go down and the world comes to a standstill, I took some time to write this out.

There will be some triggering themes so consider this a blanket warning.

Thank you for reading :)

Nadia.

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It's an uncharacteristically warm afternoon for February. The sun gleams over the leftover snow, reflecting off of the building windows and casting patterns where they can. I hear unabashed laughter getting louder as I walk around the campus towards my dorm building. Have I ever dared to laugh like that? Never. I know for sure. Why? Because nothing has ever amused me. Nothing makes me cry either. I'm forever oscillating between suppressed rage, loneliness and lack of sleep. Like a pinball machine. I'm launched into the arena and I bounce off of different emotions, none that are new, I know the landscape. It's predictable and it doesn't hurt but the emptiness grows as the years go by.

Another bout of laughter catches my attention and I look towards it. A group of friends are reacting to one of their own who seems to be doing an involved impression of someone. Elliot and Mia come to mind. Their freedoms suddenly feel so inviting but they've never been chained down by life, hunger, nightmares, the fear of touch or sex.

But I wanted the sex so I suppose that's unfair.

It's been only a week since I saw Elena. A weekend with her was not enough, not nearly. I have another two weeks to go till I'm out of here. Lately my success at maintaining control has been waning. With her last visit, the release from a pressure filled three week long build up proved to be unsatisfactory. Sure, I had a chance to empty my balls once throughout that whole weekend but the restraint and torture did nothing to give me peace. Elena was definitely projecting and taking out some shit on me that weekend. Maybe Linc cut her allowance or some shit. Whatever it was, I realized the high of the pain is no longer exciting or enough to dull the storm in me. Even the relief of an orgasm is short-lived.

I want more, even if I don't know what exactly more is.

I need relief and I need it often.

I can't do this anymore. It was frequent enough when I was in Seattle but this long distance arrangement isn't helping me. I'm feeling more lost than found. Maybe I'm not meant to be found. But she chose me and put her marriage and life on the line to help me. I can't ignore her sacrifice and just leave her. But I also cannot be in this position anymore.

I am not a submissive. Not truly anyway. Being here has taught me that. Even though I've kept my eyes to myself and my hands off of my cock unless Mistress allows it, my mind is drunk with rebellion.

But what am I rebelling against?

The world, a rigged system, my start in life, myself… the list is fucking endless.

I know what I need to do in order to change my life, to gain the power and rise above the noise that clutters my mind and the chains that keep me down.

"I'm proud of you, Christian." She purrs and takes my cock all the way into her mouth to deep-throat me.

Sweet, sweet relief.

Thank God for spring break.

Mistress has rewarded me for my patience and my grades. After a month-long dry spell, I'm not just insatiable, I'm ravenous and she allows me access to her body in a way that I need. Rough, fast and often.

The scene is over and she leaves me to get dressed. I lied to Mom and told her I had two interviews downtown for internships in the summer and that I wanted to get some facetime with these potential employers. I've been at Elena's house for the past three hours.

"I want you here on Friday afternoon." Elena tells me, when I walk into the kitchen to bid her goodbye.

"Elena," I straighten my shoulders. "I wanted to discuss something."

"Oh?" She turns around, her silk robe open and revealing her body. My dick stirs again at the sight but she's declared the session over, regardless of my ability to go a few more rounds. Unfortunately, she prefers a beating with her fucking and I only wanted to fuck my brains out this time around but of course that wasn't the case.

I keep my eyes on her face and notice her curious expression. Stick with the plan, Grey. She's more agreeable after sex, anyway.

"Well, I haven't got all day. Linc will be back soon."

"Harvard isn't working out for me anymore. I have a business plan and a company that is ripe for the taking. I need money."

There, it's out in the open.

She raises an eyebrow. "Hmm, have you talked to your father about this?"

"You know him, he won't even entertain an idea that requires dropping out of Harvard."

"I see." She hums thoughtfully. "How much would you need?"

"100k." I reply. It's a lot of money but I'll pay her back handsomely within the year, I know I can. "I'll pay you back with interest the minute I make a profit."

She laughs and takes a sip of her wine. "Oh, I know you will."

"However, this means I can't be your submissive anymore. I want out." I add and watch her expression change, head canting and eyes almost daring me to repeat myself. "I want to be a Dom. I'm ready."

"My, my, aren't we all grown up and taking charge?" She smirks and pauses for a few moments. "Then I'll train you and then sub for you. It's the least I can do."

"Train me? Sub for me?" I hadn't even considered it. I figured I'd just go to clubs and do my shit. Scope the scene, new flavors and whatever. But the thought of dominating Elena does present possibilities, restrictive ones though. She's married and not always available. And if I'm going to have a sub, I'm going to want a shit ton of submission to keep me sane.

"Of course, who else would you learn from? Who else is in tune with your needs?" She scoffs, clearly offended. "Christian, I have faith in you. You're going to make it big and you can't risk someone taking advantage of you and tarnishing your good name before you're out the gate."

She has a point. She'd protect me and her investment. Of course. She's already given up so much for me, I owe her this but…

"I've got a good rapport with the clubs and in the community, I'll take care of everything." She walks over and cups my face. "I know what you need, Christian. Have I ever let you down?" She rubs her other hand over my crotch and I try to grind my teeth to keep from reacting to her touch.

I nod, telling her I need a little more time to think about it and revise my proposal a little more before presenting it to her when in reality, I'm suddenly unsure about being under her reign again in this way. She may be willing to sub for me but they're just too many strings attached.

But my thoughts immediately evaporate when she kneels at my feet and unzips my jeans.

One more before I go.

A/N: Let me know what you think!