Chapter Seven: Broken Mask
Kakashi Hatake watched Naruto and Hinata fall.
To his disappointment, Neji did not kill them. He'd been hoping for a swift end to this vendetta. He would have covered it up for Guy and the team. Now things would stay complex. And Kakashi wondered if he was really this invested in killing Naruto?
What had brought him to this point in life?
Ah yes, now he remembered.
It was years ago. Kids were playing ninja.
Kakashi watched them from a hiding spot by the academy with glazed eyes. Vaguely he remembered a time when he, Obito, and Rin had been out here. Before the wars, before Obito was crushed to death. Before he killed Rin.
"Good work, kids," said the student. "You've done excellent work demonstrating the power of teamwork. Continue like this, and all of you will be a great ninja."
Kakashi was unimpressed with the formation they'd demonstrated. When he was their age, he'd done far more advanced ones perfectly. Standards at the academy were falling, no doubt about that. Kakashi would have to recommend Minato-sensei fix that.
But how would he do that?
Kakashi had not been over to Minato-sensei's house since Rin died. And they saw one another even less since Minato-sensei became Hokage. Before Kakashi could think, however, he heard a familiar set of footfalls and dropped out of the tree to see Anko.
Anko wore her usual trenchcoat and netting armor. She'd taken to tying her violet hair up. "Kakashi?" she asked. "We're supposed to be reporting to the Hokage for a debriefing."
Debriefing?
Oh yes, they had been supposed to meet up and go to Minato-sensei, the Hokage. Going to meet him had gotten a lot more difficult. The memory of all the blood and horror of Rin's eyes was always strong. Not that Minato-sensei had anything to do with that, he hadn't been there.
Kakashi remembered when they had received their orders. Everyone had filed out, and Kakashi had remained where he was. Why had he done that? Was he hoping to be acknowledged? Minato had never blamed him, so perhaps...
"Oh, yes, Anko," said Kakashi. "I remember when I was like them."
"I never took you for a nostalgic type, Kakashi," said Anko.
"I don't have much else," said Kakashi.
And off they went.
"Well, either way, sensei wants me to get him some groceries," said Anko. "So you're delaying me too."
"Can't he get them himself?" asked Kakashi. "He's one of the Legendary Sanin."
"Orochimaru-sensei wouldn't leave his research for anything," laughed Anko. "He hasn't set foot in the Leaf since Lord Minato took charge."
"Is he still holding a grudge?" asked Kakashi. Orochimaru and Minato had hated one another for years, long before they competed. Kakashi remembered when the Uchiha had thrown their support behind Orochimaru.
Minato-sensei had been furious, but it hadn't been obvious to anyone but the observant. Minato-sensei hated losing control of anything, and it almost never happened. Yet, he'd never had the same anger toward Kakashi for Rin. It was a sign he cared.
"Oh definitely," said Anko. "Master Orochimaru was always really big on becoming Hokage. The Toad Sage Jiraiya agreed to support his claim. I think he viewed it as a personal betrayal. After that happened, I remember he wrecked his office.
"Only time I've seen him angry."
"What is he even doing down there?" asked Kakashi.
"Oh, various experiments. Nothing you'd want to know about," said Anko. "I've got the job of running messenger between him and Minato. It gets pretty tense sometimes."
"I wasn't aware things were tense between you and Orochimaru," said Kakashi.
"They aren't," said Anko. "Orochimaru puts on this whole thing about being heartless and stuff, but he isn't. Minato though... he gives me the creeps."
"Sensei?" asked Kakashi. Why would sensei give her the creeps? This was a woman who worked for one of the most terrifying Leaf Shinobi ever.
"It's nothing," said Anko.
Kakashi decided to push his luck. He was curious, and he had only gotten assigned to the same squad as Anko because of the luck of the draw. Most of the other ANBU shunned him, regarding him with a kind of wary respect.
He was Friendkiller Kakashi, a man who had killed his closest friend as soon as they became a threat. Everyone respected him, but no one wanted to spend time with him. He hadn't had this much social contact in the last year.
"No, it's not nothing," said Kakashi. "What were going to say about Sensei?""
Anko paused. "Well... he smiles and talks very warmly to you. And he's always very reasonable. But I don't really feel like there is anything behind the smile if you know what I mean.
"I mean, it's been years since Rin and Obito died. Has he ever asked if you were alright?"
Minato-sensei had not.
Not even once.
He had a long time ago when Kakashi had begun. But most of his attention had been for Rin and Obito. Then again, they'd needed it more. "...I'm sure he had his reasons."
"Yeah, reasons for sending your team on A ranks regularly when the rest of us were on C's and B's," said Anko.
That was right; Kakashi had known Anko and other kids from the academy once. They'd had a little group that fell apart. Vaguely he remembered invitations over the past few years. They'd dried up, except for Guy.
It had been all he could do to keep doing his missions.
"We all had serious duties during the war," said Kakashi.
"Sure. But Orochimaru-sensei never sent us into a hornet's nest without being with us," said Anko. "Minato would always send you out on your own and then go off to do heroics. We always figured it was because you three were just that strong, but...
"Nevermind."
"What happened to Rin and Obito was my fault," said Kakashi.
"No, it wasn't. It was a miracle my team didn't lose anyone with the way Iruka fights," said Anko. "Everyone loses a comrade some time."
"I swore to protect Rin, though. And I failed," said Kakashi.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, I guess," said Anko.
Kakashi was annoyed by the casual way she said it. "How does any of this reflect badly on sensei?"
"Because he doesn't care, Kakashi!" said Anko. "When has he ever talked to you about what happened to Rin or Obito. Has he ever really talked to you or them, beyond just to keep morale up?
"As soon as he made Hokage, he cut you loose!
"You wake up in a barren apartment, get your orders, and get sent out. Has he ever thanked you for... anything?"
"He shouldn't have to," said Kakashi. "He's Hokage; he can't give anyone special treatment, Anko."
"I'm not talking about special treatment," said Anko. "I'm talking about acknowledging that you were something other than a weapon. He's-"
"Don't talk to me about this anymore, Anko," said Kakashi, speaking more harshly than he wanted to. "Minato-sensei does care. He's just... been busy. He hasn't had a chance to approach me with everything going on."
"It's been years," noted Anko. "Maybe you should approach him. Your team went over to his house all the time at one point. It's not like you'll be breaking rank."
What was this, some kind of powerplay to drive a wedge between Kakashi and his sensei? If it was, it was clumsy. All Kakashi had to do was try it, and she'd be proven wrong. "I'll take it under advisement."
But Kakashi felt a real sense of hesitation.
Eventually, Kakashi and Anko came before Minato and made their report. Minato looked over it quickly, taking only a moment to glance at Kakashi, then at Anko with the same look. It was a pleased expression—no difference between Anko and him.
"Casualties?" asked Minato.
"We lost one man to a trap," said Kakashi. "All enemy combatants were annihilated. Our overall kill count was twenty-six."
Minato nodded. "I see.
"Well done, Kakashi, Anko. Your sacrifices are going a long way to helping the Leaf recover."
Kakashi stood up and found himself waiting. Waiting to be spoken to or acknowledged. Minato remained silent. "You may go."
Kakashi nodded. "Yes, of course, sensei."
Out the two of them went, and Anko stretched. "Well, that was nice of him. I've got to get sensei his groceries. Usual supply run.
"Want to come?"
"No, thank you," said Kakashi. "I have... an appointment to keep."
"Ever the professional. Fine, have fun with that," said Anko.
Off she went.
And off Kakashi went.
It was always like that. Sensei never said anything, no matter how many times Kakashi made it clear he needed help. Perhaps... perhaps Sensei didn't really know what to say. Rin and Obito had been very close to him.
But Kakashi could not remain like this.
"Look over there," said someone. "That's Friendkiller Kakashi."
"I heard everyone who gets close to him ends up dead by his hand," said another. "You ever heard about Rin-"
"Not so quiet," said the first. "You know that he's one of the Hokage's best assassins. There must be a good reason for keeping him around if Minato wants it."
"Yes, you're right. We should trust the Hokage," said the second.
Guy showed up around this point, clad in his usual green jumpsuit with hair in a bowl cut. He waved to him. "Hey, Kakashi. Care to join us for some dumplings."
"Not now, Guy. I've got somewhere to be," said Kakashi.
"Again?" asked Guy. "Don't you usually take the day off today?"
"Obito and Rin will want me to visit them," said Kakashi, acting to himself as though they were still alive.
If they had lived, would they still have been friends?
Or would Kakashi's toxic personality have alienated them? He'd never been very social at all. Either way, he had a gravestone to get to. Maybe he should be grateful they died since at least he could talk to their graves. Corpses couldn't reject you. "Obito, Rin, I'm here again.
"I thought I'd tell you, my work for Sensei is going well. I killed six missing ninjas a few weeks ago. In these days of peace, a lot of mercenaries are turning to banditry to survive. Some of them are even former samurai, though their a dying breed.
"Pretty soon, the only samurai left will be in the Land of Iron.
"Maybe not even those ones-"
"Why do you talk to the dead?" asked a voice. "Do you think they can hear you?"
Kakashi looked around but could see no one. "...I don't know.
"I hope so."
"Don't you think that people in the afterlife have better things to do than listen to you at their graves?" asked the voice.
"Probably," said Kakashi, wondering if he was having a breakdown. "I guess I'm hoping they'll hear me. Who are you?"
"A better question would be, 'Who are you talking yo?'" asked the voice.
"They were my friends, Obito and Rin," said Kakashi. He decided that talking to himself about this was preferable to talking to no one. "Rin was always kind, healing, and supporting others no matter how bad things got. And Obito he... he was my best friends. They died because I could not protect them."
"How was it your fault?" asked the voice.
"You're asking a lot of questions," said Kakashi, gazing around.
"I'm interested in the answers," said the voice.
"Well, we have that in common at least," said Kakashi. "When we were marching to war, Minato-sensei often sent us out on important missions. Our victories were one of the deciding reasons why he became as famous as he did. I was the most talented of us three. I became the youngest jonin in history, but I was all about the mission.
"One day, Rin was kidnapped by enemy agents while we were on a mission. Obito wanted to go rescue her, but I wanted to complete the mission first."
"So you left Rin, and she died?" asked the voice.
"No, I..." Kakashi paused. "Obito went to save her. He told me that he didn't care about the mission, that those who break the rules are scum. But those who abandon their friends are even worse than scum.
"It got through to me, and I went after him.
"We... together we saved Rin."
"So Obito was on your level?" asked the voice.
"Well, um..." Kakashi paused. "Not really. I was actually way ahead of him. He was pretty good, and Rin was a great healer. But sometimes, I had to carry the team when things got really bad.
"Anyway, there were these three enemy ninjas. I killed one but lost my eye. Obito killed another, and we defeated the last one together. Just as we got Rin free, though, we... there was a cave-in. Obito he... he gave me his eye, his will, and I led her away.
"But we got ambushed by a lot of ninjas-"
"More than three?" asked the voice.
"Yes, more than three ninja, a lot more. But I managed to defeat all of them-" began Kakashi.
"Wait, so, Obito struggled against one. But you managed to defeat all those yourself?" asked the voice.
"Yes I... I was always the strongest of the group," said Kakashi.
"And you thought you could complete the mission without Obito and Rin, right?" asked the voice.
"Yes, I..." Kakashi contemplated it all. "What's your point?"
"Why were Obito and Rin there if you were so far out of their league?" asked his other-self.
"Well... we were a team," said Kakashi. "Just because I was far stronger doesn't mean I'd leave them behind."
"But Minato-sensei sent you on more dangerous missions, didn't he?" asked the other-self. "Because of you. Rin and Obito would never have been sent out there alone unless you were that strong."
"That isn't true," said Kakashi. "Minato-sensei he... he sees more than us. He must have seen Obito and Rin's talent and known they could handle it.
"You weren't there. Minato was like a Father to us all."
"How?" asked the voice.
"I..." Kakashi halted, becoming angry now. "Who are you to be asking all these questions?"
"Can you answer them?" asked the voice.
"His wife, Kushina, she was always making sure we had extra supplies and..." Kakashi tried to think of what Minato had done for them beyond what was necessary for the mission. "And Minato always made sure we knew what we were getting into."
"And how are they now?" asked the voice.
"What?" asked Kakashi.
"How are Rin and Obito and Minato and Kushina?" asked his other-self.
"I..." Kakashi hesitated. "I couldn't keep my promise to Obito. I swore to him I'd protect Rin, but... a few years later, I killed her. She... she'd been kidnapped by the Mist, and they'd implanted a tailed beast into her. It was tearing its way out.
"She begged me to kill her, but I couldn't, and then...
"When we were ambushed, she jumped in front of my Chidori. I couldn't stop myself in time."
"And are Minato and Kushina dead?" asked his other-self.
"No, of course not," said Kakashi. "Minato is Hokage, and Kushina is his wife. And... and I'm one of his most trusted subordinates. Even... even though I got his students killed."
"You got them killed?" asked his other-self. "Was Minato not your commanding officer?"
"Shut up!" said Kakashi. "Minato-sensei isn't responsible! He cares about me! He cared about all of us! It's my fault!"
"When was the last time he asked if you were alright?" asked the voice.
"He... he's busy," said Kakashi.
"How many times have you stood in a briefing room after everyone else had left. Standing waiting for him to say something," said a voice like his own. "How many times has he said anything to you beyond giving orders?
"How many pep talks did Minato have with you?"
"He talked with Obito and Rin all the time," said Kakashi.
"But Obito and Rin needed it, didn't they?" asked the voice. "The team might have broken up if they hadn't been friends with you. You, Kakashi, could cope. You were a professional and didn't show any signs of breaking down."
"I was breaking inside!" said Kakashi.
"And what did Minato do about it?" asked the voice. "Whose fault is it that Rin and Obito are dead? Who is responsible for you being in a never-ending loop, standing in front of a graze stone every morning and night."
"SHUT UP!" said Kakashi. "Minato cares!"
"No, he doesn't," said Kakashi's other self. "He's never regarded us as anything but a weapon. He heated your metal with Obito and cooled you in Rin's blood. And once you were forged, he saw no reason to talk to you again."
"You're wrong," said Kakashi.
"Then why doesn't he talk to you?" asked his other self.
"He..." Kakashi choked. "He doesn't know what to say! I don't know what to say either, so...
"I'm not listening to any more of this."
"Why not?" asked his other self. "Doesn't it sound like the truth?"
"It's not true," said Kakashi. Because the possibility of what it meant otherwise was beyond contemplation. "I... I'm going to talk to him now! Anko was right; I have to... I have to approach him."
"You know as well as I do that he won't listen to anything you say," said Kakashi's other self. "You were nothing but a weapon to him. And you'll never be anything else."
Kakashi marched out toward the Hokage's house quickly. As he did, however, he considered how to talk to Minato-sensei about a personal matter. He'd never tried this before, and he ended up pacing restlessly while talking to himself. "'...Minato-sensei, how are you doing?'
"Too casual.
"'Hokage, I am in need of your wisdom.
"No, it'll be transparent. This is personal." Kakashi sighed. "This shouldn't be so hard. I've been his student and loyal subordinate for years.
"I was like a son to Kushina.
"I think.
"Then again, that may just be my imagination. She mostly seemed to interact with Obito and Rin; I was just there. Does she blame me for what happened?
"...I should know this.
"I should know all of this!" Kakashi felt the rage bubbling up within him, but he controlled it. His anger could not be allowed to get the best of him. "No, no, I've always been socially unaware. I probably just missed the obvious.
"Maybe...
"Maybe I should talk to Kushina, and she could talk to Minato-sensei on my behalf. I mean, I can't just show up unannounced at the Hokage's house.
"Right, that's it.
"I'll talk to Kushina first." With that done, Kakashi began to walk. But as he walked, other thoughts started coming to him. "Isn't she about to give birth?
"What are they planning to name their son? Is it a son? Or twins?
"Am I even invited to the baby shower? Or is that not a thing? Should I be there? Is that a tradition among students?
"More questions I probably should have answered. Why do I know so little about the two closest people in my life?"
And then, by sheer chance, he saw Kushina buying something at a store. Quickly coming out, he approached her. "Excuse me, uh... Kushina."
Kushina looked up and went suddenly white. For a moment, Kakashi thought she was afraid of him. "Kakashi, is something wrong? Did Minato send you?"
Kakashi wasn't sure why she'd had this reaction. She'd never acted like this before, but then Rin and Obito had been alive. Had there been some threat to the Leaf's Jinchuuriki? "Well, no, but... something is wrong."
"What, am I supposed to evacuate?" asked Kushina, looking afraid. "Are there kidnappers or assassins on the loose?" She'd been kidnapped before when she was young, hadn't she? It had been something to do with the Nine-tailed Fox. Or had that been sealed in her later?
"You're not in danger. I..." Kakashi paused. "I need to talk to Minato-sensei. I am... I am not doing very well. At all."
Kushina blinked in surprise, looking at Kakashi as if he'd grown a third head. "I see, I um... I'm sorry to hear that. But why are you coming to me?"
"I have no idea how to approach him," said Kakashi. "I don't really want to be seen just walking up to the Hokage's door; it could cause a stir or something. I..."
"Well then, why come to me at all?" asked Kushina.
"Because Rin and Obito felt they could come to you. And I don't know anyone other than Minato-sensei," said Kakashi. "I spend all my time in front of their graves, all my compatriots think I killed them deliberately and...
"I'm having a problem.
"I am not mentally balanced. And I'm concerned if I don't get some guidance, it will damage my work."
"But surely you could have talked to Minato about this before now," said Kushina. "I mean... I never really talked to you all much. You were always so silent. Minato was your Sensei."
"Minato-sensei... I've never had the courage to ask him directly," said Kakashi. "Now and then, I've waited a bit longer after everyone was dismissed, but... then I just leave."
Kushina shifted. "Alright, I'll talk to him, y'know.
"I'm uh... I'm sorry to hear things are going badly for you, y'know."
And she left.
Like he was some minor acquaintance who had come to her like she was family. Which, of course, he was. Kakashi felt a bitter taste in his mouth as he walked. He'd become so fixated on those brief moments as a kind of fairy tale time he'd never get back. He'd never considered how the people in it would feel.
During that time, Kakashi had been all business because he'd wanted to impress Minato. Though he'd told himself he was merely being professional. Rin and Obito had interacted while he listened. Then one by one, they'd been picked off, and he'd had no reason to come back. Minato had no reason to bring him back.
"I'm just an assassin to her," said Kakashi to himself. "Some child she used to know who killed the ones she cared about." Kushina had loved Obito and Rin. Kakashi had just been part of the group.
But the group was gone now.
Kakashi slept fitfully that night. That morning, he went to meet with the Hokage to receive his mission. Minato saw him alone and looked... irritated. Why would he feel irritated at a cry for help? It was like some longstanding nuisance had gone on for too long.
"You sent for me, Hokage," said Kakashi.
Minato put his hands together. "Kakashi, I'm told you've been having some issues."
"Yes, I..." Kakashi choked, trying to keep together. This is what he had wanted. "Minato-sensei, I don't think I'm holding together very well right now."
"Why did you feel the need to bother Kushina about it?" asked Minato, an edge in his tone.
"...It's a personal matter and... I didn't think it would be right to just go up to your house," said Kakashi. "People might think something is going on.
"I ran into her in the street and asked her for advice." Surely people did that with acquaintances.
"You alarmed her a great deal, you know," said Minato, and his tone was understanding but stern. Except it didn't reach his eyes. "You should be more careful about things. I realize that Kushina was like a mother to you, but that was years ago. You've had almost no contact with her for some time.
"And, well, your reputation doesn't help.
"She thought that there was some sort of coup happening."
"I didn't mean to cause trouble," said Kakashi.
"In light of the situation, I'll overlook it," said Minato. "You've had a rough time of it. In light of your exemplary service, I'm putting you on mandatory leave for the next month."
"I..." What, that was it? A month of leave? "I appreciate the gesture, sensei, but..." Kakashi trailed off.
"You're hoping for something more," said Minato.
"...Yes," admitted Kakashi.
Minato sighed. "I'm going to be honest with you, Kakashi. I've been aware of this desire of yours for some time. However, I have to yield to the political realities of the Leaf.
"As Hokage, I must maintain an image of civic virtue that embodies the ideals of the Leaf. Everyone I associate with reflects on me, especially those I associate with personally.
"Unfortunately, the... incidents that you went through have given you a reputation.
"Friendkiller Kakashi. A man who won't hesitate to slaughter his comrades for the sake of the mission."
"Sensei I..." Kakashi halted and realized Minato's eyes hadn't changed. Not once. Not when he'd ever seen him.
"The simple fact is that our relationship must remain professional," said Minato.
Relationship? What was he... "Sensei, what about our team ethic?! The ninja way we lived by?!
"Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their teammates..."
"...are even worse than scum," Minato finished. "It's a very nice code for an ordinary ninja to live by Kakashi. But unfortunately, we are no longer on a team together. What if you were taken hostage and another village demanded I hand over secrets for your release? Would you expect me to do it? For one ninja?"
"...No," said Kakashi, he would not.
"You see my point then," said Minato. "I can't afford to play favorites. If you are looking for companionship, I recommend you spend time with some of your fellows."
Wait a minute, what?
Did Minato think that Kakashi had been interested in him on a romantic level? But why would he think that?
Then it dawned on Kakashi. He hadn't been specific. His words were vague and open-ended, easy to interpret how one wished.
"But I..." Kakashi cut himself. "I understand, sensei. No, Hokage. I understand completely."
It was a moment of sheer horror, the most horrible moment in Kakashi's life he had ever felt. Sensei, no, Minato, did not care. Not in the slightest. Kakashi could see into his soul right then and there. Minato wasn't speaking to Kakashi as a son, or a friend, or even an unruly subordinate. He was manipulating a tool that had ended up in the wrong place.
"I see," said Minato, smiling. "Then I'm sure we can maintain a long, fruitful, professional relationship. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do. Enjoy the leave."
Kakashi Hatake left the Hokage's office. Looking upward, he walked up to the Hokage Monument. There he looked down on the village. He realized there wasn't a single person down there he cared about besides Guy. He had people whose company he enjoyed, but it was all professional.
And sensei...
He was a professional incarnate. Minato Namikaze was the vision of everything Kakashi had striven to be as a ninja. Before, Obito had thrown a wrench in the works. He'd forced Kakashi to choose between his team and the mission.
Why would sensei need to use vague language?
Surely Minato knew Kakashi, had known him for years. Surely any person with a functioning sense of empathy would understand him. But then, the obvious truth came into view;
This was Minato's fault.
Minato had made Kakashi by killing Rin and Obito. He'd sent them into one horrifying battlefield after another. And they'd clung to him the whole time, getting good advice and learning to be on a team. But the Minato who had been so precious to them had been an illusion. It was a puppet pulled by strings of manipulation.
The real Minato was only a machine. A machine that had ruined Kakashi's life and used him all this time for his precious Leaf Village.
"...We never meant anything to him.
"Not once have I seen that stoic face change except to smile. But it never reached his eyes, not once. We were just weapons he kept honed and maintained. And once we broke, he threw us away.
"That...
"So this is how we get rewarded for all our loyalty and hard work to the Leaf. We get used, snapped, and thrown aside like... trash.
"Minato...
"You'd better enjoy these last days. I'm coming for you, your wife, and your children, you murderous coward!"
That Nine-tailed Fox inside Kushina, Kakashi had come up with the perfect use for it.