Silence. Complete silence. She heard nothing and yet she was in pain. A lot of pain. She saw the machines around her go off with pulse ox numbers and felt the gel on her skin. She felt the ultrasound on her body and felt a stethoscope on her chest. But she heard nothing.
Owen was hovering. Kepner's mouth was moving. Richard was looking around desperately. Maggie ran in. Did she say her name? And Alex. Alex approached her and asked something. Something about Derek? He ran out the room. But she heard nothing. Just silence.
"Mwah. I love you. I'll see you at the hospital." Derek kissed Meredith as she grabbed her bag.
"Are you sure you don't want me to wait for you? We can take the kids to school together. I can be a little late."
"No you can't. Lives depend on you being on time," Derek shook his head as he continued to pack the kids' lunch.
Meredith chuckled and wrapped her arms around his neck again, "What if we go again? Just a quickie?"
Derek laughed as wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, "The kids are up and getting ready. Ellie still needs to be changed and you have to go!"
Derek was usually the one trying to convince her to stay in bed, but today it was her turn. She wanted to stay home in her husband's arms all day. She had woken him up by peppering kisses all over his face. She had climbed on top of him and he let her take advantage of him all morning.
"Fine," Meredith sighed, "But you'll have to make it up to me."
Derek leaned in closely, not yet touching her lips, "Oh I'll make it up to you."
Meredith closed her eyes and giggled as he kissed her. She deepened the kiss just as he began to pull back, "Go!"
She grunted and walked out the door. She could swear she heard him laugh as she closed the door. Oh how she loved to hear his laugh.
"Dr. Shepherd?"
"Yes?" Amelia looked up at Ben as he rushed toward her.
"Dr. Grey needs you. She asked me to come find you."
"Really? Meredith actually asked for me or did she just neuro in general?"
Meredith was the last person Amelia needed to see. She had been arguing with her over Owen the last few weeks.
Whatever was happening between the new cardio guy and Hunt was none of her concern Meredith had told her. She made a promise to Cristina she had to keep. Of course she did. Even if she was her sister- wait no she was Derek's sister. Meredith made sure to clarify that. No matter how much Derek's accident should have brought them closer, her loyalty to Cristina and her lack of trust in Amelia would always be a barrier.
Ben stumbled to reply, "I don't remember"
"Yeah, you do," Amelia scoffed, "Have Grey give us a page if her patient becomes critical or better yet once the other Dr. Shepherd gets here, page him!"
Amelia walked away. She wasn't dealing with this today even if her brother wasn't due to come in for at least another hour.
"Where's Hunt? Trauma 3, right?" Amelia turned to confirm with Edwards.
She nodded as she turned to Ben, "We'll be there in ten minutes."
"We're out here visiting my sister. She and my girls are on a girl's day out," her patient chuckled as Meredith cleaned his head lac, "So I decided to see the Space Needle. Now I'm seeing all kinds of needles."
Meredith chuckled.
"Yeah, it's corny. I know sorry. My daughters tell me I make the worse jokes"
"It's okay, I'm used to it. My husband loves to make corny jokes and my kids are still small and laugh at them all the time. He's gotten worse at them over the years," Meredith smiled as she pictured her family, "How many kids do you have?"
"Two. They're 10 and 6. What about you?"
"I have three. 5, 3, and my youngest who just turned 1."
"Aw that's sweet. My kids are smart, they're smarter than I-'' he began to seize.
The room began to mobilize before Meredith yelled, "What are we looking at?"
The resident froze.
"C'mon speak up!" Meredith called out again.
"A tonic clonic seizure," the resident answered, "We need to roll him."
She counted down to roll them and waited for the seizure to stop.
Meredith looked up at the resident again, "It's going on too long, we need ten of lorazepam. It's locked in pharma. Go!"
The resident ran out. Meredith and the nurses held her patient down as his seizure stopped.
She breathed a sigh of relief, "That was a big one."
As she cleaned him up the nurses went out to get him fresh gown and sheets.
"Oh hey! If you see neuro, can you get them in here please?"
The nurse nodded at Meredith. She turned to her computer to fill in the report.
Without a warning, she was on the floor. Begging for help and none came in. Then, silence. Darkness.
"What the hell happened?" Derek yelled as he stormed into the trauma room with Alex behind him.
"He was stable, non-aggressive, he-he wasn't a threat," Ben attempted to explain.
Derek pushed his way through to make it to Meredith's head. Her face was swollen, there were visible cuts, and from what he could see too many bruises on her body. A neck brace held her neck steady and her screams were piercing through his ears. Her eyes pleaded with him to make the pain go away.
"It's okay, I'm here. I'm right here"
No response, just piercing sounds of pain. Derek looked back up to Ben and snapped, "And you left her alone?! Why the hell would you do that?!"
"Derek," Owen looked at him with a pointed look, "he was postictal. You know hyper-aggression can occur after a seizure. He won't even remember it happened."
Alex spoke up next, "Where is he?"
Ben glanced between him and Derek, "He's being treated next door."
Richard looked at Derek, "You shouldn't be in here, you should wait outside."
"The last time she was in a trauma room and you kicked me out, she was dead for several minutes."
Richard froze. He was right. The last time Meredith had been in here, she had drowned and she almost didn't come back. No one had the heart to tell Derek until after they brought her back. He could still remember Derek's look when he confessed to staying up late at night just to watch her breathe. He couldn't do that to them again.
"Fine, but you need to stay out of the way or else Bailey will kick you out if she comes in here."
Derek couldn't keep up with everyone. They all shouted commands and stats and something about her knee. Something about her chest and her arms.
He looked down at Meredith as his thumbs gently caressed her cheeks, "You're gonna be okay. I got you. We all got you."
Just then Maggie burst through the door. She briefly glanced at Derek. He could see the tears in her eyes as she looked back down to Meredith, "Hi. I'm here."
She continued to shout orders but his eyes went back to Meredith's. Why wasn't she responding? Was she too shocked to respond? The voices around them continued to shout orders.
"We need to do a chest ray."
"Derek, you need to let her go or help us turn her."
Her screams of pain continued to pierce the room as they moved her.
"It's okay, Meredith, it's okay."
Richard's soothing voice assured him but Alex's tears worried him.
Amy strutted in, "We're here! What do we-" She froze when she saw who was on the table. She looked up to find her brother standing over his wife. Frozen. Helpless. Holding on to each end as if it was the only thing holding him up.
Owen debriefed her, "Possible concussion, head contusions, multiple blunt-force blows to the head and neck-"
Amelia remained stoic in her place, unable to move or look away from her brother. She looked down at Meredith and then back at Owen. .
"It's Grey, I'm sorry.'' I thought someone told you."
Derek looked up to his sister with tears in his eyes, "Amy I need you I need-"
She slowly made her way back to the wall.
"Amy?"
She slid down the wall and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"AMY!"
Derek looked at Edwards, "You know-"
Edwards sprung into action, "I got it."
Again with the exams. Something about her knee. Stable crit and they need to draw blood.
Jackson stormed in, "What is this? What happened?"
"She was attacked by a patient," Richard explained.
Jackson noticed Derek's presence, "Shepherd you shouldn't-"
"Avery, shut up. I'm not leaving." Derek growled.
Jackson looked to Alex. He shook his head. No one was getting Derek Shepherd out of here even if they physically tried.
"She needs an airway evaluation," Owen indicated.
Jackson began to evaluate her.
"Derek we're gonna have to put in a chest tube. Her lung is collapsing. Meredith, did you hear that?" Maggie asked but she received no response. She looked up to Derek who was gasping for air, overwhelmed by the situation.
"Okay," Derek breathed. He removed his hands from the side of her face as he let them work. Meredith's eyes followed him and he stepped closer to her to show her he hadn't left. The noises she was making. The moans of pain. He had never heard her make them before in his life. They were painful to hear.
"You can't work on your family Maggie," Richard insisted.
"Everyone in this damn room is her family!" Alex yelled back.
He was right, Derek thought. He was just too shocked to say anything. Shocked that his wife was here again and that his sister froze on him when he needed her.
Meredith groaned and coughed. Jackson asked her to breathe. Maggie yelled that the chest tube was in. But all he could hear were the sounds of pain Meredith was putting out.
"There's no evidence of traumatic brain injury," Edwards remarked as she quickly looked up at Derek.
"Did she move her fingers? Her toes? Any nerve damage? Any response?" he asked desperately.
"Oh uh- Dr. Grey I need you to move your fingers," Edwards stammered.
Nothing. No response. Derek went back up to her head and quickly glanced at her fingers.
"Meredith, move your toes," he begged.
Still nothing.
"C'mon wiggle something," Edwards asked again.
Alex shook his head, "She responded to the painful stimulus. It doesn't make sense!"
"She can't hear." Derek whispered.
"Pulse ox is dropping again," Ben shouted as Meredith began to wheeze.
Derek snapped his fingers around Meredith's ears. No response.
"We need to secure the airway and tube her," Jackson commanded.
"Everybody stop!" Derek yelled out as he snapped his fingers around Meredith's ears. Her eyes were glued to his, "Meredith blink twice if you can hear me."
Nothing.
"Meredith, look at me! Blink twice if you can hear me! Move your fingers!"
No blinks. No movement
"She can't hear," Derek looked up as Alex said exactly what he was thinking.
Meredith Grey could not hear a single word.
He missed what Jackson said but heard the noise of the machines. Suddenly, everyone was over her again.
Hunt pushed Derek and removed her oxygen mask, "Her jaw is locked. Suction!"
"There's no way we're getting a tube in there, it's fractured. We're going to have to trache her," Jackson explained.
Maggie stuttered, "You have to get a tube in there. You have to preserve her airway."
"Y-You can't trache her," Derek begged with tears in his eyes.
"Okay...um.." Jackson paused for a moment, "If I can reduce the dislocation, we can probably get her mouth open just enough to intubate"
Derek looked up at Jackson. He knew what that meant.
"It's gonna hurt like hell."
Derek looked down at Meredith who was still wheezing. Still in pain. He placed both his hands next to Meredith's face again and leaned down to her ears. He knew she couldn't hear him but at least she knew he was there, "I'm so sorry, Meredith, I'm so sorry."
Jackson counted down and no one could stop her screams.
Pain. So much pain. Meredith slowly opened her eyes. Alex. Maggie. Richard. Derek. Derek. All hovering over her. She could see their mouths moving. Derek's eyes trying to read her. But she just felt too much pain. She felt a bandage around her face and felt casts around her arm and leg.
She closed her eyes and let the darkness envelope her again.
The second time she opens her eyes, she sees a pair of hands cutting through the cast of her left arm. She looks up to see Callie smiling down at her but she can't make out what she's saying. Can someone stop the damn ringing?
Callie turns and calls out for someone. Derek rushes in and looks down at her. He says something but the ringing doesn't let her hear what he's telling her. She can make out her name on his lips but can't understand anything can't hear his voice.
She feels the morphine button on her hand and presses it. It's too much pain to handle.
"She hasn't woken up all night," Maggie informed him. She and Derek were standing outside Meredith's room as she slept. The glass windows allowed them to see her as she breathed and the machines let them know she was stable. Her face was still swollen and it was covered with bruises. Her jaw was still shut tightly and the IV lines were still running.
Derek sighed, "She opened her eyes yesterday when Callie replaced her casts but she pressed that morphine button as soon as she had it in her hand."
He'd been sitting by her bedside every night and looked like hell. No one could get him to go home until Maggie had finally convinced him to go home while she stayed the night with Meredith.
Zola had been crying the whole week begging to see her dad or mom. Bailey couldn't sleep and Ellis' schedule was thrown off. The kids needed him too.
"How're the kids?," Maggie asked.
Derek pressed his lips together as his eyes glistened. He looked at Meredith before answering, "They miss their mom."
Maggie hugged him. He accepted the hug but pulled back slowly, "Have you heard from Amelia?"
Amelia. He never called her Amelia. She was always Amy to him, even Maggie knew that.
She shook her head, "Not since the accident."
She opened her eyes again. The headache was still there. Her arms were still sore and her body felt like it was hit by a truck. Derek would laugh. He'd tell her Now you know how I felt. She could imagine his laugh. She'd probably never hear it again.
She turned her head to see Amelia in the room. Richard was pushing her out. She was fighting back and her lips were moving. She was shouting something. She wore her black leather jacket with black jeans and a dirty gray tee. She was drunk. Amelia Shepherd was drunk. Her sobriety streak was broken. Again.
Derek ran down the hall and opened the sliding door to the room. He looked tired. Frustrated. Like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was a mess and scruff covered his face.
He pulled Amelia away and moved his lips. He was angry. Meredith could tell he was angry. He had that face where he said something so angrily that it wasn't even a yell. It was that stupid face he'd make where he was talking so low trying to hold back any yells. Amelia could hold her own and yelled at him back. At least that's what it looked like.
Richard turned and noticed her open eyes. He approached her and gently stroked her forehead with the back of his hand.
She pressed the button again and fell back to the darkness.
Alex walked into the room, "Any changes?"
"No," Derek responded from the chair across her bed. His eyes never left Meredith.
"Maggie asked me to come in and tell you to go home for the night. It'll be a long day tomorrow with her surg-"
Derek rolled his eyes, "I'm not leaving her."
Alex sighed. He had told Maggie there was no way in hell Derek would be leaving.
"I know."
"Alex, did you tell Cristina?"
Alex looked at him and then at Meredith, "Not yet."
Bright. It was too bright. Why was she moving? Where were they going? She glanced to see Owen's green scrub cap moving her gurney down the hall. She turned and saw Callie's red scrub back as she turned to look at her with a smile. Suddenly both surgeons looked up. Something -or someone- had caught their attention.
A ferry boat scrub cap.
"I'm going in there!" Derek shouted as he reached them.
Owen shook his head, "No Derek-"
"Hunt, do not tell me I can't! Please don't tell me I can't"
"Derek we have eyes," Callie whispered as she quickly glanced down at Meredith.
Meredith's green eyes met his blue eyes. Tears welled up as she continued to stare back at him. He made his way closer to her, "Hey, I'm right here. Do you see me, I'm right here."
She probably couldn't even hear him but he needed her to know he was there, "You're gonna be okay I promise. You're gonna be okay and I'll see you when you're out, okay?"
"Derek," Owen's voice pulled Derek back, "We got her. I promise."
Callie rubbed his arm, "Let us do this. We got her. You need to wait outside."
Derek's eyes were filled with tears he refused to shed, "Callie please. Please?"
She shook her head, "We can't work with you in there hovering over us. You need to wait outside."
He finally conceded, "Okay. Okay."
He kissed Meredith's forehead as they walked her into the OR. He peaked through the window as they prepped her.
God please let her be okay.
"Meredith did the same thing for every single one of your surgeries after your accident."
Richard's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He had been sitting in the chapel since Callie had sent him away from the OR.
"Every time we pulled you into the OR she'd make her way in here," Richard sat next to him and crossed his arms, "She'd sit here until you were out. I don't think I ever saw her in here until then."
Derek sighed, "She wanted to stay home. She wanted to stay in bed. Let the kids sleep in and stay home all day."
"She never wants to stay home if we're working and the one time- the one time she-," Derek's sight remained to the candles in front of him, "She wanted to stay home and I told her to go to work. That I'd see her later."
Richard turned to look at him, "This wasn't your fault, Derek."
Derek's head snapped to look at Richard, "I should've been here. I should've been in there. With her. I could've stopped it."
Richard shook his head, "It was an accident."
"Derek?" Amelia's voice surprised them both. They turned to the entrance to see her standing there.
Richard stood up, "I'll give you some privacy."
Derek turned back to the candles, "Where have you been?"
Amelia sat next to him and placed her hands between her knees. She fiddled with her fingers before answering, "I was um- I stayed in a hotel."
Derek didn't respond. He kept his sight forward, "Are you okay?"
"I'm uh- I'm back in AA. I heard Meredith had surgery today. I wanted to make sure you were o-"
"I needed you. My wife needed you. My kids needed you. And you disappeared." Derek kept his teeth clenched. He was still angry.
"I'm sorry," Amelia responded, "I know you needed me but-"
"Derek, she's out." Alex's voice caused them both to turn to the entrance. Derek stood and ran out with Alex leaving Amelia alone with her thoughts.
Meredith opened her eyes. Still no sound. She touched her lips and felt the wires around her teeth.
Callie, Jackson, and Bailey were standing in front of the computers arguing. She could tell Derek was listening carefully to each of them like he was weighing in options. His brow was furrowed in concentration and he looked to Bailey. Bailey turned and noticed Meredith's eyes were open. Derek's head turned to look at her and he made his way to the bed. She could tell he said her name. No response. He pointed to his ears and to his chest.
Can you hear me?
She shook her head.
He sighed in disappointment but took her hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb. He reached up to kiss it before she pointed back to the arguing doctors.
He shook his head.
You don't need to see that right now.
She rolled her eyes and pointed to the doctors once again. He gave her a warning look before standing up. He grabbed the nearest tablet and said something to them before giving it to Meredith. Bailey was shouting. She could tell she was shouting even without hearing. Derek shook his head and slid through each image.
Jaw wired shut. Fracture. Fracture. Fracture. Ribs. Trauma to the neck. Head CT.
She pushed the tablet away. Derek shut it down and placed it back on the table as his eyes remained on hers.
Told you.
He turned to the doctors. They stared at him and then at her.
He had kicked them out.
"Get out."
They turned to look at him.
"Derek we-" Callie started.
"I said get out. We'll talk later."
They made their way out of the room whispering to each other something about him needing sleep. Maybe they were right but at this moment he needed to give Meredith the space she needed. As soon as the door was shut he made his way to close the curtains on the glass door.
That's when he heard it.
She began to sob. It started softly and then it became a loud sound of anger, frustration, sadness, and disappointment. He made his way over to the side of her bed and sat as best as he could.
He hugged her with one arm and whispered, "Let it all out. All of it."
She couldn't. Not anymore. She had held on as much as she could but it all had finally sunk in. She was broken. Her entire body was broken and she couldn't do much about it. Derek's embrace only pushed her to sob even louder and she could swear she heard him whisper, "Let it all out. All of it."
His lips touched her forehead, "It's gonna be okay, you just let it out."
He turned to look at her, "I think I know where Ellis and Bailey get their snot from when they cry."
She chuckled through her tears. His voice was faint but she could hear what he was saying. Either that or her lip reading was getting much better.
"You have so much snot. Blow into the tissue."
She took the tissue from his hand and cleaned her face.
"Be careful you don't-" Derek stopped and looked at her. She recognized the confused look in his eyes.
"Wait, Meredith, can you hear me?"
Oh my god, I can hear him.
Meredith mumbled and nodded.
"You can hear me!" he snapped his fingers around her and smiled, "Oh thank God!"
He embraced her as best as he could without hurting her.
They both burst into laughter, thankful that at least she could hear him now.
God, she missed his laugh.
"Who's Lou?"
Derek stared at Meredith and shook his head. He was sitting at the end of her bed as Bailey, Jackson, Callie, and Owen recapped her injuries and post-op care. She had finally been moved to a more private room away from the ICU.
Meredith had written the name on the white board she had been using to communicate.
Derek turned to Maggie, "He's the patient that attacked her."
"Yeah, we've been calling him something else," mumbled Alex.
Derek's eyes never left Meredith's as Bailey began to explain his condition.
Derek already knew what was coming next before Bailey said it.
"Lou has reached out. He has made a couple of request to see you-"
Meredith mumbled declining the request. She shook her head and Derek grabbed her hand. Meredith squeezed it as she stared at him.
"She's kicking you out," Derek announced.
They glanced at each other before shuffling out. Derek waited until the door shut behind them.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
She leaned back into the pillows and stared at the pictures on the table. It was filled with get well cards, flowers, drawings, and a picture of her children. Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. All of them sitting on the couch with Zola's arms wrapped around Ellis.
She missed them.
"Zola asked if she could come see you. And Bailey keeps asking when you're coming home," Derek's voice pulled her mind back to reality.
"And Ellie - Oh Ellie won't sleep through the night," he continued, "They miss you, too."
Meredith squeezed his hand and pointed to the marker. He placed it on her hand after removing the cap.
Amelia?
Derek sighed, "I don't know. The last time I saw her was the day of your last surgery. Which was a week ago."
Meredith tapped on the whiteboard demanding more.
"I don't know. All I know is that she hovers every now and then but she doesn't come close to me or steps into the room."
Meredith stared him down. She knew there was more.
"I was angry. I said some things."
She rolled her eyes. Stupid Shepherd siblings.
Suddenly she looked into his eyes. She could tell he was still concerned for her even though they were fighting. She scribbled again.
How long?
"The drinking?"
She nodded.
"Couple days before the accident, according to Richard," he mumbled, "She's back in AA, I think."
She shook her head.
Derek sighed and shifted on the bed, "I'm gonna ask if I could bring the kids."
Meredith smiled at the thought of seeing the kids.
Derek pressed his lips on her forehead before heading out.
As he walked out he paused. Amelia was standing by the nurses station.
Nothing was said between the siblings.
"Okay, this isn't exactly the right shade but it's doing a pretty good job at covering the bruising," Arizona kindly smiled as she helped Meredith cover up the faint bruises on her face.
Meredith was excited. She'd finally get to see her kids again. Her face had finally swelled down and Derek had gotten approval to bring them in.
"Alright," Arizona breathed, "Don't try to get up, let them come to you. And try not to open your mouth because the wires-the metal wires- are kind of scary."
Meredith nodded and grabbed her hand in appreciation. Arizona packed up the make-up and made her way to the door. She motioned to Derek to bring them in.
"Hey! Look who's here to see you momma!" Derek's voice boomed through the room as he walked in with Ellis in his arms and Zola's hand in the other. Bailey was gripping Zola's hand and they smiled as they walked in.
Meredith couldn't help but smile at the sight of her kids. That's when their smiles dropped and pulled back. Meredith quickly covered her smile and Derek gave Ellis to Arizona. Arizona took her to Meredith.
"Daddy, I don't want to," Zola whined.
Derek dropped to her height and whispered, "Zozo, c'mon, princess it's momma."
"No, no no! I don't want to!"
"Zozo, look at me," Derek pleaded, "I know momma's teeth are wired right now and it's a little scary but she really wants to see you. She needs to see you, sweetie."
Zola stared at her dad and then glanced at her mother. Meredith's free arm was extended towards her and Bailey.
"Please Zola," Derek whispered, "If you go, Bailey will go too. And I promise you it's better than medicine for her."
Zola looked down at her feet.
"You're the best medicine we have, remember?"
When Derek had his accident, he spent most of his recovery with his kids. Zola, being the oldest, had the most questions especially when he took his meds. One day, he told her she was his best medicine because she made him feel so much better. And that was the honest truth.
Zola looked back at her dad and whispered, "Okay."
Derek sighed in relief and walked her over, "Okay."
Zola embraced her mother and then Bailey ran up to her as well.
"Bailey, be careful buddy," Derek added as he feared him accidentally hurting Meredith.
Meredith looked up at Derek with thankful eyes.
It was like she was breathing for the first time again.
"Chase, get Dr. Grey a wheelchair", Derek asked as he walked in.
Meredith scowled at him. She had been frustrated the last couple of days and had been throwing ice chips at anyone who walked in that wasn't Derek.
"Shut it, you've been locked inside for weeks. It's time to bust you out of here."
Once outside, Derek stopped the wheelchair near a bench and sat next to her. She held on tightly to the whiteboard on her lap and the marker in her hand. He sat next to her and closed his eyes as he let the sun hit his face.
"I talked to Cristina earlier today," his voice broke the silence. She turned at his comment.
"She's pissed because I didn't call her earlier. She's trying to get some days off to come and see you."
Meredith turned her head again. A small smile curved at the edge of her mouth.
"Amy came home last night."
Amy. She was Amy again.
Meredith didn't turn to look at him this time. Home. Didn't Amelia move out after their fight?
"Maggie called to tell me. I was here in the hospital- you were sleeping. Maggie is staying in the house with the kids so Amy spent the night with them too. Apparently Bailey fell asleep in her arms."
Meredith let out a breathy chuckle picturing her small boy with floppy hair. He had spent so much time with Amelia that she was pretty sure she was his favorite aunt.
"She called me this morning to check on you and to check on me," he continued, "I apologized."
She didn't respond so he continued.
"I was unfair to her. I was mean and angry. I said mean things when she was at her lowest again."
Meredith raised an eyebrow. Very rarely did Derek ever admit to being the cause of an argument with Amelia.
"I know that I don't make it easier between the two of you- because I'm her brother and I'm your husband- and I've tried to stay neutral and not interfere but she is your sister. Even if she's not."
Meredith turned to look at him angrily. She removed the break from one side of the wheelchair and struggled with the other side determined to leave.
"Oh stop it, you can't move in a wheelchair with one hand in a cast. I know. I tried, remember?"
He chuckled at the memory of him falling over the chair when he tried to leave the room in anger. He had been frustrated about being chair bound and tried to prove he could move on his own. Meredith had watched him try to leave only to end up holding in her laughter at how much he struggled. Serves you right for being a stubborn ass, she had reprimanded him.
She huffed in anger. She didn't need to be reminded of his time in the hospital. Not now.
"I'm not saying that you need to stop being loyal to Cristina or that Amy is replacing her. I'm not saying that at all because I know how important Cristina is to you. And you know how important she is to me."
He paused to give her some time to process what he was saying.
"She's still your best friend and no matter what she'll always be your person. But right now, at this moment, Amy is here. Maggie is here. They're your sisters. You don't have to like Amy, you don't have to love her- I get it. It's hard. And she talks too much-she talks more than I do. But she is here. Accept that."
Derek continued to look at her. He got no response except a glisten in her eye. He could see her breathing growing harder and knew he touched a nerve. Cristina was her person. She was the single most important person to her aside from him and their children.
But when Derek nearly died, he realized just how much Meredith needed the people around her. The people that were here. Her village.
"I almost died. I nearly left you. I nearly left our kids. And my biggest fear is leaving you alone. I don't want you to be alone. I can't have you be alone. I've seen you be lonely and it's hard watching you be lonely."
Meredith didn't look at him. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and clenched her hand as he continued to speak.
"You need to forgive her for not being Cristina. And forgive Maggie for not being Lexie. They're not here to replace anyone. But they're your sisters and you need them. And they need you. I need you."
Meredith unclenched her hand as she felt Derek's wrap around hers. She let the tears fall out of her eyes and held on to him as if he was her lifeline without looking at him.
"I should've stayed home with you that morning. I should've - should've let you stay home with our kids. I should've listened to you and stayed home. This is my fault. All of it is my fault."
Meredith turned to look at him. He wasn't looking at her anymore but he was looking straight ahead. She could see the silent tears running down his face and the guilt that was eating him alive.
Meredith let go of his hand. She shook her head and scribbled on her board again.
No one's fault.
She reached to caress his cheek. He leaned into her hand as he turned to look at her
He looked down at the board and nodded. She knew she couldn't take the guilt away no matter what she told him.
Derek leaned into her hand and turned to kiss her palm before leaning his head on her shoulder.
She wrapped her arm around him and rested her cheek atop of his head. They stayed this way for a while. Forgiving each other whatever pain they felt.
"Your stupid husband didn't even call me to tell me. I had to hear it from Evil Spawn over here and he didn't even have the balls to tell me when it actually happened!"
"We were a little busy trying to save her life!"
"Oh whatever!"
Meredith laughed. She had missed the banter between Alex and Cristina. She was sitting at the foot of her bed as Alex stood next to them.
"Speaking of idiots, where's McDreamy," Cristina asked, "I haven't seen him since I got here. I half expected him to be in here hovering over you!"
Meredith scribbled on her white board.
Kids.
"Ah. The Little Shepherds," Cristina replied, "He's hovering over them."
"Cut the guy some slack, he's here all day and all night. We literally have to drag him out of here to check on them," Alex added.
Cristina nodded, "When I talked to him he wasn't himself he was like a robot just getting through the call. That's how I knew how serious it was."
Meredith raised an eyebrow. Again she scribbled on her board and pointed to Alex.
Be honest, is he okay?
"He's doing better than when it happened," Alex answered her question.
Meredith sighed. Derek had told her he was fine.
"He's just worried, Mer," Cristina assured her, "It's normal."
Meredith placed her head back on the pillow.
"Want to hear about the cool stuff I'm doing in Switzerland?"
Derek walked into the room as Meredith finished wrapping the velcro around her boot.
"You ready?"
She nodded. She had decided to let Lou see her but Derek had insisted he be there. He promised to be on his best behavior but he didn't want her to be alone.
He helped her on the wheelchair and took her over to the kitchen. Bailey was waiting for them at the door of the cafeteria.
"Okay, here we go." Bailey glanced at Derek, "Derek you need to be-"
"On my best behavior. I know I'm not mentally challenged, remember?"
"Still not too sure about that," Bailey retorted as she opened the door.
Meredith placed her right hand over Derek as she saw Lou's back. He stopped and leaned down to whisper, "I'm right here."
She took a deep breath and nodded. He walked her in as Lou stood to look at her with flowers in his hand. His family was with him.
"Dr. Grey, I'm so sorry."
Amy tiptoed into the dark room. She could make out Derek's body on the chair across from Meredith's bed. He was covered in a thin blanket and was still wearing his shoes. She placed the chip on the tray in front of Meredith and turned to make her way out of the room.
Suddenly the tapping of the chip on the tray caught her attention.
Meredith met her gaze.
"It's my 30-day chip. I'm sober. I'm trying."
Meredith let out a breath and let her continue.
"I moved into your old house with Maggie and Alex. Alex let me stay there while I pick myself up again and I'm helping out with the kids. Just until you're out. I know it's been hard for him between bouncing with you and the kids- but always with either Maggie or Alex. I hope that's okay with you."
Meredith said nothing. She inspected the chip in her hand.
"I start work on Monday so..I'm trying. I'm trying," Amy turned to make her way out the door.
"I know you are." Meredith whispered. Her voice was still hoarse from the voice rest.
"You can talk," Amelia gasped softly, "They took your wires off. That's great!"
Meredith nodded, "This morning. Your brother needed someone to talk to so they finally took the wires off."
Amelia let out a soft chuckle as she turned to look at her brother.
He lay peacefully on the couch. He'd been better these last few days now that Meredith was recovering.
"I've been unfair. It's hard for me to have sisters when they either leave or die," Meredith said softly, "But I'm trying too."
Amelia nodded. She turned to make her way out of the room and closed it softly behind her.
"Told you you were her sister."
Derek's voice startled her. She turned to look at him. He still had his eyes closed but wore a slight smile on his face.
Meredith picked up an extra pillow and aimed at his face.
Meredith turned on the lights of the trauma room. She looked around the room. Everything was intact. Everything was in its place. Unlike the day of the accident where everything was thrown all over the floor and the blinds were bent.
She leaned on the cane and took a deep breath.
As she looked around it all came flooding back. He pushed her. Grabbed her by the throat. She pushed back and he pushed her on the bed. Then she fell on the floor.
She closed her eyes and pushed the memories out.
"Meredith."
Derek's faint voice pulled her from her memories. She opened her eyes and turned to look at him with a faint smile.
He smiled back and took her hand, "Let's go home."
"You're hovering."
Derek stood at the frame of the hallway looking at Meredith with his arms crossed. She was sitting on the couch with her leg on top of the couch resting. A thin blanket covered her and she rested her head on her hand that was on the back of the couch.
Her eyes were closed and yet she could still feel his presence. Why bother denying it.
"I'm hovering," he shifted his weight away from the frame and made his way to sit next to her on the couch.
Upon feeling his weight on the couch, Meredith opened her eyes and smiled. She tilted her head to get a better look at him as he settled in and leaned his head on his head, mirroring her previous stance.
"The kids?"
"Out like a lamp. You can hear Bailey's snores right through his door."
Meredith laughed. The kids had spent all day with her sitting carefully around her showing her all the drawings they made for her, what Zola did in school, and everything she missed until Ellis drifted off to sleep while laying on her chest and the two oldest fell began to drift while Meredith read them a book. Derek took them to bed one by one until only she remained on the couch.
"You don't need to hover anymore. I'm fine."
"You say that word so often sometimes it's hard to believe you."
"But I am. Derek, I couldn't hear a word for weeks. I couldn't talk either. All I could do was watch how everyone hovered. They took care of me. They took care of you and they took care of our kids."
Derek furrowed his eyebrows and concentrated on every word she said.
"We have a village," Meredith sighed before continuing, "And you're right. I should be easier on Maggie and Amy. They were there when I needed them, even if Amy was mad at me. She pulled herself together."
Derek pressed his lips together and nodded, "She did."
"I promise I'm fine. I'm okay. We're okay."
With one final smile Derek moved closer to Meredith. She tucked her head into his chest and closed her eyes listening to his heart beat. The steady sound drifting her to sleep.
Author's Note:
This one has been requested on here and ao3... Derek in 12x09...The Sound of Silence
I LOVE this episode!
This one is a long one I almost made it a stand-alone but I want to keep my AU in tact. I kept the Amy v. Mer tension there with a sprinkle of the Shepherd siblings and I hope you enjoyed the surprise. PLEASE let me know what you think!
Thanks for reading and remember Grey's isn't mine...if it was I would keep Derek alive