Hey everbody,

so this chapter was quite a challenge for me (and I swear I will never again complain about flash-back episodes, writing this stuff is hard o.o), but I'm looking forward for the story to slowly move into action afterwards^^ So take this rest stop, soon things will get serious ;-)

See you hopefully next week (I will be on a competition next weekend, but hopefully I still will be able to upload latest on sunday, so please bare with me^^)

Chapter 2 – Retrospect

-Zoro-

Sighing, he let the half of the grand double door gate fall shut behind him.

The parties of his crew had always been something very special and actually Zoro found it quite fitting that the day of their reunion was marked first by a hunt, an adventure, and then by a fight and the following celebration.

Within a day, they had continued exactly where they had left off over two years ago and wasn't that a good fit for them?

However, Zoro had to admit that all the hustle and bustle of this party was a little bit too much for him. Either way, he wasn't exactly a sociable type of person, but for the past two years he had come to appreciate the undisturbed peace and quiet harmony of Kuraigana.

Perona could also be quite annoying, but she had often spent her free time in the garden or in the kitchen, so that Zoro had actually spent most of the hours only in the company of the Shichibukai, who was known to be just as annoying, but also belonged to the rather quiet characters.

Zoro did not want to admit it, but after two years he was no longer used to so much noise. It was nice in between, like when Jiroushin – Dracule's best friend since childhood – came by and filled the dark walls of the castle with echoing laughter, but the most beautiful evenings had actually been the quiet ones in the fireplace room.

Of course, this evening was also nice. Damn the whole day had been quite entertaining and Zoro had also had his fun. He was happy to be with his crew again, was happy to finally be with them again, to travel with them, to experience adventures with them and also to celebrate with them, finally to celebrate with them again. But – and he just couldn't block that out – they had all changed, because two years were a long time.

The previous fight had already shown one or the other change of some of his crewmembers, the most striking were of course Franky and Usopp, who had quite different looks by now. But each of them had become stronger, had developed in their respective area, and Zoro was proud to be able to belong to them and to be able to call himself a member of this pirate crew.

Needless to say, he was aware that half a day wasn't nearly enough to realize all the changes that the others had gone through over the past two years. They would all need some time to get to know each other again and just as Zoro looked at one or the other of them curiously, he also knew that the others were watching him, maybe even especially him, when he thought of how he had unintentionally been separated from them two years ago.

Yes, it was true. The Straw Hats had been crushingly defeated two years ago on the Sabaody Archipelago by Admiral Kizaru and some of his helpers, despite the interference of the Dark King Silvers Rayleigh; had been destroyed by the Shichibukai Bartholomew Kuma, scattered to the four winds. But Zoro had not been there that day, he had not been there when his crew had been overpowered, his friends had been injured. He hadn't been there; Zoro hadn't been there to protect his crew.

Sighing, he settled on the steps of the palace stairs. He should have brought some ricewine, then he would be able to drown such useless gloomy thoughts in alcohol. The past had passed, there was nothing he could do for it now.

Nevertheless, he could not suppress the images of that day two years ago, they were still as present in his mind as on that day when it had happened. For even if Zoro had not been with them, he had been close, close enough.

He had been close enough to see how Kuma had made his friends disappear, had been able to watch it via a Marine internal information channel. He had to watch helplessly, staring at this flickering screen, in his fine clothes, in his chicly crammed room, there in Mary Joa.

Even today, the memory filled Zoro with a mixture of unbridled anger and an even more powerful despair. How many nights had he wondered if things would have turned out differently if he hadn't been separated from them, if he had been with them, if he had returned to them when he had been able to?

But Zoro knew that such mind games were pointless and if he were completely honest, he also knew that he would have made no difference. Even if he had returned to his crew on Sarue back then, he would have been too weak to really help them.

No, even if he had never left them, the G-6 never had happened, even if they had simply traveled peacefully from Thriller Bark to the Red Line without any disturbing interruptions, Zoro knew perfectly well that even under such circumstances he would not have been able to make a significant difference. Because if Zoro had learned one thing through Kuma, it was that he had reached his own limits back then and that he had been too weak even after he had decided to surpass them.

However, the G-6 had happened and had only proven what Zoro had already felt in his bones since Thriller Bark.

He still remembered the day when Luffy had lured him off the ship under a flimsy excuse, when they had anchored at one of the uninhabited Senichi Islands to recover from the exhausting battle on Thriller Bark.

Zoro had also been exhausted, his battered body had complained nonstop while he had walked alongside his captain and collected stones. Limestones, as he later had learned painfully, after he and Luffy had built the fireplace with it, which had then exploded, because limestones could not tolerate high temperature fluctuations and could burst uncontrollably under the influence of great heat.

Back when Usopp had scolded Luffy and Zoro like little children, Zoro had not known that this knowledge would become elementary for him in the near future, because after all, the Senichi Islands had been known for their high deposit of limestone. For this and for their unconquerable and proud Marine base G-6 under the leadership of Vice Admiral Hakkai, but the Straw Hats had not known that.

Yes, that unexpected fight against the Marines had confirmed what Zoro had already feared after fighting Kuma. At that time, they had simply been too weak, far too weak. With ease, the soldiers had captured all the crewmembers and Zoro had not been able to protect even one of them.

Dammit, he hadn't even been able to protect Luffy from Hakkai.

Cracks

A shiver ran down his back when he remembered how the Vice Admiral had slammed Luffy to the ground, remembered the unnatural cracking of bones and how Luffy had stopped moving. For a moment Zoro had been sure that he had lost his captain, that he had failed because he had not gotten serious, because Zoro had not been able to take this one more step.

Early in the fight, Zoro had noticed that they had been inferior, had quickly realized that he had not been able to keep up with his opponent - Vice Admiral Homura, the cold blade of justice and third best swordsman in the world.

Zoro had known that he wouldn't be able to protect his crew, not his captain, not even himself, except – maybe – if he took that one more step. But he had hesitated too long, had been too afraid of the irrepressible power within him, and that moment of hesitation had been enough. Enough for Hakkai to make Zoro believe he had lost his captain, and enough for Homura to defeat Zoro.

He reached for his side. Nothing was left of that terrible wound that had once branded his body, causing him to perish, but he would never be able to forget this pain either. The pain of absolute annihilation, of absolute failure.

With this injury, Homura had wanted to kill him, but he had been mistaken. Even days after the battle, Zoro had been alive, messing daily with the soldiers of the base to get information about his captain, about his crew, for their escape.

Together with the cook, he had gradually freed everyone. It hadn't been easy, while some things had worked out too perfectly, they also had to overcome some difficulties – such as the soldier who had almost seen through Zoro's charade and whom he then had left to die in an armory – but in the end he had made it anyway. With the help of the annoying cook, he had saved them all, knowing full well that he himself would not make it, had not been allowed to make it.

Strangely enough, Zoro hardly remembered that pain. He knew it must have hurt when he had wandered through the corridors, up and down the stairs, it must have been a fucking hell of an ache when he had unleashed the sea of flames on the soldiers and the scorching heat had exploded the stone walls around them. But he couldn't remember the pain itself.

While dragging the cook to the top of the tower, he had realized that he would not last much longer, that his body would soon deny him service, but he had not allowed that, not until he had also known the damn cook in safety.

It had been a quiet moment when he had seen Franky pull the cook onto the ship, behind Zoro the suffering chorus of dying people, around him the dangerous crackling of the tongues of fire and in front of him the desperate calls of friends.

But it had been okay that way. Zoro had known from the beginning that he would never have been able to survive these injuries. Perhaps he would have lasted a few more sad days under Chopper's watchful eyes, but he wouldn't have wanted that. He would never have wanted Chopper to blame himself for Zoro's own inability, to bear the burden of not being able to save Zoro, from failing as a doctor. He had not wanted to let Chopper relive this suffering.

So he had stood there, raising a fist to the sky, as a sign of friendship, but also as a sign of victory, as a sign that he had taken this one more step in the end, for them. The proof that he had become the monster the world had always seen in him.

Then his body had given in and with him the tower. Zoro remembered this pain, this indescribable pain, but also this tormenting doubt of not wanting to die but being absolutely unable to do anything about it.

Zoro was not like Luffy, he had not welcomed death like an old friend. He had expected death with his head held high, had not regretted for a second what he had done and yet, Zoro had not wanted to die, but then he had.

At least for a moment.

Sighing, he rubbed the back of his head and tried to silence these thoughts, but it didn't work. After the disturbing last few days and the eventful last few hours, he no longer seemed to be able to hide from his own thoughts. How he hated brooding, but he knew why he was thinking about all this right now. Now that he was back with his crew and actually had everything he had longed for again, was back with them and also strong enough to be able to protect not only himself, his crew, but also his captain.

"You fucking bastard," he grumbled and buried his face between his hands.

By this affectionate title, of course, he meant none other than Dracule Hawk Eyes Mihawk, that idiot who had found him back then, clueless who he had brought into his house.

But that wasn't surprising either. Zoro himself had not recognized himself that day when he had come back to his senses in the house of the best swordsman in the world. Miles and miles away from the place where Zoro had fallen.

When Zoro had awoken in the house of his greatest rival, he had found out that he had no longer been in his own body, or rather that his body had changed considerably. Not only he, but also the Shichibukai had come to realize that Zoro had escaped death while his body had turned into that of a young woman.

He remembered very well how he had looked at this weak body for the first time, had barely been able to keep himself on his scrawny legs, let alone fight, and he remembered arguing with Dracule over and over again.

It had cost him surprisingly little time to convince the Shichibukai of who he really was and unexpectedly the Shichibukai had decided to help Zoro with his plan to get back to his crew.

With the help of Dracule's childhood friend Cho Jiroushin, Marine and excellent swordsman, they had quickly located the whereabouts of the others and realized that they would pass Sarue, a neighboring island, on their way to the Sabody Archipelago. Following the Shichibukai's advice, Zoro had decided to wait for them and use that month they would need to get to know his new foreign body instead of trying to reach them in a futile attempt.

On that day, Zoro had only become fully aware of his totally helpless situation, in the house of his most dangerous rival, in the body of a weak girl, just mere after looking behind the shadows of death.

Zoro had realized that - no matter the body - he had been too weak to do what he had to do. He had realized that he had been too weak to do what gave him the right to be part of Luffy's crew.

So he had discarded his pride and asked – begged – the Shichibukai on his knees to teach him, and after Mihawk had realized that Zoro had not fallen immediately in his futile fight against Homura, he had decided to ignore Zoro's degrading behavior and to help him.

Looking back, these weeks had probably been the most relaxed in comparison. In that foreign body, Zoro had been given no choice but to relearn most basics, but this had also given him the chance to eradicate mistakes that had crept in over time. Yes, those days had been peaceful but also strange.

He recalled how annoying the snooty Shichibukai and his energetically good-natured housekeeper had been, remembered well how often they had driven him crazy. But still, somehow everything had worked out, despite everything it had probably not been hell on earth.

However, these weeks had not been peaceful either, much to Zoro's irritation. It had quickly become a rumor that the cold-hearted lord of the five islands had welcomed a guest into his house and all kinds of people had wanted to catch a glimpse of that guest.

On the advice of the Shichibukai, Zoro had hidden his true identity and had become known to the world under the name Lady Loreen. Due to his connection to the Shichibukai and the chain of some unfavorable circumstances, various people had become aware of Zoro – Lady Loreen – and had forced him and the Shichibukai to various events.

Yes, that one month had been truly eventful. They had trained incredibly hard for many days, between all these appointments, had argued and gotten to know each other, and at some point, Zoro had also learned that there were more people like him. People who had died and found their way back to life, and that he could even regain his old body. But the price had been high, and even now Zoro wasn't sure if he would have been willing to pay it. No, he probably wouldn't have had if things hadn't turned out differently.

Sighing, he let himself sink back and looked up at the sea.

He remembered well when he had finally seen his friends on Sarue again two years ago. He had been forced to wait patiently for them for a whole month, had been forced to come up with a false identity that month and had participated in the high and snobbish society under this false name, had become known in the newspaper as Mihawk's lover. In that long month, Zoro had trained hard under those sharp hawks eyes of his teacher, knowing full well that in this weak body and in such a short time he could not even hope to become strong enough to protect his crew or captain, but hopefully at least to protect himself. During that long month, he had been plagued by self-doubt, identity crises, and fears about the future, but he had always been sure that all of this would end when he would return to his crew.

Until they had finally met. Until he had seen that it had not only been a long month for him. Until he had seen that the crew had become significantly weaker than he had ever expected within a month. As if his supposed death had cost them more than just his strength, some of them had become so alarmingly weak, especially the cook.

But Zoro had not cared. Zoro had decided that moment to return to them, no matter what the consequences were.

But isn't that Lady Loreen?

She's famous. She's a former World Noble but gave up her title because of love.

You are gorgeous!

At that moment, Zoro had realized that the others would never see him again for who he really was. They would never again see him only as Zoro, strong and determined, iron will and strict discipline, maybe a little rough around the edges, but also loyal and honest. At that moment he had realized that from now on they would always see something of Loreen in him, especially in her damned body, weak and helpless, polite behavior and kind words, lovely to look at, liked and respected by society.

Only Luffy had been different. Luffy had recognized him immediately, had not doubted for a second that Zoro would come back and he... and he had let Zoro go, had allowed him to leave in order to become stronger. Luffy had given him his swords and said that he would wait for him until Zoro would come back, in his body. Luffy had been the only one, who had recognized Zoro.

So Zoro had left, had chosen himself and decided against his crew to become stronger, to regain his old body, and he had come to regret this act soon after when he had accompanied Mihawk to Mary Joa in preparation for the Great War and had to watch helplessly as his crew had been destroyed.

On that day, at that moment, Zoro had regained his original body, but he had not cared, because the price had been far too high.

After a month, Zoro had regained his body, but he had lost his crew because he had chosen to stay with the Shichibukai, who had been more capable to protect him than his crew, who had been more capable to help him regain his body, who had been more capable to help him become stronger.

Even today, even now, knowing that he could not have changed what had happened back then, it still hurt Zoro, he could still hear the toneless scream of his captain from the screen, Nami's desperate silent cry, Chopper's hopeless soundless roar.

After the war, Zoro and Mihawk had traveled together to the Sabaody Archipelago, where he had wanted to wait for his crew. But instead he had met Rayleigh, who had told him about his plan to train Luffy for two years, and so Zoro had decided to travel to the Shichibukai's chosen home, Kuraigana, and learn from him for the next two years.

That was how Zoro had spent the last two years, day in and day out at Mihawk's side, learning from him, training with him, arguing with him, talking, wordlessly glaring at each other, joking, laughing, discussing, sitting together in comfortable silence, and, above all, training. Zoro would like to say that those months would have consisted exclusively of long days of fighting, of late evenings at the chessboard or at the fireplace, of wild discussions about strategies and the art of the sword as such, and yes, this had made up a major part of his time.

But Zoro had also been forced to accept he would never quite get rid of Lady Loreen. Like his backbone, this form had become part of his body since that day, and sooner or later Zoro had to turn back into her again and again, whether he wanted to or not. Over the months, he had been able to extend the length of time he could last in his actual body to a few days, but he could never completely suppress her, had to transform into her for several hours to a whole day.

And not only Lady Loreen haunted Zoro like a curse. Tied to her existence were also the shackles that bound him even now, which would keep him bound until either the world would learn the truth behind Lady Loreen, or Zoro would lose his usefulness. His usefulness to none other than Rishou Eizen, a powerful politician for the world nobles, who knew exactly who Lady Loreen really was, and who was willing to destroy everything Zoro held dear just to force Zoro to support him.

In the beginning, Zoro had not known why the politician had blackmailed him into entering some contract with him and accompanying him as Lady Loreen to all sorts of events, and he had decided not to worry about it any further, had concentrated on training, but now Zoro knew what Eizen really wanted from him, why this man had made such an effort just to blackmail Zoro.

In the background he could hear the big gate open again and Robin and King Neptune came outside. They spoke too seriously considering that they were leaving a party – not that Zoro should be the one to judge given what crap he had been pondering about the past few minutes – and Zoro could feel Robin's gaze briefly on himself. He didn't move, so she probably assumed that he was asleep while she was talking to Neptune about various things.

More unintentionally than intentionally, Zoro listened to them, but when the name Poseidon came up, he got attentive.

Yes, this was exactly what Eizen had talked to him about, about the ancient weapons, about the warship Pluton, the secret power of the fish people Poseidon, and about the most powerful weapon of all, Uranos, which was currently in the possession of the World Government.

Eizen had talked to Zoro about all these things a few days ago and if he were someone else, he would probably have sought advice and help from his friends, his teacher, from somebody, anybody. Yes, the past few days Zoro had often wondered if he was overestimating himself, if this whole thing was maybe out of his league, but he had no choice, no, he really had no choice.

Zoro knew very well that he could not risk any of them, that he could not risk that his friends would die or Mihawk would be deprived of his title, so he had decided to face this enemy alone. Just as he had always done, as he had to, only in this way could he protect those who were important to him.

Sure that this had to be the best way for all of them, Zoro decided to let the future be the future and allowed himself to nod off.

But he was not granted his peaceful slumber for long.

While the others around him sat together at the palace stairs and talked about this and that, Zoro decided to keep his eyes closed. But despite all his efforts, though he was able to maintain the appearance of sleeping, he unfortunately was not able to actually fall back asleep again. Pretty disappointing.

He had hardly noticed when the others had all come out, but he didn't care while they were talking about the fight of Admirals Aokiji and Akainu, Jinbei seriously, Luffy loud as ever.

Zoro also thought about a fight, but not that of any other people, but about his own.

Mihawk had warned him about the battles in the New World, had warned him that things would be different from now on, but not because his opponents would be so incredibly strong from now on, but because...

For the last two years you have been preparing to meet stronger enemies, but now you should prepare for most of your enemies to be weaker.

Zoro had ignored this warning. He had always been someone who could find fun in any form of competition, even if his opponent was significantly weaker than himself. He didn't always have to take off the gloves, that was the big difference between him and the Shichibukai.

He was aware that he had become so strong in the last two years that only a few people could take him on. It was not for nothing that Zoro had always taken this one step more, not for nothing had Zoro done everything in his power to become strong enough to be able to defend his captain even against the most dangerous opponents in the world.

Over the course of those two years, Mihawk had presented him three main challenges that Zoro had overcome in order to be of benefit for his crew.

Like many warriors in the new world, Zoro had of course mastered Haki; one of the basic requirements for being able to survive in the New World.

The Kenbunshoku Haki had caused him great problems, even today Zoro knew that it was not one of his strengths and that he had to constantly improve it, but it was exhausting and annoying and required a form of concentration and mental willingness that was often just too cumbersome for Zoro.

Quite different the Busoshoku Haki. It was almost laughable how easy it had been for him to learn the basics – and the obvious surprise of his impassive teacher had also given him some satisfaction – and yet this had probably cost him the most effort. As a swordsman, it had been an absolute necessity for Zoro to master the use of the Busoshoku Haki, but he had been afraid, because there had been this irrepressible force within him that had always overcome him, whenever he had tried to learn hardening.

But even this power – his monster, as Mihawk always affectionately called it – Zoro had learned to control, even more, he had become it, had absorbed his own abysses. A step that hardly anyone was willing to take, and by now Zoro knew why.

It didn't bother him very much, or rather on Kuraigana it hadn't bothered him much, he had barely noticed it, these dangerous and greedy emotions of this beast that were now his own and always there. His teacher had known exactly which path Zoro had taken, had once walked this path himself, and so he had given Zoro the time to get used to it, and after that it had hardly bothered him, during the peace of Kuraigana.

Here, however, among all these cheerful, carefree, and sometimes naïve people, Zoro became aware of it again for the first time. He wasn't like them, for them he had become something that would remind him of it for the rest of his life. Even now, only a few hours after the last battle, he craved for a fight.

It wasn't an overwhelming need that took over Zoro, and yet he noticed this quiet urge for more. This fight had not been enough and Zoro's thirst for blood had not yet been satisfied. This animalistic part of him demanded to be pleased in a form that Zoro could not have guessed before.

Nevertheless, he did not regret taking that step. He would do whatever it took to both protect his crew and defeat Mihawk. In addition, this step didn't have only negative consequences for him. Quite apart from the fact that he had absolutely surpassed his previous skills, this step had empowered Zoro to finally understand the Bosushoku Haki and master it.

This once uncontrollable force, which he had not dared to give in to during his fight against the soldiers of the G-6, Zoro had trained tirelessly under the sharp eyes of his teacher, until he had finally become so confident that Mihawk had offered him the last challenge after almost a whole year of training.

In order to survive in the New Eorld, the use of Haki was an absolute must, which every warrior had to learn to master, but few people were willing to take in their own monster like Zoro or his teacher. But there was one thing that even fewer people dared to do, one thing that very few survived.

Zoro's fight against his own abysses had been a ride in the park compared to what he had to go through in his second year under Mihawk's supervision. He had known that Luffy would overcome this hurdle, so he hadn't hesitated for a second, had not been willing to stay even one single step behind his captain, and had done what probably fewer people were willing to do, he had overcome his own humanity.

Mihawk had promised to train him to be an extraordinary fighter, to help him become strong enough to protect even his captain against the strongest enemies in the world, and he had done so.

Zoro had finally arrived on the home stretch, soon he would be strong enough to be able to defeat even the Shichibukai.

Accordingly, he should actually be very satisfied, actually he should be extremely happy right now. Shortly before he had left Kuraigana, the Shichibukai had given in and had finally fought against Zoro for the first time, without swords. Of course, Zoro had lost by a far – not really surprising – but he had actually managed to slightly bruise the other and for the first time Zoro had been able to see how far the gap between them still was, and if he was completely honest, soon he would be able to bridge it.

So yes, actually Zoro should be really satisfied. After two long years, he was finally reunited with his friends and soon he would be able to defeat Mihawk.

But the truth was that he wasn't. It was not because of this quiet hunger for a fight. Even if he hadn't known this longing before, Zoro had always enjoyed a fight and had always become impatient when the last one had been too long ago, but just like back then, a small skirmish with the annoying curly brow was still enough to calm this impatience.

No, Zoro was dissatisfied because the Shichibukai had been right. He had to pay attention to the weakness of his opponents, even more so, while even the little skirmishes with the cook went as usual, this fight had been different, it had been... no real fight, at least not for Zoro.

Did it feel that way for Mihawk when he fought against someone who wasn't able to stir up his blood? Displeased, Zoro sighed softly, barely noticing how one of the others mentioned his name.

He had always been someone who could take pleasure in a fight, no matter how weak his opponent was, as long as they only gave everything they had, and that should not have changed.

But the truth was that this fight had been boring, his opponents had been boring. Even their insidious attacks on him or his crewmembers had been boring. It was one thing when his enemy was weak, that was something Zoro could handle, but they had been so boring, so terribly tiring and boring.

Zoro could not remember ever having found an enemy or competitor boring and somehow this feeling gave him a pale aftertaste. He had been so looking forward to the New World and wanted to enjoy these fights, didn't want to take anything lightly, but... but why had they been so incredibly boring?

Should he call Mihawk? Perhaps the Shichibukai could explain to him why this fight had been so soberingly monotonous?

Maybe it was just because Zoro hadn't experienced a real fight for so long. Perhaps it was because he had focused on his comrades rather than his opponents. After all, he really had wanted to use the chance to observe his crewmembers. He had wanted to see how much they had all evolved, also so that he knew when his intervention would be necessary and when it would not. Although his intervention in this battle would probably never have been necessary, their enemies had been so boring.

He had really hoped for more.

But he wouldn't call Mihawk, not again. The small white transponder snail in his pocket nestled softly against his leg. Just a few hours ago, he had called the other from a cell of the Ryugu Palace to update him.

Outwardly, he only had done it because he had promised to do so. After all, the Shichibukai was an overprotective and obsessed teacher... No, that was probably wrong. Outwardly, Zoro had done it because the other expected it from him, but the truth was that Zoro also missed their conversations, not the loud, heated ones when Mihawk thought he had to make a mountain out of a molehill, but those quiet ones, by the fireplace, when the day was already over and they talked about things, that Zoro had never even thought about before.

The Shichibukai was exhausting and complicated, as were his twisted thought processes, but the conversations with him had always been interesting and somehow Zoro missed those casual conversations, this simple way to ask something, knowing that he would get a serious and honest answer.

No, he wouldn't call Mihawk twice the same day, not during the first day he was finally back with his friends, but even if he didn't like to admit it, he would like to. He would really like to hear the his opinion on this fight, would like to present Mihawk his own opinion and discuss it with him, analyze the oh-so-boring fight, because together with the Shichibukai at least that would be interesting.

But he wouldn't do it, if only because he didn't want to give false hopes.

Damn it!

So now he still did it!

Although Zoro had clearly stated that he had no place for consideration...

"Hey, Zoro."

He opened his eye when his captain called his name. It seemed as if they were finally going to deal with the beast that he had noticed in the palace. Well, maybe it finally got interesting after all.