A/N:
Really hope y'all wanted more Hancock because that's the chapter. With some fun, terrible things toward the end. Much more drama than chaos this time, oops, sorry...
Slight content warning for misgendering!
That's all I got.
" —and I told him I would literally give him a hundred bucks if he'd just let me have all seven of them!" Ace says.
"Why did you need seven random tennis balls from this specific man?"
"They were painted like Dragon Balls, dude! And I wanted to make mini-bombs."
"I know I shouldn't ask," Zoro says, "but how the fuck do you get bombs from tennis balls?"
Ace gives him a look that radiates what, like it's hard? "Drill a hole in 'em, pour a thick slurry of styrofoam and gasoline in there, insert a small string for the fuse, and... boom. Literally!"
Robin frowns at him. "And you didn't invite me?"
"The nonsense coming out of your mouth is astounding," Hancock marvels, shifting to study Ace like the real zoo animal is sat next to her rather than draped around her neck. "Have you ever— let's see, how can I phrase this in a way you won't misconstrue..." She hums, then snaps her fingers with a sharp nod. "Ah, yes. Have you ever considered shutting the fuck up?"
To Zoro's surprise, Ace flinches, but she pays no mind and barrels ahead before anyone can do more than gape at her.
"And the—" She shudders exaggeratedly. "The outfit. Nothing matches. What is the goal there?"
Ace looks down at his aggressively psychedelic crop-top that just reads 'MOIST' and his monotone checkered skirt. He has Furbie tucked between his thighs, which is certainly an offensive sight, but Hancock doesn't even know that they're a pet demon, and therefore has no right to be as disgusted as she is.
Her neck-snake seems to take notice of the— vibes Furbie gives off, sliding down her arm to hiss at them. Hancock watches, disinterested by the aggression of her pet as Ace gives an uncomfortable shrug.
"I just... like wearing it?"
She considers this for a moment, then shakes her head in bafflement. "Mystifying." When Ace continues to stare at her snake with poorly concealed excitement, she huffs, undraping the reptile from her neck. "Her name is Salome. Would you like to hold her? She gets rather heavy after a while."
"Really?" Ace's eyes go wide and he extends an arm toward her. "Hell yes. Pretty please."
"Well, I am pretty," she says, carefully lifting Salome and letting her wind around Ace's shoulders and arm.
They all stare at her, thrown off by the small act of kindness. Zoro has no idea what to make of her turbulent behavior.
In what's more likely a comment to himself or Nami, Usopp mutters, "Emotional stability, bitch, do you have it?"
Hancock scoffs, unfortunately seated right behind them. "No, more the financial kind." Her face pinches with an emotion Zoro can't identify, gaze fixed on her knees. She takes a deep breath and sweeps her eyes over him in a calculating glance. "Not that you would understand that."
While the rest of them gape, Nami fully turns around to glower at her. "Look, you little—"
"I mean, if you did, you'd obviously have fixed..." Hancock quirks an eyebrow as she reaches into his space and circles a finger around his nose. "This."
Usopp's cheeks go scarlet, hands flexing in fits and starts as he sputters a weak defense under his breath.
Zoro's chest burns, something growling awake as he finds Hancock's face empty of even a sliver of remorse. Sanji blinks away his heart-eyes for a more hurt expression on Usopp's behalf. Nami seems to be trying to set her on fire with concentrated brainpower, a vein in her forehead popping. Even throughout their shenanigans, it's never made an appearance until Hancock provoked it.
She takes in the way they're all staring daggers at her and frowns. "What? Has no one told him?"
"Well," Robin speaks up, letting go of the page held hostage in her fist and futilely smoothing it, "I can't say any of us are as thoughtlessly cruel as you have proven to be thus far."
Hancock's mouth drops open, brow furrowed in confusion rather than anger like he'd expected.
"Y-Yeah," Chopper says, nervous but defensive, and Zoro tenses as Hancock locks an assessing gaze on him next, "Usopp's n-nose is fine as is it is, a-and—"
"I see. However, stuttering is unbecoming of—" She tilts her head, then flaps her hand dismissively. "I can't tell how old you are or which term would be least offensive, but stuttering is unbecoming of a young lady."
Chopper's face shutters as he shrinks back into his boyfriend's hold. The van drops into an even icier silence. Robin's book suffers anew, her mouth parted in shocked fury the same as everyone else. Furbie squawks nonsensically as Ace squeezes them, neon green fur clutched tightly as he seems to refrain from chucking the bird at Hancock's face, snake be damned.
"Not cool, bro. He's a boy," Franky snarls, letting Chopper hide under his arm as he sniffles and bites his lip, trying to hold back tears.
Mind roaringly blank, Zoro makes an aborted grab toward the sword he'd been polishing earlier before realizing how insane that would look.
"Ah," Hancock says with a slow nod, the killing intent aimed at her missing her by a mile as she smiles at Chopper. "My apologies, darling. The point still stands, unless 'anxious mess with a hint of adorable' is what you're going for."
"I-I guess?" Chopper shrugs, edging a little further from Franky so he's not plastered to his side. Franky pouts, but allows it, still sending a confusion-tinged scowl at her. Most of Merry's occupants mirror his expression, though Luffy's is notably more neutral. Nami leans toward the consistent rage she's held onto since being stepped on.
Hancock stares at the couple, eyes gradually narrowing, then gives a heaving sigh. "Well, it seems to be working if you've managed to attract someone like that." She shakes her head, a slight pout coming to her lips as she gestures at Franky's— entire self. "A classic Himbo, and protective partner to boot. Do you even have a flaw?"
"I have... a metal nose?"
Hancock crosses her arms, affronted. "That's not a flaw. It adds something!"
Nobody says anything else, either unwilling to provoke more strange comments, or stuck in the same what-the-fuck state of being as Zoro.
Other than possibly Alvida, he has never encountered a more confusing person than Boa Hancock.
He's not sure how much more of this he can take. Or Nami can take, for that matter.
And Nami is not fucking happy.
The only one directly responsible for Hancock joining them is Luffy, but maybe it's because it's Luffy that she doesn't tell Hancock to shove a cactus up her ass and start walking. Nami may deny it, but Zoro knows she'd be willing to give Luffy the fucking moon if she could.
That doesn't necessarily mean he escapes the backlash of his choices.
Nami boycotts meat. Absolutely will not pay for it, at least where Luffy's concerned. He sulks at every meal-stop until it begins to annoy Zoro enough that he risks slipping him scraps of it.
And then there's Sanji.
Zoro elects him as the main reason for not only Nami's constant irritation but what he's pegged as envy.
Sanji had been reduced to a heart-eyed pile of mush upon first glance at Hancock. Even with her penchant for flip-flopping from being an asshole to a somewhat decent person, he has continued to be a useless noodle for every glance after. Which, okay. It gives Zoro a few moments of giddy vindictiveness. Sanji doesn't seem to mind getting the shit kicked out of him by Nami's stiletto-armored feet.
"Stop drooling, you ass!" he hears again, for probably the seventh time in a few hours.
Hancock rolls her eyes, pushing loose hair behind her ear, but says nothing. Sanji stops pretending to look sheepish and drools harder.
Zoro understands, objectively, and can admit that Hancock is attractive. The thing is, according to what seems like everyone around him, she isn't just attractive. She's a fucking bombshell of beauty, drop-dead gorgeous. She's brighter than the goddamned radioactive ball of fire looming over their heads.
The only silver lining is how oblivious Luffy is to her status of goddess-among-mortals. It turns out to be a double-edged sword because it's made Luffy all the more interesting to Hancock herself.
She has a crush on him.
That becomes clear to Zoro quickly, because she'll snap at someone and immediately check for his reaction, as though waiting for his approval or another pinched frown more often than not. He tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. While Luffy doesn't show signs of reciprocating the crush, he isn't actively rejecting her, either.
Can he blame Hancock though? It's only natural — just fleeting bouts of softness for the person who saved her life. A squish, really, which is even less to worry about. Zoro doesn't want to worry about it. He shouldn't be fucking worrying about it.
Luffy probably hasn't even noticed.
They stop at a hotel several annoying hours later, not daring to sleep in Merry with someone so nit-picky. Hancock barely spoke to them the rest of the long drive, only making small yet scathing remarks every once in a while. A running commentary hadn't been necessary when she kept scowling and sighing like the universe had wronged her so terribly. Woe is she, stuck in the company of eight fellow teenagers in a Sheep Van.
Checking in is not so much difficult as it is very fucking strange.
Everything up to getting their room keys and heading to said rooms with their bags goes smoothly. And then Hancock just stops right in the middle of the hallway.
"Um..." Chopper blinks, pressed between her and Franky until his boyfriend moves backward. "What's going on?"
She squints, staring around her as if they've walked into fucking Narnia rather than a perfectly normal hallway. After a long moment of studying the boring, off-white wall, her eyes slant towards them. She straightens up, only to bow her head at them.
"Forgive me," she says, sincerely, and Zoro is fucking floored. "I'm being very rude and unprofessional. I've just realized you haven't told me whose room I'll be going to."
Chopper cocks his head. "You're rooming with the other girls, aren't you? Like... like a sleepover."
Nami rolls her eyes, irritated but resigned. "Of course. Wouldn't want Sanji anywhere near her, after all. Even I'm not that heartless."
"But..." Hancock's confusion only seeming to increase. She raises her voice, failing to rein in what Zoro can only describe as panic. "You haven't given me an order or... or a client. Unless—" Her eyes widen on Nami and Robin. "Them? Both? I don't— I don't understand. Why am I here if not to—"
She bites off the rest of her question, face burning with frustration. It all clicks into place in Zoro's mind and he swallows back a hot rush of shame. He's been such a judgmental asshole. Unintentionally, sure, because how could he have known he was right?
He still should have known better than to point any fingers.
"Fuck," he sighs, wiping his hands down his face and ignoring the puzzled look Luffy sends him. "You don't have to do any of that, Hancock. That is not why you're here. We're taking you back to your sisters and that's it. You're a guest."
He sees the moment it registers for Nami as well, when her mouth drops open before she quickly closes it.
"Zoro?" Luffy prods at his side. "What do you mean she—"
He grabs the wandering hand, promising, "Later."
"I thought she said she wasn't a hoo—"
"I'm not a hooker!" Hancock screams.
Zoro looks at her for a moment and then takes a shot in the dark. "You're an escort, right?"
She nods quickly, decisively. "I am not some low-class— I have worth. I—"
"We got it." Zoro sighs. He has no idea how to comfort someone, but facts? Facts he can do. "You're not paying your way with us. You're a hitchhiker. Hitchhikers, by definition, do not pay. We're not a taxi service."
Hancock stares at him for a moment, eyes raking over him searchingly. He goes stock-still because it's like— for one skin-crawling moment, it feels like she knows. He wants to melt into the floor to escape it.
But her x-ray gaze shuts off as she crosses her arms with a nod. She blinks neutrally at him before turning away. "Alright. Lead the way, then, Nombi."
Nami seethes, not even bothering to correct her before she takes hold of Robin's wrist and stalks away. Robin gives a long-suffering sigh but lets herself get dragged.
Those remaining pause to let shit sink in, trading disquieted looks back and forth.
Except for Sanji, who sighs dreamily and mumbles, "She's so beautiful."
"Right... Well, goodnight!" Usopp says, mock-saluting no one in particular and wrapping an arm around Sanji to herd him into their room.
And with that, they all shrug and split off for the night.
It's no surprise to Zoro when he wakes gasping, hand on his chest like it'll help slow his breathing. Maybe it does help, a little bit, because soon he's got enough air to waste on a sigh. He carefully rolls into a sitting position and plants his feet on the floor. Red, blocky numbers glow at him through the dark, letting him know he's up at 2 a.m. yet again. His eyelids feel like they're made of lead, and he wants to fucking sleep, but he's not sure what's waiting for him if he tries.
A gasp — not his own — draws his attention to the foot of the bed. He jumps as his vision adjusts to the darkness enough to make out a hunched-over silhouette. It stands abruptly, a muffled curse escaping as something falls over and hits the floor with a dull thud.
Zoro nudges Luffy awake as discreetly as possible, not keen on being the only one up when he's unable to properly assess the situation in the dark. Sound may not wake him, but motion usually does.
Luffy grabs the arm prodding at him with both hands, grumbling something under his breath. Zoro huffs. Just as he tries to pull away to try another tactic, teeth sink into his fucking forearm.
Still jittery from his nightmare, and never one to react well to sudden pain, Zoro shrieks.
The shadow in their room echoes it in a shriller pitch, flinging whatever they were holding right at his face.
Zoro is one thousand percent done.
He shoves Luffy off of the bed in a last-ditch attempt at waking him, fumbling for the switch on the lamp. There's only a grotesque snore as his body hits the floor.
Light floods the room. As he squints toward their alleged murderer and/or robber, his soul leaves his fucking body. That is how done he is.
Of course, it's Hancock. Her bottom lip wobbles pathetically between her teeth as she stares at the bag lying at Zoro's feet. Of fucking course, because every grating annoyance in his life is a repeat offender.
"Luffy," he says, his tone betraying the bleak, barren wasteland that's become of his soul, "you're going to miss the meat buffet."
"MEAT!"
Like magic, a mop of pillow-combed black hair pops up on the other side of the bed. Zoro can't decide whether he wants to run his fingers through it or yank on it until— okay, no. That's actually a horrible train of thought and he crashes it before it even makes it a foot out of the goddamn station.
"Yeah, so, remember that girl you thought we should bring along because why the fuck not?" He picks up the bag at his feet, presumably what was chucked at his face, and surveys the wads of money inside. Sighing, and wondering why they even have this in cash, he hands it off to Luffy as he climbs back onto the bed. "Pretty sure she tried to rob us just now. Kick her out so I can go the fuck to sleep."
"No!" Hancock protests, breaking her silence. He's surprised she didn't bolt at the first opportunity. "Please, I need... L-Luffy, I—"
Luffy blinks at her, rubbing at his eyes with his fists before he slowly trails his gaze to where Zoro sits. Zoro gestures toward her, urging him to do something.
"That was kind of rude, Hammcock," Luffy finally speaks.
Zoro is both endeared and irritated by the scolding tone because it resolves nothing.
And then his emotions get way too complex for two in the morning when Hancock starts to sob her fucking heart out, dripping salt water all over the already shitty hotel floor.
"Oh my god, just let me sleep," he groans. It's probably insensitive, but he is not known for being emotionally competent. And he isn't going to start with Boa motherfucking Hancock.
"I-I'm sorry, but I... well, no, my sister needs it. I don't make enough to help," she babbles, growing increasingly hysterical, breaths hitching somewhere in her chest as she swipes at her tears. Even Luffy shifts uncomfortably. "She isn't as... free as I am. She's stuck in this contract with this disgusting, vile excuse for a man. A-and there's no way I'll be able to pay what he's requested by myse—"
"Here, lady."
Her head snaps up, only to find the bag of money held right under her nose. Luffy shoves it toward her chest more firmly and drops it when her arms instinctively come up.
"W-what?"
"Just take it, Hancock."
"But..." she blinks away another onslaught of tears, some falling down her cheeks. "But why? Why should you trust—"
Zoro sighs, wishing she'd just take the fucking money. "Because he does. That's just Luffy."
Hancock's lips lift into a quivering smile as she hugs the bag tighter. Zoro tries, but he can't ignore how his stomach drops at the adoring way she stares at Luffy.
"Thank you," she mumbles, sincere.
He yawns, waving her off and flopping back down on his side of the bed. "G'night, Hammock. Make it all... dark 'n stuff, Zoro."
Zoro leaves the light on long enough to watch Hancock slip out of their room. Then he's dragged back into Luffy's space by the arm. He feels so shitty and weird and tired that he lets it happen. Lets Luffy wind a loose arm around him and confuses the shit out of himself as he wishes the embrace was tighter.
He wants the distance gone.
He feels pathetic and petty when he locks their ankles together like he never has before. He pillows his forehead on Luffy's chest just because he knows he can. Like he's somehow better than Hancock for that simple fact.
It's thirty minutes later, when he's drifting back to sleep, that the implications of Hancock's visit hit him upside the head like a fifty-mile-an-hour brick. "Oh, shit, what are we going to tell Nami?"
Luffy's reaction is so violent he falls off the bed again in a flailing of limbs. "What are we going to do?! When she gets mad, meat is the first thing she takes away!"
Zoro doesn't know what Nami would do to him. He's never made her truly angry before, and therefore elects to shove it onto someone who has. "...I vote we blame Sanji."
On the one hand, they scarcely needed to blame Sanji. The idiot noodle seemed suicidally willing to throw himself on that landmine all on his own.
On the other hand, Nami is six times more terrifying than Zoro gave her credit for. Which is saying something, because he'd estimated on the higher end of things to begin with. Luffy hasn't stopped clutching at his arm since they walked in.
"Just. Repeat that one more fucking time for me." There is sweetness in her voice. Like cyanide. The poison would be less dangerous.
It falls out of his mouth like dead weight, carefully monotone. "Hancock stole our money and we can't find her. She's gone."
Sanji sobs. "She's gone?!"
Nami swings her foot into Sanji's shin for the twentieth time that morning. Her face contorts in such fury that Zoro is starting to think he'd rather be smacked by Alvida. At least she was predictable.
"THE MONEY IS GONE!" Nami shrieks, going for his other shin in the same motion. "I should have NEVER left the FUCKING bag in ANYONE ELSE'S ROOM, JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST!"
Sanji blinks. "So, we can blame you instead of Hancock?"
"Oh. My. GOD!" She gawks at him for a solid three seconds before shaking him like a ragdoll. "FORGET ABOUT THAT GOLD-DIGGING, SNAKE-TOTING BITCH FOR ONE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING SECOND!"
"BUT HER BEAUTY WAS IRREPLACEABLE! I'LL NEVER FIND LOVE LIKE THAT AGAIN!" Sanji screams, enduring the kicks with tears streaming down his face at an alarming rate.
It's hard to tell whether he's crying over the emotional or physical pain anymore.
A loud knock on the door interrupts their screeching. Nami whirls around, a vicious glare already set to vaporize whoever stands on the other side. She launches directly into a tirade the moment it's open. "WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?! NOISE COMPLAINTS? Well, you can shove those RIGHT UP YOUR ASS because we are basically FLAT FUCKING BROKE!"
Robin blinks serenely at her, unfazed by the outburst she'd been greeted with. She then drags the person beside her into the doorframe. "I found her outside."
"THE GODDESS RETURNS!" Sanji throws himself at Hancock before Nami can start a bloodbath in the hallway. "I missed your beautiful presence. It was like living without sunlight, no water in the desert, half of my heart stolen!"
Unfortunately, Hancock has long hair that Nami can try to rip out of her skull even as she's strangled by a noodle-man. "Where is it? What the fuck did you do with our money?"
"I used it. All of it." She doesn't sound the least bit guilty, and that's probably what enrages Nami the most.
Hancock winces, twisting away from Nami's tightening grip and further into Sanji's arms. Sanji moves accordingly, shielding her. Nami kicks the backs of his knees out in retaliation, though it doesn't actually do much to stop him from protecting the source of all their problems lately.
"Fine!" she huffs. "Fucking betray us for now, Sanji. But she's gone. I'm done with her shit. She is not riding with us anymore."
Luffy's mouth twitches into a frown. Thankfully, no one but Zoro hears his sad mumble of, "But she did it to save her sister..."
"Nami doesn't know," he whispers back, sighing. "You can't tell her unless Hancock says so, either, okay? It's too personal."
Luffy nods, hesitant and confused, but it's an agreement nonetheless, and it calms one of Zoro's many worries. He thinks Nami would be a hell of a lot more understanding if she knew why Hancock had used the money, but it isn't their story to tell. He remembers the way her composure had broken as she sobbed last night and—
Zoro has his own skeletons carefully hidden away. He isn't about to expose someone else's, even if he dislikes Hancock. Even to a close friend.
But not saying anything spawns a whole new set of problems. Most of it is owed to how much their resident smoker loves to make an ass of himself.
Sanji turns around to glare at Nami, arms spread to block Hancock, who secures her hands on his shoulders as she hides behind him. Nami's eyes track the movement, and Zoro can see the shift in her. The moment anger begins to blend with hurt.
Robin must see it, too, as she touches his arm and warns, "Sanji, maybe you shouldn't—"
He shakes her off, ignoring her in favor of addressing Nami. "Don't you ever stop to think that people have a reason for—"
"I. Don't. Care!" Nami jams her finger into his chest with each word. "It doesn't justify her financially wrecking a group of people kind enough to go along with her 'I don't want to take public transport' bullshit while we also paid for the roof over her empty fucking head!"
"We can't just ditch her," he tries to reason, and Zoro resists saying oh yes we fucking can. "She doesn't have any money or know anyone else here. Nami, we can't—"
"She got along fine before we met her, didn't she?"
Sanji rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm not letting you do this. I'm not just abandoning her because money is more important to you than anything else. You take both of us or neither of us. I have no problem taking her with me and getting her to her sisters by my fucking self."
"Oh my god, seriously? Stop being noble and be logical," she pleads. "We were strangers to her. She can fuck off to someone who cares less about what happens to the people they actually know and don't want to starve."
Sanji's eyes darken in a way that makes Luffy hug Zoro's arm tighter. "So I should let her starve instead, is that it? I'm so sick of the way you treat anyone outside of the group. You have no compassion at all."
Nami's nose scrunches in a snarl. "Oh, should I be more like you and fall in love every five seconds?"
"I'm just saying that you act more like a fucking ice cube than a person! No wonder everyone calls you a cold-hearted, money-grubbing bitch. It's not like you give them anything else to say about you."
Nami's palm connects with his cheek, the force of the slap making Sanji's neck snap to the side. Her hand shakes as it falls back to her side, curling into a fist.
Zoro flinches, stomach swooping in memory, and Robin covers her face with her hands. They all know Nami has a violent streak when it comes to Sanji. And maybe smacking him isn't making her look any better than what he's described, but never has it felt so personal.
"I changed my mind," she says, voice dropping all the way to a whisper as she turns her back on him. Zoro guesses she doesn't want Sanji to see the tears brimming her eyes. "You can go."
Sanji sends a helpless glance at Robin, who merely shakes her head. He reaches for Nami, brow furrowed in guilt. "I didn't mean—"
The second his fingertips brush her shoulder, she rounds on him and shoves. "Fucking leave! You made your choice, now get the fuck away from me!"
He staggers back against Hancock, who grabs hold of his arms to steady him. She takes in Nami's trembling form, glancing past her toward Luffy. She opens her mouth to say something, desperation in her eyes, but he shakes his head.
Hancock sighs.
For once taking the hint, she uses her grip on Sanji to lead him down the hall and out of sight.
Nami sniffs, wiping at her cheeks and taking a large breath that stutters on its way in. "Is he gone?"
Her voice is the smallest Zoro has ever heard it, and she's looking right at him and Luffy with glassy, wounded brown eyes. His heart breaks a little when he nods.
"Okay. That's okay. I—" Another stuttering gulp of air tries to fill her lungs, but a sob strangles it, turns it into a muted wail.
Robin catches her when she collapses in on herself, kneeling awkwardly but not seeming to mind the discomfort. She wraps Nami up in soft words and comforting caresses, hands threading through orange hair.
Zoro has to look away.
They're getting along so well, aren't they?