Chapter Twenty

The truth

The Christmas holidays were strange. In those two weeks, Sakura only spoke with Syaoran one day. She sent him a message asking how everything was going in Russia, and he replied with a short message where he told her that he had gone with his father to St. Petersburg, nothing more.

That was very weird. Syaoran had never been more than two days without speaking with her... but Sakura did not give importance to it. Sure it was her imagination and, when they returned to school, Syaoran would be like always.

Already in January, it was Monday and Sakura was entering her class next to Tomoyo. It was their first day of school after the holidays. In a corner, she saw Syaoran standing, talking to Takashi. She dropped her backpack next to her desk and ran to hug him.

But, when Syaoran saw her, he crossed his arms to avoid the hug.

Sakura stood with her hands outstretched, very confused. She lowered her arms, crestfallen, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi, Syaoran."

"Hello," he said, tapping her back.

Takashi frowned and walked away towards his seat, seeing Syaoran and Sakura being cold with each other was really odd.

"Are you alright?" she asked, looking up.

"I'm fine," Syaoran replied, staring at the window.

"I did something wrong and you got angry, din't you?" Sakura asked in a shaky voice.

"No, you didn't do anything. Everything is fine," he answered, walking past her to sit at his desk.

Sakura raised an eyebrow, very surprised, and sat down in the desk in front of Syaoran. She turned to look at him, but he was resting his hand on his chin, looking out the window again with a serious look on his face.

"Are you sure everything's all right?" she asked again.

"Yes, don't insist."

Hearing that was a bit of a shock.

"Okay," Sakura muttered, turning around again to look straight ahead.

She felt tears starting to gather in her eyes, but she blinked several times to get rid of them. Maybe Syaoran was having a bad day and didn't feel like talking about it.

He sighed as he watched her back. It hurt him to be so distant with his best friend, but he had no other choice.

At recess, Sakura glanced several times at Syaoran, who was talking to his group of friends and didn't approach her once. It was painful to find out that she had missed him a lot, but it seemed that he missed her not so much.

Classes ended and Sakura turned around, watching Syaoran stand up.

"Goodbye," he murmured without looking at her, walking out of the classroom.

Sakura froze in her chair, only reacting when Tomoyo approached her and pulled her arm.

On the way back home, she commented with her and Chiharu that Syaoran was very strange. They told her that he was probably upset about something, and that they were sure it would pass soon... but it didn't.

The whole week went by, and Syaoran continued to keep his distance with Sakura. He hardly crossed a word with her apart from to greet her in the morning and to say goodbye at the end of the day.

Sakura had phoned him three afternoons, but he hadn't answered her calls.

She spent the days with a lump in her throat. Seeing him like this, she couldn't understand it no matter how many times she thought about it. That Friday, she couldn't take it any longer and cornered him at recess, when he was with his friends.

"I have to talk to you," she said when she was at his side.

"Well, I don't want to," Syaoran answered, leaving Sakura shocked.

How could he say something like that?

"I don't care if you want to or not. You're going to talk to me now," she growled, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the others.

Syaoran frowned but followed her to a corner of the square where no one was around. She looked into his eyes and felt like she was going to cry at any moment.

"Forgive me, Syaoran."

He opened his eyes wide in surprise.

"What?"

"Forgive me. Whatever I've done to you, I'm truly sorry," she murmured, feeling a treacherous tear fall down her cheek.

"You haven't done anything. I'm not angry with you," he replied, crossing his arms and averting his gaze.

"But... You don't talk to me, you don't touch me, you don't answer my phone calls, you don't come near me... and I don't understand anything."

Syaoran frowned again.

"I just need some time away from you, that's all."

An unpleasant shiver ran down her back, and her hands began to shake.

"What? Why? You've never wanted to be away from me before," she said between sobs, no longer able to hold back her tears.

"Do you really want to know?" Syaoran roared, upset.

"Yes, Syaoran. Please, tell me what's going on," she demanded, her voice cracking.

He looked down at the ground and clenched his fists.

"I don't know why or how it happened... but I've started to feel something different for you, I think I'm in love."

Sakura's heart stopped and she turned pale. He let out a bitter laugh.

"Don't make that face, I know you don't feel anything like that for me. I need time, these feelings will disappear but for that I have to stay away from you."

Sakura tried to say something, but she wasn't able to articulate a word. The only thing she did was cry in silence.

"I promise you that everything will go back to the way it was before, but I don't know how long it will take. In the meantime, don't come near me and don't talk to me. Just leave me alone," Syaoran added before walking towards where his friends were.

Sakura was pinned to the ground, trying to take in what had just happened. She ran into the building and into the women's restrooms, locking herself in one of them, and cried until the bell rang to announce the end of recess.

Before she came out, she looked at herself in the mirror. It was too obvious that she had been crying. She washed her face with cold water and walked out of the bathroom, heading to her classroom.

Syaoran pursed his lips when he saw her enter with red eyes and a lowered gaze, sitting down in front of him without saying a word. It hurt him to see her like that. He had never wanted to hurt her, but he needed distance to be her friend again, like he had always been.

He promised himself that he would stop loving Sakura as soon as possible, so that he could return to her side and she would stop suffering.

But it wasn't so easy to control his feelings... and he knew it well.

The days kept passing, then turned into weeks.

Sakura and Syaoran just waved to each other and neither tried to get close to the other. Tomoyo had tried to get Sakura to tell her what had happened, but she flatly refused.

The worst day was when she arrived at the classroom and, before she sat down at her desk, she saw that Syaoran had taken off the ring she had given him.

She couldn't help herself and ran to the bathroom, locking herself in there for the first hour of class.

Sakura was paler than ever, she had lost some weight because she didn't have as much appetite as before, and at night she had a hard time falling asleep. And when she did, she always dreamed of an angry Syaoran, telling her that he never wanted to see her again and that he hated her.

Every night her pillow absorbed all her tears, it was the only witness to her pain.

Every day, when she saw Syaoran, the knot in her chest tightened even more, making it hard to breathe.

But she kept her eyes away from him, not wanting to disturb him or make him uncomfortable. Every time she woke up, she prayed that it would be the last day without her best friend, but it seemed that no one listened to her pleas.

What she didn't know was that Syaoran was going through something similar. His heart shrank every time she saw Sakura, the aura of sadness that surrounded her was so evident that it caused him immense pain.

He felt very guilty for making her feel that bad, but he still couldn't see himself being able to get close to her again, and behave like he did before... Syaoran was still in love with her.

In fact, after so many weeks of thinking about it, Syaoran had come to the conclusion that he had always been in love with Sakura, but hadn't realised it.

She was the perfect match for him. None of the girls he had been with felt like they could have a future together, and now he knew that was because none of those girls were Sakura.

No one understood him like she did, no one loved him like she did or made him feel as special as Sakura did. Nobody looked at him with that sparkle in their eyes, nobody transmitted him so much warmth with their hugs, and of course nobody listened to all his stupid problems or knew his darkest secrets.

Sakura was the only one who had seen the real Syaoran, and she had always loved him as he was, and he loved her as well, with all her faults and virtues. No one is perfect, but she was perfect in her own imperfection.

Syaoran leaned his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands, sighing. It hurt, it really was like having a knife stuck in his chest that was sinking deeper and deeper at the sight of her and being away from her.

Every night he went to sleep praying that the feeling would go away, so that he could return to his friend, and every morning he despaired when he woke up and nothing had changed.