Chapter Twenty-one

I'm done

A month. It had been a whole month since Sakura and Syaoran had spoken the last time. In total, over seven weeks since he had become distant with her before Christmas.

Sakura was still devastated, even though she tried to hide it in class and in front of her family. She only let her sadness take over when she was alone in her room in total darkness, so that her parents couldn't see what was happening to her.

Syaoran also remained the same. He always had a bad face and had become sullen, he hardly spoke when he was with his friends... he just listened to them.

One Sunday afternoon, Sakura was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about Syaoran as she did every day.

She held her phone in her hand and looked at it for a few minutes, thinking. She dialed Syaoran's number and waited. Ten rings and nothing, he didn't answer, just what she knew would happen. Sakura got up, put her phone and keys in her backpack and left her bedroom.

"Where are you going?" Nadeshiko asked when she saw her approach the front door.

"I'm going to study with Syaoran," Sakura said, putting on her shoes to go outside.

"Tell him to come over for lunch sometime. It's been a long time since he's been here," her mother suggested.

Sakura just nodded silently and left the house, heading to the bus stop.

She couldn't take it anymore, she needed to talk to Syaoran. If he didn't want to answer her calls, she would go looking for him.

The doorbell rang. Syaoran turned off the television and went to open it, puzzled. Eriol had visited him the day before, and he didn't expect him to show up again until the following week.

When he opened the door, his heart skipped a beat. There stood Sakura, frowning and glaring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Syaoran asked in a hard voice.

"Am I no longer welcome in your home?" she replied, clenching her fists.

He sighed.

"I told you, Sakura. I need time, I need more time."

"Fuck it."

Syaoran's eyes widened in surprise. He had never heard Sakura say that before.

"I'm done, it's been a month and everything is still the same. I'm not leaving until we talk," she added, pushing him away with one arm and entering the house.

Syaoran lowered his head, dejected. He closed the door and walked behind Sakura to the living room. As he entered, he saw her sitting on the couch with a serious look on her face.

"Where is your mother?" she asked.

"She's out. She'll be back in a while."

"So much better, that way we're alone."

Syaoran sat down on the couch too, leaving a big space between them.

"There's nothing to talk about... I haven't stopped feeling that way yet, and there's nothing we can do about it," he said, his eyes on the floor.

He heard her sobs and leaned his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands.

"I'm really sorry, forgive me. I never meant to hurt you," Syaoran mumbled, trying to control his tears.

He heard a bigger sob and felt warm arms wrap around him. Syaoran tensed and tried to pull away, but Sakura wouldn't let him.

"Don't go away from me anymore... I can't bear it. Besides, I want to tell you two theories I've been thinking about," she whispered, her face hidden behind his back.

Syaoran chuckled.

"Okay, tell me your crazy theories."

Sakura sighed slowly.

"The first one is that maybe you're not in love with me, you're just confused."

Syaoran raised his head, glancing at Sakura.

"What did you just say?" he asked, frowning.

"You and I are very close, people are always thinking that we're together... I don't know, maybe those ideas have gotten into your head and that's why you're confused and don't understand your own feelings."

Syaoran rolled his eyes and snorted, looking at the wall opposite to them.

"I know exactly how I feel," he muttered under his breath.

"But the strange thing is that we've known each other for almost two and a half years, we've always acted the same... Why do you suddenly feel differently now?"

"I guess it's been going on for a while, but I didn't notice it until now," Syaoran said, shaking himself slightly and getting up to get away from her.

Sakura plopped down on the couch and sank her face into a cushion.

"I really miss you," she said between sobs.

"And I miss you, too, but there's nothing we can do," Syaoran murmured, leaning against the wall.

Sakura looked up, wiping her tears.

"I love you so much, Syaoran."

He shifted uncomfortably.

"I love you too, but I think you should go."

Sakura stood up, walking over to him. Syaoran tried to pull away but she stopped him, holding his arms.

"The other theory now, I wanted to make sure how you felt first. I've loved you almost since day one, maybe... maybe I'm in love with you too."

Syaoran frowned and his eyes flashed with hatred.

"Don't play games with me, Sakura."

"I'm not playing. You're my best friend, my confidant, the only one who understands me, the person I love most in this world. You're always in my thoughts, and since we met I think you're the most handsome of all. That has to mean something."

Syaoran gasped and his stomach churned as he saw Sakura move closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His whole body froze when she left a soft kiss on his lips, but he reacted and held her face with his hands, pushing her away.

"No! Sakura, no!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Please, Syaoran... please, kiss me. Let me check something. If it doesn't work, I'll leave and I won't come near you again until you tell me to, I promise."

He sighed, defeated, dropping his arms on either side of his body. She moved closer again, until their lips met. She kissed Syaoran hard, squeezing her arms tighter around him so he couldn't move away.

Syaoran clenched his fists, kissing her back. He shivered as her tongue caressed his lips, moistening them, before going into his mouth to meet his own.

He sighed and let himself go, he couldn't possibly feel any worse than he did at the moment. Syaoran wrapped his arms around her waist and continued to kiss her, biting her lower lip lightly and enjoying holding her in his arms.

Minutes passed and neither of them wanted to pull apart. Sakura let out a sigh when one of his hands travelled up her back to sink into her hair, pulling her closer to him to deepen the kiss even more.

Finally, she moved away from him a few inches, her breathing completely out of control. Sakura looked into Syaoran's amber eyes, and saw perfectly well how they turned cold as he furrowed his brow.

"You've already checked that you don't feel the same way I do, haven't you?"

Sakura didn't say anything, she just kept looking at those eyes that she loved since they had met.

"Then you can leave now," Syaoran added, trying to get away from her.

Sakura grabbed his hair so he couldn't pull away, shaking her head.

"I'm not leaving."

He let out a snort of despair.

"Please... Go, don't torture me anymore. You're hurting me," he begged, his voice breaking.

"I feel something... I feel something different about you."

Syaoran arched an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"I feel something I haven't felt before, that I want to keep kissing you for hours, that I don't want to walk away from you, I... I think I feel the same way you do."

An electric shiver ran through his body.

"Don't lie to me, Sakura. You don't have to do this to make me come back to you, don't say things you don't really mean," Syaoran said in a trembling voice.

Sakura leaned her head on his chest, sighing.

"I'm not lying. I think that's why I've never liked anyone enough, I always compared you with the others... because, from the beginning, you've been the owner of my heart, Syaoran," she whispered, blushing.

"I don't believe you," he replied, tense.

"Have I ever lied to you?" she asked, looking up at him.

Syaoran shook his head.

"Well, I'm not doing it now either. I think I'm in love with you too. Maybe I've always been, without knowing it."

Syaoran's heart was pounding as if it had gone crazy. That was exactly what he thought about her.

"I think something similar... This feeling was there, buried, and I didn't let it out."

"Do you believe me, then? Kissing you was... incredible, I've never felt anything like this," she said, standing on her tiptoes so she could face him.

"I haven't either. I always remember the kiss we shared in my room, two years ago. None of the girls I've been with have ever been able to beat it," Syaoran murmured, looking into her eyes.

Sakura nodded.

"You know the same thing happened to me. That's the best kiss I've ever had... though now it's in second place, only after today's kiss," she replied, completely embarrassed.

Syaoran smiled, snaking his arms around her waist.

"Are you really here, telling me all these things? Am I not dreaming?" he asked, sighing.

"Yes. I'm here, and I'm not leaving," she said, kissing him again.

Syaoran hugged her tightly and turned, so that she was leaning against the wall. He lifted her up until her feet were in the air and kissed her desperately. Sakura wrapped her legs around his waist and tilted her head slightly, to make the kiss more intense.

A few minutes later, they heard the sound of the garage door opening. The two broke apart and looked at each other, terrified.

"My mother is back," Syaoran whispered, trying to catch his breath.