A/N: Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you're enjoying it so far. This is a bit of a filler chapter but a necessary one. Let me know what you think!

Chapter 50: Finding Purpose

"You will survive and you will find purpose in the chaos.
Moving on doesn't mean letting go."
— Mary VanHaute

I stared at the blade in my hand. It was gorgeous.

"Dean just gave this to you?" I asked, looking up at Kelly.

"Yeah. He said he only had the one extra to spare."

"Did he say why he was giving it?" I twirled the blade in my hand. It was lighter than I expected. It almost seemed to glow, like silver that shined. It didn't look like it belonged on this earth. I supposed it didn't since it was an angel blade. It was wicked sharp.

"No," Kelly said. "He was asking if we had enough ammo and then handed it over."

That didn't sound good. The boys had barely been gone an hour but something felt off. I thought it was likely the weird way Sam had left, but now Dean had given away a prized weapon. "Do...do you think everything's okay with them?" I asked. "Like, did they seem weird to you this morning?"

"Well, they have all the rings now, and Dean said they were heading to the next part of the plan. Said it was safer that I didn't know. I guess Sam didn't tell you either?"

I stared at her. "They have all the rings? How?"

Kelly frowned at me. "Mish, what do you know?"

It turned out nothing. Sam barely told me anything that they had been getting themselves wrapped up in. I knew that they had been going after Pestilence, but that was it. Kelly told me all that she knew from Dean. Granted, it wasn't everything, but it was a hell of a lot more than what I knew. They had found Pestilence and Castiel was now nearly human after the stint with Adam.

"I guess you guys didn't spend a lot of time talking," she said with a grin. I swiped at her and she leaned out of the way, nearly falling out of the chair as she did so.

I called Sam but it just went to voicemail. I hung up, unsure of what to say. "I don't like this," I told Kelly.

"Me either, but what can we do? We have a house full of people to look out for. We just have to trust that they know what they're doing."

I nodded, despite not entirely agreeing. Something was clearly happening. Anxiousness bubbled in my stomach. I wanted to run, to throw myself into training and finding a new way to protect us. Lucifer was still out there.

"Come on," Kelly said. "Let's go to the bar. Eric left keys so we can check out if he fixed anything. You can use the knife he gave you to start in the protections you want. Okay?"

"I have to train," I said instantly.

"No, you don't. You have to come with me and help me get this place ready before Eric gets annoyed and decides he wants to eat us instead."

I paused and considered that. "Should we get silver necklaces?"

"Probably. Now, instead of worrying, think about how you're going to welcome Sam back when this is over with and let's go." She had that look on her face that told me if I argued with her, she was going to drag me out by my ear. Or get Jane to.

"Okay, but we train when we get back."

"Deal."

The broken bar sign labelling the place as Chevelle's was gone. The outside looked a little more put together and cleaner than the last time we had been here.

Kelly unlocked the door and it took us a minute to find the switch to turn on the lights. Kelly found it first and the place lit up. The tables looked the same, just shinier and the booth cushions looked new. There was a carpet in the entranceway, the same one that I had painted on before. I checked quickly to make sure the trap was still there. It wasn't ideal but I felt slightly better at the sight of it. I took out the knife he gave me from my pocket and opened it.

"I'm going to work on this," I said.

"Alright, I'll check out the rest of the place," Kelly said. She left me to my own devices and I worked on carving sigils and symbols into the doorway. It was harder than I expected, but concentrating on making sure I did it right and didn't cut myself made sure I didn't think of anything else.

"Bathrooms are fixed," Kelly said. "And it looks like Eric has yet to hire anyone back. Apparently, he had a few meetings, judging from the papers I found in his office….Michelle, what are you doing?"

I looked down at her. I was perched on the back of a booth as I carved in a new symbol at the top of the wall. "What's it look like?"

"It looks like you're about to fall and impale yourself."

"Not if you don't distract me."

"You've been impaled enough today, I would think." I ignored her teasing. "Just don't die. Trust me, it's not fun." She paused for a moment. "Do you need a spotter?"

"I'm good. Go figure out what else this place needs."

"Outside of people?" She asked dryly. "Staff. I hope Eric doesn't expect us to do this all by ourselves."

"He better not," I muttered. I brushed off the carving before I looked for a way down. I balanced carefully before jumping. I mentally thanked Jane for her training since I landed without injury. "I still have more to do. I'm not sure if the order I used on the car is going to work, but I have some new ones Giles found as well, so we'll see."

"Just don't blow anything up."

I turned to her, confused. "How can I blow something up with protections?"

"I don't know, but if anyone could, it's you."

"Thanks?" I was sure she didn't mean that as a compliment, but I'd take what I could get. Kelly rolled her eyes and walked away. I looked for my next spot. So far I had been aiming at the foundations of the place. The basement would be easier since that wasn't as available to the public, but this came first.

Kelly finished before I did. I didn't ask her to help out. It was partly that I only trusted myself and Kelly's artistic skill had not improved in death. She didn't trust herself not to mess it up. Instead, she kept me entertained by reading off drinks and quizzing me on how they were made.

"What about a buttery nipple?"

I paused in my carving and turned to her. "That can't be real."

"Oh it is," she nodded. "It's butterscotch schnapps and Irish cream liqueur."

"That sounds disgusting."

"Really? I think it could be good," she made a face like she was considering it. "Maybe a little too sweet though."

"I think I'm done." I looked around before I nodded and sat down on the bar where I had been standing.

"Really?" She repeated. "Are you sure you didn't miss a spot?" I glared down at her and she held her hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying, you either wrote on or carved into every wall or piece of major furniture there is in this place."

That was true. I had gone a little overboard, but once I started getting used to the process of carving things into the wall, I got better and it went faster. "Yeah, can we go home now?"

"Sure. I'm done. We just need to see if Eric's hired anyone and when he wants to open."

I hopped off of the bar and glanced around once more. The place was about as safe as I could get it without going completely overboard. I needed to figure out how some of the taps in the bar were connected. I knew there was a nozzle with buttons that poured the pop, but I wondered if it could be set up for holy water. Maybe I could test people like that. Just in case.

Kelly locked up and the skin on the back of my neck prickled. I looked around, but there was no one in sight outside of the passing cars. I tried not to race for our car. The sun was starting to set and I wanted to get home. The only solace so far was that the bar wasn't open. I didn't need to deal with people yet. My throat tightened slightly as I thought about being surrounded by people I didn't know. People who could be anything. I needed more weapons, in the bar, in the house and on me.

I couldn't sleep.

Eric had told us he wanted to open in the next day or two and to be ready. Panic crept up my spine and tightened in my throat. Despite the offer of tea from Hermione, I refused and ran in the night instead. I just needed something. Something to stop the panic that still felt like it was growing. It still felt like something was watching us. There was nothing there though. I called Sam again and there was no answer. I didn't expect one, I just...I wanted to hear him tell me everything was fine.

I lay in the grass and stared at the stars. Jane had deemed the knives acceptable and showed us how to sharpen them. Training with them was a little terrifying, but not as much as the machetes were. I tried to listen to the wind and the trees as I lay there. Anything to get my heart rate down and to keep me from wanting to bury myself in research and covering myself in sigils.

Hermione and Giles were doing a fantastic job at researching and finding information, but their understanding of what was possible was limited. They knew their worlds. My understanding of this one was a little more than basic, but it didn't feel like enough. The reminder of Lucifer lingered in the back of my mind and felt more prominent once I wasn't distracted. The only distraction that seemed to work was training, protecting the bar or...Sam. As much as I didn't want to list him as one, it was true. He had a way of grounding me and...different methods to divert me. Some better than others.

"Michelle?"

I looked over to see Remy walking towards me. He looked like he was leaving the forest. "What are you doing out in the cold? Ain't there a bed with your name on it?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I just...can't sleep. I was running."

"At this time?" He looked around before nodding. "You need something else, then? Come on, cher, you can show Remy how you improved."

"Hmm?" I pushed myself up to standing. "What do you mean?"

He grinned over at me. "Fightin', mon amie. Get your staff and we begin."

Fighting with Remy was different than fighting Jane. He was not afraid to play dirty and encouraged me to do the same. It felt good to use the staff. The skills I was building with Jane transferred easily. I wasn't as smooth as Remy was with the twirls, but he made me practice them daily and I was improving. Especially when I managed to knock him down, aiming the staff at his throat. He just laughed.

"Look at this! The student becomes the master, no?"

I moved the staff out of the way and offered him a hand. He took it and I helped him up. "Thanks."

"No thanks needed, cher. You getting more deadly by the day." He rubbed his arm where I had hit him. "You got a hard hit."

"Trained by the best," I smiled.

"Ain't that the truth. Think you can sleep now?"

"Maybe," I smiled again at him. I was a little more sore but I felt better. "Thank you, Remy."

"Anytime, cher. Y'know that." He led the way inside and it was only after I reached my room that I realized I was still holding on to the staff. I placed it at the edge of my bed and went to shower.

My head hurt the day we opened the bar. We were short-staffed as Eric was still vetting the previous workers so we brought in backup. Veronica and Chloe came to help out, and since they did, Logan and Derek followed. Lafayette agreed to help in the kitchen until we found someone else. Chloe acted as a sous-chef whereas Derek and Logan got put to work as busboys. Veronica helped Kelly with waitressing. Luckily, there weren't a lot of people who realized we were open.

The bar was fairly quiet with only a few patrons. Kelly greeted them all, welcoming them to the new ownership. Only a couple asked what happened to the last one. I had no idea what Kelly told them.

"Can I get a Miller?"

I looked up at the man who sat down at the bar. He looked vaguely familiar, but it could have been the layers he wore. He was dressed like the hunters we had met so far. I tried not to stiffen. "Sure. Regular or light?" I asked, I mentally went over where I had hidden the machete under the bar.

"Regular. Tap."

The last hunters we encountered that weren't the brothers had tried to kill us. I poured the beer slowly, trying to calm myself down. I was wrong. I had to be. Hunters weren't the only ones who dressed in layers. After all, we were in South Dakota. Most people dressed like hunters here.

I set the beer in front of him. I never thought I'd be thankful for the alarming lessons of my childhood that taught me how to pour one properly. "Five fifty." I looked around, trying to catch Kelly's eye.

The man put down a couple of bills. "You guys just reopened, right?"

I looked back at him. "Yeah. New ownership." I touched my pocket, reassuring myself that the knife was still there.

"What brought you folks to this town?" He looked like he was asking it innocently enough.

"What makes you think we're not from here?" I asked. I focused on the man in front of me, trying to gauge what type of threat he could be.

"Your accent."

Well, he wasn't wrong. I nodded, still unsure. "You need anything else?" I asked. "A menu maybe?"

"You never answered my question," he said. My eyes narrowed.

"Hey!" Kelly appeared beside me. I glanced over at her to see her looking at the man. "Welcome to...well, not Chevelle's. You hungry? We got a great cook."

"Nah, just making some friendly conversation. Was just asking what brings you to town." He took a sip of his beer while he watched us. I shifted my feet slightly, gaining a better position if I had to defend us.

"Family business," Kelly said with a smile. "You know how it is. Come to help with some drama and the next thing you know, you've planted roots. What about you? Do you live nearby?" She glanced at me and I knew the look. She was thinking the exact same thing I was.

"Just passing through." He took another sip of the beer. "You seen the news lately? Crazy things happenin' in the world now."

"I don't watch the news," I said. My tone was harder than I meant it to be. "I don't need to know about more bad things happening that I can't help with."

"You think so?" he asked. "There's always something to be done."

"Well," Kelly interjected, "sure if you can afford to donate or volunteer your time. But she's right, why bother getting upset over things you can't change? Isn't it better to look for the good? The news rarely shows anything good happening."

"There's tornados, earthquakes and tsunamis. Whole world is going to hell," he said. He was watching us carefully. I stared back.

"Joys of climate change."

"Oh god," Kelly said. "Don't get her started on climate change. Please. She's lectured people since she was a kid about the environment."

"It's important," I said. "We're destroying the earth. It's no wonder she's taking it back."

"Huh." The man took another sip of his beer. "Interesting way to phrase it." He pretended to look at a watch and got up. "You girls have a good day." He left, his beer only half-finished. Kelly and I didn't move until he was out the door.

"Was that a hunter?" I asked.

"Sure seems it. Who else only passes through?" Kelly tilted her head before adding, "besides truckers."

"I don't know. That was weird though, right?" I picked up the money and added it to the cash register once I inputted the beer.

"Definitely." Kelly emptied the glass and put it in a bin to be washed. "Probably won't be the first time though. I mean, we are a bar."

"I hate this. I don't want to talk to people I don't know."

"Yeah...bartender might not have been the best choice for you, but hey, least you didn't hit anyone!"

"It's still early."

"Have you heard from the boys?"

I jolted up from where I was leaning against the wall. "What?" I blinked, trying to wake up. I had just closed my eyes for a second. "What?"

"Jesus, Michelle. Have you slept?" Kelly was standing in the kitchen, staring down at me.

"Yeah, sort of." My nightmares were back in full force. The stress of being at the bar, surrounded by strangers, was not helping.

"How much?"

"I don't know," I tried not to snap. "Couple of hours. Maybe."

"Fuck, I thought you were getting better. What happened to the tea Hermione makes you?"

"We got back late enough that she was already asleep. I thought I'd be fine."

"Clearly, you're not. Have you heard from Sam?"

I frowned. I had tried to call Sam a couple of times. "No, he hasn't returned any of my messages. It's only been a couple of days though."

"Yeah, I know." She sat down across from me. "You sure you're okay?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I...it's just nightmares. And everything else. Are you?"

"I'm worried about them, but I'm always worried. It's become a constant state of being." Kelly sighed. "I just want all of this over."

"Me too."

"Listening to the two of you prattle about the same shit is exhausting." We both looked to see Five sitting on the counter. "You don't like things, change them. This isn't destiny shit, it's your lives. I can't listen to the same thing over and over again. Get ready. We're training."

Kelly groaned but we got up as he flashed away.

"You think he's right?" I asked.

"I think he's just pissed he can't drink in the bar for free. Come on, he's probably waiting outside the door ready to shoot us."

As soon as we got in from training with Five, we had enough time to shower before leaving for the bar. The place was slowly starting to pick up, but that might have been since it was a Thursday night.

"Michelle." I looked over at Eric who leaned against the bar. He smiled at the small group of women at the high top before looking at me. "Glaring at the customers isn't an ideal way to bring in more, and we want more customers, don't we?"

"I'm not glaring." He raised an eyebrow in response. "Fine," I said. "I'm trying."

"Try harder."

I stopped myself from glaring at him before I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The increase in numbers in the place was stressing me out. There were only a few small groups and no one outwardly looked dangerous but I knew that wasn't necessarily the truth. The only comfort was that no one was a demon since my traps were still in place.

"How are you enjoying tending to the bar?"

I looked at Eric carefully, wondering where the curiosity was coming from. "It's fine." Bartending had yet to get complicated. Everyone ordered simple drinks which gave me more time to supposedly learn the rest of the drinks. I brought one of the lore books we borrowed from Bobby's to read over instead.

"Hmm…" Eric didn't say anything further before he turned away.

I watched him greet the table of the three women before he left for the back.

Veronica stepped up to the bar and dropped the empty tray on it. "How does he not terrify you?"

I shrugged. "He does, but everything does, so it doesn't really matter."

"That's a weird way to think."

"I know. How are you doing? Thanks for helping out here."

"I'm...okay. It's fine. Beats sitting at the house wondering what happened to my dad. Is he freaking out? Probably searching the entire country for me. Wallace too." She smiled slightly but it looked forced. "It's fine," she repeated. "You guys are looking for a way to get us back, right? So, I'll see him again. He's not going to believe this."

My throat tightened and I nodded. That was what she thought we were doing in the dining room. I wondered if the others thought that too, that I was looking for a way home instead of ways to protect us here. I couldn't remember if we had ever told them that Becky had said to us the worlds were destroyed. It was far too cruel of a thing to do now.

"You know, if you need some help, I'm a decent researcher." Her smile was less forced this time.

"Thanks," I managed to choke out. She frowned slightly. "Excuse me." I left the bar to head for the back. I needed some air. These kids were still just kids and I hadn't realized just how many things we were keeping from them. Was this how the boys felt?

I leaned back against the wall in the hallway. It was silent here. I just needed a minute. I dug my phone out of my pocket. I dialled Sam and it instantly went to voicemail.

"Hey," I said once it signalled to leave a message. "I just…" I sighed. I just wanted to talk to him. "Call me when you get this. Please." I hung up and closed my eyes. I was finally trying to reach out to him and it was radio silence. Nerves clustered in my chest. It wasn't because we had slept together. Sam...he wasn't like that. I just needed some reassurance, which felt stupid. I pushed myself off of the wall. I needed to go running and to talk to Kelly. She needed to know that at least one person thought we were searching for a way home.

[tbc]