Chapter 28

"You were right."

Mickey stopped mid-sentence at Squid's declaration; it came out all in one rush, smushed together in one bulleted word. Her jaw snapped up, pressing her lips into a line. She'd barely passed the paper she held in her hands to Zero when Squid let out an impatient breath and grasped her upper arm, easily hauling her to her feet from Caveman's bed. She shot him an apologetic look and followed Squid out of the tent.

She hadn't changed into her pajamas yet; her boots scuffed against the ground in her effort to catch up to him, almost tipping forward when she didn't lift her foot all the way. Only when he approached the empty shower stall did he slow, tugging her around the side until they were partially shielded at the back. His eyes quickly scanned the space over her head, checking in the distance until his eyes rested back on her face. She squinted against the dying sunlight, taking in the unkempt ruffle to his hair, as if he'd been pulling at it, and the worrying to his jaw. What happened in the Mess Hall after she left? She opened her mouth, ready to ask when he spoke first.

"Did you hear me?" Squid asked.

"I think so," Mickey replied. She started pinching her arm. "Thing is I've never heard you say that to me; gotta see if I'm dreaming or hallucinating."

"Ha ha."

She stuck a finger in her ear and wiggled it around before cracking a teasing grin. "Mind saying it again? Just to make sure I heard you right?"

"I'm being serious."

The jest drained from her, being replaced by outright confusion. She looked harder, at the clench to his jaw and the pucker of skin between his brows and the intensity in his eyes. Something quivered in her at the sight of it, the intensity, and she brushed it aside as some sort of foreboding. The only other time she'd seen that look on someone's face was when her father told her her grandfather died.

"Okay." She sucked in a breath, shifted her weight in her feet to feel the ground beneath her, bracing for impact. "What's up?"

"You were right," Squid repeated, the words separate and slow this time. She didn't have time to ask him to elaborate as he rushed on, "About Brett having a way to be in contact with the camp."

Even with her own hunch propelling her, hearing the words spoken aloud hit her like a ton of bricks. Her breath stumbled and her heart stuttered, and her pulse skittered beneath her skin. She swiped her tongue against her lower lip and dragged a hand down her face. Okay, okay, okay, just…okay…

It was an odd form of stasis she found herself in, trapped between being relieved that she wasn't crazy and upset for having her suspicions confirmed. Something constricted in her throat; she tugged at the collar of her shirt and wrapped one arm around her midsection. A roaring sounded in her ears, like large waves crashing on a beach, taking the sand from beneath her feet, reaching for her. "How do you know I'm right?"

Squid moved to speak, his jaw slackening, and then closed his mouth. He pushed a breath through his nose and shoved his hands into the large pockets. "…Y'aint gonna like it."

She uttered a chest-heaving sigh. "Don't. Just…stop trying to protect me. Okay? I can handle it, whatever it is." All that protection her mother tried to throw on her over the years did nothing but ensnare her and leave her to drown. God, she was so sick of being handled like she was made of porcelain, ready to break at any second.

"D'you remember Colton?"

Her nose wrinkled. "Kind of. Leslie's boyfriend." He was just a figure in the halls, a few years older than her, always with his beat-up backpack and an easygoing grin on his face. She hummed. It was still odd to think back to the life she had at home, the people who still went on with their lives while hers seemed to be trapped in a dusty bubble or snowglobe. "Didn't he get expelled?"

"Dropped out," Squid corrected.

The semantics didn't matter two years on and a world away. Though Leslie dropped out around that same time, too, now that she thought about it. "What about him?"

Squid pulled his hand out of his pocket and extended it, fist closed. Mickey's gaze bounced between his face and his fist before holding out her hand, palm flat. His fingers brushed against her skin and her heartbeat kicked up as she stared down at the pouch in her hand. A strange symbol stared up at her, blanketing some sort of pill bundled together at the bottom of the bag.

"I don't…" Huh? His face didn't reveal anything, his eyes having cast down at the ground where he dug into the dirt with the tip of his shoe. Every attempt to speak came with a false start, to the point she laughed a little at her inability to make even one coherent sentence. Figures; when she didn't want to talk people spoke for her but when she wanted to, she couldn't. Swallowing the lump rising in her throat, she took a breath and forced out with difficulty, "What is this?"

"Steroids."

"…What?"

"Mag found 'em on the supply truck." Mickey recoiled, head shaking, trying to digest the information but Squid charged on. "The only person I know who used was Brett." His head lowered further. Any more and he'd be kissing his knees. His voice was thick when he spoke again "…I'm the one who used to sell it to him. For Colton." A strangled sound came out of Mickey's throat, between a squeak and leaking air as her mouth formed words, only nothing stuck. "So I think he trades these to B-Tent for information. On you."

"…Oh." Oh? Oh? That was the best she could come up with? Squid effectively beat her over the head with the news and all she could say was 'oh'.

"He was my best customer. Brett, I mean. I made most 'f my money offa him, actually. He really wanted to be scouted." He lifted his head, scratched by his nose, and shrugged. "I got 'im a good deal."

"What'd you get?"

"Protection. Money." Squid spat at the ground. "Most of it went to Colton though."

"But…wait. That doesn't…you were arrested for stealing change and stuff."

"Like I said, I didn't keep most 'f it. Had t'find other ways to manage." With a bitter laugh he added beneath his breath, "S'not like my mom was doin' anythin' t'help…"

"…My ring..."

"I was tellin' the truth when I said I didn' take it. But I think Colton did. To send me a message or somethin'." She shot him a quizzical look. "I tried t' get out of it. Runnin' the drugs I mean. But he said if I didn't do it, he'd hurt you. And then afterwards…well, y'know."

"Oh." That damn word again. It cut through the storm of questions and uncertainty whizzing through her head, a bobbing buoy for her to hold, to get a breath. She squeezed her eyes shut, trading the sunset for the slamming shutter of a void. Her lips moved silently, words jostling and fighting for a chance to string together until her voice caught up. "What kind of deal did you make with Brett?"

Mickey caught the surprise flickering through his eye, a fleeting glimpse until he stuffed it down again. He shrugged again, shoulders rounding. "If I got him that stuff, he'd handle my insulin. Didn't really have much of a choice."

"Okay." At least it wasn't oh. She sat with his answer, turning it around in her mind. She got it, that need for survival, the begrudging acceptance just to make it through another day. Because then it at least gave them the chance to do something different, even if nothing changed right away. That chance, the opportunity, was the only light she had guiding her sometimes; it was always within her line of sight. Did it fall out of his and if so, when? When she didn't believe him? When his mother started bringing in a revolving door of boyfriends? When his father left?

The realization trickled in, like raindrops gliding down a windowpane and she chanced a look at him, her breath rushing out of her all at once. It was his eyes at that stopped her; the fading sunlight had shifted them from whiskey to a browned gold and she found herself sinking into their honeyed depths. Even now, after all this time, when she had every right to question her place in his unfolding saga, he came first. She didn't think this was quite what her mother had in mind when she was taught to be accommodating, agreeable, self-sacrificing, available, to sideline herself for her community, for the greater good. Because Squid would always be a greater good in her eyes.

"—about all this. I believe you."

Oh shoot. He'd been saying something. Wait… A scratching record sounded somewhere in the back of her mind. What did he just say? "…Huh?"

"I said I believe you."

Honestly, she couldn't explain why she did what she did. Maybe it was relief, maybe it was reassurance, maybe it was the pure elation of weight of finally dropping off her shoulders. Either way, something built up within her, lightened the pressure on her chest, put the buoyancy of hope within her to make her spring up on the tips of her toes, lean forward, and kiss him.

Finally, finally someone said those three words she longed to hear, needed to hear. That's all she wanted, for someone to be in her corner. For someone to not be blinded by the world or by the Walker name. For someone to finally listen.

And it was Squid. Of course it was Squid.

…The same Squid she was still kissing.

Eyes popping open, Mickey immediately dropped back down to her feet and backed away. She curled her hands into fists, holding them down by her side, focusing on the throbbing pulse in her palms to keep from touching her lips. Her lips where she still felt his own, her lips which the surface crackled as if electricity coursed just beneath her skin. Heat crawled up her neck, pooling in her cheeks and she ducked her head, allowing her hair to swing in front of her face like a curtain. Now she didn't have to look at him, see the look on his face, hear him laugh at her.

"Erm…sorry! I'm sorry! I just…no one's said that to me, ever, after everything…" Maybe if she kept talking, they could pretend it didn't happen. She didn't just do something so stupid. "I'm just…I'm feeling a lot. Not particularly towards you! You just…surprised me. With everything you said, I mean. And—and I'm, I'm just trying to get it all to make sense. But, yeah, I'm…I'm sorry—"

She gasped at his touch on her face, him cupping her cheeks and lifting her head. "Don't be," he muttered, the words barely escaping the quickly shrinking gap between them and he brought her face closer, pressing a heated, hungry kiss to her lips.

His lips were as soft as his touch on her face, gentle, almost scared. The callouses on his fingertips tickled her skin; goosebumps popped up in rapid succession, a shiver rolling down her despite the mild heat wrapping around them. Her stomach swooped and her eyes fluttered shut and the electricity beneath her skin stretched through her, like a web of lightning in a darkened stormy sky.

And when her lungs screamed for air and he pulled away, she let out a quiet "no" and grasped his collar, pulling him down, greedy for another kiss and another, passing the same breath back and forth. It was the most peace she'd ever gotten since arriving and as they stood in it, just the two of them, she'd chase it down as long as she could.

a/n - Okay, here's the deal: I've been agonizing over this chapter for so long, trying to figure out if I wanted Squid and Mickey to cross the line and have something happen between them. Then I threw my hands in the air and decided I shouldn't be the only one trying to figure this out. So now they are too. *insert evil cackle here.* This chapter hasn't been beta read; I've been working on it so long I just need to put it up to stop fussing with it. Also, thanks so much for getting me to 100 reviews! I really appreciate all your support! Please read and review!

~CM