Summary: [4x10], Clay has a moment to himself after Justin's death. He sits on his bed and tries his hardest to not breakdown as he does have his moment.

DISCLAIMER: So, I definitely cried whilst watching season 4 of 13 Reasons Why.. I know that towards the end of the final episode that Clay has a moment with Justin's ghost but I thought why not explain how Clay was most likely feeling when he goes home from the hospital. Also, I'm going to try to write in the present tense as a new format so if you think I actually did well writing in the present tense then please let me know :) Also, I do not own 13 Reasons Why and if I did, then Justin and Jessica would finally get their happy ending.

The car ride back to the Jensen household was quiet, Clay realised. He saw his parents sneakily wiping tears off of their faces as they neared the house. The numbness in Clay's body was overwhelming. Justin was gone. The mantra finally sinking in as they pulled up at the house.

Clay swings his door open, his whole body trembling when assimilated by the cold air of the night. It was nothing compared to the coldness of Justin's limp hand, Clay scoffed mentally. Lainie and Matt glance at each other, not knowing what to do. Matt takes a step towards Clay but he backs away, shaking his head softly and he begins to walk in the direction of his-their-outhouse.

"Clay.." Matt says softly.

The teen turns around and faces his parents, undisguised hurt evident on his face. Matt exchanges a quick glance with Lainie once more, worry evident on his face as he stares at the pain that was so clearly bubbling to the surface.

Seconds go by before Clay vanishes from the scene, the sound of another door swinging open with such a sound that it even awakens their neighbour's dog. Lainie and Matt look at each other, concern battling with the grief they were feeling. Lainie nods towards the door, her whole body shivering from the unpleasant frost in the night. The thought of the weather goes unspoken though, as they collectively shuffle from the car-the car that had originally belonged to Justin-and back away towards the house. No amount of heat could make the night any less cold.

The room was untouched, Clay saw. Justin's bed was a mess, some sheets half-dangling off of it whilst the others remained piled on the floor just before his bed, if Clay stared at the scene long enough, he was sure he would see a much healthier Justin walk towards the bed and throw a random t-shirt on. There would also be scratches on his back Jessica.

"Guess who brought back day old pastries!" He remembers Justin yelling from, what feels like, a lifetime ago, a box of pastries from Monet's inside. That was back when everything was calm before the storm, back when everything was simple before it became difficult. He remembered very vividly the way he sauntered in, a genuine smile on his face as he placed the box down onto the island in the middle of the room, already stuffing his face with one of them.

Clay stands in front of the bed, his chest tightens as he remembers Justin's very last moments.. The 'I love you' he had shared with Jessica.. When he asked Clay to hold his hand for support through the final hours. The other memories that plague him were based on controversial moments. He remembers the fear-yet resignation- in Justin's eyes as he was pulled into a separate squad car following Bryce Walker's arrest. The whole crowd, and news reporters, had been buzzing with life as they turned to anyone they could, anyone who was willing to shine a light on what had happened.

Tears build in his eyes as he subconsciously turns around in the room, almost like he was admiring the room for the first time. Whilst they had come together through pity and need and justice, they had also been brought together by trust, by loyalty to one another. Maybe that's why Clay was so scared to admit to Justin that they were brothers-because he had never trusted anybody as much as he had trusted Justin.

Choked sobs filled the outhouse as Clay let them out, let all of his frustration and anger and hurt out from Justin's death. It wasn't supposed to end this way, Justin was meant to be going away to college, he was meant to enjoy his life, instead, he spent his last few days surrounded by his family, all of them heartbroken at what was ultimately inevitable. It would've only been a certain amount of time before something knocked him down, something like his mother's death that had occurred just days before Justin had collapsed at prom. Why did the world have to continuously try to break Justin? What had he done for it to treat him this poorly?

"He was my fucking brother," Clay growls, slowly walking towards the empty bed. The tears weren't going to stop anytime soon, as they slip down Clay's pale face, creating a trail of dampness on the carpet with every step Clay took.

Suddenly, something clicks within Clay's brain, a deep feeling of regret pulling him down head first as he realised where he had heard those same words before. This was the same feeling Montgomery was feeling when Bryce had been murdered. He and Bryce were best friends, brothers till the very end, something that he and Justin were going to become. Monty knew how painful it was losing the man who resembled a brother-like-figure for him, Clay closes his eyes at the thought.

He remembers the way both he and Ani had approached him one night after he had been beaten up by his drunken father, they had both seen the tears he had in his eyes as he let his hurt out for one second, showed them that underneath his standoff-ish-exterior that he did indeed have a heart, one that had a particularly large soft spot for Bryce Walker. Although he failed to admit it-mainly to himself-he had loved Bryce, the man had supported him for so long it was understandable why he seemed devastated from the news.

Clay numbly sits down on the empty bed-Justin's bed- feeling broken for the first time since Hannah Baker's tragic passing. As much as that had hurt though, leaving a wide enough hole in his already aching heart, nothing compared to Justin's death. Nothing compared to the feeling of losing a sibling.

"You're my fucking brother," Clay hears from someone. He slowly lifts his head, his bottom lip trembles as he stares up at the location of the voice.

A younger, happier, version of Justin stood, a smile a mile wide on his face. The man looked well rested, Clay notes, glad that Justin finally received some rest.

The duo stare at each other for a moment, and Clay for sure believes that this Justin is real, believes that the man who was lying in a hospital bed just hours ago was actually alive and hadn't died right in front of him.

Within seconds though, Clay crumbles, breaking down in front of what could be classed as a hallucination version of his brother. The small part of him that believed that it truly was Justin just shatters in seconds, letting the watergates open as it was finally sinking in that Justin, his brother, his best friend, wasn't coming home.

Yes, this is actually really short, I hoped you enjoyed it though, I did enjoy writing it :) Justin and Clay's relationship progression throughout the seasons was amazing. The writers had scripted it so well to make them have that sort of frenemy mutual hatred up until the finale, which had me in tears-especially at Jessica and Justin's moment. Yes, I do know that I also switched between tenses throughout the one-shot but in all honesty, it's half 12 am and I'm tired and I've given up :/.

I hope you're all okay and healthy however, and that you enjoy reading my work just as much as I enjoy writing them :)

P.S. i am also listening to Glee songs as I type this all up :)