Stereotomy 1!
Everything but the title owned by dusney.
Cept Cuddlebug & Junebug (I can too copyright a bug!)
ALL CAPS, no"" = Rufus
Sentence starting with "..." = usually Wade on the Kimmunicator.
And the face I see before me is both sides of a mirror
We join our heroes just after the self destruct button has been pushed...
"That kid is holding himself back, because you are an EGO-MANIAC!" Shego yelled over what was hopefully the last explosion.
"What!" Kim skidded to a halt. She could not believe her virgin ears. "YOU'RE calling ME an EGO-MANIAC!? Uh, Kettle, we have a Pal Request from a certain POT!" Shego stopped running and stood, arms crossed, facing the tweaked teen.
"Me a, like you're anyone to judge anybody! Hmph!" Kim hmph'd. She's just jealous of what me and Ron have. The poor old lonely...
"Wasn't just me." Shego said, and casually glanced over to where Ron seemed very interested in the walls of the lair's backup escape tunnel.
"See Rufus, this is sedimentary rock. Sed-im-en-tary." Rufus seemed VERY interested.
MMMMM!
"RON!" Oh dear god, both mole rat and sidekick thought. "What did, and that's igneous rock Rufus, wait, no, hold on!" She took a breath. "WHAT, have you been saying to her, about ME?!"
Ron's hands went up, as most men's do when a woman is stomping toward them.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. WHOA! I never said anything about waffles!"
"Ronald...Dean...Stoppable..."
Ok, Ron, this is it. Time for the Ronshine. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. You can do this. Opening his eyes, he saw green eyes. Angry green eyes. That were waiting...Ahem.
"I might have mentioned, in passing, just, as an aside, that your innate, natural, Kimness, is just one of many facets of your unique combos of, so many super skills and unbelievably amazing talents that make up the bondiggity woman that I call, my reason for living."
As each word came out, Kim's mood lightened, her arms lowered, fists unclenched, and a frown turned upside down. Ron took her face in his hands and delivered a gentle kiss to her soft lips. Kim melted into him. Embracing her boyfriend and completely forgetting the yammering of an cranky old (HEY!) and lonely (who are you...) fishwife! (Why I Oughta...)
"Oh, brother." Shego had heard it laid on thick before, but this? Ron glared at her over Kim's ear. This is all YOUR fault, he thought. I'll never trust a villain again.
"I mean, come on Kim," He said after breaking the kiss. "I was stuck in that escape pod with her for what, 6 days?"
"Maybe an hour and change." Shego offered.
"What else am I gonna talk about? Besides all the bon-diggity-badical things about you, honey?"
"Is one of them the giant stick up her butt?" Shego asked.
"WHAT?" Kim turned back toward Shego. Ron, casually and nonchalantly, as only a monkey ninja could, wrapped his arms around her in the penultimate, FINAL, Tia Shing Pek War MAXIMUM SUBMISSION hold, OF DOOM.
UH-OH! Rufus disembarked, as Shego continued.
"And don't forget 'can't-EVER-admit-she's-rong!' that ones in HEAVY rotation, along with 'rather spend her time with pointless committees and clubs than with her BOY-friend'."
"Rrrrrroooonnn."
"A-boo-yah-ha, you will never break THIS hold, Kimberly Anne Possible. Only a true master of..."
Ron was on the floor, sucking air through his clenched teeth and holding his left shin.
"Congratulations Miss, you are now a master of Tia Shing Pek War. ow, ow, ow."
Shego was just getting to the big finish. "Aaaaaaand like every, other, SINGLE, time we're stuck some where for more than five minutes, I have to hear about THE CLOSET." Shego was making giant air quotes and rolling her eyes so hard it hurt.
Not this again. "He had a goddamn BULLHORN with him in that closet. A closet, with a WINDOW! A closet where the janitor found him 45 minutes later, asleep on a bed of paper towels!" Kim was sick of hearing about that closet. Which was probably why Ron had stopped talking about it, where she could hear him.
"Hiding is a pretty common survival technique for people who have to deal with," Shego began to recite a memorised list, "Type-A, high maintenance, over compensating, perfectionist, controlling, impatient, anxious, fussy, finicky, proactive, goal-oriented, tight ass..." Wait, was that last one on this list? oh whatever. "You know, I just kinda tune it out after a while."
"What's your point?" A question often asked by Type As.
"The point is, the doofus is holding himself back and you are going to end up driving him away, because you're threatened by a strong, independent, MAN, a REAL man."
"Well..." Ron quickly sensed that saying 'modesty forbids' would add nothing to the conversation.
"Why else would you keep going out with one pretty boy after another, none of which could even carry his mole-rat!" Rufus was waving a little hand back and forth, but Shego didn't take the hint.
"A guy who has literally walked through FIRE for you, again, TODAY! Who has stood by you since he was 4 years old. A guy who continues to spurn, 'spurn!' he insists, countless other women's vain attempts to seduce him..." Kim raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah, I know he's full of it, they all are." Shego said in response to Kim's raised eyebrow.
"But even tho you finally decided to try substance over style..."
"Hey! I'm plenty stylin!" he insisted while getting to his feet.
"Ron, Pull your damn pants up!" Ron pulled up his pants, as Shego carried on.
"Even tho, he continues to save the world with you. He lives in constant fear that someday, you'll AGAIN decide to ignore him for a pretty face with a nice tush, just, like, Eric."
The temperature in the cave suddenly dropped at least 20 degrees.
"Uh, KP?" Ron said, rubbing his hands together and blowing on them to try to generate some heat. "I'm pretty sure I never said anything about tushies, and I KNOW I didn't use the E-word." He knew better than to use the E-word. Ever. EVER.
MM-MM! MM-MMMMMM! Rufus shiveringly agreed, from inside Ron's shirt.
"He didn't have to." Shego said. smiling as she flared her green glow to keep warm and toasty.
Kim, was tweaked.
She wasn't proud of her previous romantic activities, but she wasn't ashamed of them either. It was all part of growing up and becoming the mature young woman, who was going to scratch Shego's eyes out! A woman, in a fully committed relationship with a boy, a man! With a Man! Who was her equal...welllll.
She WANTED him to be her equal. She KNEW he had potential. Anyone who had seen Zorpox in action or watched him beat Monkey Fist over and over knew he had potential. He just needed to achieve it, consistently, right?
He wasn't 'holding himself back', you stupid oversized leprechaun. And he's certainly not doing it because he thought I couldn't handle it. OOOOOOO! It's not so much that he talked behind my back, but that he did it with her!
And for that, that, you know, bitch really is the only word for her! For her to throw that night up in my face, that night, that night that...and she smiled. For she just remembered something about, that night.
"Funny you should bring that up, cause aside from that being ANOTHER time I kicked your ass, it's also the one time Drakken almost DID take over the world. And he did it all, without, you."
"Wha-Whattya mean?" Shego sputtered, her glow dying. "I was right there when..."
"He never told you what the Diablo plan was. Did he?"
"Uh, well, of course, he..." Shego took a step back as Kim advanced.
"DID HE!?" Shego had no answer, even for the echoes. She stood silent, fuming.
"It's a good thing for you, that Drakken isn't any better at drawing conclusions than he is at drawing turkeys."
Heh, that's a good one, Shego thought, I have to remember that.
"Cause if he was, he'd realize that I'm not the one who's been stopping him. YOU have." And with 'YOU', Kim pointed her left index finger right at Shego. Take that, bitch!
"Hey, I'm the one doing ALL the heavy lifting around here, little miss priss."
"SO waht? This has got to be the, what? fourth lair I've destroyed this year? And it's not even June!"
"Actually KP, this is number six."
"Shut UP, Ron!" Kim wheeled to point the finger at him.
"And HE's the one that blows em up." Shego pointed out.
"You too!" Kim wheeled back. "That Diablo plan was working until what happened? Oh yeah, YOU showed up!"
"You mean when I kidnapped that Ken doll you were crushing on? That Stoppable Tried to warn you about how many times? That HE had to defeat for you?"
"Actually, it was Rufus that..."
"Shut UP, Doofus!" Back to Miss Priss. "Face it Kimmie, you're what's holding him back."
"No, you're the one holding Drakken back!"
"No you are, you are, YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU ARE!"
"PROVE IT!"
"Hmmph!"
"Whatever."
"If you think I'd help Drakken take over the world, just to prove..."
"Oh, save your breath, cupcake. I train villains, not monkeys. But let me know if Zorpox ever shows up again. That guy's got potential. In more ways than one, rowr." Shego growled, blatantly checking out the Ronster, before locking eyes again with her rival.
But walking away from a challenge was not something that either of them could do. Ever.
"….still...although...unless...if...school is almost out...he does show potential..."
"Ahh, you wouldn't have the nerve." Shego said with a dismissive wave.
"Wouldn't I? School starts September 1st." Kim delivers challenge.
"So you've got till then..." Shego considers.
"...to take over the world. And Ron has till then..." Kim clarifies.
"...to stop you." Shego accepts.
"Uh, ladies?" Both ladies turned to him, smiling. Uh-oh.
"You know, I would love to be part of this crazy scheme, but uh, I'm going to uh, um, Wannaweep! YES! Camp Wannaweep, I'm gonna be a junior-counselor at...Cooking Camp! Woo-HOO! First day: Pickle in a cup!"
"Ron, you're terrified of Camp Wannaweep."
"No I'm not. No I'm not." Ron said, managing to keep his knees from knocking.
"Don't worry Stoppable. After this summer, you won't be scared of anything." Shego assured him.
"Anything?" Ron plenty scared right now.
"Or anyONE." Shego insisted.
"You know, I'm not afraid of...that place, OR whatever it is you two are going on about, cause you can't do it!" Two women glaring at you, both of whom could kill you with their bare hands, will make you define your terms.
"Not that I'm TELLING you not to do it. What I'm saying is; what you two want to do, and as STRONG independent women, you CAN do whatever you want to, but not this. And not because I, or any other man says so, but because...How the hell would you do it anyway!?"
The ladies glare lost a bit of luster, how exactly would they do this?
"Kimberly Anne Possible! What am I supposed to tell your parents when you don't show up, for like, a couple of months?"
"You could tell them I'm in a student exchange program." Kim said rather coldly. "Maybe in JAPAN?"
"Uh, well," Ugh! Is she ever going to let that go? "SHEGO! What's Drakken gonna do when you're not there?"
"Who cares."
Ok, rong question. "Alright, then how are you supposed to spend all summer with me, stopping Drakken? There's about a million warrants out for you in Middleton. And I'm NOT leaving town after telling my parents I'm in a student exchange program!" Shego closed her mouth and frowned. Maybe he is smarter than he looks.
"Ladies. Please. While this would make a great comic book," (With plenty of subtext!) Quiet you, Ron thought, pushing him back down. "you just can't switch places for a whole summer."
Switch?
Kim and Shego went silent. Finally! Ron thought, closing his eyes in relief at talking Lucy & Ethel out of yet another crazy scheme. Which he why missed both gals exchange glances, and smile.
Thank god they finally listened to me. How come nobody ever listens to me! Like when I was trying to convince KP I couldn't do her cheerleader routine when I was in...oh god.
No, I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about, PORN! Yes! BOOBIES! Redheaded teenage girls! CHEERLEADERS! And a boy trapped in a girl's body. Feeling, feminine, soft, and big strong hands, caressing, squeezing, penetrating...NO! Me no Catcher! ME PITCHER! Hey, waht teh?
Ron was being dragged backwards, Kim and Shego each pulling him by an arm. His heels leaving two lines of scuff marks. He looked down at Rufus, riding on his belly, the mole-rat shrugged tiny shoulders. "You were no help today."
PHHHHBBBBTTTT!
"Um, where are we going?" he finally inquired of the two women dragging him off to?
"The Grand Canyon!" they both answered. Neither said Jinx.
Well you really are persuasive, But I've heard it all before
Kim, Ron, Shego and Rufus were 40,000 feet above the ground. It was 60 degrees below zero. The lack of oxygen meant they would suffocate before they hit the ground. So it was a good thing they were in an airplane. (Ron knows where I stole this joke, but he's very well read)
We join a conversation that has already been going on for about a thousand miles.
"Alright, here's another reason not to do this. And this is the clincher! The brain switching machine was blown up in the time share!" Ron said triumphantly. "Unit #7b. I remember, cause that was one of the ones where I didn't hit the self destruct button."
"Good memory Stoppable. See, I told you he was smarter than he looks." Shego said from the pilot's seat.
"Hey! I mean, thanks! maybe. What?"
"The portable brain-switcher got blown up at the timeshare, Ron."
"That was portable?"
"More than the other one." Shego muttered.
"So the first one," Ron surmised.
"Is still there." Kim confirmed. "After the 'portable' one was destroyed, I went back later to check on the first one. It couldn't be moved, so I had Wade disable the elevator to make sure noone could get to it."
"Yes, now that is a GOOD idea, because the last thing we want to happen is for someone to find a brain switching machine, AND USE IT!"
Ignoring him, again, Kim continued. "But I wasn't too worried. I knew noone working for Drakken was smart enough to remember it was still there."
"D'oy! I knew it was still there. But there's two things I don't like: mind control and clones. Don't you remember the Neuro-compliance chips, Princess?" Shego said with a smirk.
"I remember YOU look good in pink." Kim said, pulling out her phone.
"It was not pink, it was magenta." Shego insisted.
"You can say that all you want, but I'm looking at the pictures right now, and that apron, is pink." Kim was scrolling thru a score of pics of Shego, who had a vapid smile and a pink apron on over her usual green and black onesie.
"Pictures?" The lady in green and black was puzzled. "There were no, pictures?" She watched the pictures on Kim's phone go by as fast as the redhead's finger could swipe.
"WHAT THE!? How come I've never seen those?!" Kim pulled the phone back from Shego's attempt to grab.
"Just cuz I won't post embarrassing pictures on the internet doesn't mean I don't enjoy looking at them. Or taking them." A few taps opened a different folder. Shego now saw another series of photos. All of a knocked out Shego, and a few other villains, with Kim posing in what could only be described as ridiculous attempts by a basic average girl to look 'gangsta'.
After a few more attempts to seize the phone. Shego gave up. "Go ahead and post em. Whattoo I care? Sure I'm knocked out, but you're the one that looks like a complete wannabee loser." After stewing for a while, Shego remembered something that had been bothering her for a while now.
"Say, why do you guys have phones anyway? I thought those, tablet thin-gees were 'all that'."
"Wade won't allow anything on the Kimmunicator that he didn't design."
"Yeah." Ron confirmed. "No phone, no apps. Boo-YAH!" It had taken 20 minutes and $5.99, but Ron finally got all three stars! "Wade even refuses to put in a touch screen. Says they're too 'newfangled', whatever that means. You know, he's really showing signs of turning into an old man. I mean, when was the last time he went to a movie?"
"You're telling me?" Kim offered. "Just try to get him interested in any music made in the last three years. Oh, and he was just complaining the other day about all the cursing on TV."
"...cursing, Isn't COMEDY and what's with all the nudity? That's not 'mature', that's pandering to..." Shego turned up MC Honey on the stereo.
"...not music, that's just noise!"
But noone was listening to the young genius with the crotchety old soul.
Somewhere he must find a better reason than I
The Grand Canyon.
"Kim this is not good girlfriend behavior. And teenhero dot com agrees with me." Ron said holding up his phone. "See, right here, How to lose a sidekick in 30 days: #4. Switching bodies with your arch foe."
Kim turned back around in her saddle. "Let me see that." She said, holding her hand out.
"No." Ron pulled back the phone and looked away in a manner very similar to when she caught him checking out Firecrotches dot com. With a hmph, Kim turned her attention back to Buttercup, the donkey she was riding. They (her, Ron and Shego, in that order) were all riding donkeys, going down a twisting path to the floor of the Grand Canyon. Actually, Ron had a burro.
"Come on KP, This was gonna be OUR summer. We were gonna go to the beach. We were gonna explore our feelings. I was gonna get to third base!" Kim looked back again, this time with an eyebrow raised.
"Second base?" The eyebrow was down. "On the field?"
MM-MM SHRIKEOUT!
"Ron, this is great girlfriend behavior." She said with a smile.
"Kim, are we looking at the same website? Let me check. No! You're on crazy whacked out schemes dot net, totally different site!"
"Let me see that."
"No."
"Ron," Kim pulled Buttercup to a halt. "you think I'm holding you back."
"I NEVER said that." he insisted, barely catching himself after his burro, Junebug, stopped without warning.
"Alright, you think I can't handle having an equal partner, I always have to be RIGHT, I always have to be in charge and I have a giant stick up my butt!" Ron seemed very interested in his burro's ears.
"I may have said, something, like that, or those, exact words, ten minutes ago." Then drawing himself up on his burro, he looked his best girl in the eye. "But don't do this! With her! For me! This summer. In this CANYON!"
Canyon! Canyon. canyon....The echo did not convince her either.
"I'm doing this, because as someone who always has to be RIGHT!" Ron gulped. "I have to prove HER wrong." Looking back past Ron to glare at Shego, bringing up the rear on Cuddlebug. Kim continued.
"Because I KNOW, that unlike SOME PEOPLE, I CAN take over the WORLD!"
WORLD! World. World...
"I cAn taIKE o-MMeR teH wOR'eLd!"
Kim snorted at Shego's lame chicken impression and got Buttercup going.
The reached the floor of the canyon, and just around the bend from the Hidden Secret Ancient Egyptian temple stood a lonely shack. Ron had still not convinced his sweetie to abandon this crazy whacked out scheme.
"And what about us? What about you and me?" Especially me! Ron did no want summer with no sweetie-pie. Kim paused, hand on the door handle. She turned and walked over to her boyfriend.
"I want you," she said, taking his face in her hands, "to stop me." She pulled his lips to hers. After a long slow, saliva filled kiss, she broke contact. Both were panting at the intensity. From the knowledge that this was the last kiss for who knows how long, or from the novelty that making out in front of a super villain gave it, again? Who could say. Kim recovered first, of course.
"You're up to bat now, potential boy. Stop me from destroying the world, and I'll ROCK yours."
"Ca-ca-con-consider yourself stopped." Ron finally got out. Maybe this is just a, crazy scheme.
"And if YOU try anything with him." She left the last unspoken, turning her back on Shego and going back to the cabin door.
Shego decided to have a little fun. "Gee, I dunno Kimmie." She said, tying Cuddlebug to the old hitching post. "We will have a whole summer to ourselves. I may just have to take a few practice swings." Kim, hand again on handle, stopped. "Choke up on the bat, work the count, shake off the signs, bring in the infield, uh..." Shego's mind searched the metaphor department, "...crash the boards!"
"Is that last one about baseball?" Ron got no answer. "Is it still about sex?"
Kim turned to fix Shego with the serious face. "Whatever YOU do with Ron, I will do even worse, with Drakken."
"You wouldn't."
"Wouldn't I?"
"Would you?" Ron not sure bout this.
"You wouldn't even know what to do." Shego sneered at the redhead she considered a prissy pretentous 'professional virgin'.
"I'm a 21st century teenager with a fiber optic connection. And my parents TRUST me on the internet."
Shego reconsidered. "You're bluffing."
"inTerror dot net forward slash fanfic forward slash adult forward slash drakigo." Kim rattled off with authority.
Shego AND Ron's eyes popped open. OMG! Ron thought. I knew that wasn't for a college level creative writing course!
Shego realized, she's not bluffing. "Fine, what do I care. I can find any number of hillbillies to amuse me." She tried to brazen out of her loss with yet another smear of the Middleton Intelligentsia.
"And I can find Motor Ed: drakigo forward slash threesome forward slash mfm."
"Grrrr. Then he can't do anything either!" Shego yelled, pointing at Ron.
"Tell me about it." Ron grumbled.
"DOY! That's not what I..." OOOOOO! These stupid KIDS! "Listen! If Kimmie and I can't do anything with anybody, than neither can you! Right?" Shego looked to Kim for confirmation.
"Well, that seems..."
"What! Since when was THAT an option? Uh, Rufus, did I say that out loud?"
D'OH! Rufus did the tiniest face palm, ever.
Kim's look confirmed the face palm. "An option that I would NEVER even consider KP. Kim. Kimilah. My love? Sweetie? Snookie-Boo?"
"Sorry kid, looks you and that naked dildo,"
HEEYY!
"...are on your own. Heh, and so am I. Looks like I'll get to meet 'the twins' before you do, doofus." Shego made an obvious 'up and down' leer at the redhead.
Kim stopped staring down Ron and looked at Shego, then back at Ron. Walking a few steps, she put herself between the two. Turning her back on Shego and facing Ron, she pulled up her shirt.
As flies flew in and out of Ron's mouth, Kim said over her shoulder. "Ever get tired of being wrong, Shego?"
Click!
"RON!" He never had figured how to turn the phone's shutter sound off.
"Hey. It's gonna be a loooong summer, KP." Said Ron with the serious face. Kim thought for a moment.
Turning her head to the left and smiling, "Get my good side."
"Say cheese!"
CAKE!
About 23 gigabytes later...
"Now just the left one, and give us a wink! Now you're sad, happy, pensive, angry! An old army buddy came to town, you're looking for a lump, you FOUND a lump!"
"Can we get on with this!?" Shego yelled for the third time.
"Oh, fine." Kim rearranged her top. "Just make sure you've got those password protected."
"Right. And, how would I do that?"
Kim sighed. "Ask Wade, NO! don't ask Wade."
"...ask me what?"
"Nothing! Give me that." She took his phone and quickly as any 17 year old can, put the photos in a hidden folder with a password to open.
"What's the password?"
"Same one you always use." She said, handing it back. Sometimes having a super adventurer/hero/spy/cheerleader for a girlfriend was, not that great.
"Oh, don't worry about it Pumpkin. Like that guy said, 'In the future, everyone will be naked on the internet'. And faster than you think..." She added, sotto voice.
"Alright, that's it." Kim released the door handle, again, and stomped over to get right in Shego's face.
"If this is just going to be a pissing contest to see who can make who look worse than who, we can call it off right now!"
"Whom." Shego said.
"What?" Kim could not believe this.
"Who can make 'whom' look worse than..."
"Whatever! You semantic BITCH!"
Ron did not expect to hear Kim call Shego that! Is Shego a biblical name? She does have dark hair, and almond shaped eyes. Is her complexion green, or olive? Wait, what was the name of Shemp's wife?
"This" Kim declared. "is about PROVING, ONCE and for ALL, that I, am BETTER, than YOU." Kim was poking Shego in her college educated chest with every other word, until Shego took a swing at her. Momentarily stepping back, Kim continued.
"It sounds to me like you're starting to realize that that is EXACTLY what's going to happen, and now you're trying to get out of it. Is that it? IS IT?!" Kim demanded. "Cause if it is, all you have to do, is admit that 'I am better, than you'." Kim made the last poke the hardest. Shego actually took a half step back, but then made a full step ahead.
"Not even after I've been six feet under so long that my name doesn't make GJ agents piss their pants." She growled, staring down at her rival's green eyes.
"Then cut out the bullshit. I help Drakken take over the world, you get Ron to stop me. That's, IT."
"FINE with me, Princess."
"Ladies, please, this is completely insane."
MM-HM MM-HM, CRAZY!
"You know Kimmie," Shego observed, "I bet I could even get the Mole-Rat to stop you. If it had some opposable thumbs."
Kim looked over at Ron and Rufus. She seemed to be considering something.
EEP! Rufus dived for a DEEP pocket.
Ron decided to be quiet and use his thumbs to scroll thru a few new pics on his phone.
First posted 9/12/2020