Stereotomy 8!

Owns your souls, Desnex does!

Captain May is owned by W. Chump & Sons Limited

Kimgo = Shego's mind in Kim's body

Shekim = Kim's mind in Shego's body

ALL CAPS! = Rufus

"...yadda-yadda" = Usually Wade

And there's things you've got to do

Ron peeked over the boat's rail. It seemed safe, still..."You're sure there's no-"

"I'm SURE!" Kimgo sighed and decided to never mention baboons again for as long as she lived. She was standing, waiting, on a small dock where the river boat Lagniappe was tied up. The trip down the river had been slow, but they had finally arrived at...an island. Ron kept peeking. He didn't see any, nor sense any, uh, ba, bab, baboo-

OK! COME ON! Rufus, next to Kimgo, impatiently waved tiny arms. Ron began rocking himself back and forth, trying to psych himself up. One for the money, two for th-what was that? A flash of red? No, no, it was nothing, whew. Ok! Just another mission. No big. Eyes on the prize. Here we go, Ron Time!

"What time?" Kimgo asked.

"Huh?" Ron froze. Oh god, did she hear that?

"Yes, I did." She answered. Dammit, he (hopefully) swore to himself. Oh, the hell with it, and he launched himself over the ships rail, Rufus, and Kimgo, landing in a ready stance, twenty feet from the boat. He spun to the left, to the right, ready for anything! but a dope slap from the redhead.

"Let's go." She strode off into the jungle, a naked Mole-Rat and a head rubbing Doofus trailing behind. They didn't need to go far. Kimgo led them right to the spot she remembered, and the boulder she had left there.

The boulder was still there. The BIG boulder. The almost perfectly round boulder. As round as it had been years ago when Shego had easily rolled it on top of the back entrance to the secret underground island lair.

"This it?" Ron asked. He'd been waiting, but Kimgo seemed content to just look at the big round rock.

"Yes." Kimgo was furious at herself. She had barely been able to move this rock before. But in this body? No way. What was I thinking?

"So, we gotta move the rock?" Ron inquired, hoping to speed things up. The complete lack of any signs of, primate activity, had quieted his anxieties. Now he was in the unfamiliar mode of trying to get KP, or Kimgo, going.

"Yesssss." Just rub it in my face, kid. Sigh. Now we have to go all the way across this stupid island. Another sigh. Might as well get started. She turned and stopped. The Doofus was standing there holding a metal bar. A steel bar eight feet long. "Where did you get that?"

"It was right over there." He pointed to spot just a few feet away. The impression in the dirt and ripped foilage showed the exact spot where it had lain. Kimgo was still staring at that spot when she heard a CHUNK! Ron shoved the bar into the ground next to the boulder, hitting the door underneath. After working the bar to what seemed like a good angle, he strained to work the makeshift lever. The boulder moved, but not enough.

"Little help?" he gestured at the boulder. Kimgo took her place, Rufus as well, and all strained. 'Give me a big enough lever, and I shall move the world' was what someone had said. And in this case, eight feet was big enough. "Boo-Yah! Now who doesn't understand simple machines, Barkin!"

Ignoring his outburst and his little dance, Kimgo grabbed the handle of the door to the secret escape tunnel, and easily pulled it up. At least she was strong enough to do that by herself. Dropping down, she saw that the tunnel lights were on. Doc must have already activated the power.

"So this was the escape tunnel?" Ron asked as they walked toward the main part of the lair.

"Secret EMERgency escape tunnel, yes."

"And the boulder was to hide the door?"

"Uh, doy." At least the rat's quiet.

"So how exactly would anyone, except Shego, which was you, I guess, open the door? I mean, with the boulder on it?"

"Uhhhh..." Thankfully, they had just gotten to where the tunnel split into two corridors.

"I'll tell you later. Now, you take the right, I'll go left, first person to find Drakken wins. GO!"

She pushed Ron toward the right hand corridor and then she went down the left. After a few paces she stopped and listened. When she could no longer hear his steps, she spun, went back the way she came and then silently followed the Doofus. Kimgo had not sent him this way at random. The right hand corridor led to the main entrance to the lair, which was where SHE would most likely be.

"HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO!"

Kimgo swung her arms, keeping time with the heave-ho's as the henchmen strained to move the crates toward the dock and the waiting GEV. They were making good time now. "Oh, anybody could have chopped down those trees to make rollers, Dave." Shekim smiled, making a vague chopping motion with her hand. The henchman smiled back. She could practically read his mind, 'Wow! Shego knows my name!'. Turning back to the task and hand, she ordered, "Johnson! Help McReady with the rollers!" Johnson literally jumped at her command, and began helping to shuttle the rollers from back to front, keeping the crates moving.

Shekim snuck a look at her phone. Hmmm, no dots. They must be in the emergency escape corridor. She called up the map of the lair. Two corridors. Drakken's messing around over in the control center. That's where the left one comes out. So that's where Ron will be going. I'm going to have to go, uh, well, I guess I'll just wait right here where the right one ends. Okay. She put the phone away and got back into the swing of things.

"HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO!"

Kimgo was following Ron. Moving in the shadows along the left hand side of the corridor, since the Doofus was right handed and would look over his right shoulder if he looked behind-oop! He stopped. She flattened herself against the wall. He didn't look back over either shoulder. Up ahead was an intersection, Drakken's lackey's were moving thru, carrying boxes of, whatever. Ok kid, let's see what you got.

Ron took a deep breath, slumped his shoulders and walked forward. Kimgo watched in anticipation of fisticuffs as he, moved right past them? Huh? He kept going and was soon out of sight. Kimgo shook her head. Upon opening her eyes, the intersection was empty. Was it all a dream? Footprints in the dust told her it wasn't. "Stupid kids." She muttered, and started jogging to catch up.

Shekim was doing some light stretching. Getting ready for the imminent arrival of her rival. Hey, that rhymes! Normally, she went thru several opponents before the main event. This time, she had to warm up on her own. She had thought about having a couple of the henches spar with her, but didn't want to distract them from the task of stripping this base of anything useable.

What they were there to get wouldn't even fill half of the GEVs cargo hold. She had suspected, after taking inventory of Drakken's island and Organizing his records, that useful equipment and supplies had been left behind at this and other lairs. But unlike most of them, this one hadn't been destroyed. So the henchmen were ordered to get 'everything that wasn't nailed down'. They could sort out the Logistics later. Besides, she had to make sure to hang around long enough for her to show up.

Where the hell is he going? Kimgo had completely lost track of where she was. All she knew was that she was following Ron. Ron, who kept walking right past the red-suits swarming the lair like locusts. He even helped one of them get a better grip on some folding chairs. What the hell are they going to do with a bunch of chairs? Seriously? Don't we, I mean, they, have chairs? At least being all loaded down was making it easier to slip past them, although not as easy as the Doofus was somehow able to do. This, is not normal. At the very least, he should have lost his pants by now. Oh yeah, I got him new pants. Was that all it took?

Only a 20 foot ceiling, Shekim observed. Gonna have to keep the action horizontal. How will she come at me? She usually attacks, and now she'll be faster, but now I'm stronger, tougher. She made a fist and squeezed. Hearing the knuckles crack, henchmen exchanged knowing looks, 'this'll be a goodun!'. Block and counter, no need for fancy, just wear her out and put her away. Shekim threw a vicious left hook to finish off her phantom opponent. And what's keeping her anyway?

Wade sipped his soda as he watched the turquoise dot of the NEW Kimmunicator (that Kimgo was carrying) on his monitor. He had disabled the old Kimmunicators when the NEW Kimmunicator had been switched on a few minutes ago. The old 'they don't know that we know that they know', was working like a charm.

There's got to be one around here..."AH! Finally!" The door swung shut behind Ron. Shego came up to it, silently, and was about to follow him thru, until she saw a sign on the other door. The one that said Vrouwen(1). Oh well, she decided, as long as I'm here.

The door marked Mannen(2) swung closed behind Ron as he dried his hands on his shirt. At least the water was still running. "Hey, Rufus?" A tiny head poked out of a pocket.

HMMM?

"Which way were we going?" Beady eyes blinked. A tiny head swiveled. Where was Kim? She was the Queen, ask her.

'...the left...'

"Huh?" But Rufus hadn't said anything, Rufus had maybe heard someone from behind that other door say...

LEFT? A tiny thumb indicated the way with more certainty than it's owner actually felt.

"Left? ok, let's go little buddy!"

YEAHH! Ron set off, now confident they were heading the right way. Although with a laser to his head he couldn't have told you why.

After a slight pause, Kimgo carefully opened the other door and peeked out. Letting out a relieved whew, she looked back at the inside of her door and the map of the lair thereon. With a finger, she tapped the spot with the words U BENT HIER(3) printed in bold. The phrase, even in Dutch, had never meant so much.

The underling's outstretched arms were almost full. Drakken tossed one more blue jacket at him and yelled, "GO!"

The closer I get to you, the further you move away

Ron leaned against the wall at the side entrance to the main lobby of the underground lair. He watched as henchmen sped to and fro carrying who knows and who cares. Hadn't found Drakken, he'd found her. She was in the middle of it all, wearing the familiar green and black harlequin patterned suit. Giving orders, directing traffic, checking off items on a clipboard. What else is new? he thought. She could be directing a pep-rally, if she wasn't a brunette. And the pep-squad wasn't in such horrible shape.

Sneaking in hadn't been a problem. It never really was, and since Yamaa-youknowhat, it had been even easier. Sneak in, avoid all the lackwits, find the doohickey they was working on or stealing or whatever, then wreck it. Simple. KP would take care of whatever hardbodies were around, like Aviarius, or Motor Eddie, or Iron Issac, or...Shego. But now, KP's not here, I mean, she's over there, but that's not, ah, cheese and crackers. Cheese and crackers, indeed.

Alright, let's do this thing. Ron straightened up. Anyone watching would have seen him seem to grow a couple of inches, his shoulders going from slumped to squared. To the startled henchman, the blond sidekick seemed to just appear next to him. "Hey! It's-" A fist smashed into the man's face, knocking him out. But his cry had still been heard.

Shekim turned. There he was. Oh boy, that is a serious face. She handed Willowitz (only child, likes country AND western) the clipboard and fired up her hands with Comet Powers! Then let them go out. Then fired them up again! Then, let them go out, dropping her hands to her side. This isn't right. He's supposed to be where Drakken is. Where's Kimgo? What happened to my Perfect Plan?

Henchmen were scrambling. Dragging away their fallen comrade, one remarked, "He's new." Another of the more experienced minions nodded. They had both been around long enough to know that you gave the 'Buffoon' his space. That redhead was bad enough, but the blond kid, what's his name? He'd always been a pain to deal with, but now he breaks bones!

The red suited men frantically toted the last of the barges and lifted the final bales up the ramp to the dock and their means of escape! Thankfully, the Buffoon was just standing over there, and Shego was between him and us, she'll hold him off. Let's get these chairs loaded before Possible shows up, or the Mole-Rat!

With the serious face, he took a step forward. She took a step back, then a half step to the right. The last of the folding chairs were arranged in the GEVs lounge. He raised his hands. She raised hers. A henchmen with an armful of blue coats scurried by. Ron took another step forward. She waited. He raised his right hand. She took a half step to the left. Mantis? she wondered. He had been displaying some strange style as of late, why hadn't I paid more attention to him? He moved his right behind his head and scratched the back of his neck.

Seriously? Alright, she decided, I guess I have to-"We got all the chairs loaded, Maam." She took the clipboard and initialed 'S' next to CHAIRS, FOLDING, which was right above CHAIRS, PLASTIC, and right under CHAIRS, BEACH.

"Is Dr. Drakken on board?" She asked Patrucho (raised by a single father, claims to be lactose intolerant but still eats pancakes).

"No, Maam." Hmph. Typical.

"Go find him. Take the 3rd squad with you and drag him on board if you have to." She gave back the clipboard and turned to face Ron, who had his arms crossed. She knew what that meant. She knew what all his little expressions and gestures meant, same as he did hers. Why, they could pretty much carry on an entire conversation, without speaking a word.

Well? Her furrowed brow seemed to ask.

Well, what?

Do you need a break? Eyebrows raised.

No, I found...Never mind that! Hands thrust down, palms out. Are we really doing this?

YES. Stamped foot.

Alright. His slapped his hands together. If that's the way she wants it, that's the way she gets it.

Gets what?

I'm not talking to you! Arms thrown out to the side.

Head tilt. Well, technically, neither of us is actually talking to anyone.

The remaining henches watched Shego and the Buffoon nod, shrug, wave a hand, wave both arms, pretty much do everything except fight. It was confusing, but at least it didn't cause any explosions. Uh-oh, looks like what ever it was is over. Shego fired up her hands and took a familiar stance.

"Alright, kid..."

"Kid? I'm 2 months older than you." The kid declared.

"No, you're noooottt." Shekim scream-whispered, nodding to indicate the others within in earshot.

"Oh, right, I'm not. You're actually MUCH older, Maam." Shekim frowned. Somehow when he said it, she didn't feel respected. Just old. Ron frowned back. Ok, he finally decided. THIS, is it. He took a deep breath, held it for a second to align his chakras, and was shoved aside by a redheaded teenage girl.

"You, go find Drakken. Cuz sure as me name's Kimberly o'Possible, I'll be handling this 'ere leprechaun."

Shekim dropped her stance. "That's the worst Duff Killigan impression, I ever heard."

"Duff's French?" Ron was finding out all sorts of stuff today.

"It's an Irish accent!" Kimgo declared. What, nothing? "Hello?! Green? Leprechaun?" No response. She threw up her hands and cried to the ceiling. "DOY!"

"Ix-nay, on the oy-day..." Shekim said, sotto voice, when suddenly...over the intercom...

"FIVE MINUTES TO SELF DESTRUCT!"

They all looked at Ron. 'I'ma just standin here' his shrug declared.

"Where's that rat?!" Kimgo demanded. Rat poked halfway out of Ron's pocket, and also shrugged.

Drakken's voice came over the lair's intercom: SCHrawwKKrvvuurrKK!-thing on? Shego! I mean, oh whoever! Phase one of my most brilliantest plan is accomplished. GET TO THE GEV! It's time to go!"

Oh no it's not, Shekim thought as she, whipped it out! "Hey Wide Load, you ever STOP a self destruct sequence?"

"….First time for everything." tappa-teppa-tappa "...gotta cloak the firewall," clik-clikkity-tap "...one more wafer thin root-kit to reroute," tippa-toppa-tapp-TIP! They heard him take a long sip from his soda. tappa-CLIK! "...and done!"

"ONE MINUTE TO SELF DESTRUCT!"

"...ok, uh, just a second here. Let me...no that's not it." Silence, as the seconds ticked away. "Ok, just to double check, are you guys in French Guiana or British Guyana?"

"WE'RE IN SURINAME!" Stupid kids. "Come on!" Kimgo grabbed Ron's arm, pulling him and Rufus to the secondary emergency exit. He looked back, over his right shoulder, but Shekim was gone.

Don't start asking the rhyme or reason

The explosions behind them finished off what was left of the hotel as Drakken's GEV disappeared around the northern part of the island. Ron had a look of mournful scowling on his face. Rufus looked nonplussed. But at least Kimgo seemed happy.

"What are you smiling at?" He demanded, of the grinning redheaded goof.

YEAH! The Mole-Rat put up two cents.

"Cause it's funny."

"Funny?" She think's this is...? "Funny?"

"Seriously? You don't think it's HI-larius?" Kimgo said with a familiar head tilt.

"Don't do that, and what's so damn funny about all this?"

"Oh come on! Pumpkin had all this talk about how she could help Dr D. take over the world, and we just waltzed in there and blew up a lair faster than she ever did."

"Well, I don't know if it was that fast..." Rufus had a skeptical look as well.

"Ok, at LEAST as fast as she, or you, ever did. Come on!" She slapped him on his back and actually scooped Rufus onto her shoulder. "The bet's practically won. You two'll be knockin' boots before you know it." And I'll be back, in green and black.

YEAH! Rufus didn't really understand but returned the Queen's high five, or finger.

Ron sighed and said plainly, as if to a child. "She wasn't helping him."

"Wha?"

"You know as well as I do, that was textbook Drakken." Even the chairs? Kimgo wondered. "KP just walked thru doing a Shego impression. And not a good one."

"It wasn't very good, was it." Kimgo had to admit.

"Better than your 'Kim', anyway. Leprechaun? Seriously?"

PEE-YEW! A tiny nose was held. Rufus could always be counted on to tell it like it is.

"I'll try to throw in a few more 'sitches' and 'slappins' next time. Did I at least flip my hair enough?"

"Kim Possible does not say, 'slappin'." And neither has anyone else in the last 40 years, grandma. "She says Spankin. And this," he indicated the rubble field with a wave of his hand, "was Kim Possible doing Intelligence."

"What?" At least she got the T in there this time.

"She needed to see how things work from Drakken's side. You said she was making him do inventory? That's Organize and Streamline, probably Logistics." There never seemed to be a hard definition of that one. "She'll have been doing Befriending and Practice already. All she has left to do is Strategise and Execute."

Kimgo finally realized what he was going on about. "Are you talking about that stupid bullet plan?"

"The Patented 8-Point BULLETED Plan that got her put in charge of the Middleton High Yearbook Committee when she was just a freshman? Yes, That plan." Kimgo closed her eyes, and asked again, how did she get into this? The answer was still not coming, and now neither was the boat.

"...water's too shallow on that side of the island. Since they stopped dredging the channel after the resort closed." Of course it is. "...you'll have to walk back to the other dock." Which means going thru the jungle, on foot. With no patented Comet Powers! to blaze a path. She looked down at her hand. Concentrated. Nothing. Great.

"And that's another reason why we usually arrange for a..." Twin green laser beams shut Ron up. He decided to concentrate on clearing a path thru the jungle, ignoring the redheaded gloomy Gus. And where did he get a blue machete from anyway? Gus had no answers.

By the time they got back up stream to Skeldon, there were no more flights to Middleton.

"...booked a hotel. Should I get you guys the 9:20 AM to Middleton, the 10:45, the 11:15 or the 2:30 PM?" They were all direct flights, so any would do.

"10:45." Kimgo decided. "I want to get breakfast before we take off."

Kimgo watched the city roll along from the back seat in Captain May's tuk-tuk, which he drove no faster than he did a boat. "And this is better than a taxi, how?!"

"Oh come on! He feels bad enough about us getting back so late! This is his way of making it up to us!" Ron didn't lower his voice to spare the captain's feelings, since the muffler had fallen off about a mile back.

"I suggested cash!" Which a REAL Taxi in Skeldon would have taken. They also accepted bananas and sugar cane, but not Diners Club.

"And again, Kim Possible does not ask for, OR accept money, from people!" Not as far as you will ever know, Ron thought. He and KP's parents had quickly agreed that some parts of Kim Possible's life should not be available to new management.

By the time they got to the hotel, where their luggage had been sent, (What? you think they flew to South America with only the clothes on their backs? Clothes that have a habit of getting torn to shreds?) there was nothing to do but go to sleep. After a breakfast of smoked herring and bake, the fried bread that is THE breakfast staple in French Guiana, they had an uneventful flight home in-"First Class! and don't you say one word."

Ron decided to save his shins and not argue. Besides, with the first class private relaxa-pods, Ron could do some alone time thinking. And Rufus always enjoyed the complimentary massage. You still couldn't shave in one of those pods tho, so he got up to go to the First Class restroom. Passing the First Class dining area he saw Kimgo drinking a, that better be ginger ale.

Kimgo set down her ginger ale with a twist. "What?" She asked of the silent but judgey Doofus as he approached. He didn't respond and kept walking.

'What'. Is that all she can say. Seriously? Oh wait, she also says doy.

Dedicated to the people of the Guyanas, Guineas-Gunieans? Oh, they know who they are.

Translations from the Netherlandese:

1. Men
2. Women
3. You Are Here

First uploaded June 1st, 2021