BOOK 1

Chapter 4

Well, That Is One Way You Castrate A Chicken

"And the men who hold high places. Must be the ones who start, To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart. Closer to the heart"

As everyone knows, life is never a continuous flow of 'happy go lucky' moments. No, it sure as hell isn't. Case in point, Issei is now experiencing one of those many, oh so many, moments in his life. Many don't know his true age, for he looks to be between 19 – 22, but in actuality, he is over 75.

being a God, has its advantages, like power, knowledge, looking youthful, being able to keep calm in tho most dire of situations, limitless stamina, and a unwholesome craving of sea food. What, you think I am kidding...have you never witnessed a God in front of a table laden with seafood? Wars have been started over seafood. Just look to the war of 1881. That war all started due to some Ambassadorial Demigod taking the last few shrimp left on the platter at a social function, after that..France occupies Tunisia, you know, but I digress, where was I? Oh yeah, and of course, patience. This is where Issei varies from the norm. That's not to say he has none, but there are times and situations that test him to the limits. This is getting close to one of those times.

In all fairness, this venture of finding the line where a god, in this case Issei, looses their shit over a point where the limits of their patience is tested, is getting oh so very close.

Sitting at her desk, Sona Sitri has her hands in front of her, on her desk with her fingers interlaced with each hand. Sitting with her back straight and a look on her face that says, "The ball is in your court now!". On her left, stands Shinra Tsubaki, her Queen. Standing to the right of her are 3 girls, all members of the Ken-do Club, Murayama , Katase and Tanaka. All 3 girls have shit eating grins on their faces, as if they know that the 2 boys on the other side will not get out of trouble or this,

On the right of the desk, stands 2 boys, Motohama and Matsuda who look like they are bored to death, and nothing is wrong.

Issei looks between the 3 groups in front of him and and utters the 4 words that have been banging into the walls in his head. "Why the hell me?" With a long, drawn out sigh, he decides to speak.

"Alright, lets get a few things straight". Looking to the 3 ken-do girls, "So, you state that these 2 students were peeping at you and your other club members in your locker room? And that this has been going on or several months?" The 3 girls nodded and said "Yes sir" "Ok, so, how were they able to peep into the locker room in the first place?"

"Well, there is a hole in the wall of the locker and shower room, and they have been using that, sir." responded the one named Katase. Issei nods and continues to ask questions from both parties. After about 20 minutes or so of accusations from the girls and no denials from the boys, Issei decided he heard enough.

"First, the local authorities will have to be alerted, a crime has been committed over several occasions, and can not be just swept under the rug." All color drained from the faces of the 2 boys, knowing that there was no way to get out of this. But the smug looks on the girls faces were not sitting well with him, so turned his attention to them.

"and for the roll you 3, plus who ever else aided, in letting this happen over and over again, your club will be banned from all competitions for the remainder of the year, plus next year."

The 3 girls suddenly lost their smirks and began shouting in complaint. "Why are we getting blamed for their actions, they are nothing but pigs and perverts, why should we have to pay for their stuff?" shouted Murayama.

"SILENCE!" shouted Issei. After all the shouting and yelling were done, Issei explained his decision.

"You 3, and the others say that this has been going on for at least several months, correct? Well then, why have none of you done anything to cover the hole you say they peep through?, why have you never once, come to complain the the Student Counsel about said peeping, especially, since the beatings you have given them is far above the term of "Necessary Force" to resolve a non-life threatening crime? Why have you never once complained and have the 2 boys here be expelled for their actions? It wasn't until the President here spotted you 3 plus others beating the crap out of them"

Tanaka spoke up and interrupted him from saying more. "We want justice, these 2 perverts are sick and won't ever stop what they are doing...we had every right..." "EVERY RIGHT?" shouted Issei, "Every right to beat the hell out of them for a non physical crime? Who the hell do you think you are?, you claim you want justice, but you act as a vigilante. By not reporting a crime, makes you an accessory to said crime. For crying out loud, you would almost think that you wanted them to keep peeping, for you to never ev..." Issei went quiet all of a sudden.

The gears in his mind began to make an awful sound. The kind of sound that is made just moments before the entire machine fails and flies apart. Issei now thinks that something else is going on, along with what he has heard here, and other times, and other things all began to paint a new picture...a picture that should be adult rated.

"Ya know what, maybe I was a bit to harsh there, let me take a few hours to think this over, and I will discuss it with the Student Council, and the President of the school. You will be informed of any decisions that we come up with, so until then, you're dismissed...Oh, and before you go, (looking at the 2 boys), If there is one more report o your peeping, you will automatically be expelled, and handed over to the authorities. (Then looking at the girls) And if there is one more physical attack on anyone, you will be dealt with in a very strict manner. Is that understood?"

Once the students were out of the room, Issei turned his attention to Sona. "OK, just what the hell is going on here at this school?" Sona, with a quizzical look, asked Issei, "What are you referring to, when you ask what's going on here?"

"Look Ms. Sitri, this school, as it is, right this moment, is a TRAP!...While I am in no way defending or supporting those 2 morons, but there seems to be a drastic difference in the levels of conduct expected of genders here. I mean, was there no thought put into what would happen when a school that was geared towards girls only was to turn coed?"

Sona actually looked surprised by his statement. "What are you referring to, Issei? Every student is given a handbook, that has ALL school rules, and what expected behavior is to be followed."

"Oh, come on, you can't honestly sit there, and expect me to believe that, do you?, Look, I am going to speak frankly, so deal with it for now. Look at the girls uniforms, you mean to tell me that there is nothing outwardly wrong with them? Seriously? C'mon, every skirt in this school is so short, you can tell what style and color underwear is being worn, every corset is designed to push the boob up in an unnatural position, not one single girl being spied upon even bothers to report sai..." Sona's face remained stoic as Issei was pointing out what was wrong, an it seamed as he just put it all together.

After a short pause, Issei's eyes opened wide, almost popping out of his head. "You have got to be kidding me!, Seriously, It's ok to have a school chock full of perverted girls, but If there is even 1 or 2 perverted guys, all hell breaks loose? Come on, you can't give safe harbor to perverted girls, and condemn perverted boys. There has to be one, or the other, or is it the goal to force the School Board to revert back to all girls?"

Sona, seeing that Issei was getting a bit closer to the truth, decided to explain, in part. "What you are thinking is not too far of the mark, but not as bad as you may think. Yes, we are encouraging certain types of behavior, but not what you are thinking. As for the uniforms, well, that..." Sona suddenly became alert, as did Issei. Both looked in the direction o the old school building that housed the ORC. Then, they looked at each other, with grins upon their faces. "Showtime!" They both exclaimed at the same time.

Sona stood up, moved to where Issei stood. "Shall I?" Issei's grin got even wider, and responded, "Oh yeah, let's get the show on the road." Both were enveloped by Sona's transporting spell, and dissipated, leaving the student council room empty.

The Duo arrived outside the door to the ORC, and Issei nodded to Sona, Issei stepped aside a few paces so he could not be seen when Sona opened the door. Sona then knocked, and entered the room and closed the door.

Now, most would believe that all Gods are good actors. If you place yourself as one included in that group, you would be wrong. Gods, by most standards, are terrible actors, for the main reason being that they are way too arrogant and conceited to even need to act. But, in this case, Issei is a very, very good actor, almost teetering on the 'Great' level. He would be, because he was taught by one of Japans most famous and endearing actors, Haruma Miura, who, due to a Japanese Kami, decided it would be a good idea to follow the antics of the Norse and Greek Gods, and bed every human woman he could. But, alas, he was not very successful, as he was a lousy womanizer, and only managed to engage carnal desires and such acts with only1 human woman. Resulting in the birth of Haruma Miura.

In his studies, Issei learned the true form of 'acting without acting.' Don't try to wrap your brain around that, all you will do is inflict minor damage to your frontal cortex, simply due to the fact that you are NOT a God. And, If by some tiny iota of a chance that you are a god...well, in that case,, What the hell are you doing reading this, and not out there doing your job?...anywho, as was being stated before that digression, Issei was just waiting a few moments to begin his part.

The sound limiting spell on the door would be easy for Issei to negate, but decided to play it safe and not try to hear what was going on inside, and waited several minutes before entering. Before entering, without even knocking, Issei decided to ad lib his part, sticking to a script really wasn't him.

Snapping his fingers, a book took form in his hands, it appeared to be a puzzle book of some kind, you know, the ones with crosswords and other such puzzles.

Deciding it was time, he banged open the door and walked in, staring at the book, opened in in hands, not looking up and spoke up in a loud voice. "Hey Rias, what's a 5 letter word for Narcissist" catching everyone off guard, as Rias was speaking. "Riser..." She stopped and along with everyone else, looked at Issei. "Hmmm, it fits, letter count wise, but not those letters." Issei looked up at the silence in the room, and noticed the extra person, Riser himself.

Riser Phenex looked to be in his early 20's with short blond hair and dark blue eyes.

His outfit consists of a burgundy blazer with gold embroidery on the right with matching pants and black dress shoes. Underneath his open blazer is a white dress shirt that is not fully buttoned (just one button short), giving a slight view to his chest. In other words, he looked like a sleazy lounge lizard.

To Rias's left, was her Queen, Akeno and her left was her Knight, Yuuto. Shirone was sitting on another sofa, and, as usual, was not paying attention and eating sweets. Sitting next to Shirone was Sona. "Hello everyone am I interrupting...Oh, hey I know you," Looking directly at Riser. "You're Riser Phenex, aren't you?" Riser looked directly at Issei. "How would a human worm know of the great Riser?, above that, how would you even know of the supernatural, you lowly peasant?"

Issei, with a grin on his face, responded..."Well, as for knowing of the supernatural, I have been involved in it since birth, a family trait, you see, and as for knowing you, well, as soon as I stepped in here and saw you, I recognized you from the films of rating games that I watched, 2 of which were yours. Not to mention the stench of burnt chicken...is it your families Fire that makes you smell like that?"

Riser turned to Issei, and with a sneer in his face, "Well, since we don't need a lowly worm like you here in the presence o the great Riser, begone with you!" His let hand started to glow, and a fire erupted on his hand, and made a motion like he was going to throw it towards Issei, who just stood there looking at him with that grin.

Just as riser was about to toss it in Issei's direction, a slight wind was felt and the flames went out in Risers hand. "Nah, we don't need any fire in here, not cold at all, but thanks for the offer..besides, I am here to congratulate you on your upcoming wedding to Rias, although, I can't see why she would want to marry a burnt chicken weakling like you? But meh, to each his own I guess. Just what do you see in this guy anyway Rias?"

"Riser has had enough!, take this..." Riser's arm erupted in his families fire again, as he delivered an attack on Issei. To Risers pure astonishment, the several balls of pure Phenex Fire sent to Issei, totally dissipated before making contact with him. Before anything else could happen, Grayfia appeared and took one look at the situation, and decided to end it.

Issei, for his part, stood up straight, looked directly at Riser, and started to change.

Now, the way this was unfolding, Issei began to realize that his acting skills were not really needed. Of course he would love nothing more than to hone is stage skills but this was turning out to be an 'easy sell' to be honest. To add insult to injury he also began to figure out that Riser was even more of a moron than he was thought to be. So he decided to go off script even farther then he was going and just get to the end of it and let Grayfia and Rias get their part enacted.

Gradually, his hair went totally blue, then his normal hetero chromatic eyes went azure, with slits as pupils. Then in a fluid motion, his shape began to blur of that into a small dragon. Obviously he couldn't go full size. With a deep changed voice, that rumbled and caused the windows and walls and such, to quake. "So little bird, you come uninvited to My territory, and attack my person, a Shinto God, on holy Dragon Ground. You will now face the Judgment of me, I, Issei no Ryujin no Mikoto, The Keeper of the Grounds, do hereby sentence you to death!" Everyone present felt the force of Issei's power as if a large weight was put upon their shoulders.

Riser, now visibly shaking in his boots, is so shocked, and scared, that he is speechless. Rias, on the other hand, who knows the plan, is still a bit unsure if Issei would really kill Riser...no great loss if he did, but it would cause problems. Just as the tension built to the point where something had to give, a red magic circle appeared, and out stepped Grayfia. She took one look, and knew that Issei might actually kill the creep, and had to step in just in case.

"Issei Dono, with all due respect, please refrain from any damage, I personally apologize for any wrong doing on Riser Phenex's part." Issei, who now returns to his human form, glares at riser for a moment, then turns to Grayfia. "Grayfia, I am sorry you had to witness a side of me that most have never seen...well, any that are alive that is..." he then turns to Riser, who is doing all he can from keeping certain bodily fluids from leaking out of him. "If you ever, remotely think of crossing me again, Riser Phenex, you, your family, and anyone you hold dear to you will cease to exist! Is that clear?, You have entered Shinto Holy Grounds without authorization, or escort. As laid down in the laws, and inscribed onto the Tablet, which you're family has been shown, and have a written copy of, are guilty as charged. I will let it slide, this once, only because of Grayfia, and also Rias, as she is a dear friend. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!" Rias. Sona and Grayfia were obviously in on it, but none of the others knew that this was just for show, and were a bit worried at this point.

Riser for his part was too overcome with fear and as a result, he was only able to stutter and not able to complete coherent words. Eventually Riser managed to mumble an apology, if only barely audible.

After some small talk Issei looked to Riser. "Very well, I accept your apology. Now, onto other matters...When's the wedding?" "Well, Rias and I will be wed next week, and then she will move into the Phenex territory with myself and my peerage following that." Responded Riser, with a slight perverted grin.

Now is the time when phase 2 of the plan kicks in. Having put Riser off balance by Issei's show. Rias now takes on a more authoritative look, and speaks up. "As to that Riser, I will not be relocating to the underworld. I will be staying here to finish high school, and maybe even College. Either way, you will be returning to the underworld to continue whatever duties you seem to have for the Phenex family, We will discuss any duties you will tend to for the Gremory at a later date."

The look upon Riser, after hearing the words Rias spoke, was priceless. "Rias, what are you talking about, you will be my wife, and I will decide where, and what you do, It is the husbands domain that you shall not tread upon, is that clear?" Rias was about to explode, but Grayfia broke in.

"Riser, you are obviously misinformed about the nature of the union between Lady Rias and yourself. To begin with, She outranks you, and is also the Heir Apparent of House Gremory, where you are not in line to lead the Phenex." Riser took this moment to revert back to his normal idiotic self, and forgot to whom he was speaking.

"How dare you talk to me like that, I am Riser Phenex, scion of house Phenex, my word is law as a husband, Devil society is clear on this." Rias, laughed, Grayfia let the corner of her mouth quirk up in a ever so small grin, and Issei, well, he just burst out laughing.

"Riser," spoke Grayfia, "Have you not once thought of who ranks where in Devil Society?, Rias is the heir to the Head of the Gremory, she holds the rank of Duchess." Riser made the mistake of speaking up at this point. "Riser is well aware, but I am Lord Riser, Scion of the Phenex Clan."

Issei stepped forward to say something, which caused Riser to back up a step, but Grayfia continued. "Riser, you are a Scion only in the definition as; a descendant of a wealthy, aristocratic, or influential family, not as an Heir...Your family Head holds the rank of Marquee, you do not yourself, which is below Duke/Duchess, where did you ever get the idea that you outrank Rias?, while it is true that normally, the husband commands the wife...but if the wife outranks the husband, well, she commands her husband. You must have known this!"

Rias then charges on, seeing that Riser is dumbfounded and so consumed in confusion that he can't talk. "After we are wed, you will return to your duties, but unless I call for you, are to stay there, I may visit from time to time. In time, you will come to accept that you will be nothing more than a trophy husband, one that will be content with his position."

The look on Risers face was priceless and Issei candidly snapped a few pics on his phone to permanently preserve the sight for future generations. Riser, for his part managed to regain his composure. "Now look here, you can't talk to me that way you..." Rias cut him off and said," Riser, you may go home now, and prepare for the wedding...I can't wait to see you in your wedding suit."

"You...I...There is...NO! Just you wait I am going to report this to my parents you can not get away with this...I AM Riser Phenex..." At that point, Grayfia forced a travel circle on Riser, and sent him to his home, to his parents who were waiting for him with huge smiles on their faces...Knowing that their pompous, overbearing, obnoxious and many other adjectives that come to mind, is being dealt with.

In the ORC room, everyone had a smile of some sort on their face, except for Issei who was once again looking at the puzzle book he had, and said, "Yeah, Riser definitely doesn't fit but it should."

Everyone turned to look at him, and when he looked up he noticed every eye was on him, and uttered the words that sent them all, including Grayfia, into uncontrolled laughter.

And those words were,

" Let this be a lesson to all that when the gears of fate get jammed that there is no telling what can happen. There will always be someone who thinks that they are the be all, end all to everything and everyone, and ummm, damn I lost my train of thought...The lesson here is, well, that is one way you castrate a chicken!"