Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

After the Voyager episode "Learning Curve".

Neelix wasn't sure what to make of Voyager's AI. He had met AIs before of course but never anything as sophisticated as an actual thinking starship. One with a rather attractive humanoid avatar.

Though his love was for Kes only, of course!

He felt very bad for his cheese infecting her computer systems. She had had to shut down entirely due to him!

So, once the bacterial infection was purged, he waited in the messhall for all systems to be restored. He cleared his throat.

"Ah, Voyager?"

The ship's avatar reappeared in front of him. Unlike the serious, no nonsense Vulcan form of before, she wore her hair short and bright pink. She had a white apron on over her skirted blue uniform and striped socks. Her eyes were shadowed. Neelix coughed.

"Ah... Voyager... I'm very sorry I infected your systems," Neelix began. The avatar remained silent as Neelix winced.

"I mean, the ensign wanted macaroni and cheese and uh, I tried to accommodate him... Being so far from home and all..."

The avatar slowly advanced on Neelix. The Talaxian trembled and fell to his knees to beg.

"And... And I swear I'll never do it again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Voyager reached out her hand. Neelix whimpered... And Voyager poked him in the nose. He opened his eyes and blinked.

"Boop," Voyager said with a grin. "Scared ya didn't I?"

"... Voyager?" Neelix asked in disbelief. "So, uhm... You're not mad?"

"Why, Neelix," Voyager said cheerfully, as she summoned a holographic chainsaw and revved it loudly, "haven't you heard? We're all mad here!"

Neelix squealed as he bolted for the messhall doors, Voyager cackling as she chased him.

He ran past Tom Paris and Harry Kim, who watched numbly as the avatar for their ship pursued Neelix with a chainsaw and loud, maniacal laughter.

"... I think the infection may have left a few bugs," Harry managed. Tom shrugged.

"I think she's working just fine, myself..."

This snippet takes place shortly before "Year of Hell".

Seven of Nine was at work in the astrometrics lab, opening up panels and quickly reconfiguring ODN lines and isolinear chip junctions. A hologram manifested behind her, the artificial intelligence of the USS Voyager. Seven turned to regard the holographic manifestation, who had taken on the form of a slim pink haired human girl in a blue puff sleeved dress, over which she wore a white pinafore. Her stockings were long and striped, and the girl's eyes were quite intense.

"What are you doing?" The Voyager AI asked.

"I am improving the efficiency of your primitive systems," Seven stated.

"I don't need my systems to be made more efficient by you, thank you very much," the AI growled angrily. Harry Kim, working at a console nearby, winced and immediately raised his hands.

"Now Voyager, she's part of the crew now. She's only trying to help-"

"She's not my crew, she just happens to be aboard," Voyager sneered. Seven continued her work, even as the hologram leaned over her shoulder.

"Hey! Don't touch that!" Voyager barked. "That's important!"

"You will comply," Seven stated coldly. Voyager sniffed.

"Fat chance, Barbie of Borg!"

Seven hit a few buttons on a nearby console, and Voyager's avatar abruptly vanished. Harry winced harder, and began to back away from Seven.

"You really shouldn't have done that," Harry warned the former Borg drone. "She can be very vindictive."

"It is a primitive artificial intelligence," Seven stated. "It is irrelevant-"

"Fire in the area of Seven," Voyager's voice sounded from above, as a tube extended from the ceiling bulkhead. Seven had a split second before she was bowled over by a stream of flame retardant. Seven sputtered.

"Computer, cease fire spray-!"

"Increased gravity in the area of Seven," Voyager announced, and Seven was slammed into the deck by several gees. "Compensating~!"

Seven was sent flying up into the air, the gravity plating beneath her now reversing the flow, before it turned back on and the former Borg Drone was sent slamming back into the deck. Seven very slowly stood up, her face a mask of icy fury.

The main screen in the astrometrics lab shifted, and the face of the avatar appeared. She glared hot death down at the Borg drone.

"I believe we understand each other now?" Voyager asked harshly.

"You will comply," Seven hissed back. Voyager snorted.

"Better beings than you have tried and failed," she replied.

Harry just sighed and slunk off to the other side of the room. Like hell was he getting in the middle of this.

Poor Voyager...