A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Chapel...

A Ducktales 2017 crossover fanfic by Andrew Joshua Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. Ducktales and other related media herein is the property of Disney Company. Please support the official release.

Just a few more omake bits I hope you enjoy.

For Jeanine.

Beakley: "Della? What do you need?"

Della: "Well... I'm having some trouble with self control."

Beakley: raises her brow "Indeed? Over what?"

Della: "Well..."

A few hours ago...

Howard walks into his room in the mansion and Goldie is rummaging through his closet.

Howard: sigh "Hello Goldie."

Goldie: "Why Howard! You're looking... Halfway decent, for a dead duck. Nice pants."

Howard: "Why aren't you bothering Scrooge?"

Goldie: "Now is that any way to treat someone here to welcome you home~?"

She hugged him and smiled almost sensually at him.

Howard: "Uh huh." He takes her hands up away from his pockets, and they end up around his shoulders "I'm welcomed. Now, out. Go rob someone else."

Goldie: "I always liked you best of Scrooge's little sidekicks. You're the one most like him."

Howard: "What do you want?"

Goldie: "Now what makes you think I want anything?"

Howard: Unimpressed Expression

Goldie: "Can't I just drop by to say hello?"

Howard: Deeply Unimpressed Expression

Goldie: "... Fine. I found a treasure I need your skills to obtain."

Howard: "Here we go..."

Goldie: "Your common sense and professionalism would be a big help. The fact you hide your obvious attraction to me so well is also a bonus."

Howard: deadpan "Yes, it's totally hidden. Like it's not even there."

Goldie: sultry grin "Come on! You can deny it all you like, but Louie is just like you when you were younger. All shy and bashful and stern-"

Howard: "Yeah, look, that sounds fun but I don't have Scrooge's money fetish to make him keep falling for your scams. So if you don't mind-"

Della enters the room, her eyes wide.

Howard: "Oh thank God. Della, Goldie's here to-"

Goldie: "Della? Doesn't anyone stay dead around here-?"

Della tackles Goldie, immediately grabbing a bottle and smashing the end off.

Della: "GET OFF MY MAN YOU WHORE! HE'S MINE! I CUT YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

She brandishes the broken bottle at Goldie's throat.

Howard: As surprised as Goldie "Holy-"

Goldie: "-Shit!"

Now

Beakley: "... In all honesty, that's hardly the worse thing to want to do to that harlot."

Della: "You think so?"

Beakley: "Yes... Though you do need more self control."

Della: "But-But what if she does take him away from me?! I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN! HE'S MINE!"

Beakley: "Have you considered something sensible? Like talking to Howard about your concerns?"

Della: "I didn't really think that was necessary!"

Beakley: sigh "Yes, I imagine you didn't..."

Launchpad has invited Howard over to his house.

Launchpad: "Howard, you worked with a lot of superheroes, right?"

Howard: "Riiight?"

Launchpad: "Well I have this friend who is trying to become a real superhero, and I was wondering if you could, ya know, help him?"

In the backyard, Darkwing Duck appears in a cloud of smoke atop a wrecked car.

Darkwing: "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the-!" Steps on the hood which flies up and smacks Drake in the face "Aspirin that removes... The pain..."

Darkwing shakes his head and resumes his training.

Howard: "... That your friend?"

Launchpad: "Um... Nnnnoooo?"

Howard: "Well, kid can take a hit."

Darkwing falls off a wall into a trash can, then rolls into a pile of parts that collapse on him. He slowly rises from the wreckage, shaking himself clean.

Howard: "A lot of hits... All right. I'll see what I can do."

Later, at an office in the Money Bin...

Drake: appears in a cloud of smoke "I am the terror that flaps in the-"

Howard: "Kid! I invited you!"

Drake: "Yeah, well, I like making the entrance!"

Howard: sighs "Yeah, I get it. But without the proper training, you're just going to get wrecked while the bad guys run away. You don't want that, do you?"

Drake: "Of course not!"

Howard: "I get that you like theatrics. That's a requirement of any cape. But you need to know when to use them. So, I'm gonna help you."

Drake: "Really?! I mean, ahem, if you want to help me, I'll accept it. Begrudgingly, as in any proper team up."

Howard: sigh "Yeah yeah... Anyway. This is Gabby Mcstabberson. She will teach you how to fight and ninja skills."

Gabby: "I need to make rent. The blade doesn't pay as well as I thought."

Howard: "This is Djinn. He will teach you survival, more combat and the art of invisible movement-"

Djinn: "A hero's journey begins with the first step under the moon."

Howard: "And more theatrics."

Drake: "Wow..."

Howard: "And this is Arpin Lusene III, world's greatest thief. He will teach you how to get in and get out of anywhere."

Arpin: grins "Charmed!'

Drake: "Um, isn't he a wanted criminal?"

Arpin: "Moi? I steal for the thrill! I don't hurt anyone!"

Howard: "Besides, he works cheap for a laugh."

Drake: "Thhhanks?"

Howard: "And I will fill in any missing bits. If you haven't made progress in one week, you're through. And since you can take so much punishment? We won't go easy on you. Deal?"

Drake: Pure determination "... Deal."

Howard: "Now, first lesson: Let's see how much punishment you can take, kid. Everyone?"

Everyone else pulls out weapons and advance on Darkwing.

Drake: gulp "Um, couldn't I just take a written exam first-? EEOW! OW! GAH! HURK! ARGH!"

Sorry, Disney's real life bullshit has kind of destroyed my muse for this fic. But I'm doing what I can.