A/N – SPOILERS for the manga and the ending.
Chapter 7
They were so kindly granted several weeks' worth of training to prepare her for their mission, since they were facing a tailed beast and were jumpstarting some plan of theirs that needed more preparation. She used the term kindly loosely because although Deidara expressed that it was rare for their leader to grant them more freedom like that, she was ultimately still being used as a weapon, was being prepared to take down another beast that plagued their world.
How was she to know if they could help being what they were or not? Could she?
Another reason why she used the term kindly so loosely?
Explosions that detonated close to the back of her shins sent Shizuku hurtling forward and scrambling to better compose herself.
Sasori and Deidara's version of training was basically blowing her up to the point of complete exhaustion in the hopes she figured out how to use the hardening technique Uchiha mentioned during the meeting.
On the first night, Deidara truly had almost killed her. She could feel it in her sluggish heartbeat and the palpable shock that bounced between the two men when she all but collapsed out of her titan form, teetering on unconsciousness. For almost three days afterwards, Shizuku was unable to transform again – not a bad discovery, Sasori had murmured while inspecting her healing process. It told them of her limits and how far she could be pushed, which was handy when going up against tailed beasts.
Spinning on her heel, Shizuku stunned Deidara by lunging forward, hand shooting through the plume of smoke that obscured his vision briefly. Then, when he attempted to dodge by descending just out of reach, Shizuku threw herself down to the ground, using the impressive height of her titan form collapsing so abruptly to create aftershocks that triggered Deidara and the creation he was flying on to be knocked off balance, the widening of his eyes as all hair was blown backwards off his features showing her his shock. The moment it proved a losing battle for his creation, the blond hopped off it and allowed himself to be taken by the harsh winds, though disappointed her in landing cleanly several metres away.
"Better," Sasori praised blandly, not surprising Shizuku in the least with how laidback he was. From his place just barely twenty feet by her hand, he should have also been lost to the winds, but she assumed he was using some kind of technique to keep himself rooted in his spot. "Your reaction time is vastly improving, even after just a few days."
It all felt instinctual to her, in a way and had Shizuku repeatedly questioning how long she was a titan for in her world. Had her parents trained her in such a form? Was she trained as an ordinary human? She found it hard to believe that two of their calibre, with such a (alleged) bloody, impressive reputation, would not train their child.
"Still no signs of this supposed all mighty hardening technique, though," muttered Deidara in response. He approached at a leisurely pace, blond hair showing the amusing signs of being windswept even after it returned somewhat to normal, falling down his back. "How many times do I have to blow you to pieces for you to finally get it?"
"What's this?" questioned the redhead in a low drawl. "Are you growing attached to Shizuku-san?"
His features twisted. "Like hell–"
"Do you suddenly dislike causing her harm?"
Although amusing seeing a different side to the two men when far away from Ame and their organisation, Shizuku did not allow herself to focus on it. Rather, she kept the terrified shop clerk in mind and stored away the information of Deidara's potentially growing soft on her for later use, for it would undoubtedly come in handy if she ever tried to escape.
With how much time they spent together as of late, Shizuku would be lying if she said she hadn't warmed to the blond, even with his oftentimes harsh, obnoxious personality. There were times when he wasn't as callous as usual, where they could sit and talk (or, in her case, try to), or simply just lay in silence under the stars. Of course, Sasori was usually there too, but it seemed like more of an improvement for Deidara than him.
"Are you going soft?" Sasori continued to taunt his fuming comrade.
"Shut up," the blond snarled in response. "I'm just sick of tiring myself out for nothing."
Deciding for herself that training in her titan form was over, Shizuku released a deep exhale and left the nape of the titan, forcibly tugging herself free while the steam surrounding them died down. Fresh air had never tasted sweeter and she slouched comfortably, relishing in the freedom that soaked through her pores every time she returned to normal. Well, minus the odd eye markings Deidara had pointed out a couple of days ago, she was relatively back to normal.
"Done already?" pondered Sasori, looking up at her.
"Human," she stated peacefully, head falling back and eyes shutting against the warm sun that bathed her in its glory.
Talking was getting easier, though only if she remained calm and composed. One worded responses were understandably easier for her to get out, and ideal when conversing with someone like Deidara, who often grew impatient with the stuttering and breaks in speech to collect herself.
"Don't think you're sitting on your ass for the rest of the day, yeah," Deidara warned while leaping up to join her on her titan's nape. Standing over her intimidatingly, he added in a mutter, "We still have a mission to complete."
"What do you propose?" questioned the redhead simply from his place on the ground.
Meeting Deidara's stare didn't fill her with the same anxiety as it had back in Ame, certainly not when he first captured her either. Over the past couple of weeks or so, Shizuku had adjusted to his abrupt manner and she knew that having the freedom to transform and train and actually have a say in her training, helped ease some of those tightly wound nerves. How couldn't it, when it was so blatant that she was improving greatly?
It was all there. All of it. Simply out of reach and needing the intensity of Deidara's constant assaults to bring to the surface – well, all but the hardening technique, apparently. Shizuku still hadn't managed to figure that one out. Was it possibly because the threat wasn't registering as big enough in her mind? Did she need a more powerful opponent or attack for it to present itself? Would the tailed beast be a big enough opponent?
"She wants to be human," Deidara said and shrugged, staring down at her with an unreadable expression. "Let's train her as one, yeah."
Finally shirking the lethargy that often took over her when first changing back, Shizuku climbed out of the titan determinedly, grateful that the blond didn't baby her by offering to lend a hand. That was perhaps a part of him that she appreciated the most – it served to push her, help her reach her potential or at least realise what said potential was. Even when utterly exhausted and unable to transform, that callousness told Shizuku that it was still possible to improve. There was still more to do.
The momentary lapse into silence had her glancing down at the redhead, whose expression that was forever painted into that composed mask of absolutely nothing stared back. However, Shizuku knew that such a proposal required careful consideration on his part, on the off chance that training her as an actual person came back to bite them in the ass.
She sincerely hoped it did.
"Please?" she managed to ask after climbing down the form of her titan body, standing before him.
"I suppose I did say humanising you will better our chances in understanding you," Sasori responded at length, considering her lax form. "Can you recall fighting as a human?"
Not even in the slightest, but there was every chance she could. "Mama. Papa."
"They were fighters," he deduced and looked to Deidara. "No ninjutsu. Keep it strictly taijutsu."
Blue eyes rolled as Deidara joined them both on the ground, but he didn't seem overly opposed to the training like he had in the beginning. Back then, just about everything Shizuku had done or was requested to do seemingly pissed him off. "Let me guess, you want to watch."
"It is the best way to understand."
A mutter of the term voyeur was the only response before the blond was leading her away from the slowly disappearing titan form, coming to a stop in the centre of the clearing they'd chosen for their training. It was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by picturesque wildlife that aided Shizuku in sleeping at night or merely relaxing, for when it was accompanied by the sounds of the birds or even the bugs, it was impossible not to just stop and soak it all in. It reminded her how great life could be, and how badly she longed for the same freedom as the animals in the forest.
Without much warning, he ordered, "Try and hit me."
Nodding once, Shizuku dashed forward with everything she had, grimacing at how effortlessly Deidara batted her fists away from his face and his general unimpressed expression while reading her next moves. Everything she did was intercepted before the moves were even in the beginnings of being executed and other than to shift and block a knee to the side, Deidara didn't step out of the same spot he'd chosen.
It was beyond frustrating and had her swinging harder than before, growling curses under her breath that only amused the blond greatly, his smirk increasing her annoyance to new heights. At his full blown laughter she changed tactics to something more desperate and attempted to ram her shoulder into his midsection, planning on tackling him to the ground and pin him, only to stumble forward as Deidara side stepped her smoothly.
"Good enough for you yet, Sasori no Danna?" he asked and wasn't even a tiny bit breathless, whereas she was panting heavily.
"Her stance is that of a trained fighter," came the response Shizuku had longed for, and she grinned widely despite herself, once more lunging for Deidara with renewed vigour. "Certainly no civilian, but not quite up to shinobi standards."
That was fine by her, because it meant her parents had trained her, or at least tried to before what happened, happened. Whatever that was. There was the chance that, subconsciously, that training could come to mind and aid her in taking down opponents.
Although, saying that, Sasori also stated that she wasn't up to shinobi standards.
Finally calming down, Shizuku lowered her fists and relaxed her stance, looking to him curiously.
Their main advantage over her was the use of chakra, she'd quickly come to learn after her defeat. Chakra was the main source of their abilities, or the power behind it all, and she'd also noticed that Deidara drained himself fighting her, having to travel similarly to herself back to Ame. Without the use of chakra, he was unable to use his explosions – at least, that was what Shizuku assumed.
"What are you thinking?" enquired Sasori.
"Chakra," she stuttered determinedly. "Teach me. Please."
Huffing in amusement, Deidara asked, "Think she's got it in her?"
Why wouldn't she? She had fighter blood. Her parents were proud warriors who'd defended their home and fought bravely in the war, making sacrifices and overcoming trauma for the cause. If they could do it, then it was only right that she, their daughter, did her utmost to live up to such a name. At the very least she would be capable of saying that she tried, even if she failed miserably.
"I am more intrigued as to whether the skill to control her chakra would transfer to her titan form," responded Sasori, humming after a moment of contemplation and filling Shizuku with a powerful bout of anticipation, because what if she could use chakra in that form? How powerful would that make her? Powerful enough to return to her parents? "I don't see the harm in teaching her about chakra."
Learning about chakra and how to not only use her own, but firstly sense it within her body, was an absurdly difficult to grasp concept that left her drained both mentally and physically and irritated her beyond belief. Shizuku had yet to decide if Sasori's assurance of all living creatures possessing chakra actually reassured her or not. Considering she struggled so badly, it felt more like pressure than anything else.
Each night that they were out there and she tucked herself into her sleeping bag, Shizuku stared into the comforting fire with a gradually escalating desperation, one that had her inwardly begging and praying to be given the strength to pick up on the trying technique so that she could hurry up and return to her parents.
Were they searching for her at all? Did they know of her fate? How likely was it for them to come to her?
The final question always brought forth a mixture of emotions, from hope that would shortly become the cause of annoyance at her own heavy reliance on others to assure her safety and survival. As desperately as Shizuku longed to return to her world and parents, she knew relying on others to save her wasn't going to get her anywhere. It would undoubtedly be the cause of being trapped in the strange world of chakra and shinobi and tailed beasts.
She needed to toughen up.
With that thought in mind, Shizuku dedicated everything she had to her training, going at it all hours of the day right up to the point of collapsing late at night.
It wasn't until two whole weeks later that she was mastering the basic exercise (according to Deidara, anyway) of climbing up a tree with the use of chakra and dangling upside down from a branch. The exhilaration of finally accomplishing something had her grinning happily, proudly, even though part of Shizuku knew that that particular exercise would be pointless – no, impossible – as her huge ass self. The trees wouldn't stand a chance against her.
"Once you have mastered your control on chakra, the rest is relatively simple," Sasori informed her once she was on the ground again and patting down her sides in disbelief, unable to truly comprehend how far she'd come in such a short amount of time. "However, I do not see the point in teaching you ninjutsu."
Ninjutsu was their special moves, Shizuku recalled with a narrowing gaze, unable to hide her suspicions of why Sasori didn't want to teach her any of them. Of course, if she managed to wield chakra in her titan form, then that possibly meant all attacks would be amplified – or they would at least span across a considerably larger area. Either way she would have an advantage.
There was no holding back her disappointment at his keeping ninjutsu from her, though not surprising her in the least, Sasori didn't care.
"Then what was the point in the past two weeks?" demanded Deidara grumpily. Dropping himself to the base of the tree she'd climbed up, he relaxed back into the trunk with his arms slinging over his knees. "For someone who hates having his time wasted, you–"
"Shizuku-san is considerably slower than us," Sasori pointed out simply and switched his gaze from him to her. "It will take time, but you can use your chakra to enhance your moves. At the very least, we can increase your speed."
That…
Dangerous, unsettling hope exploded in her chest with the same intensity as Deidara's jutsu and she sucked in a sharp breath, the giddiness threatening to show outwardly.
Mama, Papa.
I'll be home soon!
"You're a natural at controlling the power," praised her mother proudly, hand running through her hair. "I was terrified the first time I felt the surge of power rushing through my veins."
It was certainly difficult to stomach the first time, but she didn't have the time to be focusing on freezing up or allowing it to get inside her head. They needed her to be stronger, to be prepared. Everything was just… so messy, but that was only to be expected.
War was on the horizon.
"What do you think, Papa?" Shizuku questioned shyly, smiling over at him.
His expression was unreadable for what felt like the longest time, gaze so distant that it prompted her mother to place a comforting but warning hand to Shizuku's shoulder. It was a gesture they both did from time to time when the other parent was going through the ringer in their own heads, so she didn't fight the move when she was gently guided away.
What stopped them both, however, was her father's eventual, quiet and entirely disheartening response of, "You weren't supposed to live this kind of life."
She noticed the way her mother's gaze averted from hers, undeniably sad and weary and for the first time showing her age and trauma.
"Seems like all your recollections are causing you pain."
Languorously, Shizuku moved to sit beside the usually irate blond and sighed at the cool water that welcomed her feet and ankles with a sharp bite. It worked valiantly to shove the remainder of sleep from her system.
It was still late at night (or early hours of the morning, since she couldn't really tell the time), the hooting of an owl capturing Shizuku's attention long enough for her to miss the second, significantly longer glance made by Deidara. When she failed to find the bird that sounded close by, Shizuku looked back to the man at her side, noting not for the first time that he was more relaxed out in the forest than in the village with the permanent downpour. Not that she could really blame him. That organisation, even though she'd barely spent any time in their presence, was terrifying. Sometimes she still envisioned those haunting red and black eyes in her dreams.
"Home," she managed to croak and frowned down at her legs.
Up until they began training her as a human warrior and not a titan, all of her clothes remained in perfect condition. Now the majority of them were in tatters, though she made sure to keep at least two sets aside to wear during the mission.
"You keep dreaming of it," Deidara surmised.
"Yes. Papa…" She cleared her throat in preparation of speaking for longer, briefly wondering if Deidara would interrupt her as he usually would. "He was… s-sad. About me."
Blue eyes met hers and he asked, "Being a titan?"
Shizuku shrugged helplessly, unable to get the stories he told her about the war out of her head. The way her father told them, so palpably relieved about the peaceful times they'd earned, was almost enough to knock the wind out of her, because what would he have thought of her becoming one of the monsters he'd fought and despised for so long?
Who was her father, really? All she remembered was knowing of his reputation, never really knowing what said reputation entailed. Who was he as a person? Was he forgiving? Understanding? Had he still loved her after she became his once sworn enemy?
Did he even miss her? Would he even search for her?
"I don't know the first thing about what happened in your world, so saying this is ignorant and potentially useless. However, aside from almost eating me, I wouldn't say being one is necessarily a bad thing," Deidara surprised her by saying, prompting Shizuku to look back at him with widening eyes. He appeared thoughtful as he stared out at the lake they'd chosen to camp by, the shimmering of the moon hitting the water reflecting back into his eyes like it had ensnared him. "I've always said that art is a bang, yeah. It's why I get so much enjoyment out of my explosions. The destruction, the sound, even the smell of it all… It's art."
It was perhaps their most profound conversation yet, Shizuku thought with a heart that palpitated weirdly in response. Unlike all other interactions, he spoke with her like she was an ordinary person and not the monster who'd almost eaten him. Like he respected or at least appreciated her to some degree.
Finally meeting her eye, he told her quietly, "When you transform, it's like art and I can't help but appreciate it. That split second of silence when you bite your hand never fails to make the hairs on my body stand on end and cover me in goosebumps. Like it's the calm before the storm. And then that strike of lightning crashes down and encases us in its blinding light like my explosions. It's magnificent."
Talking – or attempting to talk – felt wrong in that moment. Any kind of interruption of Deidara's opening up to her felt wrong and it created an intense yearning within her, one that demanded she protected the moment with everything she had.
"I used to hate you and the sight of your titan form made me feel sick to my stomach," he admitted with great ease, smirking down at Shizuku when she pouted at the harsh words. "But you're not so bad, yeah."
That was perhaps the closest she would ever get to a compliment from the blond, she thought with a huff of amusement.
"Besides, if your old man hates that side of you and makes your life a misery, then you could always eat him to teach him a lesson."
She deadpanned, but soon realised that Deidara was only joking as he burst into boisterous laughter.
A/N - Thank you all so much for the support!