A/N – Possible SPOILERS for the manga and the ending.

Chapter 8

The air felt different.

Shizuku couldn't specify what was different or why, only that something in her setting was definitely changing and continuously distracted her. Although she was certain the change was partly down to another, it was causing the worst frustration while attempting to figure out what exactly was changing.

Her sigh was heavy and loaded with irritation that was focused mostly on herself, though not entirely. Some of it was directed towards Deidara too. Their most recent sparring session had gotten particularly rough when he noticed her wandering attention and believed Shizuku to be slacking – that wasn't what had her annoyed, however. What was bugging her was that it was the only time since their moment beside the lake that he'd shown any kind of hostility towards her.

Since leaving the village with the never ending downpour of freezing rain, it was safe to say that Deidara had eased up with his harsh remarks and his temper wasn't half as bad. They were able to sit and train together without any major issues. But that was where it originally ended. Training was still severe, he'd continue to talk down to her and he never gave her a breather, instead pushing Shizuku to the brink every time. His patience was non-existent and every conversation they had until that night, she'd been so certain that he was mere moments away from tearing her head off.

Was he entirely behind the change she continued to feel? If he was, then Shizuku knew hands down it had something to do with the odd understanding (that she ironically didn't understand in the slightest) that was established during their talk a week ago. What was the significance of that? Was she right to take notice of it and find it suspicious?

It wasn't like the guy suddenly did a one-eighty and was treating her like a deity, because he wasn't and Shizuku sincerely doubted that he ever would (not that she wanted him to, she thought while recalling Hidan's insane, discomforting devotion to her). But there was considerably less hostility from him – barely any whatsoever, though she wasn't about to say he was friendly either.

Leaving her dirtied clothes in a pile, Shizuku dipped into the lake that was warmed somewhat by the sun and sighed once more, though this time it was out of relief. She lived for her daily soaks in the calm waters, allowing her tensed muscles to gradually relax. Her arms stretched out on the raised embankment and she kicked out gently, taking note of the splotches of purple and blue that marred her skin. They were horrendous to look at and not even the knowledge of her notable improvement in training or knowing they wouldn't last all that long took away from the sight.

It was at that thought that she gave a particularly harsh kick and growl, glaring at the splash she created with her agitation.

"Keep it down," came an equally agitated voice.

That was another thing that continued to annoy her. Both Sasori and Deidara were capable of sneaking around without her ever realising and Shizuku couldn't understand how. Her time living in the forest by herself had moulded her into an exceptional hunter, ensuring she never went without food. Those guys didn't leave a leaf out of place, however. No snapped twigs, no disturbed soil. Nothing. Shizuku didn't think her own skills at covering her tracks came to being half as impressive as theirs.

Curiously peering in the direction his voice came from, she spotted just a small part of blond hair from behind a large rock that kept her from viewing the rest of him, or he her. Considering the stillness of the water until she purposely created waves with her kicks, Shizuku knew he'd either been there before she got in or slipped in during her distraction.

"When did you…?" she questioned.

"I was here first, yeah," came his muttered response, and Shizuku heard the sounds of soft splashes. It wasn't enough to indicate he was getting out or joining her, however, so was likely changing his position somehow. "It's not my fault you're oblivious."

He had a point, she supposed.

For the most part, he and Sasori had given her a considerable amount of distance when it came to bathing or bathroom habits. Even when she was merely dressing, they turned their backs and acted as though they were busy with other tasks. It reminded Shizuku of just before her meeting with the leader of their organisation and how Deidara had seemed so startled by her nakedness and just like back then, it left her baffled. Skin was skin, in her eyes and she'd dressed down, bathed and used the bathroom numerous times in front of animals while out in the forest. Having eyes on her wasn't exactly a novelty.

If it was a custom of theirs then was she expected to offer the same? There was no denying she was a little curious as to why they were so secretive about bodies – well, Deidara was. Shizuku wasn't sure if Sasori actually had those sorts of bodily functions. He was just so… weirdly stiff. She'd never seen the redhead sleep either. It was unnerving.

"Bathing?" she decided to ask, just to be certain.

"Yeah."

"Want privacy?"

Silence met her for a few long moments and combined with the absolute stillness of the water, Shizuku realised she had taken Deidara by surprise. That or he was carefully considering his response.

Eventually, he replied at length, "You can stay."

What was with that pause? Pouting as she considered the possibilities, she gently pressed away from the raised embankment and drifted further into the lake, keeping the pace slow and obvious lest she wished to trigger those harsh mood swings of his. Only when silence met her did Shizuku brave the decision to swim further out, and she couldn't resist peering curiously over her shoulder at the blond relaxed in the same manner she previously had been.

There was no particular emotion on his face, she decided. He was composed and met her gaze steadily, showing none of the same feelings as how he'd felt back when she left his bathroom naked. It left her at a loss, because did that mean he was okay with her seeing him undressed? Had he for some reason felt the need to turn his back on her nakedness? Why didn't he seem to care in that moment?

Better yet how was she supposed to take the slight backwards tilting of his head to look down on her, or the raising of his eyebrow? That was definitely a challenge – it reminded her of their training sessions, in the sense that it oddly had a small burst of adrenaline surging to the surface. Maybe a dash of apprehension, also. Like when Shizuku was anticipating his attack though couldn't read his movements, left wholly in the dark until the moment of impact.

"Satisfied?" came his undoubtedly sarcastic question.

Shizuku leaned backwards to wet her hair before facing him fully, taking a few seconds longer to ask, "What do you mean?"

Maybe his lack of hostility was really down to her being more coherent? There was no hiding or denying the fact that he'd repeatedly lost any semblance of patience whenever she tried speaking, but that was growing fewer and far between.

Deidara surprised her by clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes. "Why are you trying to look? You should have stayed in your section, yeah."

"What's to look at?" she shot back, the only hesitance in her speech down to the struggle of finding the right words. "Just skin."

"Some people are affected by skin," came his simple response.

Stretching out his limbs and directing her attention to his muscles, Deidara leaned further against the embankment, turning his gaze skywards until his eyes shut in a shocking show of peacefulness. It left her dumbfounded for several beats – this man had vehemently refused to give an inch after capturing her, yet there he was, relaxed enough in her presence to lower his guard.

…Or was it lowered? Was it for show? As always, Shizuku couldn't read him.

"Are you?" she asked curiously, bobbing a little closer.

The sudden cutting himself off had her looking to him with a frown, his expression of wide eyed disbelief leaving her frozen for a moment. Had she done something wrong? Pissed him off?

"I know you're naked when you change, but there's nothing to look at then!" he snapped, though without much anger that time, she noticed. The strangeness of the moment only increased when he turned his back on her, fists clenched by his sides. "You can't walk around naked when you're a normal person, yeah!"

She couldn't? Frowning and glancing downwards, she tried to spot if there were any major changes besides the size, but she couldn't really spot anything other than having nipples now. Any other part was hidden by the angle of her body, so she could only assume it was the nipples that took him by surprise. Were they really such a big deal? Why were they a big deal? It was just a body part.

He was.

Damn, how naïve was she not to notice the change in another's countenance? When living alone in the forest, not being in tune with the animals surrounding her (mainly their attitude towards her) was costly. Knowing the difference between a hungry bear or a bear attempting to find its mate was detrimental, for they came at her differently and required different responses.

Shizuku came to a halt in her approach of Deidara when they were barely six feet apart, lips parting in surprise as lidded blue eyes returned their attention to her.

"Go back to your section," he muttered after a while, looking away once more.

Numbly, she did so, all the while questioning just how the hell a person could go from hating her guts, to wanting her.

It was unnerving how well Deidara managed to hide his change. Even Sasori seemed unaware of it, from what she could tell.

Her hair was growing too long, a subconscious thought drifted to her attention, and Shizuku allowed it to distract her as the redhead went about his examination. Up until that point she hadn't felt all that comfortable having him poking and prodding at all, never mind following her transformation when she was at her most tender. Alas, Sasori had worn her down by reminding Shizuku of her purpose. To him, she was to become his art, but in her mind she was earning their trust and biding her time.

There wasn't much to learn, anyway. Like anyone else, she had scars and blemishes but nothing that particularly stood out – in their world, anyway.

No, Shizuku thought with a pang of loneliness. Even in her own world her body was different.

She was a titan. A terror to humanity.

Blinking back the wave of grief, she dipped her head and toyed with the soft ends of her dark hair, unable to understand or explain why she disliked that it was so long now.

"What is it?" Sasori asked, attention coming away from the markings around her eyes.

"Long," was all she could say for a moment. Then, with a frown, she managed to add, "Too long."

"I will cut it after." It wasn't an offer. She nodded anyway.

At his insistence, Shizuku tilted her head back and accepted his cold touch as Sasori inspected her markings. The first time they'd seen them after training, they'd told her they resembled her titan form's features, affecting her cheeks, forehead, and chin, though her eyes more than any other part.

"Interesting," he murmured, surprising Shizuku. No matter the circumstance, Sasori rarely allowed her to see or hear what he was thinking. "Does it hurt?"

"No," she responded, though weakly asked after a few minutes of silence, "Am I… ugly?"

The question caused him to pause and assess her eyes before admitting, "You are asking the wrong person. I cannot experience the emotions that tie an ordinary human down."

Shizuku nodded.

"How is your memory?" Sasori asked. Releasing her face, he sat back on his haunches though continued to watch her closely. If she was being honest, she felt like an animal he was trying to tame. "Have you remembered anything else?"

But she had to earn their trust if she wanted to escape. She would do whatever was necessary to make it home to her parents. "Mama's face."

"Oh?"

"She's beautiful," she added with a warming smile, gaze dropping to her hands. "I hope… I look like her."

"You can't tell?"

The only time Shizuku got to see her own image was back in the store while trying on clothes and she seriously didn't class that as a true image. After all, she'd been covered in dried blood and dirt and who knows what else. Then, when she'd finished bathing, the water was murky and gross and she was unable to see anything through it.

It was after what appeared like careful consideration that Sasori procured a katana, the sun bouncing off the blade impressively and dazzling her briefly. Still, Shizuku was quick to duck her head to try and get a better view, then accepted the katana itself when Sasori pressed it into her hands.

She…

The eye shape was similar to her mother's, the gentle upwards slant emphasised by a thick, dark lash line, however, the rest… She couldn't help but imagine that was all her father. From her memories, Shizuku had seen her mother had a gentler jawline, but her father's was sharp and complemented by an equally sharp nose and high cheekbones. Like them both, she had dark hair, though couldn't decide whose eye colour it was. She wondered if she would have to see them both in person to tell the difference, for her memories lacked in extreme detail.

"Well?"

"I think I… l-look more like Papa." She wasn't sure why there was suddenly no volume to her voice. Perhaps the emotions were getting the best of her, seeing as out of the two, her father was the one she saw the least in her memories. It brought her a bout of shocking relief and homesickness to suddenly see his strong features staring back at her. Could she even feel homesick without the majority of her memories?

Shizuku glanced in the direction of her belongings, heart clenching at the sight of her green cloak poking out of the bag Sasori had given to her before they left the village. It'd become a habit to keep it close at night or use it as a pillow, but she wasn't sure if it had ever carried the scents of either of her parents – if it even belonged to either of them. For as long as she could remember, it'd been battered in appearance and smelled mostly of her.

"Thank you," Shizuku whispered, handing back the katana. She was grateful that her attention was suddenly drawn to the poppy haired man at the touching of their fingers, and after hesitating for a short while, asked, "Can I touch?"

She was thankful that Sasori didn't recoil or react in some other way as she reached out again, curiously grazing her fingertips against the back of his hand, not for the first time intrigued to find it felt wooden (he'd touched her several times in the past but this was different, she strongly believed). Like a perfectly sanded, varnished table. Jaw dropping fractionally, Shizuku turned his hand in hers and ran her fingers down his palm, no longer surprised when there was no reaction. Had it been her, the sensation would have tickled, but there was nothing. Not even an instinctive flinch. No reflex whatsoever. Shouldn't there have been some form of muscle memory at the touch?

"How…?" Raising the hand to her eye level, she leaned closer. It was insane how realistic he looked; his skin was just as smooth as her own. "Wood."

"I am my own greatest creation," he reminded her, the words contradicting the dispassionate monotone he employed.

Shizuku wondered if his entire body was made of wood, though pondered how that was even possible. Random limbs like an arm or a leg – no, not even then, right? Could the fingers of prosthetics even move so efficiently, so fluidly? Everything looked and moved just like her own. It was hard to tell the difference (other than the feel, of course).

"How?" she repeated with wide eyed awe. "Why?"

Curiously, Shizuku reached forward and knocked on his chest, shoulders dropping and back bowing as she breathed a disbelieving laugh at the dense sound that she created.

"As humans get older, they naturally become weaker. By converting myself into one of my finest puppets, I haven't only managed to evade said weaknesses, but I now have offensive capabilities that humans can't obtain."

All she really heard was… "You don't… want to die?"

There was a hum from across their clearing that captured her attention, and for reasons unknown to Shizuku, she felt herself smiling at Deidara's ability to find humour in such a dark insight. She didn't think that he was laughing at Sasori's fear – at least, she hoped he wasn't. It was completely normal.

"I don't either," Shizuku added, returning her eyes to the redhead. It took a few extra tries, but she then managed to tell him hopefully, "I want to find my family."

The silence that met her was a cruel drop back to reality, but while Sasori had no trouble in holding onto her gaze steadily, she noticed in her peripheral that Deidara chose that moment to focus on tying his hair up. His eyes shut like he could sense her watching him and she spotted the way he forced his expression to smooth out – up until that moment, it looked as though he was trying to frown.

"Even if it was possible for you to jump worlds once more, you will not be returning to your family." Standing in one fluid motion, Sasori retrieved the notebook he had been scribbling in while examining her. "You will become a part of my puppet collection once I know more about your abilities. It's nothing personal."

Arguing against him or showing any signs of rebelling would only damn her and likely put suspicion in his mind about her intentions. However, remaining silent as he talked about turning her into his art left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I'll be like you?" she questioned, just to be absolutely certain. Whenever Shizuku previously asked any questions about what his art entailed, she was always redirected or straight up ignored.

"Close enough."

"What does that mean?" Shizuku demanded and stood up, frowning.

Just as it looked like Sasori was going to ignore her entirely, she was stunned by Deidara muttering, "Sasori is technically still alive, despite trading in his human body." Apparently he didn't notice the cold glare directed over in his direction, eyes remaining shut while Deidara brushed his hair back. Had the moment not been so overwhelming, Shizuku would have once more admired the impressive length of his hair. "His puppets, on the other hand, are all literal dolls. There's no life within them."

So… She wouldn't be anything like Sasori, then. For him to turn her into his puppet, he would kill her.

Her jaw clenched and eyes stung, but rather than get caught up in the paralysing fear that turned her stomach so sharply it knocked the breath out of her, Shizuku met Sasori's impassive features determinedly.

Fight.

"I can't die."

His head tilted fractionally. "Many said the same – word for word, in fact."

Fight.

Brows mashing together, she stressed, "I won't die."

"You don't have a say in the matter."

Fight.

The rigidness of her body and the cold chant to fight was new, Shizuku noted the instant it happened, though fought against allowing it to show. If she did then all chances of escape went straight out of the window.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

No, she inwardly screamed at herself, willing movement to return to her. To escape with her life, she had to bide her time. She needed to find his weaknesses while covering her own – starting with Deidara's bombs.

She needed to learn how to use that hardening technique, damn it.

Deeming their conversation over since it seemed like she had nothing to say, Sasori turned and walked away, and at his retreat Shizuku managed to retain movement of her eyeballs before anything else. It allowed her to catch when Deidara finally opened his eyes and immediately looked to her, the resolve in his features shockingly reluctant. She would have thought that he would be the one to happily take her out, given how deeply he'd hated her up until the training began.

Maybe the hardening technique wasn't necessary?

Sighing, Deidara diverted his attention to the pouches she knew were filled with materials to create his bombs.

Although willing to go through with killing her or allowing her to be killed, he was clearly reluctant (luckily for her, she'd noticed, unlike is partner, Deidara was tied to his human emotions). Why or how that change came to be didn't matter to Shizuku. All she saw was an opening. A chance to survive.

Deidara, despite how horrendously he'd previously treated her, was her opening.

She just had to try and squeeze through the miniscule gap he'd revealed without seeming suspicious.

"Have you always loved Mama?" she asked curiously at breakfast – their first breakfast without her mother ever.

She was called out early that morning, long before dawn, to assist with negotiations of some form. Their wishes were for Shizuku to keep out of it all, so she didn't know the ins and outs. Just that their queen requesting her mother's presence. According to her father the two were friends long before she became queen and trusted one another greatly.

"Well?" Shizuku pushed at his predictable silence. Lowering her utensils, she leaned further forward to the table and graced him with her biggest smile. "Papa?"

"What's gotten into you?" he grumbled in response, eyes rolling. "Asking such personal questions."

Her grin widened expectantly. "Mama said she called you Shorty a lot."

The expression she received was supposed to be scary, but she had learned to read those scarred features with the aid of her mother. From the ever so slight twitch of his eyebrow, Shizuku knew he was wavering in his annoyance – said annoyance was fake too. He was simply trying to keep her from pushing the question further.

So, she waited him out.

"No. I didn't always love your mother. She was a gloomy brat back when I first met her – for years after our first meeting too," came his eventual soft utterance and Shizuku tried to hide her glee as she bit back the victorious grin. "I could barely stand her, in fact. She was too emotional, yet…" Her father's scoff was quiet. Barely even there. "I felt like I understood her best, and that said understanding was reciprocated."

"Do you love her now?" she asked quietly, grin dimming.

"Of course I do." If she was shocked by the gentle admission, then Shizuku was floored at the sight of his ears growing pink. "You wouldn't be here otherwise."

Her mother was right, she realised with a warming heart. It wasn't that her father was cold or unfeeling – he didn't know how to express what he was feeling, so chose to keep everything hidden.

Would she do him proud with her new plan to escape, she wondered?

"Eat with me?" she requested with a small, shy smile she hoped he bought.

Deidara looked to her with no small amounts of suspicion before glancing over to where Sasori was once sat, gaze narrowing at the empty space that greeted him instead. "Where's Sasori no Danna?"

Unfortunately, not too far. After that discomforting conversation with him just yesterday, Shizuku found that no amount of distance from him was far enough, and it made her skin crawl whenever she had to talk with him. To show her disgust and fear outright was as good as damning herself, however. What were the chances of him deciding to hell with it and killing her?

Shrugging, Shizuku helped herself to a seat beside Deidara and offered a small smile when he side-eyed her closeness. Other than training, they rarely ever came into physical contact with one another, and she'd found comfort in that. She'd appreciated his keeping to himself. Now, however, Shizuku was determined on making it home to her parents using whatever means necessary.

It was evident Deidara was affected by her nakedness – he'd said as much at the lake a couple of days ago. If she could just use that to her advantage, then she could establish some kind of connection with him. Maybe even one deep enough for Deidara to protect her when Sasori eventually made his move.

Living in the forest for as long as she had meant Shizuku had seen all aspects of life. The good and the bad. From animals tearing each other apart to runts being abandoned, to death to mating calls and finally, reproduction. It was all completely natural. Admittedly, Shizuku hadn't felt any of those urges herself… until she heard Deidara's roundabout admission.

Natural instinct said to cosy up, to get closer, to mate. But her offensive mind added to those instincts by reminding Shizuku of her need to return home to her family. Why not go along with those instincts? Why not use his natural urges against him to better her own chances of survival? After all, some animals killed their mates after getting what they needed from them. She'd seen it plenty of times.

Okay, she didn't necessarily want to kill Deidara – he wasn't half as bad as he previously made himself out to be now that they were getting to know one another a little better – but she certainly wasn't against using him.

"What do you want?" he asked sceptically. A single blue eye narrowed, and he brought his meal closer, all guards raising like it was the only meal he would be receiving for the week. Shizuku couldn't deny it was pretty humorous. "I'm not sharing, you gluttonous pig."

Deidara had already learned the hard way not to trust her around spare food (she could still remember him screaming that the food he put aside to cool wasn't spare food). Her voracious appetite and his response to seeing it was perhaps the only time she didn't take any offence to what he said about or to her, for it was never really said or expressed through anger, she'd come to notice. When Deidara was really angry, his face often grew red like the tomatoes Sasori insisted she ate, but when he was teasing her, he had a sort of knowing look in his eye, and his upper lip tended to curl a little too like he was fighting back a smile.

"No sharing," she repeated with a mock dejected sigh that had him huffing. After a considerable length of time passed, long enough for Shizuku to long clear her dish and continuously eye his, she asked, "Train later?"

He looked to her in vague surprise at the question. "You want to go again?"

The more she trained, the stronger she got. The better the chance of her escape.

Already, she able to manipulate her chakra at will and after managing to climb the tree using said chakra, everything else seemed to be falling into place. All she was struggling with was maintaining focus while enhancing her attacks. In her head, she was focusing so hard on ensuring the blows landed that she screwed up the balance of her chakra. Practice was all she needed – she knew that. Hence why Shizuku was fine with exhausting herself.

"Yes," she answered, grinning. "I almost have it."

His inhale was deep and surprisingly relaxed while he leaned back against the tree, allowing his shoulders to sag and body to bow somewhat with the following exhale. Curious, Shizuku shifted in her own position to better consider his posture, making sure to take particular notice of the muscles on display when Deidara bent his knees upwards and slung his arms over them. Unlike Sasori, the blond had ditched his cloak not long into training. She'd yet to see it reappear from his bag.

Although unsure of how to seem interested when so lost with her own cues, she liked to believe she was doing well. She had to be. That was the only way to explain the distinctive spark in the air that had goosebumps breaking out across her skin as it prickled in response to his staring. Blinking in surprise of how easy it was, she peered upwards through the bangs she'd started brushing to the side, stomach curling from the heaviness of his attention.

Her warrior gut instinct told her to run.

Her human primal instinct urged her to pursue his blatant appreciation.

"What's gotten into you?" he demanded, though without his usual gruffness.

His voice wasn't soft per se, but it was much quieter than usual and attempted to lure her into a sense of security. Of course, Shizuku had seen the fear Deidara and his organisation evoked in innocent people, so she wouldn't be the victim in their coming together.

He would.

One way or another she would be free.

"What do you mean?"

"Why the sudden interest?" A short pause passed between them, barely even a second, before he added, "Do you even understand how you're feeling?"

That was her in, a more primal part of Shizuku told her. She lunged at the chance. "How do you…" Damn it, of course her slow recovery in the speech department would screw it up. "…think I'm feeling?"

A soft snort had her searching his features, though she had to admit, even with her plan of action in mind she was pretty unprepared for the weight of his stare. Like Deidara really wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings, he purposely dragged his gaze from hers, languidly appreciating her figure.

"As shinobi – in life in general, it's imperative to know a person's body language," the blond informed her quietly, voice tinged with something she couldn't quite put her finger on, though knew it to be a human's version of a mating call. She could feel it in the warmth it brought to life within her. "Whether you understand it or not, your actions and your body language over the past few days say that you're interested in me."

Shit. He'd noticed the change in her approach of him – she should have known that he would. Both Deidara and Sasori seemed to be aware of everything that was going on around them. They even knew when she was pretending to be asleep somehow. Shizuku wondered if it was a good thing Deidara picked up on the changes so soon, or if it meant she wasn't being subtle enough. Diving straight into sending off such signals wasn't good, was it?

Damn it, had she screwed up already?

"You can be annoyingly naïve at times, but I know you're not dumb, yeah," Deidara continued at her drawn out, anxious silence. "Still… Do you understand what it is you're feeling?"

Of course she knew what signals she was sending out to him. She wanted him to fall for it. "Yes," Shizuku replied, nodding demurely. "Interest. Arousal."

His splutter at how brazenly she spoke of feeling aroused had Shizuku laughing freely at him and pretending not to notice the glare he shot her way. Putting on a show of being intrigued, she placed her hands to the ground and leaned forward on them, offering a small, interested smile. "Do you understand?"

"Unfortunately," came his unimpressed, muttered response. Seemingly deciding he was finished despite his dish still being half full, Deidara stood up and walked away, saying carelessly over his shoulder, "It'll pass, yeah."

No, it won't.

Smile dimming until it faded away completely, she kept her eye on him.

She wouldn't let his attraction pass.

Deidara was ruthless when training resumed and Shizuku was certain he was using it as a way to release his pent up frustration. That was okay, though. It made it easier to twist the situation to her liking and she rose to the challenge of riling him up further.

Find the balance, she reminded herself while calling forth that strange power that had swelled within her a couple of days ago. Sasori had been the trigger somehow – no, his intent was what triggered the fight response. So, she recalled how unfeeling he was towards her plight, how he was no longer human. He would kill her given half the chance.

Fight!

There!

Stunning even herself with the burst of speed and strength, Shizuku evaded Deidara's attempt of a pin and spun around him in a blur of movement. Then, upon noticing that she'd taken him by surprise and seeing her opening, she lunged towards him and summoned every ounce of strength she possessed, willing her huge ass self to lend a hand also, if that was even possible.

They tumbled to the ground gracelessly and Shizuku couldn't control the burst of laughter of managing to take Deidara down, even while knowing it technically wasn't a pin yet. But that part was easy due to his shock and she grinned widely as she forcefully pushed his wrists into the damp grass, admiring his handsome features now that the hair had fallen away from his face.

"How…?"

Just as Deidara attempted to push back, Shizuku locked her legs around his to make movement difficult, her grip on his wrists as rough as he'd handled her in the past.

"Chakra," she lied cheerfully, unwilling to share anything about that odd chanting going on in her mind, or the power up that came along with it.

"One problem with that, yeah," he muttered now that the shock was evidently wearing off.

With a single bucking of his hips, Deidara managed to throw Shizuku off and she squawked while trying to regain the upper hand, grimacing when her backside hit the ground unforgivingly. The blond came to stand over her collapsed form and a single hand came to his hip haughtily, looking down on her.

"You can't maintain it."

Oh, but she would, Shizuku thought strategically. Only an idiot would reveal huge improvements during training with the people who were eventually going to kill her – well, try to kill her anyway.

Surprising her, Deidara held out a hand to aid her in standing. "I'll admit, though. You're getting faster."

Just not fast enough, she somehow managed to read in the brief furrowing of his brow before Deidara hid the emotion.

Emboldened by that show of reluctance, Shizuku placed her hand in his and took a moment to make a point of appreciating the touch with her eyes alone, before meeting his gaze and smiling prettily.

Then, just as unforgivingly as he'd treated her, she planted a foot to his abdomen in the same moment as yanking him forward, throwing Deidara over her and allowing the momentum to pull her along for the ride. She landed on top of him once more though in a noticeably less offensive move as she settled herself on top of him, hoping she managed to use the same lidded eyes he'd given her yesterday while dragging her gaze down to where their hips joined. Coyly, Shizuku looked back to his features and felt her cheeks warming noticing he'd followed her straying attention, taking longer than she had to meet her eye again.

It was working!

But just as Shizuku was certain she had him, just as she slowly lowered her face to his, Deidara's eye widened a fraction and he yet again managed to knock her off him. Ruthlessly, she was slammed face first into the ground, left to grimace into the long blades of grass as her head was turned to the side and kept pinned with one hand, the other busy twisting an arm behind her back.

"You're such a fucking menace," he growled lowly and gave a firm tug on her already aching arm. "Just give it a rest already, yeah."

Never. Not when she was so close to getting her way. She could feel it in the way Deidara made it a point not to let any other part of their bodies touch that he was heavily affected by her. If she kept pushing, if she succeeded in having her way with him, there was no telling how deeply she could affect him. Could she ever get deep enough under his skin to turn him against his partner?

"Why?" she grunted into the grass, expression twisting from the impossible way her arm was being bent. "D-Don't you… want m-me?"

That was when he lowered himself against her and Shizuku couldn't control the shiver that ran down her spine when he sneered into her ear, "No point getting involved with someone's who's as good as dead."

But he wanted her. That was enough for her to take a mile out of his inch. "So?" came her insistent response that had his teeth gritting. "Animals sometimes kill–"

"We're not fucking animals," he snarled more harshly than before and she yelped at the tightening of his grip. "We're human."

"What Deidara is trying to say is that he is a human bound by emotions and weakness." Sasori's cutting words were the blond's cue to separate himself from her and as she turned to recline against the grass, Shizuku didn't miss how his lifeless brown eyes followed Deidara's movements close enough to make him annoyed and storm off. "Essentially meaning he doesn't want to risk wounding his weak, human heart by involving himself with you, just to watch you inevitably die."

Was it cruel of her to hope for that? To hope that he would grow to care for her enough to intervene when the time came for Sasori to kill her? To hope that, should the redhead succeed, that her death would weigh heavily on at least one person's conscience?

Setting her jaw, Shizuku pulled herself to feet and held onto Sasori's unsettling gaze.

"If I'm the monster here–" she forced out coolly, channelling her father's distant persona and hoping it moved him in some kind of way. "–what does that make you?"

"A survivor."

"Don't start."

Shizuku continued her leisurely walk towards the palpably aggravated blond standing tensely by the lake, ears already ringing at the continuous explosions that threatened to knock her off balance while simultaneously guiding her to him. They soon came to an end at her standing by his side, and she admired the deafening silence that followed the fiery display that was nothing more than his venting.

Normally, she would think herself as cruel for using somebody in such a callous way, especially knowing that they would be left wounded no matter if she succeeded or not. Shizuku didn't allow herself to feel it in that moment, but she put on a show of feeling remorseful and kept her guilty gaze fixated on the remnants of his explosions even as the lake grew still once more.

"I'm sorry," she murmured and sighed, eyes narrowing fractionally at Deidara's stubborn silence. "I just…"

"Want to live. I know."

But Shizuku shook her head in disagreement before turning it in his direction, offering a weak smile. "Feel human."

Did he buy the lie? The knitting of his eyebrows and inability to meet her eye told Shizuku that he did – or, at the very least, sympathised with what she was saying. It had her wondering whether that harsh personality of his was just for show so that he would fit in with the rest of his organisation, or if it meant she was burrowing her way under his skin, affecting herself with the forged bond enough to see beyond said harshness.

Tiredly, she dropped herself to the edge of the embankment and removed her boots so that she could dip her feet into the cool waters, shoulders only growing lighter when Deidara eventually sat by her side after careful consideration.

"Titans are monsters," she quietly reminded him. The truthful words were painful to say or even think, and Shizuku covered the shaking of her hands that drew his attention by using them to lean back on, returning her attention to the water now disturbed by her restless, gentle kicks. "I want more than that."

"Do you remember much about your life before this?"

"Little pieces," Shizuku recollected with a heavy sigh. "The beginnings of a war. Family time before…" Swallowing hard, she frowned deeply and caught blades of grass between her fingers as they clenched into unyielding fists. "I miss them." Believing the emotions were becoming too heavy to focus on her plans, she attempted to redirect the attention away from her by asking, "Do you have family?"

"No."

Did that mean they died? Asking felt cruel in that moment and so Shizuku simply nodded her head in understanding, squashing down the stupid part of herself that wanted to know more.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder what brought Deidara to such a heartless organisation. Sure he was angry and harsh and sometimes downright unpleasant, but lately there was no denying the shift in his demeanour that somewhat softened those parts of his personality. Once away from that place he seemed so different, like he viewed their time training together as a break or as freedom, in a sense.

Whereas her own silence was from not knowing what to try and say next to close that gap between them, his was contemplative before Deidara eventually uttered, "I was told to humanise you." Shizuku nodded in understanding, recalling Sasori's careless way of saying he was too busy for the task. "I made the mistake in allowing it to change my view of you."

She was in there, she realised though it didn't mean she was in anyway less stuck. How was she supposed to really make an impact? "Do you regret it?"

"You're as good as dead," he repeated the cold words from earlier and Shizuku sighed heavily. "I won't stand between Sasori no Danna and his art, even if I don't agree with it."

Had she wasted her time in pursuing him? Was it worth pushing him further in the hopes it would provoke his intervention? "Then help me," she urged, looking to him helplessly. "Help me feel human…" The lump in her throat was entirely real as it forced her to trail off in her sentence, eyes becoming glassy and prompting Deidara to once more look away. "…before I die."

"I…" The way he trailed off was unlike him and caused her stomach to sink when Deidara's gaze grew distant. That unsettled feeling only increased when he came back to himself after several painful minutes and informed her, "Training's over."

Fear squeezed her heart. "T-That mission…?"

But any semblances of comradery were shattered at Deidara's apparent return to reality, and he stood without looking in her direction, merely muttering without much care, "We set out to Suna tonight."