Chapter 7
The shout of horror was cut off abruptly into a gargle when Sakura jolted awake so violently that she instantly had blood filling her mouth, the realisation of how she'd awoken herself from the horrific nightmare shocking the terror out of her system. Reaching up with a shaking hand, she tried to remain calm, but waking up in such a way was definitely a first for her and the pain was enough to bring tears to her eyes – or were they triggered by her latest nightmare?
"Bad dream?" questioned Shisui from his place by the fire. It wasn't until he glanced her way and noticed that she was pulling back a bloody hand that he grew visibly concerned and approached, kneeling beside Sakura. "Sakura-chan, you-"
That was… It was by far the worst dream she'd had in years, trumping everything else so effortlessly that it made her feel sick. Or maybe that was due to the blood filling her mouth.
Grimacing up at the sight of Shisui watching her worriedly, she turned her head away, covering her mouth politely while spitting out the mouthful of blood she just couldn't swallow. The metallic taste had her stomach turning horribly and for a long, agonising moment, as more blood replaced what she'd just spat out, Sakura had to fight hard against gagging.
"Here," he offered her softly, handing over his canteen. "Swill your mouth out with it."
When it got to the third time of swilling out her mouth, she reluctantly allowed Shisui to assess the damage she'd done to her tongue, inwardly cringing as she followed his instructions of opening her mouth wider for him. With a frown of concern and a kind warning for touching her, Shisui tipped her head further back with a hand to her chin, eyes narrowing at whatever he was seeing.
"It's deep," he murmured, soon meeting her eye. "Can you heal it yourself?"
She was going to have to try, since Sakura wasn't even capable of talking otherwise. Every time she tried, she felt as though she was about to choke on her tongue and that was traumatic enough without the added blood clinging to the back and sides of her throat, determined on making for a smoother travel should she actually swallow the appendage. Then, like neither of those experiences were enough, there was the pain which was quickly growing unbearable at the tiniest of movements of her tongue, and was definitely exacerbated by Sakura's freaking out about it all.
"C'mon, kid," he grunted and stood, pulling Sakura to her feet also. "It will probably be best to work on it in the light."
Sakura knew she was making remarkable progress with her medical ninjutsu, though she'd always found healing wounds she couldn't physically see more difficult – wounds on her own body being twice as hard. Seeing them made it easier to gauge the level of treatment required, although Tsunade assured her that over time, she would be able to sense the wounds through her chakra. Healing would become a second nature. All she needed was the experience and the confidence, for she showed the promise, was what her shishou always told her.
Sakura nodded her thanks when a kunai was handed to her, though just as she opened her mouth to check out the damage via the reflection, she paused and glared up at Shisui.
"What is it? Do you need anything else?"
Trying to talk was impossible for the words came out as nothing more than gargled nonsense, leaving her to rely heavily on gestures such as widening her eyes and raising her eyebrows, or nodding and tipping her head. There wasn't a chance in hell that she would be pulling such embarrassing faces in front of him, even if it was in order to heal herself. Gods, there would be drool and blood everywhere!
"Oh." Shisui finally realised, chuckling at her pinkening cheeks. Swiftly turning his back on her, he looked out at the forest with his hands slipping into his pockets. "Tell me if you need any help."
Wanting to get the whole embarrassing ordeal over with as quickly as possible, she stuck her tongue all the way out, searching for the damage via her reflection and grimacing once she found it. Like Shisui stated: the cut was deep, leaving Sakura in a state of awe for how badly she'd injured herself in her sleep (and impressed with herself for not freaking out like she previously would have as she forced herself to look at it with a medical eye). Any deeper and she could have severed it and choked on her own tongue.
Stealing another suspicious glance in Shisui's direction, Sakura leaned back into the tree trunk Itachi had previously been using to recline against and carefully placed the kunai between her knees. It took a few moments to set it into the correct angle so that she could see herself, but once she had it, she swiftly ran through the hand signs required to activate her healing jutsu.
The green glow brought her a sense of calmness, allowing Sakura to breathe through the nausea and pain of her tongue hanging almost half of the way off, then the relief of finally beginning the healing process washed over her. Sighing, she dipped her head to better see her reflection, happy to find that it was mending relatively well. It certainly wasn't as fast as some of the other medics, but there were no hiccups or difficulties and that knowledge filled Sakura with a sense of pride.
Once certain she had mended it fully, Sakura dropped her head back against the tree trunk, already halfway through the process of shutting her eyes and sighing in relief when she caught sight of a pair of curious dark eyes staring up at her from his place at the other side of the fire.
Shrieking, she was quick to furiously wipe at her face, trying and failing to ignore Shisui's boisterous laughter once he caught onto why she was reacting in such a way.
"Itachi-san!" she yelled disbelievingly. Gods, she was so tempted to throw the kunai at him with all the strength she could muster in her mortified state, that temptation doubling at his amused smirk. "Don't laugh at me!"
Shisui's attempts to calm her were way too obvious to really have any effect, leaving her stewing in the embarrassment. Not that they would have landed all that well anyway since he was struggling to compose his own laughter.
Not only had she injured herself because of a freaking dream in front of them both (really, what did that say about her competence or ability to compose herself?), but now… Damn it, how stupid did she look? Were they questioning their judgement in bringing her along? Did they think that she was useless too for giving herself such a stupid fucking injury?
"He has no room to laugh at you or judge," Shisui assured her. Coming to sit at her mortified side with mirthful eyes, he told her at his cousin's expense, "Itachi repeatedly hurt himself as a child from attempting difficult techniques his body simply wasn't ready for." Smirking, Shisui added, "At least you have the excuse of not being conscious while hurting yourself."
"Shisui," Itachi tried, sighing.
But he was ignored without so much as a glance in his direction. Shisui was too busy bumping his side into her shoulder in an attempt to get Sakura to face them, but damn it, she couldn't.
Had something like that happened while out travelling with Team Seven, then there would be no living it down. Naruto's laughter wouldn't necessarily be malicious, but it would be at her expense and would only serve to heighten the humiliation she'd undoubtedly be served by Sasuke. While he'd never actively gone out of his way to embarrass her or be cruel to her, that look would have been more than enough for Sakura. The look that screamed what the hell is wrong with you, moron?
"It was just a cut, Sakura-chan," Shisui told her lightly.
Pitifully, she peered up at him from the cracks in her arms, though didn't commit to the move as she stayed closed in on herself, finding solace in her knees remaining tightly tucked to her chest.
"What has you so upset?" he went on to question, something in what little he could read of her expression causing his brows to furrow. "Is it because of your nightmare?"
Possibly – no, scratch that. Highly likely. But the embarrassment was… It was all her.
Years of striving for perfection in the hopes of impressing that one boy who in return dumped her on a cold bench and deserted the village, understandably stuck with her and Sakura ached something vicious at the thought of slipping from that perfection. What caused it to crack down even harder were the new expectations of her as Tsunade's apprentice, since the whole village was now watching her and waiting to be impressed also.
Professionally, all she had ever wanted was to become a magnificent kunoichi who was admired and respected by her village. Someone who worked their ass off and clawed her way to the top, earning titles and ranks and whatever else that awaited her.
What if she couldn't live up to any of that?
"Maybe," Sakura eventually replied.
A deep sigh caught her attention, but it wasn't until a blanket was coming around her shoulders that she finally looked up to meet the understanding stare of Itachi, watching wordlessly while he tucked it more securely around her.
"I apologise for not looking away when it was evident you were feeling uncomfortable," he softly told her, hands lingering for just a moment longer before he retreated to his seat once more.
To make up for the absence that caused the blanket to slip a little, Sakura shifted in her position and clutched at the edges of the fabric, pulling it tighter once more to fight off the late night chill.
"Thank you."
"What were you dreaming about?" questioned Shisui inquisitively, looking to her out of the corner of his eye.
Snuggling deeper into the blanket like that alone could protect her from the beast, she murmured croakily, "…Orochimaru."
While dreaming of the man who'd trashed her team and murdered the Sandaime wasn't exactly a novelty, the intensity of the dream certainly was. Countless times she'd relived that godawful genjutsu he'd struck them down with, but… It never had the same impact. Not until that night.
Everything felt so similar to that day, right down to the chills that wracked her body in response to the killing intent that had suffocated them and how she'd trembled for hours afterwards. Moving had been impossible, for the genjutsu also paralysed its victims and left them completely defenceless to the follow up attack that was supposed to take them out. If it hadn't been for Sasuke's determination–
Green eyes widened.
Oh!
That was why she'd done it, then.
"What is it?" enquired Itachi, frowning somewhat.
Blinking back the tears of how close to death they'd gotten and how far Sasuke had gone to protect them both, Sakura told them both emotionally, "He placed a genjutsu on us. If it wasn't for Sasuke-kun stabbing himself to break us out of it, we…"
A suspicious glance shot to him by his cousin had Shisui holding up his hands and assuring them both, "While I know that I am hardly gentle when it comes to our genjutsu training, know that I had nothing to do with this dream." Frowning in concern, he added, "There is also nobody in the immediate vicinity."
"You would have noticed if someone tried to cast a genjutsu over us," Sakura comforted herself by saying.
Her being so sensitive was potentially a combination of everything, she thought once she had calmed down fully. The intensity of the nightmare that required – in her subconscious anyway – Sakura to hurt herself to wake from it, thinking back to Sasuke and how it was so blaringly obvious he cared for the team but still chose to abandon them, to the embarrassment of causing such a deep wound in front of two superiors who'd chosen her specifically for such an important mission. Everything was piling heavily on top of her.
But to be a shinobi was to endure.
"I can't stop thinking about it," she confessed weakly and looked down at her hands, belatedly realising how badly they were shaking.
"The dream?"
Shaking her head, she looked between the two men, fighting hard for composure while telling them thickly, "How far Sasuke-kun always went to protect us."
Shisui looked to Itachi with a look she had no hopes in understanding, but she knew from the way he pointedly refused to meet his eye that it was most likely pity or sympathy. Shockingly, it was something Sakura oftentimes did too when she couldn't face what others thought of their predicament, because looking at those she cared for and seeing that they pitied her was so goddamn frustrating.
"That's why I can't stand the way the villagers talk about him," Sakura continued, whispering brokenly. "Sasuke-kun isn't cold-hearted or a traitor. He cared about us. I know he did."
"He did," she was shocked to hear Itachi murmur reassuringly in agreement, eyes squinting briefly.
"Sasuke… He…" Sighing and shaking his head, Shisui said ruefully, "That kid is such a pain in my ass."
And just like that, he managed to pierce through the dark cloud looming over them all, the less than eloquent words bringing forth reluctant smirks and giggles.
"Sakura-chan!"
The relief and happiness of seeing her teammate was so overwhelming that Sakura almost – almost – allowed him to hug her on sight. Instead, in a move that shockingly seemed to make the blond even happier somehow, she brought her fist down on the top of his head, the force sending him straight to the ground.
"Idiot, how many times do I have to tell you not to touch me so familiarly?" she shot with anger that was mostly playful.
"I-I thought the separation would change your mind," he whined into the dirt.
Ignoring the three behind her exchanging pleasantries, Sakura tapped a restless rhythm with her foot, arms folding for good measure as she waited for Naruto to pick himself up. When it became blaringly obvious that he wouldn't after waiting all of three seconds, she sighed with annoyance and lifted him by the collar of his jacket, forcing him to stand.
"A miniature Tsunade, I see," she heard Jiraiya grumble.
But she didn't pay him any mind, too busy returning Naruto's wide grin at their being reunited.
Sakura had always thought that she would despise being Naruto's teammate. What was there to like? The guy always tried too hard to be the funny one in their class and constantly disrupted the lessons with his antics. Hearing their names read out together had filled Sakura with despair, because what hope did her future have when working with someone who so desperately longed for attention? He was definitely going to get them all killed. But…
In his own oftentimes annoying way, Naruto was there. Idiot or not he understood how deeply she was hurting from Sasuke's desertion and was training just as hard to grow stronger and bring him home. They'd made a promise that together, they would make sure that their love reached their teammate. They promised to keep being the home Sasuke could return to.
"You guys got here pretty fast," praised Naruto when they stopped for something to eat, though there was no mistaking the haughtiness that entered his tone as he continued, saying, "But we probably would've done it in half that time–"
"With you holding Jiraiya-sama back?" she shot back, snorting. "Please. You've always been the slowest on our team!"
It saddened her hearing the momentary lapse into silence, the pair of them waiting for the input that should have added salt to the injury she'd inflicted, until they sighed heavily, heads dropping.
A hand coming to the top of her head had her looking up at Shisui pitifully.
"I suppose this is the best opener for discussing our mission," Itachi stated, thankfully taking the attention off herself. Apparently finished with his meal despite only eating a third of it, he placed down his chopsticks and sat back in his seat. "First and foremost: where is Orochimaru's nearest hideout?"
Blue eyes met hers in shock, but Sakura shushed Naruto with a minute shake of her head, eyes imploring with him not to explode like he usually did. It was difficult for him, she could see that from the way he bounced in his seat and focused a little too intently on Jiraiya's reluctant sigh, eager to hear whatever was about to come out of his mouth.
"It starts on the outskirts of Oto," he responded levelly, like he couldn't feel the bench he was sharing with Naruto trembling with outrage and excitement. "While I know where it is, my knowledge of the interior or security measures is practically non-existent."
That certainly put her nerves on edge, but Sakura reminded herself that anything related to Orochimaru was accompanied by horrifying risks. More importantly, if they wanted to retrieve Sasuke or at least make some headway on what Orochimaru was planning, then they had to push forward and take said risks. Sitting around was getting them nowhere.
"We will manage," Shisui assured the Sannin.
Finally losing his grasp on the composure that lasted less than a minute, Naruto stared at her slack jawed, demanding, "You get to go with them?"
It wasn't said maliciously or like he was questioning her abilities. No, Sakura could easily read his jealousy. Sadly, it didn't make her feel any better.
"Sakura-chan's my student now," stated Shisui simply. "While her apprenticeship takes precedence over my own teachings, both Hokage-sama and I agreed that Sakura-chan needs more experience, since said apprenticeship is not solely to become a medic. Having her by my side on missions is the best way for her to gain that experience."
"That's a mighty workload," commented Jiraiya, glancing her way but not with the same impressed expression as Naruto. Rather, he seemed dubious. "Training to become a medic-nin alone is no walk in the park."
Apparently seeing his response in the same way as herself and knowing the effect it would undoubtedly have on her already shaky confidence, Shisui responded blandly and without pause, "Hokage-sama and I believe that she can handle it."
The reminder of how much faith they both had in her had Sakura's shoulders relaxing somewhat, a small smile playing along her lips.
"Oi, you perverted old sage," snapped Naruto suddenly, his glare angry and serious. "Don't go doubting Sakura-chan!"
They believed in her.
"She'll kick your ass, y'know!"
That was…
It was exactly what she needed to hear, and she could tell both Shisui and Itachi realised that too when she happened to spare a glance in their direction, smiling more genuinely at the relief that briefly had their expressions softening.
"Naruto–"
"I'm not done yet," he continued in a low growl and stood up on the goddamn bench, foot planting itself on the table so that he could have the height advantage against his shishou. Leaning impossibly close to the older man, Naruto glowered angrily with absolutely no traces of backing down, demanding, "When the hell were you going to tell me about this? When did you even find out about Orochimaru's hideout?"
Cheeks growing hot under the weight of disbelieving and judging stares, Sakura shyly looked out at the rest of the quaint restaurant and hoped they could read the apologies in her eyes when words failed her.
"Sit down, kid," came Jiraiya's half-assed command, eyes rolling. "Yell at me outside. You're attracting too much attention in here."
"So that you have time to think of an excuse?" he shot back. To prove his point of not moving any time soon, blue eyes narrowed until they couldn't even see his eye colour (making her wonder if he could even see anything by that point), upper lip curling. "Like hell!"
The menacing look had never really worked on Naruto before, and Sakura found herself pleasantly surprised to find it still didn't. Particularly when compared to Jiraiya's impressive stature, he looked like nothing more than a scrawny nobody trying to play the tough guy, or an impudent child who didn't like being told the word no.
"Naruto-kun," tried Itachi, though seemed unaffected by the staring of others. "This is why you are never informed of these decisions. Your reactions are grossly unnecessary."
Did he seriously think going at him like that would be helpful? Sakura inwardly groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead, already anticipating the reaction that Naruto swiftly delivered. Already half on the table, he moved to stand on it fully, uncaring for the staff who hesitated in approaching a table full of shinobi – three of who were in the Bingo Book.
Eyebrow twitching as she finally had enough of his rude behaviour and the judgment of others, Sakura glowered up at him in the way she knew would make him back down. Just in case it didn't, she rose to her feet before he even made it over to Itachi, stopping him in his tracks and shutting up any arguments by slapping a hand over his mouth with a harsh whack, terrifying the blond enough to make his entire body tense up.
Once she had his attention, she ordered in a low mutter, "Sit."
"B-But Sakura-chan-" he tried to continue arguing, voice muffled by her hand and only serving to piss her off when she felt the moisture on her skin.
Horrified and acting entirely on impulse, Sakura gave a powerful, disgusted shove that sent him flying back into his original seat, the strength behind her move enough to force Jiraiya into steadying their shared bench, lest he wished for them both to be knocked onto their backs for the whole restaurant to see. Ignoring his grumbled new nickname for her, she gratefully yanked at the napkins Itachi handed to her and wiped roughly at her hand.
"Uzumaki Naruto," she growled menacingly, achieving what he'd failed to with just the tone of her voice. It had him shrinking back in his seat, wide eyes fixated on her every move. "Did you lick me?"
"N-N-No…!" Liar, she wanted to screech at him, but she didn't have time to because the throbbing vein on her forehead broke through his lies and he quickly apologised profusely, telling her, "I didn't mean to, I swear!"
He'd licked her.
That bastard had licked her.
"I'm going to go and decontaminate my hand," she muttered darkly, skin crawling at the thought of Naruto's, of all people, germs on her. "When I get back, you're going to be better behaved. Got it?"
The quick, jerky nod was all she needed to know she'd made an impact.
The warmth of her reunion with Naruto was swiftly shoved aside at his repeated hounding her, promptly reminding Sakura how effortlessly he managed to piss her off. It was way beyond the point of being nostalgic. Within twenty quick minutes Naruto had her grasping at every ounce of patience she possessed, begging of the Gods to spare her from his torment.
What made the travel that little bit harder was being unable to distract herself reading through her ancestor's scrolls. Shisui couldn't even take another look at them while Naruto and Jiraiya were around, just in case one of them saw something they shouldn't.
"Stop pouting," laughed Shisui quietly from beside her. "Naruto-kun isn't that bad–"
"He licked me, Shisui-sensei. Licked."
Shocking her with his minute grimace, Itachi agreed just as softly so that they wouldn't be overheard, "I'm surprised pouting is all you're doing."
That was because it was all she could do.
"Yeah, considering your temperament," goaded Shisui. He smirked and focused ahead at Jiraiya and Naruto, the former leading the way while the latter was wisely staying out of her way.
Cringing at the mere reminder of Naruto's anything touching her, she shot at him in annoyance, "Are you telling me you're okay with being licked?"
However, Sakura was wholly unprepared for witnessing a new side of her sensei when his cheeks instantly started to fill with colour, when he absolutely refused to look at her horrified realisation or Itachi's amused smirk.
"You're a pervert!" she accused hotly, much to his embarrassment.
What was it with the men in her life either being assholes or perverts? It was like so far, she'd yet to meet anyone who didn't fall into one of those categories and the worst part was that most of them were grown men, telling Sakura that no matter how much she grew or matured, she would always be surrounded by those two categories.
The earlier pout returned at full force and was complemented by the deep setting of her furrowing brows.
"Don't be so quick to judge, Sakura-chan," came Shisui's half-hearted attempt to save the reputation that, up until that moment, had left her in awe of the man who'd taken on the role of her sensei. "You're only fourteen so you won't understand until you're older–"
Stubbornly, she shook her head, cutting the older Uchiha off with an air of haughtiness. "Don't try using that 'you're just a child' excuse on me! No matter how old I get, I'll never let anyone lick me or enjoy it and if anyone tries, I'll pulverise them!"
The words had the two men sharing amused, knowing glances that she didn't understand in the least, like they were in on some kind of joke that she had no hopes in having explained to her. For once, however, curiosity refused to get the best of her and to prove her point of being so done with their weird conversation, Sakura shot off harder from the next branch to create more distance between herself and the Uchiha duo.
The only downside of abruptly ending their conversation was being left to her thoughts once more, though Sakura liked to believe she did a magnificent job of steering herself away from the distracting scenarios of managing to apprehend Sasuke during their mission. Instead, she pondered the chances of her father knowing more about Haruno Mao than he let on.
If it wasn't already obvious, he was a man who fell into the category of being an asshole – perhaps taking the number one spot if he made one more sly remark about Sasuke's desertion.
Growing up, she'd assumed he despised her chosen path for no greater reason than taking the choice as an act of rebellion (how, considering she was only six or seven when making such a huge decision, she was unsure – it just made sense at the time), and that his feelings regarding the whole situation were amplified when the rest of their admittedly small but extremely close knit family continuously commented on it. It was bound to piss him off having people talk trash about their family and how she was making a show of them by taking a separate path from them all.
But with all that had gone on and recalling her father's reaction all those years ago, Sakura couldn't help but second guess everything.
While she knew better than anyone how irrationally she could act at the best of times, she knew that being suspicious of him wasn't irrational. Looking deeper into the words that potentially had double meanings, at his seemingly irrational anger and disappointment…
"We're civilians for a reason. You might not be proud of our ancestry, but choices were made for a reason and I am honoured to possess the Haruno name."
What was he hiding?
It wasn't hard to tell when they crossed into Ta No Kuni. Without uttering a word, they drew closer to one another and rectified any openings that left them vulnerable to ambushes, each growing pensive and silent. Sakura couldn't deny that her heart palpitated with wary hope and excitement of finally finding Sasuke, and she swallowed hard like she was trying to smother the emotions entirely – like that was even possible, though. Already, she could feel that her palms were sweaty, only worsening at the constant fluttering in her stomach and chest that prompted her to take deep, shaky breaths to try and quell the apprehension. Nothing worked.
Sasuke-kun…
What if he was there? Gaze drifting to Naruto's rigid shoulders and back, Sakura wondered how likely the chances of their clashing again were because without a doubt, the other three would be way too busy fighting Orochimaru to stop them. If they left Sasuke in their sweaty, shaky hands, then…
Then what?
She clenched her jaw and blinked rapidly to try and stop the damned tears that threatened to blind her.
If they encountered Sasuke, then what use was she really? Words didn't reach him. Her love didn't make a dent in the walls he'd erected. She sure as hell wasn't up to his level. Once again, it was left up to Naruto to try and get through to their wayward teammate. They would no doubt fight yet again.
What use was she?
Why was she even there?
Surprising her, Naruto dropped back to travel alongside her and brought a reluctant smile to Sakura's lips when he looked to her determinedly, eyes screaming the reminder of his promise only six months prior.
He was definitely going to bring Sasuke home!
"We're here," Jiraiya announced quietly, bringing the entire group to a halt.
"Can you sense anyone?" questioned Shisui lowly.
Pressing a hand to the trunk of the tree she'd stopped in, Sakura peered down at the unsettlingly conspicuous opening for Orochimaru's hideout. The overall vibe the place gave off made her feel queasy as hell, and she spared a glance over her shoulder at Itachi to try and get a read on how he felt about it all but as she should have expected, he was a closed book. Didn't even look at her. Instead, his gaze was fixed on the part of the building that told them the rest of the hideout was burrowed underground.
Nodding once, the burly white haired man shifted from one foot to the other and narrowed his eyes on the only visible entrance. "There's people in there."
She didn't think twice about reaching for Naruto's hand and was secretly grateful that he didn't make a big deal about it for once. The returned squeeze gave her more courage than Sakura could have ever anticipated and she showed her thanks with nothing more than a deep, relieving exhale, for she was way too scared to speak just in case she gave away their position.
Jiraiya shut his eyes and focused harder on the hideout, causing her breathing to stop entirely when he muttered, "I can sense Orochimaru and Kabuto's chakra."
"Is there anyone else with them?" demanded Naruto shakily, his apprehension getting the best of him just as it had her. Luckily for them, he knew how to pick his moments and remained as calm as he could, voice low. "Can you sense Sasuke?"
"I don't know the kid well enough to know his chakra signature," he admitted at length, but made her heart soar when he eventually looked back at them all and said, "But there is definitely three of them."
Sasuke-kun…
Doing her best to shake off the nerves of being close to him again, Sakura showed in the furrowing of her brows and the thinning of her lips that she was ready.
"Let's go," instructed Shisui.
We're definitely bringing you home!
A/N - Poor Sakura is so naïve haha, but don't worry, she's not going to be permanently 14 in this story and there definitely won't be any ItaSaku until she's older. Just wanted to clarify that!
Thank you all for your support and kind messages. I'm still kinda meh, but I'll get there!