Chapter 2
Bleary eyes opened languidly to stare up at the ceiling, the sounds of her cousin's nightmare echoing throughout their home and soon her head. The names of her lost loved ones were mingled in with the sobs of torture, the pure helplessness and devastation in Tsunade's voice as she called out to them more than enough to bring tears to Sakura's already aching eyes.
She'd forgotten how vicious the blonde's nightmares were.
Going to her to try and soothe the pain was the wrong thing to do, however (she'd learned that the hard way). So, no matter how badly she longed to wake Tsunade and comfort her, Sakura knew that ultimately, it did more harm than good. At least to the blonde it did, anyway.
All she could do was listen as the nightmare played out, praying that she was given a reprieve soon.
It was no surprise to Sakura to find her cousin drinking at breakfast the next morning, even though it caused a horrendous aching in her heart to witness. No, she would never encourage the alcohol dependency or turn a blind eye, but to negatively call Tsunade out on how she coped with the losses, not to mention while the anxiety of having Sakura sent out to war was thrown into the mix, would only serve to push her away. That was the last thing she ever wanted to happen. Fighting before war was just… She couldn't do it.
So, she took a leaf out of Nawaki's book on mischievousness and sat down and teased, "Looks like what they say about alcohol ageing those who drink it is true."
Honey brown eyes widened dramatically. "What?"
Sakura faked a grimace and sucked her teeth, playing up needing to take a closer look at the non-existent imperfections. "Damn, Tsunade-nee. I might have to start calling you old hag with the way you're going."
"Don't you dare," she muttered menacingly.
Nawaki had repeatedly mentioned how the blonde was weird about her age and it brought forth a small bout of comfort to see that hadn't changed much. Sakura could almost imagine him being sat across from her at the table, spitting out his drink in both shocked, morbid entertainment and fear for her life.
Like she was thinking along the same lines, the blonde glanced to the vacant seat beside her and huffed in amusement. "You've gotten brave, kid," she admired sadly. "Even Nawaki knew better than to tease me about my age."
And that guy had been the worst for teasing people or playing pranks on others. Nobody was safe.
The home was always unsettlingly quiet – had been since his death, so it didn't irk Sakura when the silence resumed as much as it once had. She'd had no other choice but to grow accustomed to it, for if she paid it any attention then the harrowing grief set in all over again and left her a sobbing mess. It seemed her cousin struggled immensely with it though, if her constant glances at the empty seat and doorway that was followed up with another guzzling of her drink was anything to go by.
Shoulders slumping with the weight of the overbearing grief that surged to the surface at the sight of Tsunade's heartache, Sakura found herself half-heartedly throwing together a breakfast made entirely out of leftovers. More out of concern for Tsunade drinking on an empty stomach more than anything, she dished some out for her too, ignoring the quiet, "you don't have to".
Because she did, didn't she? Tsunade may have had twenty or so years on her, but it was plain to all that Sakura was the adult in their situation. The blonde couldn't cope in the village and with the way she was knocking back the drinks, she would be out of commission before noon, if she even made it that far, meaning it would be down to Sakura to provide for them.
"Thanks," murmured her older cousin, lidded gaze fixed on the sad looking breakfast.
It'd been a while since Sakura last had a breakfast feast like the ones Nawaki prepared for them – hell, it was rare for her to actually eat breakfast most days due to how busy she was. Lips quirking briefly with a wistful smile, she imagined the lecture he would've given her had he seen the sorry state she was in now. Skipping breakfast is stupid, he'd scold her. It's the most important meal of the day!
Gods, she missed him and having Tsunade back in their home, suffocating them both with her unwavering grief and guilt, brought it all back like it was that first day of waking up without him all over again.
Hearing the news was devastating without a doubt and sometimes, Sakura could still hear the godawful sounds her cousin had made when announcing Nawaki's death. But it was getting up the next day that truly hit her. Waking up to a dark, empty kitchen. No breakfast spread, no cheery grin and reminder to eat up before their training began. Just her and the muffled wails from upstairs.
"Is Shizune-chan back too?" she asked when the silence grew too much to bear.
The barely there noise she made was one of affirmation, though entirely unhelpful to Sakura since it proved Tsunade would no longer be useful in conversation. It led her to glance around the depressing kitchen, the sight of the trashcan that couldn't properly shut due to the bottle preventing it from doing so making her sigh. She guessed that meant Tsunade was onto her second bottle already – hoped that was the case.
Finding Shizune before she was sent out was imperative, Sakura decided, giving up on eating when just the thought turned her stomach. She offered a silent, half-hearted apology to Nawaki while throwing it out, though left Tsunade's in front of her on the off chance the blonde decided to try and sober up a little.
Communicating via scrolls wasn't as informative as a first-hand account of her cousin's downward spiral. It was easy to lie or twist the situation, to pretend like all was okay to not cause any worry. After all, it was exactly what Sakura did to ease the older woman's guilt of leaving her behind in the village. She lied about hanging out with friends and all the cool things they did together – even made up that she went on a couple of dates. In truth, Sakura never had the time for any of that, for she was way too busy being passed between teams. Sarutobi barely gave her a couple of days to recuperate before she was sent out again.
Sighing as she realised that she was going to be judged for the state and sound of their unseparated rubbish, Sakura tied the sack and heaved it from its container, barely sparing Tsunade's next bottle a glance before she was bringing forth the recycling bin with a purposeful thud to the tiled floor. But if the blonde heard it or understood the message, she ignored it, face burrowing into her folded arms.
"I'm heading out," Sakura said at the last moment, having grown used to merely leaving in silence. Briefly placing the binbag to the floor, she asked, "Do you need anything bringing back?"
The muffled response wasn't exactly unintelligible, but Sakura knew she could pretend that it was. Besides, the chances of Tsunade remembering she'd requested more sake to be brought home was highly unlikely.
"See you," she called out at the door, waiting all of three seconds for a reply before leaving.
Only to freeze at the sluggish approach of another, Sakura's cheeks reddening when his gaze was drawn to her embarrassing trash. She swung it behind her legs like they even offered much cover and forced herself to toughen up, a single eyebrow raising as she dared Kakashi to say something about it.
"Going somewhere?" he politely enquired instead.
Inwardly sighing since his being there undoubtedly meant she was being summoned by the Hokage, Sakura put her plans of finding Shizune on the backburner. She shut the door reluctantly and met the other jōnin's eye with a small pout, part of her wondering just how still she could hold the sack until she sadly realised it wouldn't be possible. Tossing it into the metal wastebin would be a dead giveaway.
"Not anymore," came her sighed response. "Am I being summoned?"
"Aa." Half turning his body back in the direction he'd come from, Kakashi tipped his chin over his shoulder, asking, "Coming?"
Did she really have a choice? Even while hating Sarutobi as intensely as she did, Sakura knew that openly disrespecting him was a major no-no. Insubordination was a real crime and she vehemently refused to give that old bastard any reason to punish her – if he even had the balls to, that was.
Pointedly refusing to meet Kakashi's eye as she dumped the bag of rubbish into the trashcan, Sakura took the lead for the duration of their walk, ignoring his half-hearted reminder that as the man, he was the one who was supposed to take the lead. It was only half-hearted because Kakashi knew by now that she refused to conform, and it was easier to just get on with it.
"I heard Tsunade-sama is back," he commented lightly once they hit the markets, taking two extra strides to walk by her side.
"She wanted to see me off," replied Sakura quietly.
She hated talking about Tsunade while out in the village because there were way too many who were eager to share another's struggles and downwards spirals, and she knew if she let anything slip, no matter how quietly it was spoken, it would undoubtedly be common knowledge by lunchtime. She absolutely would not give them ammunition or any kind of information about how badly the blonde was struggling. Tsunade's grief was not their entertainment.
Once more showing Sakura why she appreciated Kakashi so greatly, he merely nodded in acceptance, effortlessly picking up on her wishes to keep the whole return hush. Obviously, she knew it wouldn't remain secret for long (especially not if Jiraiya heard of her return and sought the blonde out), but Sakura would do all that was in her power to protect her cousin.
Their walk was quiet and companionable, and she breathed a heavy sigh of resignation upon the entering of the Hokage's office, though stood respectfully before his desk once they were granted entry. Sarutobi knew not to take her show of respect as their finally moving on from what he'd done to her family, however, and that point was proven in the way his tired dark eyes tightened with regret.
He can shove his regret, Sakura thought angrily. She'd warned him for a whole goddamn year that Nawaki wasn't ready for war, as had Tsunade. Now their precious person was dead. That blood would forever stain his hands.
"Thank you both for coming," he said as a greeting, head bowing in acknowledgement. Returning to his desk for he'd originally been standing at the window and watching the village, Sarutobi sat down with an air of weariness. "I wanted to inform you that you will be sent out tonight."
That was… so soon.
Would Tsunade even be awake by then? Would she have the time to sober up?
Sakura's hands clasped behind her back. "My team?"
Not for the first time, Kakashi cringed minutely at the bluntness of her tone. One time he'd even called her out on it once they were alone and away from prying ears, suggesting that she showed their Hokage more respect. She ended the conversation abruptly by asking why she would ever show a man who sent children to their deaths respect. It was safe to say that since then, Kakashi hadn't called her out, instead biting his tongue.
"Your team will consist of yourself and one other," he pissed her off by saying. "I have assessed the strengths of your team and found it unnecessary to add another at this moment in time."
She clenched her jaw so tight that pains shot up through her teeth, somewhat grateful to see Kakashi understanding why she hated the old man so intensely.
"Just the two of them?" he questioned uncharacteristically. Eyebrows coming together, Kakashi added, "Forgive me for questioning you, Hokage-sama, but this is war. A third person could make all the difference should Sakura and her teammate be ambushed."
"This boy shows great promise–"
"Boy?" she repeated sharply, gaze zeroing in on him in grave accusation. "You're pairing me up with a child?"
Pairing her with another jōnin wouldn't have been as bad, because at least the other person had more experience. But to pair her with a child, sending them both out to war, was simply… He may as well tell her bluntly that he wanted them dead, because that was how it felt. Great promise or not, that child would hold her back.
"Please, calm yourself, Sakura-chan," the Hokage steadily murmured and only once she pursed her lips with barely concealed anger did he continue, saying, "I was approached by his caregivers and patriarch and asked that he be considered to assist in the war. While I was uncomfortable with assigning the boy a role on the frontline–" He pretended not to hear her derisive snort. "–I decided that he could assist one of the scouting teams."
"Teams," she repeated coolly. "Had I not been lumped with this kid, would I be out there alone?"
"Of course not, Sakura-chan."
Bullshit. Being passed around as regularly as she had been alerted Sakura to the fact that Sarutobi had no qualms in doing the same to her during the war. Combining her above average combative skills with her almost mastering the Byakugō no In, he thought having her travelling alone was okay. That not chaining her down to a single team made her accessible to those who needed her medical skills.
She could see it all clearly in the setting of his features, as he quietly reminded her, "This is war."
Disdainfully, she couldn't help but mutter in response, "And you have an awful habit of sending Senju clansmen to their deaths by overestimating their skills."
Kakashi's eyes snapped to her features, cutting in sharply with a "Sakura–"
"No," she snapped and held up a hand, silencing him dismissively. Returning her glare to Sarutobi's stoic expression, Sakura continued harshly and without a shred of remorse, "You basically wiped out my clan in the last war with your poor judgement and now when there's barely even two remaining Senju left, you're about to screw up all over again."
Tsunade may not have physically died, but she had emotionally. Mentally she was gone.
And it was all his fucking fault.
He sighed deeply. "Sakura-chan, you–"
"Have you learned nothing?" came her emotional demand, pitched voice wavering under the weight of her wretched night.
The cold, devastating cries of her older cousin echoed deeply in her mind, fuelling her outburst and wiping out any reasons to hold back in showing her contempt of the Hokage.
Sending her out with just a child backing her up, putting that child's life in her hands…
"You disgust me," she seethed and harshly wiped at her cheek at the falling of a tear, furious with herself for once again allowing Sarutobi Hiruzen to witness just how badly he'd ruined her life. Like hell that man deserved to see her tears, but no matter how many times she repeated that in her mind, it never stuck. "I don't know what the hell my great-uncle was thinking putting a pitiful man like you in that chair. You should never have been given this authority."
"Sakura, enough," warned Kakashi seriously.
It was only as his hand came to her arm to yank her back to reality that she realised just how badly her emotions had gotten the best of her. Green eyes glanced around the now cramped office, assessing the guarded stances of the ANBU operatives Sarutobi dismissed instantly with a wave of his hand. They were reluctant to leave, she could tell, but did so without missing a beat lest they wished to be accused of insubordination.
Shutting his aged eyes, Sarutobi sighed again, his shoulders falling like another load of weight was tossed onto them. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, Sakura-chan," came his infuriatingly contemptuous response. "However, this is war and my decision is final."
She fucking hated him.
Reading her silence as his ability to continue debriefing them, Sarutobi waited until Kakashi released her arm and stood back in line. It was then that he informed them, "I have asked you both to be here simultaneously because your teams will be working close to one another during this scouting mission. I understand that Rin-chan is a medic and that it may make no sense having both Sakura-chan and Rin-chan working together, however as I was previously stating, this is to appease the Uchiha clan more than anything, as they wished for this child to have a role in the war to give him more experience."
How barbaric, she thought. The image of Fugaku's boring features flashed through her mind, and she wondered if it was his own son that he would be sending out to war. According to rumours, the poor heir was pushed into his training the day he learned to walk and while many stated he was a natural, that he was a genius, Sakura couldn't imagine any toddler being mentally capable of safely wielding weapons. Even she hadn't been allowed to possess any until she came to Konoha.
And damn that old man, Sakura added angrily. Trying to justify his decision to send a child to war by blaming another for their persistence. He was the goddamn Hokage – he could easily say no and had proven as much by his loud declaration of going against her requests by killing her beloved cousin.
Regardless of whether it was merely to appease the Uchiha Clan or not, they were going to war. Nothing should be taken lightly. After all, it was during one of these scouting missions that Nawaki was killed. Sending her out alongside Kakashi's team didn't mean shit to her, not when it could all be over in the blink of an eye.
"And what's the name of this kid that I'm babysitting?" she asked bitingly.
"Uchiha Shisui."
"I take it you had a rough night, grumpy little Sakura-chan."
It was quite the shock when the burly man dropped down in front of them upon leaving the Hokage Tower, his entrance enough to cause them pause at the bottom of the stairs with their eyes widening slightly in surprise. Neither of them had sensed his presence (noting Kakashi's surprise confirmed her suspicions) and it only served to increase her anxiety for the oncoming mission.
How was she supposed to protect a child?
Swallowing down the harsh retort that formed in response to her building anxiety, for of all people who deserved her ire, he was the least, Sakura told him quietly, "Tsunade-nee's home."
"Aa, I heard," sighed the giant of a man. Nodding once to Kakashi, he murmured, "Minato's looking for you, kid."
"Understood." Sparing her one last glance, the silver haired teenager paused in his leaving, shortly telling her, "I will find you once I've seen Minato-sensei. We should go over our plans for the mission."
He left before she could even respond or at least give him a clue about where she'd likely be. Then again, Sakura knew that Kakashi had the means to find her without issue should he need to, so didn't fret over it. It'd be his own fault if he couldn't find her, anyway.
When he indicated silently that she followed him, Sakura did so with a groan, not really in the mood for Jiraiya's nonsense. Fortunately for both their sakes, he didn't seem to be in such high spirits himself, his feet dragging sluggishly in their walk to the top of the Hokage Monument. The choice of setting was enough to alert Sakura that he either wanted to talk about Tsunade, or to scold her about her lashing out at the Hokage, as he had several times in the past.
"Look," Sakura muttered when they came to a stop above her great-great grandfather's head. "I know I shouldn't be letting my temper get the best of me like that–"
"I don't think you do," he interjected seriously. Making his way over to a tree and leaving her to stand by herself, Jiraiya folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the trunk, foot coming up to press against it also. "Your anger and grief are valid, kid. But when you go at the Hokage like that with enough intent to push ANBU into intervening, that's where you need to learn to understand you've gone too far. This can only happen so many times before they view you as a legitimate threat to the Hokage's life."
Her? A threat to that old bastard?
Okay, valid.
Exhaling heavily at the slumping of Sakura's shoulders, Jiraiya continued, telling her, "You need to learn to start controlling these outbursts, Sakura. They're going to land you in serious trouble one day."
And how did she do that exactly? Supressing her emotions? Bottling them up so that she became monotonous and uncaring like the rest of them? Like hell she would ever learn to shut down her humanity just to be able to make others feel better about their shitty decisions. Why should she ever feel the need to try and lessen their most likely non-existent guilt by shoving aside her own feelings?
"Nawaki-nii would still be here if it wasn't for him," she muttered lowly, once more causing Jiraiya to sigh with the reappearance of her tears.
"Or he could have died on a completely different mission," he argued.
So what? That made it all better? That excused Sarutobi for his poor judgement that cost children and others their lives?
Unable to bear being scolded on such a matter any longer when already so mentally drained, Sakura turned away, telling him, "I need to go–"
"Don't walk away from me, Sakura," came Jiraiya's stern voice, the one he used mostly while training her. Instinctively, it caused her to freeze, and she cursed herself for reacting in such a way. "This is serious."
"Quiet now, Jiraiya." Cringing at the unfortunately familiar voice of Tsunade's third teammate, Sakura reluctantly looked to the creep, vaguely wondering why neither of them had noticed his presence that was barely even twenty feet away from them. "You can't tell a child that their emotions are valid and in the same breath berate them for acting on them."
Sakura relaxed out of her defensive stance, eyes narrowing suspiciously on Orochimaru while he approached them at a leisurely pace, clearly in no hurry. The lack of condescension in response to losing control emotionally put her on edge more than anything, for the weirdo had always had plenty to say when it came to both her and Tsunade's uncontrollable emotions. It was partly why she disliked him so much.
"What do you want, Orochimaru?" questioned Jiraiya with a roll of his eyes. "I'm busy here."
"With a pointless battle," he shot back. Smirking in a way that rubbed Sakura the wrong way, he continued with a simple, "Much like Tsunade, this child will not listen to you. She is too hard-headed."
There was the condescension she was waiting for.
"Moreover, you know that Sarutobi-sensei will never allow ANBU to act against one of the last Senju–"
"The council–"
"Are easily swayed."
It was apparent from the way Jiraiya suddenly grew serious that what Orochimaru had said was suspicious as hell. Dropping his folded arms and pushing away from the tree, he regarded his teammate through a narrowing gaze, clearly trying to read deeper into the expression that continued to make her feel uncomfortable as Orochimaru dismissed Jiraiya entirely and looked down at her. What made that discomfort increase tenfold was the way his gaze travelled upwards to the spot on her forehead.
Then, creeping her out entirely, he noted, "You will soon bear the same seal as Tsunade. It is an interesting technique to have."
Holy shit, she was actually covered in goosebumps, Sakura was quick to realise but rather than marvelling at the new level of creepy Orochimaru sunk to, she risked a sweeping glance to Jiraiya, whose features were now stoic and severe.
It seemed the rumours hadn't escaped his attention either.
"They will not act rashly when you are a Senju who will soon become a medic who can fight on the front lines," continued the snake-like man, smirking. "This village craves power to the extent where they will overlook the crimes of their shinobi, no matter how blatant they may be."
Yeah, Konoha was full of power hungry sadistic bastards.
"You can go, Sakura," Jiraiya informed her, never looking away from his teammate.
She didn't need to be told twice.
Avoiding Orochimaru was going to have to become her new pastime.
As much as she appreciated her wildcard friend Mitarashi Anko, Sakura sincerely hoped that her sensei was blasted to pieces during the war, if only to make her own life easier. The rumours alone were enough to make her antsy around him, but knowing that he was taking an interest in her being a Senju with similar abilities to Tsunade? To her great-grandfather?
Definitely not a coincidence, her gut instinct warned Sakura.
The only saving grace was Jiraiya being there to read between the lines. Part of Sakura longed to go to Tsunade about the issue, but with how much pressure was already on her cousin's delicate shoulders, she truly didn't think she could handle much more.
"Found you."
Impressed since she'd been purposely hiding herself to toy with him (to distract herself from the godawful morning more than anything), she smirked and told him, "That's a new record."
Kakashi was soundless while leaping into the tree she'd chosen, gaze curious as it travelled along what little they could see out in the Forest of Death. "Why here?"
"Why not?" The deadpan sent her way had Sakura forcing a smile, telling him lightly, "No one bothers me here."
He frowned at that and sat down on the thick branch, legs dangling fifteen feet above the boggy ground. If he wasn't careful, he would attract the attention of the giant tigers that plagued the forest, who happened to be more than capable of reaching up and snatching his legs.
"Aa," he answered contemplatively, once more looking around. "Not many willingly come here."
With good reason. If a person wasn't mentally or physically capable of handling the toll the place took on them, then entering the Forest of Death could be a fatal mistake on their part. There were creatures lurking everywhere, some that hadn't even been identified yet, and the vast majority of them were poisonous. They had to be on guard every moment they were in there.
Mentally sighing at the eternal exhaustion that blanketed over her, Sakura allowed her head to fall back against the trunk with a soft thud, eyes rolling shut moments later. The lack of sight opened up her ears, making it easier to hear the rustling of leaves, the prowling beasts further ahead and the deceivingly melodic songs of the birds that happily plucked out the eyes of their prey. It was nearly relaxing listening to the wildlife going on around her.
Even in the middle of the day, the forest was shrouded in darkness that oftentimes pushed many into the waiting arms of paranoia. After a while, people imagined they could see shadows or figures just outside of their peripheral, or they strongly believed that something was crawling on them (nine times out of ten, there was). Pairing that paranoia with the inability to rest or sleep and needing to fight to survive and you had the perfect stage for the chūnin exams. The Forest of Death was wonderful for sharpening those survival skills that most lacked.
Sakura only really had two friends who didn't mind training there – Kakashi and Anko. They were both fearless and like herself, were determined on pushing themselves to the brink of total collapse in order to progress. Adapting to the forest and learning how to overcome the mind games the place played on them was just another form of training for the three of them.
"I had Obito look into that Shisui kid," murmured Kakashi suddenly. Sparing her a glance from the corner of his eyes, he informed her, "He's good."
Was he seriously trying to…? "Doesn't take away from the fact he's just a child."
"I know," he assured her and inwardly, Sakura sighed with relief.
Like she needed to lose the person who'd silently stood by her side (and she him) as they both grieved for the important people in their lives. While they'd rarely spoken in the beginning, the other's presence was enough to keep them grounded on their darkest days – it was eventually a source of comfort once they realised they had both lost someone dear to them, and were struggling to contain or manage the grief that was threatening to consume them.
Gods, Kakashi had seen her in some shocking states over the years, but Sakura knew she could say the same about him also.
There was a dark rage within the boy sat at her side, one that quite frankly scared the shit out of her at times. After all, if his grief fuelled rage was enough to concern someone like Namikaze Minato, then why wouldn't she be concerned? Particularly when Kakashi allowed it to cloud his judgment – or worse, his need to be the best and the strongest taking away rational thought, which then led to his being angry?
"Why does he keep doing this?" Sakura eventually demanded brokenly, unable to meet Kakashi's eye. "Most learn from their past mistakes, but that man just…"
"I…" Voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words, he soon shook his head and responded lamely, "I don't know."
How many others had been bunked up to jōnin since yesterday? Why did it feel as though nobody was questioning such disgusting decisions?
There was no doubt in Sakura's mind that the only reason she was promoted was because of Uchiha Shisui. Had she not been paired up with a boy who was likely only a genin, then she strongly believed that she would still be a chūnin working under a jōnin. Probably even bunked all the way up to working in the medical corps on the front line.
That kid had no idea what was in store for him, especially if he was anything like the happy-go-lucky Obito.
"We'll be working close to each other," Kakashi reminded her after several minutes of being left alone to her pessimistic thoughts. "Can you send your summon to others?"
Katsuyu was great at reverse summoning herself – it was how she and Tsunade stayed in contact the majority of the time, sending scrolls back and forth via the slug. However, similarly to Minato's teleportation jutsu, Katsuyu required a seal of sorts to connect to, if she was going to a stranger.
"Place the marking somewhere hidden," he stated after she voiced her thoughts to him. "As a precaution in case my team is ambushed."
The faces of Rin and Obito flashed through her mind, their bright smiles so carefree and happy twisting into mangled grimaces of pain, splattered in blood–
Stop, she willed herself. Kakashi's strong.
But gut instinct was a bitch and hers was currently powerful enough to render her speechless. All Sakura could do was stare up into her polar opposite's calm gaze as he awaited her response. Unlike her, Kakashi was prepared for war. He was ready.
Whereas all she could see were the dead faces of her parents, of her clansmen and Nawaki.
All she could envision were the faces of her friends joining them.
Standing out of the way while several platoons dashed out of the gates, heading straight for the front lines, Sakura remained in control of her calm breathing and watched the goodbyes of her comrades and their family members stoically.
The only person she really had to say goodbye to was passed out drunk in the kitchen, trembling even in sleep. Rather than waking Tsunade to say goodbye, Sakura had silently cleaned the mess surrounding her cousin and scribbled her farewell onto a note. Saying goodbye when there was a high chance Tsunade would still be drunk off the three extra empty bottles scattered around would be more upsetting than it needed to be, everything exaggerated and heightened by the alcohol.
Before temporarily parting ways with Kakashi, she'd scribbled the formation onto his chest and pushed it through several layers of skin with the aid of her chakra, just to ensure it didn't wipe off or come away with sweat. To be able to offer her assistance to his team also, Sakura handed over a shredded part of the pyjamas she'd worn the night before for his ninken to track her with.
Still, even with those precautions put in place, she'd frozen when it came to walking away, the fear of losing another constant in her life leaving her a mess.
Brushing off the memory of her goodbye with Kakashi at the approach of the Uchiha patriarch, Fugaku, Sakura found herself instinctively straightening at his entourage. A couple were elders, she placed from the robes and airs of superiority, the other being their matriarch, Mikoto. Holding onto her hand diligently and staring around himself with wide, innocent dark eyes, was undoubtedly their heir, Itachi. The boy genius who was suspected to be the next Kakashi – or so she'd heard.
He was so small, Sakura couldn't help but take note of several times, making the reminder of how hard he was being pushed in his training all the more difficult to stomach.
Then her eyes fell on the only one she didn't recognise, and she immediately knew that he had to be Uchiha Shisui.
Sakura met the Uchiha clan's elite halfway, shoulders setting.
From what she'd looked into before her clan was basically annihilated during the last war, the Uchiha Clan had been their sworn enemy. They were constantly at each other's throats until their heirs of each clan became friends, soon establishing a treaty and even a village once they became the patriarchs.
Uchiha Fugaku had actually been somewhat kind when he attended the funeral of almost her entire clan and sent gifts of condolences, had even shared a few words of comfort with Tsunade during Nawaki's funeral. Not that it really did the blonde any good. It's just to keep on our good side, Tsunade had slurred later that night to Dan. He doesn't mean a word of it.
Honestly? Sakura didn't think so. Maybe Fugaku was trying to be diplomatic, but if that was the case, then his presence at the funerals and gifts alone should have been enough to appease the elders or whoever was breathing down their necks. There was no reason for him to go that one step further and try to comfort Tsunade. Then there was his lovely wife, the matriarch, who would stop and talk with her in the street. Hell, Sakura could vaguely recall the woman picking her up and comforting her one time when she'd been overcome with grief in the middle of the market, of all places.
"Haruno-san," Fugaku greeted, tipping his head.
Although still venomously furious about his pushing a child into war, Sakura knew that respect and image went a long way in the village. So, rather than call him out on sending a boy to war, she bowed her head in respect though couldn't deny her attention was soon diverted to the young boy she was supposed to work with.
"Uchiha Shisui," she stated, not asked.
Gods, he was so young. Smaller than Nawaki – definitely younger too. But breaking her heart horribly, Sakura quickly discovered that there was no innocence in his gaze like there was Itachi's, who stood calmly by his side. No, it was evident upon the meeting of their eyes that Shisui had already seen a great deal. Was what he'd seen enough to trigger his sharingan?
"Senju-san-"
Sakura swiftly intervened, though lessened the blow of her sharp words with a small smile. "Please don't use that name. My name is Haruno Sakura."
Dropping his head low in a bow, he apologised quietly, asking, "Please forgive me."
Like she would hold a mix up of her name against a child, especially when she knew it was down to the adults surrounding him, considering the looks the two elders shared.
Old bastards.
Adding a teasing edge to lessen the tension between them, she said, "Trust me, you don't want to be associated with such a cursed name. Not when it comes to war."
The silence that met her uncomfortably reminded Sakura that the Uchiha Clan didn't possess much of a sense of humour – hell, it looked as though it'd gone straight over little Itachi's head as he stared up at her in surprise, those dark eyes soon shooting to his parents' to gauge their reactions to her words.
Obito would've laughed, she thought with an inward pout. If anything, he would've thrown something in about his own clan to try and compete with her about who had it the hardest, only to soon snap at her that she couldn't keep using the whole dead clan card against him to keep winning.
"It's just the two of us," Sakura informed Shisui at the continued silence, unsure as to how much was shared with him. Looking to the rest of the clan to also reassure them, she added, "However, we'll be working near Team Minato, so we won't be completely alone. We'll back each other up if we run into any trouble."
A flash of relief shot across Mikoto's expression, eyes softening momentarily with gratefulness.
The four year old boy's shoulders shockingly dropped.
She chose to focus on their relief than the rest of the clansmen's indifference, offering the two a small smile of reassurance before looking back to Shisui, taking in the certainty of his body language. He was nearly laidback in the way he stood before her, clearly confident in his skills and ability to complete the mission, though part of her wondered if that was just because of his clan's higher ups being present.
Like herself, who couldn't show just how much she despised a child being sent out, who couldn't argue with Fugaku for pushing such selfishness, it appeared Shisui was remaining composed too.
He had to be scared, Sakura thought, searching his features but finding nothing.
How old was he? Was it appropriate for her to ask?
Unable to resist, she did so awkwardly, hesitating before forcing out, "…Uchiha-san, how old are you?"
"Ten."
But… He was just a child.
Sakura stared at Shisui with barely concealed horror, her heart clenching nastily as his face was replaced with Nawaki's – Nawaki who was so kind and warm and happy, who never got the chance to grow up and achieve his dreams, always trapped and remembered as the tragic casualty of war.
Even after so much time had passed, even after all the suffering they'd all gone through, the village was still sending their children to war.
"I assure you, Shisui will not hold you back," Fugaku assured her and folded his arms over his chest.
"That's…" Swallowing hard to regain composure, she looked to the man with a steely gaze, muttering with forced respect, "I'm not concerned about being held back."
"Then what is your problem, girl?"
Girl.
So they also viewed her as a child but were completely okay with children being sent to war. Was it a generational thing? Could those old farts not see how wrong it was?
Noticing Team Minato moving towards the gate, Sakura returned her attention to Shisui, not caring for appearing as disrespectful towards the Uchiha elders anymore as she offered him a small smile. "We should get going."
"Yes, Haruno-san."
Just as they turned to leave, however, the toddler released his mother's hand and reached out, grabbing the edge of Shisui's flak jacket and demanding his attention without vocalising the need. It wasn't until the older boy was looking over his shoulder that Itachi even looked up at him, inhaling deeply and pointedly ignoring the stares boring into their interaction.
Then, proving to her that it was an older generation problem, Itachi went against his parents' examples by instead copying the examples of those around them, noticeably pleading, "Have a safe mission."
Please return, was what those wide, innocent eyes begged.
Sakura set her jaw and sent a barely even veiled glare in the direction of the adults before kneeling in front of Itachi, hand coming to his shoulder and smile possessing every ounce of warmth Nawaki had comforted her with.
"I'll protect him fiercely," she vowed. Looking up at the others with a lidded gaze that screamed her anger and hatred of their system, Sakura added, "I'll make up for the lack of care and compassion the children of Konoha receive."
Fugaku's eyebrow twitched. "You–"
"I don't want to cause a scene," she told him softly, though never wavered in her stare down as she slowly stood up to her disappointing height of five foot nothing. "But just know that I will always value a child's life above all else."
If that meant disregarding the shinobi rules to get Shisui back to the safety of the village, then she would do so without a moment of hesitation. She would abandon her mission, would disappoint her Hokage, would make the entire village hate her fucking guts if she had to, if it meant saving the life of a child.
That was her ninja way.
She would be the change their damned village needed.
"Let's go," she ordered coolly, never looking away from Fugaku's knowing glare.
A/N – People have been expressing their concerns for the age gap between Sakura and Itachi and I just wanted to put this out there before getting too deep into the story: nothing will happen between them until they're both consenting adults. Sorry for not clarifying that sooner! These first few chapters are more introductory than anything, just to give us all background on Sakura's mindset and everything that's played a part in her becoming that person.