Yeah, I couldn't make you guys wait too long for this chapter. I knew the ending of the last one was going to irritate a few people, but wow I didn't expect the reaction of honest to god anger from you reviewers. I guess I'll take it as a compliment, so thank you I suppose? Anyway, I won't keep you in suspense long. Here's the next chapter.

Chapter 19: Rack 'em Up

It didn't take long for Ruby to collect Sam. Apparently she had not gotten far out of Ohio and it wasn't a hassle to head back to town. About only an hour after he had called, he found himself in an unfamiliar car. She often stole them at random after she just teleported where she needed to go in order to cross terrain faster looking for leads.

"Does it matter where we crash at?" she asked him as she drove.

"Anywhere but the place at the north exit of town," he replied. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed her glance at him for a moment, but she didn't say anything. That honest surprised him. After their last conversation he'd expected another endless stream of teasing comments about his accidental affair with Dean.

She was quiet though, only checking on her phone where a suitable place would be before she took off down the road again. Several minutes passed and yet nothing came from her on the subject. He couldn't figure out why but he was glad for the silence all the same. This wasn't how he'd envisioned his night going, and he was very glad that he didn't have to discuss just what his plans had been and, more importantly, how'd they'd all fallen apart.

After a short amount of time they pulled into a parking lot connected to a posh looking hotel. It was more than what he'd been expecting, but she was climbing out of the vehicle before he could even think to make mention of it.

"Come on," she said, "or do you want to just take a park bench for the evening?"

"I think I can handle a little ritz," he muttered even though he'd have preferred his original motel with Dean. Not that that was an option. His brother had made sure of that.

"Alright, let's go then," she said as she sauntered away from her car and up to the entrance. Only a short look over her shoulder, accompanied but a small smile, showed that she was checking to see if he was following. Which he was, of course. He'd called her just for this after all, and where else was there even to go? He'd have to walk around to find a place, or risk hot-wiring a car just to cruise around, and that would just be a waste of his time. He'd already lost more than enough of that, thank you.

Waiting around while she went up to the counter to secure the room, he looked around at the painted walls of whites and light golds. Sam was desperate to try and distract himself but it was too easy to wonder what Dean was doing right now with some strange girl who probably only had needed to giggle and pout her lips to get the Winchester's attention. He was probably in the middle of it right now, touching her in the best way to make her sigh, to arch her back in the way that would make it so easy for Dean to pull her close in a hug and lean over her body to whisper soft things in her ear.

He really… really hated he knew exactly how his brother made love now. It would be easier to keep his mind clear of that kind of thing if the memories weren't so vivid.

"Hey, you want to head up to the room now?" Ruby asked as she touched his arm gently. Her eyes were wide and bright, not a single intent of mocking in them. He breathed a little easier at the expression, allowing himself to relax a bit.

Even at his worst, Ruby had never let him down, not something he'd ever made easy on her. She'd had to save him so many times, scrapped him together when he'd felt all alone and lost. Yeah, these last few weeks had been hard as Hell, but that was hardly her fault if he stopped to really think about it. The reasons she'd given for her actions had been valid. Why was he getting so tense around her, expecting her to jump on him with teasing comments the second they spoke again?

Okay, she had done it before. He had a reason for the trepidation, but clearly she'd listened when he'd made it clear to her how much it bothered him… eventually anyway. He supposed her desire to off Lilith had outweighed her demonic nature to be a pain in the ass. Ally or not, she'd always been pretty rough around the edges.

Then again, she'd been much kinder lately, for what she was anyway. Was that a conscious effort on her part to be nicer to him, and why? Maybe just trying to relate to him more?

"Yeah," he said with a bit of a smile of his own toward her. As confusing as she was to him at times, it still felt easier to talk to her right now than Dean. Just when had that shift happened anyway?

Like the rest of the hotel, the room was fancier than what he was used to. Not chandelier hanging from the ceiling fancy, but nice nonetheless. A glance at the demon revealed a coy smile on her painted lips and she stretched a little and shrugged off her jacket, a distinct look of showing off. He wasn't sure why. Getting really nice places was not hard for the brothers. The money just lasted a lot longer by going cheap most nights.

"Thanks for picking me up last minute," he said anyway. It wasn't polite to seem ungrateful. "I just had to get away for the night."

"Mmm, no problem," she said as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Dean isn't going to throw a gasket about this, is he?"

The second the name left her mouth he was expecting another barrage of jokes and innuendos about what had happened, but yet again there seemed to be nothing but open curiosity in her voice. It threw him off a bit, but he stuck firmly to being grateful. It was a bit strange for her to be this nice, but did he honestly want to hear butt sex jokes the entire night? Hell, maybe he should just tell her. It's not like he had a reason to lie about it aside from his own warped feelings. Feelings which she might have made fun of him for, but would not condemn him for having. She knew she was no angel, and she didn't mind how broken he was.

Unlike Dean, who kept expecting Sam to be this innocent little kid brother following him around, untouched by the darkness that had consumed his whole life and shaped his destiny. He hadn't been innocent since he'd been six-months old, and while he understood Dean's desire for Sam to be good… it was an exhausting standard to try to live up to, even though he wanted to be a good person just as desperately.

"He's got other company," he admitted. "Not something I was in the mood to have to be witness to, so I left. I'll catch back up with him in the morning when he's done."

"Done with his little tart, you mean? Sure. Makes sense to me," she stated as she ran a hand idly over the blanket. "Well, don't let it get you down, Sam. There's no reason you can't have a nice, full night too."

"Thanks for understanding," he replied gratefully before sitting down at the nearby table and pulling out his laptop. "So we need to look into things and see if we can find some signs of demonic activity. I'll start combing news over the last month. I don't suppose you've heard any rumors or anything since we last spoke?"

"What?" Ruby asked flatly.

"With all three of us essentially out of commission for so long, who knows what Lilith has been or what she's up to or where she even is now. We need information so we know where to head next."

"Okay... Not exactly why I thought you called me, Sam," she informed him with an irritated scowl.

He actually felt a little guilty at that. In all honesty he could have gotten a place on his own without too much effort. Ruby was mostly just here because when Dean found out he'd done his research with her instead of his own brother, the guy would be livid and then have to realize the only reason Sam had done it was because Dean had ditched him. That wasn't exactly fair to her. She already had to put up with a lot of crap from the eldest brother, getting insulted and knocked around. While she did give as fair as she got, it didn't seem right to put her through another round of it just because he'd had a crazy plan to make Dean jealous.

Man, he really was a jerk to people who wanted to help him, wasn't he?

"I guess you were already on your own hunt for info when I called you," he admitted with a bit of a sigh, his fingers resting idly on the keyboard. "Sorry, I should have just let you be. I mean, you can stay if you want but I won't be offended if you leave either."

"That's not what I meant," she replied coolly. "You called me here to do research? That's it?"

"Well, yeah. It's been almost a month. Any clues or trails we had before are going to be pretty cold. We've got to start fresh again."

He risked a glance up from the computer to see she'd moved without him realizing it, standing over him now. Sam, who'd had years experience hunting, who'd known Ruby for over a year now, actually scooted his chair back a little without even meaning to. He couldn't help it. Something about her was really unsettling him right now. Her features were completely neutral but something about her was putting him on edge.

"You know, the thick act isn't all that cute anymore, Sammy," she purred, starting to smile as she bent over a little to meet him eye to eye. "You're like a big puppy most of the time, but I think I'd like to see your fangs now."

"Ruby, what are you-"

It was all he was able to get out before she put a finger to his lips and sat down on his lap, her fingers moving along his jaw and tangling up into his hair. The action froze him solid and stole his breath away as it dawned on him just what she thought he'd brought her here for.

"The nice guy thing is touching, really," she said as if to assure him. "It's not like it's a turn off for me, but we both know how fun it is to bite and pull. You do want to play with me, don't you?"

"Ruby, this isn't-"

"Shhh, Sam," she breathed as she shifted positions to straddle him, her knees squeezing around his hips. Pushing herself against his body, he could feel the soft swell of her breasts against him, her lips tracing over his ear while she spoke softly. "Or do you want something gentle and sweet? I can give you that too."
His hands firmly grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back. He was getting the strongest sense of deja vu from their first night together, and while he'd slept with her plenty before, he wasn't feeling it now. To be fair… he wasn't sure he ever could again.

She'd been sex, but Dean had been something deeper, more meaningful. Yeah, she'd saved him but she'd made it clear her intention had always been to kill Lilith. There was no affection between them, just an honest transaction of what they could get out of each other. There was just no comparison for him now that he knew feelings as deep as he could have for his brother.

They'd never be returned, but it still felt like it would taint it to jump into meaningless sex with someone else now, even someone like Ruby who'd already done plenty with.

"I'm sorry if there was some mixed signals here," he said sincerely. To be fair, it wasn't an unreasonable assumption to make. He probably could have stood to be clearer with her about what exactly he'd meant when he'd called her. "But I'm just here to get some work done."

"Come on, Sam. You're going back to the hard to get game?" she asked with a smirk before she effortlessly pushed his hands back and kissed him. He stiffened at the feel of her tongue and quickly leaned back his head.

"Ruby, stop!" he demanded, but she didn't listen, only letting her hands roam over his body as he tried to wiggle away, not easy in the chair and with her on top of him. "I mean it! Knock it off!"

She only laughed, a shrill girlish little thing, as if she were only flirting with him. The sound pissed him off, let him feel less panicked about her actions and more livid. When she swooped in for another kiss he shoved her off of him roughly, not feeling an ounce of guilt when she fell backwards and hit the floor.

"The fuck was that for?! I was only trying to be nice!" she snapped at him as she scrambled back up. He stood from his chair, towering over her. To be fair, a demon probably didn't worry about things like height and physical intimidation but he was too angry to really care right now.

"I told you to stop!"

"Oh right, like that's ever mattered before," she snorted with a roll of her eyes before she seemed to catch herself. Her expression suddenly changed, seeming remorseful. "Okay, okay. You're right. Sorry."

That only set the alarm bells off in his head even more. It hadn't been a smooth transition from angry to regretful, as if someone had thought over their actions and realized how out of line they'd been acting. He was too good at reading people to be fooled that easily. It was too quick of a shift, like changing gears suddenly in a car so fast the engine whined in protest.

She was just playing on his feelings.

The thought caught in his throat, feeling like it could choke him as realization dawned on him. This wasn't the first time she'd lied to him. For god's sake, she hadn't even told him what she was until he'd pressed her for it, claiming to be a hunter and then given him the promise that she could save his brother. Neither of those times had been true, and she could have told him the truth about who he was when he'd been brainwashed!

Fear of angels or not, she hadn't had a problem stalking him to get the blood in him. She hadn't even tried to tell him, then had passed if off as altruism when he'd called her out on his actions.

"I'm leaving," he snarled as he grabbed his stuff.

"Sam, wait. I didn't-"

The second she reached for him, he lashed out, shoving her again. Demon or not, he was bigger than her, and thanks to the blood largely immune to her abilities. This time she bounced off the wall as he pushed her, and next thing either of them knew he had his gun drawn and pointed right at her face.

"Sam..." she said softly. "We both know that's not going to do anything to me."

"Shut up. Just shut up," he hissed. "I keep doing this, letting you get in, twist my head around."

"That's not what this is," she protested. "Look, you don't want to sleep together, fine. Not like it's the first time you've waffled on what you want. Excuse me for being a little confused."

"Waffled… yeah, because you're always there to be so damn helpful."

"Yeah, I am. If you'd just listen to me then I'd-"

"I said shut up! Don't… don't do that! Don't turn things around! You've lied to me before! Why should I believe you now?"

She looked hesitant at that before rolling her eyes.

"You told me you didn't want to do it, I didn't give you a drop. You changed your mind, I came back. Don't act like I'm yanking your collar, Sam. This has always been up to you and what you wanted."

"Well, I don't want it any more?"

"What, the blood or this?" she asked as she waved her hands over her petite frame.

He wished he could have answered that firmly, told her he didn't want either from her and that she needed to get lost. There was a hunger in his gut though, the memory of what it was like to go through withdrawals. It had been easier to stop the last time, when he'd promised Dean he would, but he'd had so much more since then and the need was a much more black and deep this time. It didn't mean he needed her though, not for that. He could get his blood elsewhere if he had to.

"We work together to find and kill Lilith, nothing else. You call me if you have information. Otherwise you stay off my radar," he demanded.

"We don't have time for this! How much longer do you think we have left! You want Lucifer walking free?!"

"No, but I don't need your blood to stop it."

She opened her mouth to argue further but he was already storming off, stuffing his gun into the back of his pants and letting his shirt and jacket to fall over it. Part of him expected her to follow after him. A bigger part of him even wanted her too, just to hurt her and prove how serious he was. It wasn't to be though, the demon letting him leave without incident. Maybe he'd actually convinced her or she was just allowing it for now.

He felt worried and paranoid, like something was just underneath of his skin and scratching at his very soul. Sam was a planner, liked to know what was going on so he could act accordingly. Right now he couldn't trust her. Hell, he barely felt like he could trust himself.

Making to her car in record time, he slid into the driver's seat and adjusted for his needed leg-space before peeling off down the road. There was only one person who helped when he felt that unsure of himself.

The door was locked when he reached his and Dean's room, not something that surprised him but that really pissed him off. Without a second's hesitation he shouldered it open roughly, not giving a damn about the splinters of wood from the now ruined door. He slammed it open and didn't even have to scan the room to see his brother up against the wall with his current girl down on her knees in front of him. They'd both jumped at the door crashing open and he could tell Dean had only been a second away from diving for a weapon before he saw who it was.

He certainly looked shocked, but not in a ready for a fight kind of way. The girl on the other hand was clearly about two seconds away from demanding what was going on.

"UNLESS YOU'RE THE CLEANING LADY, GET THE HELL OUT!" he demanded, all his hatred and anger for Ruby directed right at the stranger. Well, maybe not all of it. There was still a ball of jealousy rolling around in his stomach at the thought of someone else touching his brother and right now it was easy, oh so damn easy, to pour it all over her.

He apparently was just as good at scaring people as always because she scrambled up and tugged her shirt back into place, rushing for the door without a word. He only moved to let her pass and slammed it shut behind her. It wouldn't lock, but he didn't give a damn. He just wanted to ensure no one could look in on him and Dean, fully intending to have privacy for what he was about to do.

"Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?!" his brother demanded. "You couldn't have given me another half-hour?"

He ignored that and crossed the room in quick strides, slamming his hands on both sides of his brother. It's not like it would trap him, Dean too good at fighting to let something so simple keep him in place, but Sam only needed a minute.

"Dean, I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"I… what?" the older man asked, clearly floored by the words.

"I'm sorry," he repeated before sighing. "Look, I'm not angry at you, and I certainly don't feel used up or like a victim, or whatever else you've been telling yourself to beat yourself up with. I never should have let you think that, even for a second but it was so hard to… I couldn't talk about it because I didn't know what to say. How do I even start to explain?"

"I… uh… okay?" Dean stumbled vocally, looking for all the world like a fish who was gaping from lack of water. It would have been comical if this wasn't so serious.

"Dean, what we did together, how it made me feel… I'm not disgusted by it," he confessed. He needed to say this, to make it perfectly clear where he stood. Dean had stood by him for a lot more. Yeah, he'd made it clear if they weren't related then he'd be happy to hunt him down for Sam's abilities… but he didn't because they were related. Dean could never accept these bad things about him, found them wrong and awful, but would never leave him behind over it. Sam could always rely on his brother, even if it wasn't always easy. "It was the most fulfilled I've ever been. Without you it was just right. More than Jessica, more than Madison… and certainly a lot more than Ruby. I don't want to be without you, and that lying to you crap when we didn't know who we were was wrong. It was stupid. Every time I go behind your back I end up regretting it, and I never learn my lesson. I just… look, we don't have to do anything, I just don't want this to be what makes me lose you."

"Sam, I hurt you. The things I did-"

"If you hurt me then I hurt you too. We both did it," he replied, not harshly but firmly. "Dean, you didn't hold me down and force me."

"We both know that's only one way to-"

"Don't say that word. Don't even think it. That's not how it happened," he insisted. "I asked for you to touch me."

"You didn't remember who you were."

"Well, I do now," he reasoned.

"Sammy… Sammy, what are you saying?"

He took a deep breath before glancing down. His brother was out and exposed, only a little invested in what was going on between them. He wondered a bit if the lack of excitement had been going on with that lady playing with him earlier, if he hadn't been able to get into it then. Was that it or was Sam so close the reason?

"I want to kiss you right now," he confessed as he looked back at his brother, meeting his eyes. "I want to kiss you so bad I can't stand it, but I won't if you tell me not to. What we shared was mutual, and I liked it so much. It made me feel like I was right where I needed to be. You make me feel that so easily… but I want you to be able to feel that way with me too. If this isn't what helps you get that then I'll back off and it never comes up again."

Dean didn't answer, but it didn't seem like he was thinking it over, more like his poor brain had short-circuited. Sam supposed that was fair. It was a lot to process and he was dumping this on him out of nowhere. It might have gone a lot easier if they'd talked when Dean had first suggested it.

Refusing the conversation and then he was just begging for kisses when he got jealous with no time for Dean to recover from the whiplash of the sudden shift in mood. Damn, he really was a selfish jerk, wasn't he?

He risked a little less space between them, not pushing against his brother but resting against him. Stiff or no, he could feel the heat from his brother's nether region, even through his jeans. The sensation made his mouth water yet feel comforted at the same time. This was just what he wanted, but it was up to Dean and only Dean if he was allowed to have it or not.

"Please… please I need you," he panted softly, desire building inside of him but his self-control still stronger. He would not push or coerce, just make it clear to Dean where he stood on this matter. There couldn't be any doubt in the guy's mind about how guilty he should feel, that was to say none, about sharing this kind of pleasure with Sam.

"You need me?" Dean asked, as if he could scarcely believe those words, or maybe just what was going on.

"Yes, and more than just the sex," he promised him. "Dean, what I said in that office hasn't changed. What I feel is real, and no angel put it there. The angels tried to make it go away, but they couldn't. I know I needed you right then and there, and I won't walk away again."

He finally closed the gap, glad when their foreheads touched and Dean didn't make him back off. His eyes slid closed in relief, feeling safer now that he'd confessed. Maybe his brother would still say no, but he'd told the truth and Dean would no longer need to feel like a monster for what they'd both done.

"Sam, you're my baby brother," he said softly.

"I still want to be your brother, Dean," he assured him. "I just want to be this too. I can love you in more than one way, you know."

The confusion drained from Dean's eyes, leaving only shock in them. His mouth opened a bit but no words left him, only the soft pink of his tongue resting on on his bottom lip. Sam ached to taste it, to see if it was as warm and pleasantly wet as he remembered, but dared not move without express permission.

Slowly a ghost of a touch was on him, so soft he wasn't sure it was real at first before it became more firm on the small of his back. The touch burned him with uncertainty, unsure where it would lead before his brother finally said something.

"How do I know you really mean it?" he asked as he held him loosely, as if he were afraid Sam would just pull away and didn't want to risk keeping him in place against his will.

"I'll show you," he offered before he slowly sunk down to his knees, shameless in what he desired. Dean had almost always been on the receiving end, pliant under Sam Wesson's touch. Only that one time after he'd come back from his apartment had he'd felt Dean inside of him, and it had been rushed and washed over with regret of what he'd done before. There was none of that now, just an honest craving inside of him. His hand reached out and touched Dean right in the spot that he knew would make his toes curl, giddy at how fast he felt flesh react under his palm. "Gonna get you so hot… and then I want you to make me yours right on the floor, big brother."

It was a sure sign the words worked with how quickly Dean's body responded, or just what that meant. Maybe incest wasn't Dean's thing, who knew really? They'd have to discuss it later, but there was no denying at all that he liked to be seen as Sam's older brother who would give his sibling anything he needed.

And right now, Sam needed his brother more than anything, more than Ruby, more than killing Lilith, even more than the blood that fueled his powers.

"Say that again," Dean moaned happily.

"Want it, want my big brother inside of me so bad. Want you to love me the way I love you, Dean."

He wasn't much for soft and emotional, but he knew Dean was, and that was more than enough for him.

End of Chapter 19

Yeah, things are resolved! Well… I mean, kind of. Still other things to take care of, but the weird and bad feelings between the brothers are handled at the very least. Now it's time for the weird and good feelings! Tee hee.

Though honestly, this is probably kind of messy. I'm going to have to come back later and clean it up tomorrow. I just kind of needed this posted now.