This one was a lot of fun to write, though I've got to say I'm sorry that I didn't get to it sooner. Sadly I ended up getting a super bad cold, like laid me out for five days. Missed work and everything, just stayed in bed and groaned. So anyway, now that I'm fully recovered I'm so glad to be writing again and back on this.

Chapter 20: Let's Play Again

Never, ever in his entire life had Dean been worried or nervous about sex. Even right before his first time, when he'd never even touched a girl yet, had the thought occurred to him that he might have something to feel concerned over how well he could do. Growing up had been pretty good to him, decent looks and a fun disposition that could take him to all the right places, and hunting had left him in decent shape when it came to stamina and strength. His technique had never been a source of stress for him because he knew all the things he was good at, and sex was most definitely one of them.

But right now he was terrified. Well, maybe terrified was too strong of a word but it was a lot more than just worried. His whole body was tense, and he could feel sweat on his palms, and he was far from calm and even farther from confident. The sight of Sam on his knees in front of him was sending his brain into overdrive, but his body was reacting more than it had been the entire time he'd been with Nicki. While he hadn't exactly been getting excited very quickly making out with her, he'd still been having some physical reaction and had convinced her that it took him a while but he could last for hours. She'd seemed to like the challenge and had taken to it enthusiastically.

He blushed when Sam's hand experimentally wrapped around him, all too conscious of the traces and smears of lipstick still on his still wet skin. He felt guilty, but it was in equal measures of being with the girl instead of Sam, and being with Sam at all. Was he really going to allow this to happen? Did Sam really want this to happen?

Well, that was a pretty stupid question. His brother had made it unquestionably clear that he for sure, truly, no take backs had a desire for sex between them. Maybe even something else? When he'd said love… did that mean romantic?

"Oh… oh hell," he breathed out as Sam touched, biting his bottom lip as his large and calloused hand traveled over him. It was telling how much his own flesh was betraying him, getting so enthusiastic about all of this. Stupid memory altering angels. A mere month ago he never would have been in this situation and now the idea was… kind of hot.

There was no doubt in him how badly he needed Sam. You don't sell your soul for a person when you can stand to be without him. The idea of having to continue on when Sam had been dead and gone, to never see him again, to never watch him look over research again, to never share a case again… Hell had been the easy choice.

God, even knowing what Hell was like, what it had done to him, he'd make that choice every time. He'd do anything for his brother, and to have Sam come crashing in and telling him he needed him just as badly now? Just how was he even going to be able to resist that?

"You okay, Dean? You look like you're about to break something, you're so tense," Sam asked him. "Do you want to lay down?"

"No, I mean yeah… I don't know. This is just… I mean, it's us," he breathed out. "It's kind of a big deal."

To his surprise Sam actually laughed before pushing Dean's shirt up and bit and kissed his stomach, the action giving him a sensation very close to butterflies in there.

"It can be a bit weird. Not like anything in our life is normal, jerk," he teased.

"I… I don't think I can call you a bitch while your face is down there," Dean admitted. "Feels kind of like something a boyfriend shouldn't do."

"Oh, so we're boyfriends now?"

He narrowed his eyes at the clear teasing in his brother's voice, leaving him with the urge to hit him. Oh yeah, at least he knew this wasn't going to change their relationship.

"Look, either get to work or I get your pants off instead and show you how to actually do it."

Sam made a snort at that, as if Dean had a reason to doubt, but took the hint. Glancing down, he tried to keep his breathing even as their eyes met. Something in the room buzzed as his brother leaned forward without breaking eye contact, and indeed got to work. Hands pressed flat against the wall he was leaning against before burying into Sam's hair.

The whole thing was moist and heated, slow and methodical. Sam's experience with this was really none to be perfectly fair, and it was clear the man was aware of that, very deliberate in his actions. Before too long though it was like he began to lose patience with himself, speeding up and getting more urgent. His knees practically buckled as Sam began to get and act like a shameless pro.

"Fuck… oh fuck, Sammy," he breathed as his hands tangled up in the young man's hair. "Sammy, oh damn yes!"

"Think you calling me that is growing on me," his brother admitted as he looked up at him, his voice husky.

"Well, good to know," he breathed before swallowing the lump in his throat. "Stand up, will you?"

He pulled him up by his shoulder when it seemed like Sam would argue, intent to finish what he started. Dean wasn't going to be passive on this anymore. He'd been asked for a very simple thing, and he was going to deliver. If his brother wanted this then he was going to get it, Dean's way.

Cupping Sam's cheeks in his hands, he leaned up and kissed him, pushing his tongue into his mouth. He could taste the faint musk of himself, but he'd been with too many people to have never had that taste before and he didn't find it weird on Sam's mouth, even though a small part of him still felt he should.

It wasn't rushed, overflowing in passion, not yet anyway. This kiss was just soft, an exploration of each other, of the boundaries being crossed between the two of them. He could feel Sam against his body, firm and taunt, but attached to a guy who was as soft and gentle as a puppy when he wanted to be. His brother was so concerned with being seen as this nice guy, to never come off as too threatening, but Dean knew better. In hunting, and he supposed relations too too, he was wild and untamed but this time he was in charge and he wanted to show his brother something special.

"Uh… oh wow," Sam said softly when it ended, looking a little dazed.

"Too much?" he mocked with a grin.

"To think we almost didn't do this again," he groaned.

"Yeah, probably best thing the angels ever did for me, I gotta admit," he said as he began to pull Sam's clothes off for him.

"What about pulling you out of Hell?" Sam snorted once the shirt was yanked up over his head.

"I stand by statement," he said before he pushed his brother to the bed and jumped on top of him.

"Dude! A little warning next mmmph!"

Yeah, they'd talked enough. He cut off any argument with another kiss. If Sam wanted to bicker then they could make some kind of weird pillow talk out of it later. Besides, between the freedom of getting out of Hell and being alive again versus his brother honestly and openly needing Dean in his life?

How was that even a contest?

The mood seemed to change then as he kissed Sam again and again, his lips wandering over him and pulling at his clothing until he was completely bare. Just to ensure things were fair, Dean's soon followed afterward. Even though he could still vividly remember every single one of his times with Wesson, it felt like their first time all over again. It was in a way, and he wanted this to be perfect, to mean something. He wanted to show his brother every little trick he knew, to make him feel treasured and loved, but honestly he wasn't sure he would really be able to last that long. He was no slouch when it came to it, but the hopeful and wanton look in Sam's eyes was making it hard to do anything but be inside of him right that second.

"When you said love..." he said, feeling awkward. He really should just grab what they needed, shouldn't he? This wasn't what he did, not in these kinds of things, but it felt important to say. "Did you mean what I thought it meant?"

"Are you asking me because you want to hear it or because you want to know if it's safe to say to me?" Sam asked him, laying out on the hotel bed, his chest rising and falling in the dim light. It was a really, really good sight, just as nice as it had been before Dean had known they were related.

"I… I don't know," he admitted. Maybe starting to talk again wasn't the best idea. Physically he liked this, emotionally he liked it, but something inside of him still felt worried and a bit scared.

"Dean, I love you so much that I nearly lost my mind when you died, and that was back when this was just family to me," he breathed. "I wanted to trade for you, would have gone to Hell for you too. I know you feel that too and more now. It's okay if it doesn't have words for you just yet. I know it's there."

Damn, when had his annoying little brother gotten so mature and willing to share his feelings like this? Still, it did help him calm down. Okay, so maybe it was still kind of wrong what they were doing, but his habit of credit card fraud had more victims in that crime than this one, so what could it really hurt?

"You know what… I can work with that," he decided before playfully grabbing Sam and flipping him over. A muffled cry of protest was all his brother got out before a high pitched whine escaped him, but then again what other reaction could Sam have given as he was licked at? Dean was very proud of how talented his tongue and mouth was, and a healthy dose of completely lack of shame could get him pretty far in life. He couldn't fight the grin as he heard the pants and whimpers, how soft they were as if his brother was embarrassed of the noises he was making. He kind of wanted to make fun, but he was too busy to bother with it.

Dean should have taken his time for this but he was kind of eager himself to show his brother the affection he obviously needed. As he lapped at Sam, a finger caressed him slowly and gently.

"Oh god, you're not going to keep going at this slow pace," Sam snarled suddenly, knocking Dean out of the moment. He looked up and the man was gripping the pillow at his face so tight his knuckles were going white. "Come on. Hurry up!"

"You forgot the magic word," he teased, feeling his brother could stand to learn a bit of patience before Sam looked over his shoulder at him, his eyes wide and emotional.

"Please, Dean?" he whimpered.

He felt like he froze there so still that even his heart had stopped beating. Just the look from his brother shocked him how open and desperate he could be right now. Shakily, he glanced away before nodding mutely.

"O-okay," he replied softly. "Just uh… just give me a minute."

He had to leave the bed and rummage around in one of their bags before he found the lotion, not to mention take a deep breath and steady himself. When had his brother gotten so damn cute anyway? Okay, so Dean was used to the puppy eyes over getting his way on things concerning cases and where to eat, but this was a whole new level.

He was doomed, but damn it he was going to face his fate of having no willpower like a man.

Approaching the bed, he laid back down about half on top of Sam and half next to him, caressing his backside gently before allowing himself to really get to work. Only the hitch of breath showed Dean the action was an enjoyable one, and a quick kiss on the back of his neck rewarded Sam for being so patient. This had to be a lot to put up with, to be in such a vulnerable position.

"You doing okay?" he asked as he pushed up next to him.

"Peachy," Sam groaned out, shifting his hips a bit. Poor guy was making a mess of the blankets. This stuff was a good way to get just about any guy all revved up, and Dean had to wonder if any of the ladies had been with were adventurous enough to do such a thing with him.

Now probably wasn't an appropriate time to ask that though. Sam was sensitive enough about his failed relationships as it was without bringing up the sexual history while he was currently getting fingered by his older brother.

Kissing the slightly sweaty skin of his neck again, he nuzzled his throat and Sam shuddered underneath of him. The kid had shot up in puberty pretty fast, before long actually taller than his older brother. It had bugged Dean for ages but he'd slowly gotten used to it. Right now though, how vulnerable he looked, it was crazy to think of his younger brother as big. He seemed oddly small even, and it gave Dean a surge of protective feelings inside of him.

"Sammy, look at me."

Their eyes met and he knew he couldn't stop this now, wasn't going to. He'd be anything Sam needed, any time he asked for it. If this is what he needed to feel close to Dean, his own reservations be damned.

He kissed him, properly this time, their lips melding together gently and sweetly. It was almost like a first kiss in a way, a bit nervous though reassuring too. There was no tongue or teeth, no passionate need to devour each other, but it was deep and fulfilling all the same. Drawing away, Sam smiled a bit at him, looking all the world like the shy little twelve-year-old who'd asked Dean how he could tell when he liked a girl for the first time.

"I love you, Dean."

The air hung silent between them before he just shook his head and looked away.

"It's okay. You don't have to say it back."

"Sam, I-"

"Dean?" he cut off.

"Yeah?"

"You haven't moved your fingers in a while. It's getting kind of uncomfortable."

"Oh jeez! Damn, I'm sorry. Give me a second," he said before scooting back to his brother's backside and gripped his hips in both his hands. Okay, so he wasn't completely past the, 'I'm with a relative and it's oddly hot but also weird,' stage yet. He could work on that. Until then, they'd go at it like there was no tomorrow.

Which, knowing Dean's luck, soon there wouldn't be.

His hands moved up and down Sam's back, wanting to ease him into relaxing without giving him live commentary on what he was doing and when he was going to go inside. That would just ruin the mood that felt like it was hanging on by a thread at this point. He actually felt grateful for their memories as Wesson and Smith because otherwise he'd be mortified that his brother wouldn't know for sure he was good at it. His performance here hadn't been his worst, but if anyone deserved his best it was Sam of all people.

Their times before felt like some distant dream, far away and not quite real in comparison to this. It was like he couldn't remember who he'd been a month ago, a year ago, a lifetime ago. All he was in this moment was the guy who was making love to his most favorite person the world.

Apparently Sam was feeling pretty similar as they went at it.

"Yes, yes, Dean! Yes, like that!" he moaned out happily. "Oh god, right there! Love you! Love you so much!"

This had to have been what he'd been like with Jessica, when it had been hot sex but affection too, not just some one night stand he'd say bye to in the morning. This is what he could have had with Sarah if he'd been willing to make the move and stay, or with Madison if the poor girl hadn't died. It wasn't fair the world wouldn't allow his brother to have a relationship, wouldn't allow Sam to give all the affection he clearly wanted to if only he could keep someone special.

And for some reason, for some stupid reason Dean couldn't fathom, Sam had picked Dean. Sam had tentatively given him something precious that was already broken and cracked, with the clear message.

Please don't break this too.

Sam yelped in surprise when he suddenly got flipped onto his back, his brother slamming his hands down on either side of him. Dean could see the surprise in his expression, wondering why they'd separated, but he leaned in and kissed him before any questions could come out. Gently, he pulled Sam's legs around his waist and then buried his arms under and around his little brother to hug him.

"Wanna see you," he murmured as he kissed him, planting little soft kisses all along his face and neck. "Want to see you as we do this."

"Dean? What-"

He only cut him off with another kiss, gentle and as sweet as he could make it.

"Gonna take care of you," he promised. "Gonna take such good care of you, Sammy. Give you this any time you want it. Gonna make you feel so cherished and nice."

Sam's breathing hitched, actually blushing at the way he was suddenly getting pampered.

"You promise?" he asked softly, as if he was scared but hopeful at the same time.

"Promise," Dean reassured him. "My little brother needs me after all."

"I do need you. So much," he assured him, giving Dean a wave of possessiveness he wanted to just bask in."Need my big brother to take care of me."

That sentence shouldn't have sounded as hot as it did. It also really shouldn't have been what caused his control to break and left him the first to lose it. Burying his face into Sam's chest, he groaned in annoyance.

"Guys over six feet tall are not allowed to be this cute, Sammy!" he snapped at him, still hiding in his brother's chest. It was kind of embarrassing that he'd gone first, especially since Sam was currently laughing at him.

"You think I'm cute?" he asked mockingly.

"Shut up."

"You think your baby brother is cute?"

"No, I find him to be an annoying little bitch."

"But a cute, annoying little bitch."

At that Dean grabbed a pillow and hit Sam in the face with it, not hard, just to get him to stop laughing at him. He'd planned a dignified and angry walk to the shower after that to get cleaned up, leaving Sam to finish himself off before a pillow flew across the room and hit in him in the back of the head. Murderous, he turned and glared at his brother.

"Oh, it's on now!"

About an hour later with the bed a mess, the pillows of the cheap hotel room completely destroyed, and a furious fight in the shower where they both argued over who should get the soap and shampoo first which had been very interesting as they'd both been naked and soaked at the time, Dean was actually feeling kind of good.

Alright, so he wasn't entirely over his incest panic just yet. Caught in the moment it had been easier, but he'd meant what he said before. If this is what Sam needed, he could be that for him. Well… it wouldn't be true to say it was a sacrifice on his part either. It had been nice, really nice if he had to admit it. Sam was still Sam, though apparently this kind of thing had made him a bit more honest. It was probably a good idea for them to actually sit down and talk some stuff out, but that could wait.

Sam snoozing in the clean bed, Dean reached out and brushed his hair aside and allowed himself to smile a bit. He never thought this is where he would have ended up with his brother, but he liked it a whole lot more than them arguing and being mad at each other all the time.

He was just about to settle down and get some sleep, wondering if he could share a bed with Sam or if he was stuck with the one all covered in their activities when he saw Sam's phone vibrate. Curious, he picked it up to check the message it had just received.

"Well, since you decided to be a pain in the ass tonight, I just got back to work. Got a lead on some demon activity. You're welcome, Sam. Don't say I never gave you anything."

End of Chapter 20

Not really a plot chapter so much as just, well sex, but it was fun. Well, bit of a cliffhanger bit at the end, just a little.

Mostly I wanted to balance the sexy times of Sam and Dean and still have them be, well brothers. I've found in a lot of stories they seem to go one way or the other of acting like boyfriends or seeming completely platonic despite screwing. Not to say there's anything wrong with either interpretation of course, but I wanted to try my hand and having a mix of both. I hope it came out alright.

And of course, Dean's gay panic will never not be a thing, even in stories where he's already fine with it. As always though, this was the cut down version to make it appropriate for this site. Check out Ao3 for the full version.