That late at night, Esdeath was resting comfortably right next to Wade Wilson in her bed. They were both naked under the sheets and had just finished…
"Whoa, whoa, hold up!"
Huh? What is it, Deadpool?
"Yes, Epiclot214. Now, I like a good naked lady as much as the next guy, but did you just skip the Jaegers killing those bandits?"
Well, I figured there was no point since the readers already knew what they could do.
"But Kurome has the Soul Stone now. Wouldn't that make her extra powerful?"
I'm not arguing this with you.
"Fine. Then let's poll the audience. Hey, readers, do you think it'd be better if…"
Deadpool! By the time they read what you have to say, it'll be too late. This chapter will already be posted.
"And who's fault will that be?"
You know what? Just for that, you don't get to experience another round of sex with Esdeath. Let's move onto the next day.
"What? Wait, let's be reasonable…"
"Oh, you cheap fu…"
The next day, Deadpool sat with Wave and Kurome in the meeting room. Esdeath walked in in a mighty entrance.
"Listen up, you three. We're heading to Famo for some hunting. Since this is a place for bandits, it's best if we split off into teams of two."
"Do you really need a hunting partner?" Deadpool asked. "You're so badass, you can take out all the bandits in the world by yourself."
Esdeath blushed happily. "Thanks, Wade, but this will be more than just a hunt. This will be a chance for us to get to know each other. Kurome, you'll come with me. I've yet to see what you're capable of. As your general, this is a good opportunity to see your skills firsthand. Wave, you go with Deadpool. We'll switch partners at nightfall."
"So I get the sword girl?" Deadpool asked.
"Of course not." Esdeath said. "You'll come with me."
"That's what she said."
Later that day, Deadpool and Wave walked along the trail of a large mountain. Wave was already getting annoyed by his partner.
"In the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight." Deadpool sang. "In the village, the quiet village, the lion sleeps tonight. Oh, weeeee…"
"STOP SINGING!" Wave shouted. "Honestly, I don't know what the general sees in you! Your annoying! You're irritating! And on top of that, you've got scars literally covering your body!"
"That must be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Deadpool said sounding like he was shedding a tear. "I feel a special bond we have, one that is shared between two men like us. Can you feel it, Wavester?"
Wave groaned. "I've never had trouble like this in the Navy."
"Hold up." Deadpool said. "Your name is Wave, and you're from the Navy?"
"Yeah."
"Wow. Did your parents have foresight or what?"
Wave groaned again. "Do you ever shut up?"
"Not when I'm awake. Then again, Esdeath did tell me that I talk in my sleep. After that, she and I…"
"I KNOW WHAT YOU DO!" Wave shouted. "THAT'S ALL YOU'VE BEEN SAYING SINCE WE LEFT THE CITY!"
Before another word could be said, several monsters sprouted from the rocky ground around Deadpool and Wave. These monsters were made of bark and had monstrous faces on their tree trunks.
"And I thought I had a large piece of wood. Hehe." Deadpool said.
"Shut up and focus." Wave said pulling out his sword. "They don't appear to be strong, but they've got us outnumbered."
"We can handle these overgrown splinters." Deadpool said. "Let's chop them into firewood. It'll be an epic read… unless that jerkface author decides to…
After the fight was done…
"Jerkface."
Wave took a breath to look at the monster parts he and Deadpool scattered all over the path. He smiled as he sheathed his sword.
"Well, Deadpool, as annoying as you are, I guess you're not that bad of a partner." Wave said. "I suppose my first impression of you was… wrong?" He noticed that around him, Deadpool was nowhere to be found. There wasn't any sound from him either.
"Where'd he go?" Wave asked beginning to panic. "Oh, man. If I don't find Deadpool soon, Esdeath is going to torture me to death!" He unsheathed his sword and looked at it. "Guess I have no choice. Grand Chariot!"
While Wave was finishing off the tree monsters, Deadpool equipped the Incursio armor and made his escape. He cloaked himself as he slid down the mountain.
"I just ran off after a one-night stand with an OP military general." Deadpool said. "Guess that's one thing to cross off my bucket list."
"YOU!"
"Que?" Deadpool asked in a Spanish accent looking up. "MAMA MIA!"
He dodged out of the way as Wave came crashing down. Although, instead of his usual navy uniform, Wave was equipped with a black suit of full body armor.
"Isn't this interesting?" Wave asked from inside the armor. "I went looking for a loudmouth, but instead, I come across you. I know who you are. You're a member of Night Raid. I could tell by the Incursio armor you wear. But you should know that, that is only a prototype for this armor, Grand Chariot! I'll take care of you and then continue to find my comrade."
Deadpool was stunned. He knew he couldn't say anything or else he'd expose himself. The Merc with the Mouth trembled in fear as…
"HOLD IT! STOP THE CLOCK!"
Again? Deadpool, that's the second time this chapter you've interrupted me.
"'Trembled in fear'. Do you not know me?"
I was trying to add atmosphere.
"The readers don't care about atmosphere. They just want to read about me kicking Wave's butt while making wisecracks."
That's a problem for you, you know. Wave has to survive and tell Esdeath. And she's not supposed to know you're with Night Raid yet.
"But I'm Deadpool. I'm the Merc with the Mouth, like you said. They need me to make jokes at Wave's expense."
You're making this a lot more complicated than it has to be, Wilson.
"*sighs* Look, can't you just skip this battle and cutaway to when I return to Night Raid?"
What about the fight?
"Do you want a problem with the plot or not?"
Fine! But if you interrupt me again, I will write you wearing a pink tutu.
"Joke's on you. I welcome it."
After the fight, Deadpool finds himself back at the front of Night Raid headquarters. There, everyone ran out to welcome him back.
"About time you showed up." Lubbock said.
"We were just about ready to wage war on the capital." Supia said.
"At least you're back." Mine said. "Not that I care anyway."
"Mine's been beside herself wondering where you were." Leone whispered.
"I HAVE NOT!"
"Awww." Deadpool said. "It's nice to be greeted back by all the cute ladies."
"What about me?" Lubbock asked.
"Like I said." Deadpool said.
Akame approached Deadpool and gave him a quick peck on the cheek surprising everyone. "Glad you made it back."
"STOP IT! I'M REALLY SORRY!" Wave begged. He was forced to kneel down with five blocks of stone on top of his bent legs. Esdeath watched from above with utter disappointment in her eyes. He was also getting burned by hot candle wax by Kurome from behind.
"It's clear that I overestimated you, Wave." Esdeath said. "I've sent Stylish to find Deadpool and clean up your mess."
"But I'm really sorry!" Wave sobbed. "I don't know what happened! It all happened so fast!"
Esdeath sighed. "You'll have the chance to make it up after tonight's punishment."
"What?" Wave asked. "I thought this was the punishment."
"Oh, no. This is the punishment for losing a member of Night Raid." Esdeath said. She then gave a murderous glare that scared the soul out of Wave. "The punishment for losing Deadpool will be much, much worse."
"And that's the whole story." Deadpool said to everyone in the meeting room.
"You know, Wade," Lubbock said, "I don't think it's really necessary to recite that whole song about the sleeping lion when you told the story."
"It's important to me, greenie." Deadpool.
"I didn't think Kurome would be mixed up in this." Akame said.
"You know her?" Deadpool asked. "Is she your ex? Your bestie? Your rock opera?"
"She's my sister." Akame said. "After I broke away from the empire, she chose to stay behind. To this day, she sees me as a traitor and has vowed to kill me. And you say she's in possession of an Infinity Stone?"
"Oh, yeah. The Soul Stone." Deadpool said. "Capable of manipulating emotions, lives, and has its own pocket dimension. It's where I kept my best chimichangas."
Akame frowned. "Combined with her Imperial Arms, that's far from good."
"What does her Imperial Arms do?" Supia asked.
"Her sword, Yatsufusa. Whoever she cuts with it becomes her personal zombie army as strong as they were when they were alive. The only drawback is that it can only control eight people at a time."
"I guess that's one way to make a zombie movie." Deadpool stated.
"If the Mind Stone made that mind-reading headband more powerful, I bet it'll make her zombie sword stronger too." Leone said.
"That's what I'm worried about." Akame said.
"Well, that's a problem for another day." Deadpool said. "Right now, I say we rest."
"They better not be resting." Dr. Stylish said as he was about to exit the woods. He had with him a group of deformed people that looked like they were experimented on. By his side, he had three special people. One was a large man with big eyes. The other wass a dirty man with a big nose. Lastly was a small girl with big ears.
"He's just this way." The man with the nose said.
"Excellent, Nose. Eyes, do you see anything?" Dr. Stylish said.
"Yes, doctor. The Night Raid headquarters is just one kilometer away."
"Perfect. Ears, what about you?"
"I hear a machine humming, but it sounds small."
"Must be a low-grade trap. No matter. That idiot Deadpool might have fooled everyone else, but I'm too stylish to fall for that."
"Shall we attack now, doctor?" Nose asked.
"Of course, while we have the element of surprise." Dr. Stylish said. "All right, everyone, listen up! The scavenger hunt will proceed as follows! Night Raid assassins are worth five points. Imperial Arms, ten. Night Raid leader, fifty. And if you find that loudmouth, stupid, un-stylish buffoon in red… you win. Well, off you go!"
"YES, DOCTOR!"
BOOM!
Much to Stylish's surprise, a beam of light escaped the trees and made impact with Nose. It quickly absorbed into him and he burst into chunks of blood and organs. Dr. Stylish jumped back in response to it and every one of his minions froze. They gazed up at the large man who killed their comrade.
This man stood bigger than Eyes and carried a large, futuristic gun. One of his eyes and his left arm were mechanical and robotic. He cocked his gun as he approached the villains.
"So… how many points was he?"
Author's Note: That's right! Cable's here! I've been brainstorming his debut for months and I'm glad I finally got around to it.
Sorry if this seemed a bit rush, especially with Deadpool's arguments with me, but I had a hard time trying to figure this chapter out. At least I made it.
Any and all comments are welcome.