Disclaimer: I don't own Trailer Park Boys or The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
After a long time of reading fanfics on this site I'm going to finally at last write my first one now. This story will be not just a crossover between my favourite show and one of the favourite video games but a novelisation where the events of both take place in an alternate universe. Most of the fanfic is physically set in Skyrim and much of the TPB events/characters are somewhat changed to fit the Elder scrolls universe though they remain mostly the same. If there is anything to improve at all please let me know.
Now let the story begin.
Unbound Quest Part 1
The wooden wagon trotted down the blended roads that led to the village Helgen all the while shaking the individuals in its compartment. The leather armoured wearing soldiers maintaining a close full watch of their prisoners who sat shackled behind them. Most of the prisoners were of a Nord variety but there was a pair of unconscious individuals who stood out from the rest. There was a Nord with sideburns and a rockabilly haircut, his name was Ricky, the second a muscular Breton with jet black hair and a goatee, his name was Julian, the third and final individual of the pair was Bubbles. Bubbles was an Imperial with short chestnut hair and wore giant bottled eyed glasses. The triumvirate began to awaken as the wagon traveled over some rocks on the road. The first one to wake was Julian, shortly after awakening Julian turned to Bubbles shaking the Imperials shoulder in order to wake him up.
"Bubs, Bubs wake the fuck up" Julian said.
Bubbles eyes opened and he stood up looking confused, "Julian what in the fuck is going on" said Bubbles.
"Well considering the fact that we're in these fucking handcuffs it's probably our last day on earth" said Julian.
"You mean we're up shit creek" Bubbles said in utter terror.
"With no way out, yeah" Julian said.
This was too much for Bubbles, "by Akatosh we are so fucked boys" Bubbles said utterly panicking.
"This is all your god damn fault Julian!" Bubbles yelled.
"My fucking fault!" Julian yelled back with equaled ferocity.
"If you hadn't forced me to steal from that asshole blacksmiths house we wouldn't have been driven out of town and ran straight into that bullshit ambush!" Bubbles responded.
"Well if your fucking invisibility spells worked you wouldn't have even been caught in the first place!" Julian added.
"Oh I'm sorry Julian did I not tell you about 100 times that I don't even know how to do the fucking spell" Bubbles said.
"Quiet back there or we'll gag you like Ulfric" one of the guards up front shouted.
One of the prisoners, a blond haired Nord made a retort towards the guards previous comment. "Watch your tongue Imperial bastard you're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak the true high king of Skyrim!".
"Holy shit Julian did you just fuck'n hear what the guy just said, we're in a wagon with Ulfric frickin Stormcloak" Bubbles said.
"Yea Bubs I heard" Julian said all the while staring at the leader of the Stormcloak rebellion with suspicion.
"Well it appears we've been mistaken as members of a fuck'n terrorist organisation if we weren't off to the fucking afterlife before we definitely are now!" Bubbles shouted.
"Be quiet I said!" the guard yelled, "I'm beginning to like your Nord friend a lot more now".
This reminded the boys that Ricky had not woken up yet, then again he might still have been still been out from the amount of booze he had been taking before their capture. Bubbles went over to Ricky shaking his shoulders to wake up the Nord.
"Ricky, Ricky wake the fuck up now" Bubbles said.
Ricky straightened up from his prior hunched position. "Holy shit boys am I ever so fucked up right now" said Ricky whilst rubbing his head, "boys where the fuck are we".
"Well Ricky to put it simply we're off to be fucking executed because these Imperial soldiers think we're associated with the Stormcloaks" said Bubbles.
"So what you're telling me is those dicks in the front of the wagon think we're part of the Stormblokes or something" said Ricky.
"Yes Ricky that would be it" replied Bubbles while inwardly sighing that his friend had yet again screwed up another word.
"Well fuck that Bubs I'm not gonna end up dead because of a stupid reason like that" Ricky replied before turning his head to the front of the wagon "hey assholes hey fuckheads we had nothing to do with these guys just let us go!".
"Rick, Rick what the fuck are you doing" Julian said in a paranoid agitated tone.
One the guards turned to face the pair with an absolute murderous look on his face, "I hear one more word come out of your mouths I will cut your tongues out do you understand" said the guard.
"Alright, alright chill out you fucking dick" Ricky replied as the guard turned to face the front.
"Nice going Ricky" Julian said in a sarcastic tone.
"Oh fuck off Julian at least I tried to get us out of this situation" Ricky replied.
"Boys boys can we not fight right now we need to find a way to get out of this situation" Bubbles said with worry as the village of Helgen came into sight in the distance.
As the wagon passed through the main gate of Helgen the trio began to become more and more nervous. Most of the citizens of the village went back into their homes as the cart passed by. Eventually after a short amount of time had passed the cart had stopped in the centre of the village. The guards got off the cart to greet the two soldiers standing near the transport, an armoured clad Nordic man and a well armoured Redguard woman. Surrounding the two were a group of soldiers and archers.
"Line them up!" yelled the Redguard in an commanding tone.
"No you made a mistake we're not rebels, tell them it's a mistake!" yelled one of the Nords who was in complete panic mode.
"Well best not keep the gods waiting now" said a bearded Nord as the trio began to hop out of the cart, as you would expect this line did not help the threes nerves in any way as they began to line up with the rest of the prisoners. As they began to ask each prisoner for their names the pair began to whisper amongst themselves desperate for a way to escape.
"Boys we gotta make a break for it" said Ricky.
"How Rick they got us surrounded by those dicks" said Julian.
"Well we could get Bubbles to distract them with his magic shit and then-".
"You made a mistake we're not rebel's!" Yelled the Nord from earlier before he began to break into a run as if the world was ending.
"Halt!" Shouted the Redguard, "archers!".
Upon her command every archer shot arrows at rapid fire pace at the prisoner killing him within 3 seconds.
"Oh my fuck" Bubbles mouthed horrified as he and the boys stood staring on in horror at the sight before them.
"Anyone else feel like running" said the Redguard smiling sadistically at the rest of the prisoners.
"Wait you three to the front!" said the Nord.
The trio walked up to the soldier so utterly terrified at what was going to happen next that Bubbles was shaking in fear.
The Nord looked at the three somewhat puzzled, "who are you?" He asked.
"I'm Julian and this is Ricky and Bubbles" said Julian.
"According to statements taken from the soldiers you three were apart of an ambush that occurred on our border and- ".
"Excuse me if I may but we had nothing to do with that fuck'n thing, we were just walking by minding our business when by complete accident we ended up in that bullshit" replied Bubbles.
"It says here that you three rushed into the field of vision of the soldiers" said the Nord.
"To tell you the truth man we were running away from a band of bandits that were trying to kill us in the middle of the woods when we walked right into that god damn ambush it's all just a complete misunderstanding" lied Ricky using a half truth.
"Alright alright I believe you" said the fooled Nordic soldier, the soldier turned to his superior officer.
"What should we do captain they're not on the list" the soldier said to the Redguard.
"Forget the list they go straight to the block" replied the Redguard.
The jaws of the boys fell, "you got to be fucking me" Ricky said.
"By your orders captain" said the Nord in a obedient tone, he then turned to look at the boys with a concerned look. "I'm sorry boys at least you'll be dying alongside fellow brothers" said the Nord.
"Ain't that a comforting thought boys" said Bubbles in a trembling tone as his upper lip quivered uncontrollably as they were moved to the execution block.
As the boys were being lined up a priest was reciting a prayer until being rudely interrupted by one of the Nords who was then taken to to chopping block. The boys were too busy being distracted by the the first execution that they didn't notice that Imperial Legion general Tullius was speaking to the gagged Ulfric Stormcloak.
"You started this war plunged Skyrim into chaos and now the empire is going to cut you down restoring the peace" Tullius smugly told Ulfric while the latter looked at him with hatred.
"Hey Bubs Bubs do you have any hash on you?" asked Ricky.
"Are you fucking kidding me Ricky we're about to get our heads cut off and all you fuck'n care about is getting high right now" Bubbles said irritated.
"Bubs if I'm going to die right now I might as well die stoned" Ricky replied.
Before Ricky could further the conversation a roar that sounded like it came from a certain distance was heard.
"Boys what the fuck was that" Julian said.
Ricky merely responded with a simple shrug, as they spoke the Nord prisoner was beheaded before their eyes causing Bubbles to faint.
"Thee Nord next!" Shouted the Redguard, this of course meant to that Ricky was next for the execution.
"To the block prisoner" said the Nord soldier as he walked Ricky up to the chopping block which was placed behind a basketful of heads, the soldier then laid his head down on the block.
"Goodbye brother" Julian said in a grim tone as he watched as the executioner ready his axe.
As Ricky laid his head on the block he felt sad that he was going to die without being stoned but at least he would be reunited with his long dead mother and soon after hopefully his best friends in Sovengarde. He watched as the executioner raised his axe high in the air as he steadied himself preparing for the axe to fall on his head. As Ricky craned his head to look at the executioner one last time he looked up to see something he would never forget in his lifetime.
"Dragon!" Yelled one of the soldiers as a huge flying reptilian beast landed on the tower with the impact of an earthquake sending stones flying off in many different directions, it was a dragon. The dragon let out a powerful blast from its maw decimating the walls nearby, the soldiers attempted to kill the monster but were blasted away by the sonic shouts. Seeing that the opportune moment had come Julian ran up to Ricky pulling him up by his rags.
"Ricky nows our chance we need to get the fuck out of here" said Julian.
As soon as Ricky was propped up Julian fled to one of the undamaged buildings. Ricky looked around frantically to find Bubbles, he found him three seconds later regaining consciousness.
"What in the flying fuck is going on right now!"Bubbles shouted his eyes wide open at the chaos surrounding him.
"We'll tell you later Bubbles now we gotta go this place is going to shit" said Ricky as he and Bubbles bolted towards Julian's location. They managed to meet inside the tower that Julian discovered, escaping the chaos and death outside.
"Alright boys now that we're safe here for the meantime we need find a way to get out of this village before that fucking dragon outside kills us" said Julian.
"Dragon?, Julian are you teasing me or something because you know as well as I do that those cocksuckers have been extinct for millions of years" said Bubbles in a completely confused tone.
"Really Bubbles then what the fuck is that thing flying around blasting shit out there" said Ricky.
"Who fucking cares if their extinct or not we gotta get the fuck out of here" said Julian.
"Well then Julian tell us what's the fucking plan you've cooked up" said Bubbles.
"Well first things first we need you to use your magic to get these binds off and then we'll try to find-" said Julian.
"Uh Julian we may have a little problem with that seeing as I can't cast spells with my hands tied like this" said Bubbles in awkward tone.
"What why?" Julian asked in an irritated tone, just before Bubbles was about to answer the dragon head butted the wall behind them causing it to shatter and collapse.
"Run for the fucking hills boys!" Ricky yelled as they bolted out of the tower just barely avoiding the torrent of fire aimed in their directions.
The boys hightailed it to the side of a crumbling building, unfortunately for them the dragon was following behind them. As it prepared to blast another shout at the three the soldiers began to fire their arrows at the beast distracting it allowing the trio to escape.
"You three over here!" said a familiar voice, they turned to around to see the Nord soldier who they had met earlier standing by the door of the Helgen Keep. Julian and Bubbles started for the entrance but were interrupted by Ricky.
"Why the fuck should we trust him Julian didn't he and his fucked up friends almost have us killed" said Ricky.
"Ricky we have no choice do you want to stay out here and get burnt to a fuck'n crisp" said Julian.
"Fine but if we wind up getting killed this is all your fault" Ricky replied with an irritated tone, the three ran to the inside of the keep slamming the door shut behind them.
To Be Continued
Hope you enjoyed the first chapter and that it was great start to what will be quite an amazing story.