A/N: Chapter takes place from September 17th - 19th, 2009. We're back to Draco's POV.
TW: Biphobia
TW: Discussions of Anorexia / Negative Thought Processes
CW: Coarse Sexual Language
"The same thing has been going through my mind for weeks."
Penelope tapped her quill against the parchment and asked, "What is it?"
"I know she will say yes, but what if she doesn't?"
"Have you asked her?"
Draco nodded.
"What did she say?"
"Yes."
"Then I think you have your answer."
"But what if she doesn't?"
"Do you believe Hermione is a liar?"
"No, but—"
"Then you have your answer."
Draco huffed and ran one hand through his hair.
"I just … We've been doing this for two-and-a-half years, now. I thought I would be better. I thought I would be able to look at food and think, 'This is fine.' But every time I am within three metres of a slice of cake my mind cannot think of anything else. I want to eat it to prove to myself that I am not struggling anymore, that I can eat whatever the hell I choose and not feel bad about it. But I would feel bad about it. I haven't earned it, so I would eat one piece then another then another then go to find a bathroom to retch it all into the toilet. I know that is what I would do, so I'm not really better, am I?"
"Of course you are better." Penelope insisted, "'Better' and 'recovered' are not the same."
"Then how long will this take?" Draco shouted back. "I look at things and have the sudden, overwhelming urge to be thin. There is still so much hurt and sadness inside of me that has nowhere to go. It would be so much easier to keep starving myself so there is less room for it to exist. If not, will I be here another two and a half years? Five more? Ten? You cannot hold my hand through the rest of my life, Penelope! I have a woman I love and want to make a life with. Two days from now I will ask her to marry me and, in all likelihood, she will say yes. But every bloody Thursday I will be here because I am not man enough to process what is happening to me on my own."
"Hmm …" Penelope sighed heavily and asked, "May I tell you what I heard just now?"
Draco nodded.
"You say you are not 'man enough' to process things on your own. Your struggle with being a man stems from your father's version of being 'man enough' to carry on the Malfoy line. Is it wrong for me to see his influence in this?"
"Penelope, I have his face! He influences everything—"
"Your father influences the way other people see you, Draco, but it is your choice to allow him to influence how you see yourself."
"But—"
"Again, Draco, what I hear you saying is that you are afraid Hermione will say no because she, like everyone else, will look at you and see your father."
Ouch.
Draco pulled the ring box from his jacket pocket and spun it between his fingers.
"Hermione is brilliant, but there are moments when she misses the obvious. She did not bother to ask why I wore a jacket on such a warm day. I wore the jacket because when she kisses me, sometimes she puts her hands in the pockets of my trousers." Draco chuckled. "Bloody tease is what she is. Cassis told me Hermione ransacked our room on Tuesday, looking for this. Fortunately, I'd moved it to my father's study. Figured she wasn't likely to go looking for it there."
Penelope was irritatingly silent.
"Am I doing the proper thing?"
"I don't know what you mean?"
"Am I rushing into this?"
"Draco, your mother gave you that ring more than four months ago."
"But—"
"Hermione told you that she would say yes to a proposal more than eight months ago."
"Of course, but—"
"Every week, you come in here mentioning that Hermione is fretting about because you haven't asked her to marry you. At this point, I would say the proper thing is whatever you feel to be proper. September 19th means something important to you, does it not?"
Draco nodded.
"Then it will mean something to Hermione, as well. She will understand why you waited, and if everything you have told me is true, she will say yes. My question for you is, what are you truly worried about?"
"It all seems too good." Draco slid lower in the chair and admitted, "I love her and she loves me, and she will say yes. We will get married. We might have a child together. We have a family together already. Something must go wrong, yes? Nothing in my life has gone so right. I do not deserve for things to go this right."
"That is why you are still here, Draco. You eat food, but you do not believe you deserve what you have. I am not here to tell you how to live your life, you are coming to these appointments because you need help seeing yourself as you are. That is why you came to me when you started, and we aren't done. This has never been about food, and the reason you will not stop coming is that you won't put all of this on Hermione Granger. Even as your wife, she is not your therapist. You use what we discuss in here to become better for yourself, to be better for her and the rest of your family."
"I suppose you are correct."
"I am correct."
"Right."
"Now, the true question is, are you ready for what your future looks like two days from now?"
Draco nodded.
"I want it so badly."
"Good, then. All you have to do is remember that you deserve this, Draco. You are worth it."
.oOo.
Draco couldn't be with Hermione on Friday. He couldn't do it. He knew himself well enough to know he would pull the ring out of his pocket and ruin everything he planned. Merlin knew he didn't just want to be engaged to Hermione, he wanted to be married already.
He took Potter out to lunch for no reason.
Well, there was one reason.
The moment they sat down at the table, Draco blurted out, "I plan to ask Hermione to marry me tomorrow."
"Good." Potter nodded and picked up the menu. "It's about time."
"I've got it all planned, a bit worried I will muck up my speech, but—"
"If I'm being honest, I know Hermione better than anyone. I will be shocked if she lets you get all the words out. She's been asking everyone why you haven't proposed."
"Because Weasley did it so horribly the first time," scoffed Draco. "Doing it in front of everyone without asking her first? No, a proposal is meant to encapsulate your relationship. Hermione and I have been through so much together, it needs to reassure her I understand how difficult the future will be for us. She needs to understand I see her exactly as she is, and everything in our relationship will be done on equal footing."
"Great." Potter shrugged. "She will say yes to anything. You could pull out a ring and she would say yes, no words required. Hermione is my best friend and I am happy for her. I'm ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, by the way."
"Go for it. Order two if you want, I just needed to hear everything you said. Part of me doesn't believe she will say yes, because how could she? I am me, she is her, and she could do so much better."
"Not really, it's been hard for anyone to put up with her ambition. She is the sort of person who will go full-on at anything and stop immediately. Hermione is not a middle-ground woman. That is why Ron gave up, not because he was head-over-heels for Alicia. They did love each other for a bit, but it could never work without Hermione walking all over everything Ron wanted for his life. You won't let Hermione trample you, and when you ended things with her the first time you proved that. Hermione needs someone like you, strange as it is to say."
"What about you, then?" asked Draco. "Did you ever think about snogging Hermione, or asking her out?"
Potter scrunched up his nose and shook his head.
"God, no. Have you ever thought about snogging Theo?"
"Ugh, he is my brother. Of course not."
"Exactly."
Harry Potter was shockingly easy to talk to. Funny, even, if you caught him on the right day. Draco was happy to know that Potter would be an extended part of his family. The meal was excellent, and by the time they were done, Draco had downed three full glasses of wine. Potter guessed,
"Nervous?"
"Extremely."
"There is something I have been meaning to speak to you about."
"And you waited until I'm half-drunk to do it?"
"No, um, it's only that it is difficult to speak about. I'm still learning."
"Go on, then."
"Right, I came out to Gin so many months ago and it felt good. To know she accepted it even before I did? I could not have asked for anything better. I told Ron a few months ago and he …" Potter twirled his glass around on the table. "He said some things he didn't mean."
"In my experience, Potter, if someone says those things to your face then they mean what they say."
"I don't think—"
"When it comes to people like you and me, Weasley is a tosser who, I imagine, told you that you must be wrong because his sister would never marry a whore like Draco Malfoy."
Potter's cheeks turned bright red, not that Draco needed the confirmation.
"I get it. Part of me doesn't even blame him; how can you understand something if you don't have any information about it? Before me, bisexuality was only spoken about in whispers, usually in the dark corners of nightclubs or the unmentionable bit of Knockturn Alley. I never asked to become the spokesperson for it, all I did was choose to be open about who I am. People don't understand what it is because they only like one sex. They simply cannot understand why someone could look at both men and women and think, 'I could fall in love.'"
Potter said, "I don't understand why there is a difference. That should have been my first clue, I think."
"A clue should not be required. It should be obvious, and the only reason it is not is that most people do not know it is an option."
"That is what I want to talk to you about. I want to tell Hermione, and after that I think I should go public."
Draco frowned.
"Why the bloody hell would you want to do that?"
"Like you said, people don't understand it is an option. If I—"
"Listen to me, right now," Draco insisted, "that would be the stupidest thing you've ever done. Don't."
"But—"
"This doesn't just affect you, it impacts your entire family. It doesn't matter that you saved the bloody world, they will turn on your quicker than you can even imagine. It will be as if you said the Dark Lord has come back from the dead … again."
"That might have been your experience, but maybe it won't be the same for me."
"Because you're married, Potter?" Draco spat. "Or because you are not me?"
"Both, obviously."
"The day after I was acquitted, I ran into a bloke who told me that since I 'like both cock and cunt' I must have slept with the entire Wizengamot and that is how I 'got off.'"
"That is you, though."
"It doesn't matter!" shouted Draco. "It does not matter that you are Harry bloody Potter and you died saving the world. The moment you say you are bisexual, the world ceases to think of you as a person and considers you to be little more than your dick. They ask ridiculous questions like, 'Can you even be monogamous? Should Ginevra be concerned you will cheat on her?' Even though they never thought about you cheating on her before. Or, my personal favourite, 'I don't believe in bisexuality.' Fantastic. I don't believe Muggles have been to the moon, but that doesn't matter because they have."
"That is what Ron said." Potter sighed. "He said, 'If bisexuality is real, why haven't I met a bi person before?'"
"And that is your best mate. If he reacts like that, what do you believe the rest of the world will think?"
Potter hung his head, disappointed.
"I thought it would make things better for people."
"It would!" Draco said, "It would make things better. The problem is that before things get better, they will get worse. If I could do it over again, I would still come out when I did. I never lied to myself about who I am. You have a wife and kids you love, Potter, and they know. Does it matter who else does?"
"I want Hermione to know."
"Good! You should tell her. I asked her about it once, why it never bothered her that I have been with men. She said, 'You look at Viktor Krum the same way I do. Why would I judge you for wanting to have sex with him when I can personally attest to it being a very good time?'"
"That sounds like something she would say."
"You tell the people you trust. Anyone else …" Draco shrugged. "I cannot tell you how much I would love not to be out here alone, but I would never tell you to come out publicly. It hurts, Potter, more than anything. You've never even kissed a man before, why would you want to ruin your life like this?"
"Because it wasn't just Cedric. It was Viktor Krum and a few of the Beauxbatons boys. Don't get me wrong, I love Gin more than anybody, but part of me wishes I had those experiences. I wish I had snogged boys and, I dunno, I don't want children to not do what they want because they don't know they can."
Draco laughed.
"God, you, Hermione, and Weasley are all like that, aren't you? So bloody noble."
"I don't think it's noble, I think it's right."
"Do what you want, Potter. I'll be here for you, but do me a favour and don't do anything until after Hermione and I announce our engagement."
"Of course."
"And you're certain she will say yes?"
"The sky is blue, the sun is yellow, and Hermione will say yes to your proposal. It's the three most obvious things in the world."
.oOo.
She said yes.
SHE SAID YES!
Draco could barely process it. Hermione Granger, the most powerful, determined woman in the world chose him. He tried desperately to put words to how honoured he was by her choice.
"I have never told another partner I love them, Hermione, and I never will. You are my everything, and I cannot wait until the day you become my wife."
Hermione kissed Draco gently on the cheek and said, "I don't know how you could ever top this birthday present."
"I can't stop smiling." Draco glanced down at the floor, embarrassed. "I knew you would say yes, but seeing this ring on your finger, it's real, isn't it?"
"If this is a dream," replied Hermione, "then never wake me up."
"Never." Draco grinned. "I am sorry I waited so long, but—"
"This is perfect. Absolutely perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted you to do it any other way."
"I was a mess in Penelope's office on Thursday."
"Why?" Hermione laughed. "I told you I would say yes."
Draco felt happy tears begin to spill over.
"Because you are the love of my life, Hermione Granger, and this love feels too good to be true. You see the world through me, and you help me to see the sort of man I can be. If it is a fantasy, then I am happy we are in this dream together."
"Always together, you and me, Draco Malfoy." Hermione wiped away tears with the pads of her thumbs. She gently placed her hands on the sides of Draco's face and said, "When I would struggle at school, socially, I mean, my dad used to tell me not to change who I am, and that is your superpower. You won't bend or shift who you are, instead you say what you want to say, and say it as loudly as you can."
Draco laughed and conceded, "Sometimes too loudly."
"No such thing." Hermione smiled. "Now, I believe we have a party to attend."
Draco nodded and said, "The owner will clean up, but I will get your bag—"
Hermione raised her hand and Summoned her clutch. She admitted,
"I really don't want to wait any longer for cake."
Draco teased, "I ask you to marry me but, Blaise makes one bloody cake and you can't stop thinking about it."
.oOo.
He Disapparated, taking Hermione Sidealong to their perpetual party venue: Blaise and Dean's house. Draco smiled as they walked through the front door, as it was a second home to him. Without this place, he would not have been able to recover, would never have reached this moment. They made their way to the backyard and opened the door to one massive shout of,
"SURPRISE!"
Hermione quickly scanned the crowd to see all the people Draco promised would be there; and was delighted to find Alicia absent. Merlin knew that woman could ruin a party before Hermione even made it to the cake. Ron, Harry, Ginny, Romilda, and even her parents were there. Gabrielle, Peter, Theo, Tracey, and the twins …
"Wow." Hermione offered everyone a watery smile. "Thank you so much for this."
Draco gave Potter a quick, small nod, then winked at Dean. Pansy was there, with Bastien, Gabriel, the Grangers, and Draco's parents. His heart skipped a beat because Draco had never seen his entire family in one place. But this was it, wasn't it? These people kept him going when the darkness seemed too heavy to escape. He took a deep breath and shouted,
"Thank you all so much for being here to celebrate my fiancée's 30th birthday!"
As soon as Draco said the word "fiancée," Dean broke away from the crowd with Harry Potter right behind. They pulled Hermione into a tight hug and she broke down in happy tears. Draco smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, but he couldn't stop.
Hermione Granger was his fiancée.
One tiny voice shouted, "UNCLE DRACO'S GETTING MARRIED?!"
Scarlett shouted back, "UNCLE DRACO'S GETTING MARRIED?!"
She grabbed Seb's hand in her right, Naevia's hand in her left, and dragged them both over to where Draco was standing. Draco knelt to scoop the three of them into a hug. The twins were screaming in his ear,
"Is it Hermione?!"
"Are you going to have a baby?!"
"Will we get a brother?!"
Naevia said, "I've never been to a magical wedding!"
Draco laughed and said, "You three are worse than our parents." He patted their backs and pried himself away just in time for Blaise to crush him in a backbreaking hug.
He didn't say anything, just squeezed Draco for as long as he could.
"I know." Draco said, "I would not be here if you hadn't opened your home to me, I hope you know that."
"Worth every second it took."
Dean joined the hug and said, "You really are a nice houseguest, aside from finding long blond hairs everywhere. God knows there's probably still some Draco-sized hairs nestled in our rugs."
"EXCUSE ME!" Theo elbowed his way into the throng and asked, "I'm his brother, why do I not get first hug privileges?"
"You know what they say," teased Dean, "early owl gets the letter, second owl gets the droppings."
Theo shook his head and grinned, placing his hands on Draco's shoulders.
"I knew this would happen. I knew it, and I am so happy for you."
"Right, right, well … Hermione wants cake even more than she wants to marry me, so …"
It was an endless chorus of well-wishers, one after another. Ginevra Potter was ecstatic, then threatened Draco with a Bat-Bogey Hex should he break Hermione's heart. He responded with a confident,
"When Merpeople cross the desert."
Gabriel and Romilda were beyond excited. Hermione offered Romilda a job midway through the conversation, so Draco pulled her back into the moment. He chuckled because that was just like her. She could never let go of her need to make the world a better place.
The best part of the evening was when Lucius Malfoy congratulated them. Draco was terrified of what he would say, the disappointment he expected to linger beneath the words. There was none to be found. Instead, he hugged Draco around the shoulders and insisted,
"I am proud of you, my son."
Draco swallowed thickly, trying to keep the tears back. He must have heard wrong.
"Do you really mean that?"
"I am proud of you every day that you stay above ground, Draco. Your mother and I know how close we were to losing you, and now we have become part of your family in a way we never were before. I love you, my son, and I trust you to love the Granger girl the proper way."
"At least once a day every day, from now until the end of time."
Lucius Malfoy smiled a genuine smile for the first time in longer than Draco could remember.
"I am pleased to have taught you this one thing."
"It's a very important thing."
"Be sure to love your child the same way."
Draco nodded.
"I will."
"Now, about your wedding—"
"I must get to the cake before it disappears."
Draco bolted and was stopped halfway by Ron Weasley. He nodded to Draco and said,
"Thank you for asking me to be here for this."
"I knew Hermione would want you here."
"Still, given everything, I would have understood if you'd left me out of this moment."
Draco looked over at Hermione, who was in deep conversation with her parents, with Sebastien holding onto her hand. She was glowing, her smile so big her eyes were squinty and crinkling at the corners. She had worn her hair in its wild, curly mess, and he loved it. She looked exactly like the woman Draco fell in love with years earlier, but they had both matured. This love was deeper than it had been two years ago when Draco finally made the first move. Hermione was so much more self-aware and beautiful, as if an important part of her life had finally settled. Draco's heart had never been quite so full.
"I promised you I would keep you in Hermione's life as long as she wants you here. Thank you for coming."
"She was never this happy when we were together. She really does look happy, you know?"
"I hope to keep her this happy for as long as we both shall live."