G stared up at the classical beige townhouse in the 16th arrondissement at 8 AM in the morning, the yellow street light illuminating it in the darkness of the January morning. The lights were on inside in a couple of rooms at least, making her breathe a little easier. But still with her nearly depleted phone was clutched in her hand, she was hesitating to dial the number, as people, indifferent to her hesitance, rushed past her to get to work or walked their pomeranians.
Physically she was fine, just tired, and she had to admit that her feet were aching too - the two hour walk she'd taken across the city that morning, pulling her suitcase behind her, being the main culprit in those. She'd tried getting a cab, naturally, but hadn't felt like waiting around for an hour, having slipped out that morning from Jephté's, having just left a brief note. She didn't want to explain, feeling ashamed as it was.
The entire time she'd walked, mostly through fairly upper class or business districts, she'd gone through last night in her head, trying to understand why she did the things she did, the choices she made and why she felt the way she did about them. Nothing deeply traumatic had happened, at least nothing that Jephté had caused, yet she couldn't have gotten out of there fast enough that morning.
The night before:
"It's really nice of you, you know," G said to Jephté, as he was getting her suitcase out of his car. She'd explained to him on the way over that she'd had a fight with her mom and a little prematurely said that she would get an earlier flight home, but had underestimated the holiday traffic, in the meanwhile attempting to search for flights as they drove.
"It's no problem. I'm glad you texted, I was already beginning to lose all hope for seeing you again," Jephté replied smugly. G had no doubt that he liked her, and she was certainly flattered - the attention he paid her made her stomach flutter as he spoke. Not that she herself recognized it but it was like that flattery was feeding the insecure little girl within her, who felt worthless when she didn't get that kind of attention.
"I really don't usually go around begging for accommodations like this," G said, not feeling entirely good about the way she'd leaned on him. Coming over for Netflix and chill was one thing, hooking up at a party another - but coming to stay for a few nights was very much pushing it.
"It's fine, I told you," he replied, extending his arm around her and rubbing her upper arm assuringly. She really did appreciate his assurance, she just didn't fully believe it - she didn't believe in people being selfless.
The house was a large block house with a red brick imitation facade, with at least six stairways heading up. It was working class, definitely not as sketchy as the streets she'd walked the other night. The people she noticed in passing were students by the looks of them, an UPS courier going to work, a couple of girls going out for a party, clearly not having had enough of it since New Years Eve, all dressed up.
As they walked upstairs, taking the stairs several flights up, G noted the hallway being rather noisy, the doors not being the best noise cancelling ones, hearing people domestic fights, children's cries and playful cheers, rap music playing and a loud out of balance washing machine centrifuging its contents. The place bustled with life and smelled of someone cooking something greasy and garlicky.
The apartment was small and anonymous, just two bedrooms and a kitchen - Jephté's room being the room that was originally supposed to be the living room, the double doors being a clear indicator. The room was quite spacious, fitting his queen-size bed, a desk and large comfy-looking lounge couch, coffee table and a TV. None of the furniture really matched, but compared to the mess she was used to seeing at Brody's the place was actually quite tidy, but still very much humble and practical, much less intentional than Astrid's place had been. His books, mostly cookbooks, food chemistry textbooks and a few sci-fis, were stacked up on top of each other in a corner, the book shelf clearly still being in the shopping list.
"Do you mind if I go take a shower real quick?" G asked, realizing that she must've been a little smelly, being still in her exercise leggings, having left in a haste.
"Go ahead," Jephté replied, gesturing to the door across the hall.
"Um.. you don't happen to have a towel I could use, do you?" G asked hesitantly, having nearly forgotten that she didn't have one.
Jephté headed towards the dresser by his bed. There wasn't a full closed in the room, hence G made the guess that it held pretty much everything he owned.
"It's sort of my backup, it doesn't look great, but it's clean," he added, sounding a little embarrassed by the cotton towel that had been worn thin and a little ragged. "Sorry," he said.
"It's fine, thanks," she smiled, feeling a little guilty for putting him in that position, and gathered a few items of clothing from her bag to take to the bathroom with her, and before going checked her phone and texted Celeste a quick reply, noting her checking up on her already.
She felt a weird set of emotions as she locked the bathroom door behind her, staring at the mirror in front of her. She was overwhelmed, emotionally drained, feeling guilty for barging in like this, guilty and responsible for leaving her mother like that, she felt bad for not calling Rory, and a little worried whether Celeste would, and no matter that she knew Jephté from last night and she knew he knew her friends too, she really didn't know him well enough to feel entirely comfortable in the apartment that she was in.
G showered, trying to make it quick, not wanting to waste too much water - not wanting to be one of those girls who took forever in the shower. But as she was drying herself up, she looked at the pile of clothing she'd brought in with her earlier, she pondered what kind of message would putting them all on actually convey to Jephté. Sex was assumed, but it wasn't feeling organic at this point. It almost felt like a transaction. And in that moment she thought she might just want to get that part over with. The thought made her feel cheap, and a little sick to her stomach.
Unable to properly decide, she went half way - pulling on the oversized T-shirt she usually used for sleeping in, skipping the comfy leggings. Despite what she felt, she didn't want to tell him sex was off the table by covering herself up by leggings, worried that if he thought that, he might on the contrary think that she was the one using him and his place for a place to crash without offering anything in return. She just hoped the negative emotions would just evaporate as the night went on, that she'd recognize that feeling that they'd had the night before and it would replace the loathing she felt right now.
G definitely felt his eyes on her, as she appeared from the bathroom, the t-shirt definitely showing off the length and curves of her legs. She was grateful that Jephté wasn't all handsy off the bat, and for a while they did just hang out, sitting side by side on the couch, talking. G offered to buy them some Thai food, Jephté knowing all the decent places in the neighbourhood, and they ate it while watching some new French science fiction show she didn't really care about but humoured him nonetheless. While she'd relaxed a little, the anticipation lingered all night and eventually by the time she just couldn't stand it any longer, she basically offering herself to him by climbing onto his lap out of the blue, taking initiative.
It was probably the worst sex she'd ever had, the third time in her short life when she'd faked it, her mind really being somewhere else the entire time. All her attention had gone to him, but at the same time wanting him to finish quickly. She was pretty sure he could tell too, and that only made her feel worse.
He was a gentleman, especially for a 19-year old, a perfect host, and he didn't push himself on her in any way for the rest of the night, but she could tell he was bothered by her emotional distance, shrugging him casually off when he tried to hold her or cuddle. She was also pretty sure, it was awkward for him to have her around like that.
She'd slept poorly that night, little sounds from the outside waking her, or the occasional snore from Jephté, which really wouldn't have been that bad if she'd been fast asleep, keeping her awake. By 5 AM she was browsing her phone, checking whether there were any flights - but there weren't. Little by little she began looking for hotel options, but considering the time difference with the States, not wanting to wake Celeste and the usual hotel check-in times, which would leave her homeless for at least half a day, none of those seemed particularly viable options at this hour. She realized she just wanted to feel safe, and not worry - not feeling like she owed anyone. She didn't want her body ever being the currency like this again, even if it was an unspoken assumption, even if the guy was actually pretty nice.
So there she now stood, observing the shapes move behind the windows of that beige townhouse, and with her shaky fingers punched in Emily Gilmore's number to her phone. She could've just knocked in theory, but it just didn't seem appropriate, knowing it wasn't Emily's house. She wasn't even sure if she'd let her stay for the day or take her to a hotel, but she just wanted her adventures to stop. She just wanted to feel like she was a kid again, to have someone take care of her - to get her home.
"Emily Gilmore speaking, who's this?" the familiar voice spoke sternly.
For a second G just couldn't get her words out.
"Hello?" Emily repeated.
"Hi," G began, her voice still a little shaky and a little hoarse for not having spoken to a soul all morning. "It's Georgia Hayden," she added, going by her full name just to be sure, she recognized her.
"Gigi?" she asked in confusion, really not having expected her call. She knew G was in Paris, making the connection soon enough.
G didn't recall in detail what she'd said after that, just recalling a lot of apologizing for showing up like this. She didn't tell her where she'd stayed last night, but more or less told her about Remi and Sherry. There was some scolding - saying how a girl like her shouldn't be wandering the streets alone like this, how she ought to now call her mother and father, or even worse grandmother, but eventually Emily had settled for G calling Rory a little later in the day not wanting to wake Rory before morning. Despite the slightly judgemental and naggy voice of Emily Gilmore ringing in her head for a while later, she was now somewhere safe, somewhere a simple thank you and please sufficed. The decrease in responsibility for herself felt like such a relief. She just wanted to go home.
Celeste woke to a trail of kisses on her arm, the sensation making her smile through her sleep, that still lingered. Feeling slightly nauseous, her hand reached out for her bedside table, grabbing a cracker, and began nibbling on it while keeping her eyes still shut.
"I think our morning fun will have to be postponed for a while," Celeste mumbled between bites, despite enjoying the sensation on her skin. She adored their mornings, but just like it had been with Evie it had taken some times to resume their sex life in it's former glory.
"I'll live, just like last time," Jess replied, continuing to kiss her. It wasn't just about sex, he just loved her - and while he hadn't hoped for this or dared to want this, now that there was a chance - he couldn't deny that he was actually excited. Yes, he knew that odds were not too good, but in this he was an optimist. It had been such an odd chance of faith for this to even happen, he liked to believe things like this happened for a reason.
Swallowing the cracker, Celeste turned to him and wrapped herself around her, her cheek resting on his chest again, hearing the thump-thump - thump-thump of his heart.
"I just want you to know that I'm happy about this," Jess said into her hair. "I know you're not past the fears on this, I'm worried too - but I have hope too," he added.
"Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to have another," Celeste asked, quietly.
"I didn't need another, I didn't know I wanted another - but maybe if it happened like this it's better - like it needed to happen, and it needed to happen now," Jess explained.
"This is hardly the ideal time," Celeste replied, opening her eyes and rubbing her forehead with the side of her hand. Sure, she'd have no trouble still going ahead with the semester working at the school, but the crap that was going on with her family were hardly ideal background conditions.
"You deserve happiness, and whatever this comes with we'll deal with it," Jess assured, stroking her abdomen gently. He also wanted to add, that she needed something to distract her from her family drama - a likely scenario was that even if she had properties and strings linking to Odette, she wasn't really going to do anything about them and just letting things sit was perhaps the smartest decision and most easily done when one didn't have the time to think about it.
Celeste appreciated him saying this, but she wasn't even far enough to dare to hope or want. She just treated her symptoms and took her supplements, trying not to think about the growing creature within her. She knew she hadn't done everything right this time - she'd had wine and probably more coffee than one was supposed to, she was taking antidepressants, one of which technically wasn't tested with pregnant women, hence meaning she was going to have to change it to another drug which came with unknown side effects to her. She wasn't as physically active these days as she had been, she was older, with a poor medical history with this - even her uterus was stitched up and scarred. So many things could go wrong.
"Oh wow…," Rory said with a deep exhale and a hint of panic, getting off the phone with G, keeping Celeste on the line a little longer. They'd done a conference video call, with Emily present as well, G explaining everything that was going on in Paris.
"Poor girl," Celeste exhaled, having come clean to Rory in that phone call that G had contacted her the day before. Rory wasn't mad, she understood G's reasoning, feeling relieved G had at least had the common sense to contact someone, overcoming their earlier fight.
"What am I supposed to say to my dad?" Rory sighed, pondered out loud, having no clue what to do.
"Honestly - I wouldn't say anything. Not yet," Celeste replied. "Because the minute you do, he'll be calling her and demanding an in depth explanation or worse, flying over there, stirring things up that don't necessarily need to be stirred up right now. This is potentially endangering Sherry too. Guys like that are unpredictable. Who knows, maybe there's even more to it. Violence? Mental abuse?" Celeste discussed. "She can tell him herself or you can do it together. This really isn't a topic for a phone conversation," she added, speaking without a filter. She did welcome the distraction, to be honest, now needing to be distracted from several aspects of her life. One too confusing and upsetting, the other still too unbelievable to fully register.
"But I am so glad she asked me to help look for some help for her," Rory added. G had admitted that she was willing to go to a psychologist once Emily had left the room - feeling like maybe the youth counselor wasn't enough. G felt she needed an unbiased ear, whom she could tell it all - she didn't want to tell Rory and Celeste all of it either, parts of it, like the past night with Jephté making her feel too ashamed to mention it.
"I know… and really that's got to be someone who knows what they're doing," Celeste replied.
G hadn't told them much about what exactly had happened at Jephté's, just that he had been nice but she simply hadn't felt like staying there like that - that it had been awkward, assuring them that physically she was fine. But in fact that night had had been the trigger for G to really want to get help - she'd read enough about psychology to know that childhood trauma, even if it was as borderline as it had been with Remi, was likely a cause for a lot of issues later on - maybe her over-sexual self was a part of that? Maybe it was in fact her self worth that suffered because of it? She wanted to make sense of it, she wanted to find out who she was without Remi's influence on her.
"I can ask Olivia if she knows anyone," Celeste suggested, recalling the therapist she'd seen in Brooklyn briefly.
"Good," Rory exhaled, feeling relieved.
For a moment silence lingered.
"Listen, we got a bit of news yesterday actually - and if you're not too busy, I just need to tell someone," Celeste exhaled, swallowing hard. She knew it was too soon to really tell people - but Rory was never really 'people'.
"Of course, the nannies are back, so speak…," Rory suggested, supportively. She was alone in her bedroom for this conversation anyways, Logan and the nannies having a handle on things.
"I'm six weeks pregnant," Celeste breathed out, the voice sounding weak. It was hard to say it out loud.
"What?!" Rory exclaimed, looking at her like she was being pranked. "What? How?" she continued. "Well I know how... but how exactly is that possible?" she added in confusion.
"We haven't done any tests or anything, but our and the doctor's guess is that Jess is the one in a thousand where the tube, the vas deferens, grows back," Celeste explained, having now read up on it. She didn't need to tell Rory that she hadn't slept with anyone else, the two of them knowing each other
"Oh wow," Rory sighed. "Congratulations," she added, genuinely.
"It might not get that far, the odds are not too good - I'm old. I'm just trying to remain realistic at this point," Celeste said, showing just how much she held back.
"Hey, you're not that old…," Rory tried to sooth her, knowing how scared of this she was. One of the reasons why they'd had the procedure done was in fact to avoid risking her and the baby's life again as she was in the risk group for placental bleeds. Sure, she now knew that she needed extra monitoring and what to look out for, but still - even with that it was dangerous. And now there was more than just Jess to worry about, there was Evie too.
"So we'll see," Celeste sighed, trying to remain neutral on the topic.
"Hey, I'll come visit sometime next week, okay? You could use a hug or four," Rory suggested, knowing that she probably would need to go talk to Jess about the book some more soon. Logan would be away and she actually really felt like she needed Celeste too right now, with things being a little fuzzy with Logan. Rory hadn't really said it out yet, but she could feel that things with her and Logan had been off since their argument - it was almost like he was avoiding talking to her, especially about this. She just didn't know how to deal with that.