AN ICE SURPRISE

Job 3: Art-ificially Awesome

Sly slips out of the safe-house and makes his way from igloo to igloo until he reaches a good vantage point. From here, he can see the well guarded gate... and Carmelita, walking up the path with her shock-pistol holstered and head held high. She steps into the light and says something, and then the guards swarm forward only to step back when she holds out her badge.

Sly waits there, heart in his mouth, as the guards contact someone over the radio, as they move and he can't quite see what they're doing, and then a less well-muscled figure steps out of the gate and extends his arm. Carmelita shakes his hand, and he ushers her inside.

Sly breathes.

"Should I tell her you were watching?" asks Bentley's voice in his ear.

"No," Sly says. "She's fine. She doesn't need to be worried about me."

"Don't worry, she's not. Now, get to that ice sculpture field."

Sly rolls his eyes and doesn't bother replying, just leaps to another igloo and starts making his way around. The snow crunches underfoot when he reaches the ground, unless he uses the paths the guards are so fond of, so he tries to avoid it. Still, the whole area's nothing but snow, with the occasional ice block to climb or some strangely bouncy crusted-over water barrels. The sameness of it makes him rely on Bentley's waypoints for the first time in years.

Still, there's only so lost one can get in a village surrounding a giant enclosure, so Sly finds his way to the statue park soon enough. He climbs the tallest nearby igloo, a strange thing that manages to be three stories tall by having igloos on top of igloos like a snowman, and pulls out his binoc-u-com. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"There's something funny about those statues, Sly," Bentley says.

Sly zooms in on the nearest sculpture. It's... unsettling. It's hard to call something 'ugly' when it's made entirely of ice, shining and sparkling even under moonlight, looking too delicate to touch, so it isn't actually ugly. But the owl it depicts is just this side of uncanny valley, and someone took a great deal of time ensuring the furry mammal in its claws appears to be in as much terrified pain as possible. "I think I'd go for more 'disturbing' than funny, pal."

"In any case, it warrants closer investigation. I want you to carry one back to the safe-house for me."

"Isn't that more a job for Murray?" Sly focuses on another statue, this one featuring a pelican with desperate baby turtles in its mouth. "These things look heavy."

"Unfortunately, the current job requires a bit more... finesse than Murray can manage. In order for me to properly figure out what these things are for, it has to get back to the safe-house undamaged. Which includes melting."

Sly rolls his eyes. "Murray's Inferno strikes again?"

"You should be able to haul one of the small statues short distances without harming it," Bentley says. "There are spots for statues by many of the igloos' doors. Stick it there when it gets soft and wait for it to harden up again."

"All right, I'm on it." Sly tucks his binoc-u-com away and leaps into the park.

It's a good thing Bentley already disabled the cameras. There are a bunch of them for this park alone, and Sly takes a moment to make faces at them, knowing they don't work, then turns to investigating the statues. The big one in the center is out, it's bigger than Sly is, not to mention disturbing in that it shows a ridiculously oversized penguin crushing a much smaller in-comparison raccoon under one webbed foot. Sly tries to decide which is the least disturbing and can't, so he chooses the one closest to the safe-house. He takes a moment to dig it out of the snow, then uses his cane to flick it onto his back with a grunt.

"I can't jump or climb with this heavy thing," Sly mutters. "This had better be worth it, Bentley."

"Believe me, I harbor the same hope."

And so begins Sly's latest challenge: guard dodging. Sure, he doesn't have to take the paths the guards are on, but the snow makes so much noise that he can't sneak while carrying the statue through the deep snow. He makes too much noise, even with his best slink. Instead, he has to creep along the paths, waiting for guards to pass and trying to figure out which path they'll take next, keeping his eyes open for marks that the statue can be left by a door safely while feeling the 'it melted' timer tick down steadily as the moisture in his fur.

The moments where he can dump the statue and escape to a roof, panting, and plot out the next part of his course are a relief. The statue has a waypoint on it, so he can't lose it, and his objective is the safe-house, so he knows where he's going. It's just a matter of getting there.

"I want to find the inventor of snow," Sly mutters halfway through.

"It's a natural phenomena, Sly; no one invented it."

"Then I need you to invent a way for it to be silent," Sly says.

Bentley hums but doesn't respond. Sly hauls the statue another twenty feet and asks, "How's Carmelita doing?"

"She's had some... unexpected developments."

"Unexpected how?"

"It's not important, Sly; she's handling it. Focus on the job."

Focus on the job. Sly rolls his eyes and picks up the statue again. "You know, I'm starting to think the only reason you have me doing this is to keep me distracted."

"That's not the only reason, no," Bentley replies. "Are you at the safe-house yet? I can't take much more of this."

"Almost," Sly grunts, and sets the statue down just one 'street' away. He takes a few minutes to let the statue's meltiness meter reset... and pick some pockets... and draw away the guards around the safe-house. Only then does he carry it the final distance.

JOB COMPLETE

Bentley comes out of the safe-house as Sly sets the statues down in front of the entrance, calipers and thermometer and tweezers and scalpel and stethoscope and needle and ice pick and scissors in hand.