Mirror Mirror:
Sakura Haruno awoke, stood up, and looked out her window. Before her, she saw a beautiful sunrise and the sound of a cock crowing. Brushing her pink hair to look her best for Sasuke, she sighed wistfully. How she longed for the day, he'd propose to her, and Naruto would get an invite, of course. After he got a lesson in manners, and if he screwed this up...
She clenched a fist.
Hmm, did the village look different? Something about the expressions on the Hokage monuments seemed a little angrier. "Naruto pull some sort of prank again? I thought he'd moved past that. If he doesn't-" Then she realized it would require altering the statues to make these changes. "Who am I kidding. Naruto doesn't know genjutsu or earth jutsu.
"...Oh damn, I may be late! I've got to hurry!"
And she hurried off to meet with her team. Rushing toward the usual park they met together at, she huffed with her gear. There she saw her three friends, Sasuke and Naruto. "Okay, so I was about five minutes late, but Kakashi-sensei won't mind. Hey, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, Naruto! How's it going!"
She slid to a sudden halt as Naruto glared daggers at her. The usually smiling boy was scowling heavily. "You're late, Sakura."
"Oh yeah, well, Kakashi-sensei usually is, so I guess he'll forgive me this time," said Sakura, taken aback. Did something happen?
"That's your constant attitude!" snarled Naruto in anger. "You're always slacking off and letting other people save you. Then you whine about not getting stronger and start slacking again!"
"Wait, what?" said Sakura. Naruto had never acted this way before.
"Quit being such a loser, Naruto," said Sasuke in an exaggerated tone of arrogance. "I'm an Uchiha, and that automatically makes me better than everyone else!"
"Sasuke, um, isn't that a little uh... well not untrue but-" began Sakura, now too weirded out to be upset.
"Shut up, Sakura, you mean nothing to me, and this team would be better off without you!" shouted Sasuke. "You are the most worthless person to ever exist, and you shouldn't even be a ninja in the first place!"
That actually got through, and Sakura tried to react. "But I... I.."
What was going on here? Sakura checked to see if she was under a genjutsu.
"Oh, you're one to talk!" said Naruto. "You're a loser, Sasuke! All you do is talk about how strong you are! Well, who was it who beat Haku? Me! Who was it that saved and inspired Inari? Me! You've got the win record of a tree sloth!
"Nobody in the village takes me seriously! You're all evil! I'm going to become really powerful and kill you all!"
"Quiet, Naruto!" shouted Kakashi-sensei.
"Kakashi-sensei!" said Sakura. "Thank God you're here; Naruto and Sasuke have gone insane? I think they're under some kind of mind... control..."
"Quiet, Sakura!" said Kakashi, striking her across the face. "You are an utterly worthless person, and I am not going to train you at all!"
"But what about the team-" began Sakura.
"The team means nothing to me!" said Kakashi. "Now I will teach Sasuke, who is clearly superior in all ways, my ultimate techniques! And I will teach you absolutely nothing!"
"But aren't you supposed to be teaching all of us?" asked Sakura.
Kakashi, however, was paying no more attention to her. "Come, Sasuke! I will train you to use the Chidori! These inferior and worthless creatures behind us would only get in the way!"
"These fools have no idea that I, Sasuke Uchiha, am the devil and planning to send the world into a dystopia out of spite! Also, I eat puppies and kick baby deals!" said Sasuke out loud before laughing maniacally.
And they walked off.
Okay, this was...
What had happened here? Why had everyone lost it? "...Um, I'm sure Kakashi-sensei didn't mean it, Naruto. We should probably-" And then Naruto punched her in the stomach.
Sakura spat out blood and collapsed to her knees. Tears fell from her eyes as she looked up at Naruto, who looked outright murderous. "Naruto, why... why'd you do that?"
"You're always hitting me, Sakura! What, can't take your own medicine!" said Naruto.
"I... okay yes, I did do all that, but um, in my defense, you were being... really... annoying," said Sakura, standing up. "That uh... that sounded better in my head."
"I'll bet!" said Naruto. "No matter, Kakashi-sensei is a worthless teacher who only cares about Sasuke! But I don't need a teacher! I am going to destroy this village once I get strong enough and kill everyone here!"
And he ran off.
"...I think I'd better go talk to the Hokage," said Sakura, and she hurried off.
She hadn't gotten far into the village when she ran into Ino, who had a bucket of paint in one hand. Ino waved with an unpleasant smile.
"Hey, Sakura," said Ino.
"Ino, I need to talk to you! Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi have lost their minds! We've got to-" began Sakura.
And then Ino threw blue paint all over Sakura's clothes and hair and laughed. "What's the matter, Sakura? I thought pink was your color."
"Ino... you..." said Sakura. "You bitch! What the hell did I ever do to you!"
"You broke up with me to go after Sasuke! Sasuke is mine! I need to marry him, so I can rub how much better I am than everyone else in their faces!" said Ino.
"But you already do that!" said Sakura.
"Well, I'll be able to do it better! Maybe you ought to go get changed, Billboard Brow!" Ino walked off, cackling maniacally.
"...Okay, something is wrong here," said Sakura, looking at herself. "Ino...
"Ino is a total controlling bitch, but she isn't that much of a bitch. What is going on here?"
"Um, excuse me?" said a voice.
Sakura turned to see a sweet-looking, dark-haired girl holding a fire axe. "Hinata? Please don't tell me you've gone insane too."
"No, I'm... well... that is to say I think I'm sane," said Hinata.
"Good," said Sakura. "What is going on here? First, the rest of my team goes off the deep end, now Ino. Is your team like this?"
"I um... they seemed normal the last time I saw them. Um... so you met with Naruto today," said Hinata.
"Yeah, he punched me in the stomach," said Sakura. "Why I oughtta-"
"Oh, that's good," said Hinata before smiling wildly.
"What?" said Sakura.
Hinata raised the fire axe. "You see... um... I've been meaning to do this for a while now, but um, I need you to die now. Naruto is kind of mine, and you've been stealing his attention."
Sakura stepped back. "Wait, Hinata, Naruto isn't interested in me! He's really mad at me!"
"Oh great, I'll be sure to deliver him your head. Then he'll be sure to like me," said Hinata.
Hinata sprang at Sakura, bring down the axe. Then Neji Hyuga leaped out of nowhere and grabbed the axe. Tearing it out of Hinata's hands, he bashed her across the face with the back of it. As Hinata fell back, Neji smashed her against a fire hydrant, so water sprayed everywhere. Once done, he slammed her against the wall, hit her repeatedly. As she tried to grab a rail, he bit her finger before smashing her over the head with a trash can.
Finally, he kicked Hinata as she lay prone and then walked toward her.
That was...
An entirely sane reaction, given the circumstances.
"Are you hurt?" asked Neji.
"Um... you're normal," said Sakura.
"Insofar as I can tell, yes," said Neji.
"So, you see what is going on here? Everyone here has gone insane!"
"Actually, it all seems fairly normal to me," said Tenten, coming out.
"Normal?" asked Sakura. "But everyone is completely insane!"
"As I said, normal," said Tenten.
Sakura paused. "Huh, you two seem pretty much like before. Nobody has changed you at all. Aside from Hinata actually deserving it this time."
"Well, why would they?" asked Tenten. "Nobody ever even remembers we exist?"
"Huh, that's a good point," said Sakura.
At that point, the heavens opened, and from the sky above descended a figure robed in light. He set foot upon the street, and it was as though second dawn had risen. There was a halo over his head, and a chorus of angels heralded his every step. "My children! It is I, Itachi Uchiha, your Lord, and Savior!"
"Um, didn't you murder your entire family?" asked Sakura.
"Silence heretic!" said someone.
"But-" said Sakura, but before she could respond, she was tied to a stake, and Ino was starting to light straw beneath her. But as it happened, Itachi raised a hand, and it was all gone.
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," said Itachi. "Now, I must give my brother a last-second chance to repent of his evil ways."
"You killed his entire family and tortured him into insanity," said Sakura.
"I only did that because I love him, of course," said Itachi.
"But that makes no sense-" began Sakura.
And then Sasuke came out of nowhere, writhed in flame with devil horns and a lightsaber. "Die, Itachi! I am killing you to appease my ego and not because you brutally slaughtered everyone I ever loved! Because I don't love anyone!"
And he stabbed Itachi. Doing it shattered every window on the street.
"You can't stab Itachi-Jesus! I SHALL AVENGE HIM!" said Naruto.
"Um..." Sakura halted.
Only for Itachi to turn out not to be dead and for Sasuke to get caught by chains of hooked steel. "This is my genjutsu, given for you. When you burn in hell, do so in remembrance of me!"
There was a howl of agony, and Sasuke and Kakashi were dragged into the halls of the damned. Meanwhile, Neji and Tenten began to clean up the broken glass. Then a guy in a mask ran forward. "YOU LET RIN DIE!"
"Get away from me, Obito," said Itachi. "You are a loser whose sole motivation is the desire to fuck a twelve-year-old."
"Okay, well, that's kind of a good point," mused Obito before walking off in shame. "I have seen the error of my ways and been redeemed by Itachi-Jesus."
"What is going on here!?" said Sakura. "None of these people are acting anything like they are supposed to!"
And then, Sakura found herself on the same street. But everything was gone, and the windows had never been broken. The Kage monument was just like before, and a wild hope surged in Sakura's heart. "Huh... I'm back!"
And racing through the streets she saw Ino as her usual, not psychotic self. Neji and Tenten were pretty much the same. And Hinata wasn't holding a fire axe or anything. Racing to the meeting place, Sakura saw her friends. "Guys, I'm back! I'm back!"
"What? What are you talking about, Sakura?" asked Kakashi. "You were just here."
Sakura stopped in horror. "Wait, you mean my evil twin?"
"You have an evil twin?" asked Sasuke.
"I didn't notice any difference," noted Naruto.
"I don't know how it happened. But somehow, I ended up in an alternate continuity. One where everyone became a warped caricature!" said Sakura. "It was like some outside force was portraying us in a story how they wanted us to be. All while hardly having any understanding of our true nature!
But now I'm back, and I knew my friends would be looking for me the whole time."
Silence.
"Sakura was gone?" asked Sasuke.
"Although now that I think of it, she did try coming after me with a fire axe, so I thought that was kind of weird," said Naruto.
"She did seem a bit irritable, now that you mention it," mused Kakashi.
Naruto nodded. "Huh, I guess it's not really possible to make you any more of a caricature than you actually are, right Sakura?"
Silence reigned, and Sakura stood in silent fury.
"Kakashi-sensei, what's a caricature?" asked Naruto suddenly.
"I'll tell you if you live, Naruto," said Kakashi.
Sakura went for her hatchet.