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WARNINGS: Depression and anger. I don't think there is anything else but if you disagree please let me know!

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What Heroes Would Choose

Chapter 11

"Hey… You tried, Shoto… Deku, he… He's right, you know? What kind of training could he do at your place that he couldn't do in the comfort of his own room while he's taking those damn quirk suppression meds?" Bakugo attempted, doing his very best to soothe his friend.

But Todoroki continued to sulk, only not full-blown crying because of how many times he'd forced himself not to in the past. He could take this; he could handle rejection. It was all he knew…

He buried his face further into his curled knees, knowing that his rationale wasn't true. Rejection was what he'd known—past tense. Izuku had accepted him at what he'd thought was his very worst with open arms and a brilliant, hopeful smile.

Todoroki had belonged somewhere for the very first time and he'd sworn to himself that he'd never go back to that desolate place where he wasn't enough, wasn't deserving. Yet there he was again, just as fragile as he'd been when he was a child sobbing into his mother's lap.

"Don't overthink this shit like I did when I decided we should ignore him!" Bakugo pleaded, pushing his nose into Todoroki's hair as he pulled his balled form into his chest. "Please, damn it… You can't give up… I—I can't do this alone; I need your h-help…"

Despite the melancholy he was plagued with, Todoroki couldn't help but feel better. He wasn't even considering giving up on making things right, but it was encouraging to hear that Bakugo needed him as much as he needed Bakugo at that moment.

He uncurled slightly, eyeing the blonde over his bicep as he continued squeezing him close. "I guess I don't have a choice…" he stated, letting the corners of his lips twitch up with mischief. "… since you look so pitiful…"

As expected, Bakugo was quick to reel back and snarl, though he didn't release his hug. "You fucking—"

Todoroki couldn't fully contain the unexpected flare of laughter that snuck up his throat from the wide-eyed, indignant flush that was Bakugo's face. It was hardly more than a chuckle compared to most people, but it was more than he usually allowed by far and it effectively shocked the target of his jest into temporary silence.

"What?" he asked after a moment, tilting his head some as he examined Bakugo's continuously changing expression. "Are you surprised that I know what a joke is?"

"No, I…" the blonde responded almost breathlessly, "It's just I've only ever seen you smile like that around…"

Bakugo's voice trailed off as the momentary lightness in Todoroki's expression fell into one of sad reminiscing. He felt the same sensation muddling his ever-heavy chest as he had when he'd failed to realize how important being called 'Shoto' was to the dual user, immediately wishing he could take those words back.

Without really thinking about it, he slipped his fingers under Todoroki's chin and pulled his face up and towards him, roaming his eyes almost pleadingly over the boy's crestfallen face. "Do it again."

The dual user furrowed his brows and tried to pull away, somewhat embarrassed, but Bakugo wasn't having it. He got to the balls of his feet and gripped Todoroki's face with both hands, forcing their eyes to connect. "Don't you fucking ignore me; I said smile, now."

"I can't smile if I don't feel like it, Katsuki."

The blonde growled in displeasure even as his cheeks became increasingly pink and his hands began sweating with nervousness against Todoroki's cheeks. "I used to wear an All Might onesie… until I was like, fucking ten."

Both teens sat staring at each other after the declaration, the room becoming eerily quiet as Todoroki seemed to lose all semblance of expression on his face. It made Bakugo even more anxious but he refused to break eye contact.

"You, what?" Todoroki finally breathed, his face wobbling as he imagined the ever-abrasive blonde jumping around in excitement while wearing All Might pajamas. It didn't take long after that for his lips to spread in another smile, this one even more prominent than the last.

"Fuck you, Shoto," Bakugo grumbled despite the relief and happiness in his own voice. "I'm going to find out some embarrassing shit about you and then we'll see who's laughing."

Kaminari sat at the counter in the League of Villains' newest bar, nursing a soda quietly. Kurogiri was cleaning cups on the other side, the two of them the only people in the establishment right then.

"It is unwise to try and sustain yourself on a diet of crackers and Ginger Ale… You are no good to the League if you are malnourished and hungry," the warp gate stated, breaking the long silence they'd been in.

"My stomach hurts."

Kurogiri repressed a sigh and walked over to the teen, examining him carefully. Kaminari's appearance was that of a walking train wreck. He had greasy, unkempt hair and pale ashen skin, sunken in eyes, and a look of regret that hadn't vanished since his 'ex comrades' captivity.

"We have a doctor that could tend to you if you are unwell…" he offered carefully.

"It's nothing serious; just an ulcer," Denki replied, stuffing another cracker into his dry mouth. He did his best to look unconcerned but wasn't really surprised when his voice didn't sound the least bit convincing even to his own ears.

"That illness is usually caused by stress is it not? Since it appears that this condition developed after our last UA Raid, I can only assume that you are struggling with the realities of this profession."

Kaminari lowered his head shamefully, flashes of what he'd allowed to happen reverberating in his already aching head. He had his reasons for deciding to be the spy for the League of Villains and it had been exciting in a way to slink around behind all the hero's backs.

But during the entire duration of his tenure as a double agent, he'd never had to witness or allow such brutality as what Shigaraki had forced his classmates to do to Midoriya. Sure, the USJ attack could have ended badly, but he reasoned the Pro's would step in. Fine, the training camp incident hurt a bunch of students, but they were powerful and he'd figured they'd have fought back more successfully. Yes, the showdown between All Might and All For One was insane and killed a lot of innocent civilians, but he hadn't been involved in that at all.

What Todoroki and Bakugo had been forced to do and therefore what Midoriya had been forced to endure was wrong on so many levels… and he'd just stood there, watching as they had to live a waking nightmare.

"Shigaraki said that when we attacked the school this last time, we'd pick up the top three students and rough them up a little. He… He never said that we'd…" Kaminari whispered, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He was quick to wipe it away with a rough sniffle, not wanting to say anything else that could get him in trouble with their psychopath of a leader. "I just wasn't e-expecting it…"

"Does this mean you are having second thoughts about your continued association with our League of—"

"N-No!" Kaminari nearly shrieked, paling and shaking his lowered head. Now that he was truly aware of what his 'comrades' were capable of, he lived in perpetual fear of becoming their next target. There were bonds between most of the members, but that stemmed from their mutual insanity and bloodlust; unlike them, he wasn't a total sociopath. "I-I'd n-ne-never betray Sh-Shigaraki!"

Kurogiri eyed him for several tense minutes, watching the sweat that had begun beading on Kaminari's forehead slip down his temple as he pitifully tried to get his breathing back under control. "Very well…"

Going to school Monday had been overwhelming; Tuesday crushing. As Midoriya got ready for bed, he found himself dreading what Wednesday would be like. He was only two days into his probationary return to UA and already felt like he was unraveling.

Midoriya ran his fingers over the still red scars of his chest as he looked in the mirror. Failure. Hadn't he promised himself that things would be different when he began training under All Might… That he would be different?

He was admitted to UA, but couldn't control his quirk at all. He won the race during his first Sports Festival but lost the finals. He beat Muscular but wasn't able to prevent Bakugo from being kidnapped. He saved Eri, but Nighteye died and Mirio lost his quirk.

Before Shigaraki took them captive, he'd focused on his successes and convinced himself that he was improving, that he was somehow worthy of becoming the next Symbol of Peace. But now, all he could think about was how he failed when it actually mattered.

"Was Nighteye right?" he muttered as he touched the large scar on his arm, grimacing from the doctor's warning about injuring them again. His shoot style was still a work in progress, further frustrating his feelings of inadequacy and now he couldn't even practice because he was on quirk suppressants.

What was he supposed to do? What even could he do? Nothing. He was worthless, a failure.

Midoriya bit his lip and turned away from his reflection, eyes stinging as he trudged back to his room. Though he didn't really dwell on it, the burning didn't result in tears as it usually did. He'd cried so much already… Maybe he simply didn't have any left to shed.

The light from his phone going off as he slipped into his bed made Midoriya groan; he just wanted to be left alone. Still, he reached over and lazily checked the notification anyway, just in case it was something important.

[Shinso]: Hey, Izuku... I've been thinking and you were right about my behavior Monday. I apologize; I shouldn't have pushed you at all, much less on your first day back when your stress level was already likely through the roof.

Midoriya stared at the message for a long time, tapping his phone screen every so often to keep it lit so he could reread it again, over and over. Shinso had been there for him when he'd felt like no one else was; he'd been understanding and patient… He'd helped. But no matter how many times Midoriya reminded himself of that, it didn't seem to make him any less angry at the teen.

He'd thought that he had everything under control when he'd started his near ritualistic self-harm—that's why he'd gone against his very nature to lie to Recovery Girl; He'd found a way to temper the worst of his meltdowns and was going to pretend that everything was fine until it truly was…

Midoriya reasoned that maybe it wasn't even really a lie at all. All Might had told him the very first time they met that there was plenty of fear behind that smile he always wore—that it was just a brave face he put on when the pressure was high since everyone in the world needed to believe that he was never afraid.

That's what he was doing, wasn't it?

The cutting, misdirections, anger… if people knew what was really going on in his festering psyche they'd never feel safe. He had to put on a smile and be brave, like All Might… He had to imitate his old self until he managed to claw his way back into that mindset... until he'd truly become worthy of their trust.

[Midoriya]: No, I should be the one apologizing, Hitoshi. I was so stressed about coming back to classes and being in the same room with Kacchan and Shoto that I lost my temper over nothing. Forgive me?

The darkest corner of his mind hissed at him in disgust, whispering about how he was weak for always catering to the needs of others even when he believed them to be in the wrong. 'Would anyone get on to Bakugo if he said what you did… or likely something worse with his tendency to be cruel? Does anyone hound Todoroki being distant? No.'

Midoriya's jaw was tightly set by the time he managed to force his finger to click the send icon. It took considerable effort to breathe in a deep breath and attempt to relax, but he managed to shut out the intrusive thoughts… at least, temporarily.

Tomorrow was a new day and he had to be mentally and physically prepared to push through what would likely be a hellish seven hours. He could do it… He'd been through worse… He would be fine eventually… Wouldn't he?

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Thank you for reading! Please leave me a comment/review if you feel like it! :) I love reading them!