Chapter 3: What if…?

A soft, sniffing sound brought Ichigo out of sleep and he opened one golden brown eye to observe as Renji wrapped a warm yukata around his tall, muscular body and slid open one of the doors leading into the lovely, tranquil gardens outside the little guest room, then sat down in the doorway. While he was relieved to see that the worst of his friend's panic over the night before seemed to have faded, the redhead's cinnamon eyes looked shadowed and his expression more somber than any he'd seen the man wear before. The substitute sighed softly and moved across the room, tying his own yukata into place as he sat down beside his friend.

"Hey."

Renji barely seemed to notice him and gave no answer.

"You all right?"

"Do I look all right to you?" Renji asked in low, defeated tone, "I guess I should thank you for stopping me from freaking out, but…I'm still anything but all right."

His mind returned again to their activities the night before and the redhead shuddered.

"They call us kids that come up out of the low Rukongai dogs…and right now, that's exactly what I feel like. That's what I acted like."

"What are you talking about?" Ichigo chided him, keeping his voice gentle as he leaned against the redhead's shoulder, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Idiot."

"Seriously," Ichigo said, keeping his tone calm, "you? Me? Byakuya? We each had our reasons for doing what we did last night…and this morning. We made the decision to be together and we had a really amazing, spontaneous night together. Whatever regrets you may be feeling now, you have to admit that all three of us enjoyed being together, right? It didn't feel wrong?"

"I was drunk off my ass and not thinking or I woulda…"

"You would have what?" Ichigo asked, tilting his head slightly, "Told him no? Left him hurting?"

"What do you think he's feeling now?" Renji countered, "He's probably wishing he'd never met either of us."

"I don't think that's true."

Renji let out a flustered breath and gave him a sad half-smile.

"Like I said, you're an idiot."

"Really. Think about it. If Byakuya was angry about it, he'd have no problem kicking us…or, at least, me…outta here. He hasn't done that."

"Yeah, he's probably off somewhere, regretting what happened."

Ichigo shook his head dismissively.

"That's not how Byakuya is."

"That's exactly how he is," Renji snapped, "You know, just because you fought him and beat him doesn't mean you get him or anything. Hell, I work with the guy every day and there's still a lot about him that I don't know and couldn't guess. He keeps so much to himself and doesn't share it. Except maybe with Tetsuya."

Ichigo smiled.

"That cute cousin of his?" he asked, "The healer?"

"What? You like him or something?" the redhead inquired, "Better forget about that. Taicho will kill you if you even think of trying to seduce Tetsuya. Tetsuya's kinda…different."

Ichigo sensed the shift in the redhead's mood as he was distracted from his misery and decided it was best to encourage it.

"How's he different?"

"He didn't grow up in a family like you and me. See, when his parents met and got together, it wasn't just considered a bad thing for a noble to marry a commoner, it was considered a crime, and there were some fanatics who ran secret, illegal noble punishment camps. Tetsuya's father was the first cousin of Taicho's father. He and Kuchiki Soujun were real close. Kuchiki Takao was on a mission in the mid-Rukon and met Tetsuya's mother. He knew he'd be in trouble, so they married in secret and moved to another place in the Rukon, where they thought they'd be safe. Unfortunately, the clan elders found out where they were and word got to the fanatics. A few of them went and grabbed Takao and his wife. She had Tetsuya in the prison, and he grew up there."

"Damn."

"You don't wanna know what kinda things happened to him in there. Taicho told me that when he rescued Tetsuya from the prison, he wouldn't talk to anyone for months. He had awful nightmares and he had to wear limiters because he'd never been allowed to channel his own reiatsu. Taicho trained him personally so that he'd be strong enough to never be imprisoned again. And no one messes with Tetsuya, if not because of his strength now, then because Taicho protects him."

Renji gave him a meaningful look.

"I like Tetsuya. He and I are good friends, so if you mess with him, it won't just be Taicho beating your ass, I'm gonna help him."

"Okay, fine," Ichigo laughed, "but you can't kill me for just saying he is really good looking, right?"

"Yeah, he is," Renji agreed, "and he deserves someone really special to be the one to he falls in love with."

"You don't think we're special enough?" Ichigo teased him, smirking, "You and I are great."

"Shut up," Renji huffed, smirking and bumping against his shoulder, "We're nowhere near good enough for Tetsuya or Taicho, and you know it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Tetsuya froze in Juushiro's comforting embrace, only just realizing that the thirteenth division taicho wasn't out walking alone. He shivered as he recognized the other man's messy blond hair, striped hat, and the cane that he knew was also the man's zanpakuto.

"Urahara Kisuke?" he inquired shakily, "I thought that…"

"What? That I was banished?" the shopkeeper asked, smirking at Tetsuya, who backed more firmly into Juushiro's arms, his eyes widening, "We-ell, I guess the powers that be decided that they'd give me a pass since I helped capture Aizen when they couldn't."

"Yes, Central 46 may not have completely welcomed you back as I think they should have," Juushiro added, "but at least you're able to visit with permission."

He looked from Kisuke to Tetsuya, blinking slowly as he felt Tetsuya's slender body was still shaking softly.

"Kisuke, I don't know if you've met my friend, here. This is Takao's son, Kuchiki Tetsuya. Tetsuya, you know Urahara Kisuke, right?"

"I know of him," Tetsuya answered, making no move to accept as the shopkeeper extended a hand in greeting, "He's a brilliant scientist and former taicho of the twelfth division. He founded the Shinigami Research and Development Institute. And he freed Kurotsuchi Mayuri from the Maggot's Nest, against the wishes of Central 46, despite the man having committed numerous crimes against his often unwilling research subjects."

"Ah," Juushiro chuckled, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, "Kisuke, have I told you, not much happens anywhere near Byakuya without this very bright young man knowing about it? In addition to being a very capable healer, he is also Byakuya's most trusted protector."

"Quite an honor to meet you, Tetsuya," Kisuke said, smiling, but not offering his hand this time, "I've heard about you, of course. I have to say, I'm kind of curious about some of the things I have heard."

Juushiro felt Tetsuya quiver and hurried to change the subject.

"Tetsuya, Kisuke and I were just about to have lunch. Would you like to join us?"

"Eh…I…"

"You and I were supposed to meet this afternoon anyway, to catch up."

"Oh, but you're busy with Urahara-san and I…" Tetsuya stammered anxiously.

"Nonsense," Juushiro said, good-naturedly, "this way, I can catch up with you, and also Kisuke and I can have a drink together."

"Well…"

"C'mon," Kisuke chuckled, "Really, Tetsuya, I don't bite."

"I'm sure you don't, but…"

"Then, it's settled," Juushiro laughed, turning towards the nearby pub and nudging Tetsuya along.

"But I don't drink alcohol," the younger man objected, "Ukitake taicho!"

"Now, I know I've told you to call me Juushiro."

"No, I couldn't possibly!"

"He's cute," Kisuke said, leaning closer to Juushiro so that their flustered companion couldn't hear.

"Adorable," Juushiro agreed, "Let's help him relax a little."

Master, a wispy voice spoke into Tetsuya's mind, would you like me to intervene?

Tetsuya's blue eyes met his stallion's for a moment and the tall beast stepped into their path, placing himself nose to nose with a surprised Kisuke.

"Well, hello there," the shopkeeper greeted him, "I don't believe we've met."

"Oh, that's Tetsuya's Arashi," Juushiro explained, reaching up to pat the spirit steed on the neck.

Arashi whickered softly and nuzzled the white-haired taicho's cheek, but he kept one stern eye on Kisuke.

"He doesn't look like he likes me very much," Kisuke chuckled.

"Arashi is protective of me," Tetsuya explained, "In Itamigiri, scientists were free to experiment on any and all of the prisoners incarcerated there without restraint. Left completely at their mercy, we suffered horrific abuses and many died in unimaginable pain."

He was quick to register the lack of surprise in the former taicho's pale grey eyes. But even if not surprised, the Karakura shopkeeper did look sympathetic.

"I see you are aware."

"Yeah, and I understand why neither you nor Arashi is going to welcome me with open arms. Don't worry, I get that a lot."

"My apologies if I seem rude," Tetsuya said, blushing.

"Not at all," Kisuke said, still smiling, albeit more sadly, "I hope that as we get to know each other, you'll feel more comfortable with me. Will you join us, then, Tetsuya?"

Tetsuya exchanged wary glances with Arashi, then nodded.

"I will."

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya stood quietly as his attendant finished dressing him in his taicho's uniform, then he left through the garden doors and crossed to the back gate, carefully avoiding the guest room where he had spent the night before. Memories of the passionate touches and fiery kisses laid on his flesh now burned with the heavy guilt radiating inside his tormented mind. Even more painful were the persistent twinges of arousal he couldn't seem to quell at the memory.

When I broke the rules and married Hisana, and again when I brought Rukia into the family, there were those among the elders who argued that I was too reckless and undisciplined to lead the family.

He turned onto the path lined with lovely sakura and plum trees, his heart too tasked to be moved by their beauty.

Ginrei assured them that my powerful youthful spirits were also an indicator of strength and that I would calm and grow more wise with age. But even age has not taken my propensity for letting my heart interfere with my thinking, such that I let those two stir me up. Of course, I cannot blame them for their actions when I invited them into that room and goaded them into plundering my body all night long until all three of us were incapacitated. Worse, I cannot feel any remorse, no matter how much I berate myself.

Maybe the elders were right.

The thought brought a whole body heaviness and a vague feeling of illness as he continued along the pathway.

Still, even if they were, I have a responsibility to uphold the family name and reputation. I will do that, whatever it requires.

He took soothing breaths to quiet his mind as he reached the family cemetery and tread the familiar path to his late wife's grave. He knelt beside the solemn marker and closed his eyes, so deeply engaged in the rite of penitence that he failed to notice Renji's presence a short distance away in the trees.

"Hisana," he said softly, his head bowing, "It seems I am, once again, approaching you with a deeply regretful heart. I had thought that the defeat of Aizen would hasten the return of peace, but there is no peace inside me. The end of the war gave us time for reflection and in their reflections, the elders realized the grim reality of the danger our clan faced during the war. They also realized how close I came to losing my life and leaving this world without seeing to the promise I made them to give them strong children to follow me in leadership. I made that promise in good faith, although I did not know at that young age what I was agreeing to."

Tetsuya's smiling face and gentle eyes blossomed in his mind, causing a fresh aching deep in his chest.

"In the end, I could not take those steps to the room where he waited for me. I could not touch him, could not even meet his eyes. Desperate to avoid hurting him, I took another path, recklessly throwing our fates into chaos. I do not know how this will end, but…I will find some way to make things right. I will take responsibility if our dishonorable behavior was sensed. I will, once more apologize for my transgression and then…"

He paused, his mind straining for an answer.

"I have only put off the inevitable," he sighed, "Sparing Tetsuya was never an option. I shall only have to hurt him tonight instead of last. I do not know what I thought I was doing. Sparing him? Tetsuya was not spared. He will still have to lie with me tonight…and those two? Even if I may assume that Ichigo will be casual in his dismissal of what happened, Renji will not. He is…"

Byakuya swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the rising burn.

"…loyal…kind-hearted and he does not deserve to feel used. It is exactly what he will feel. But…this is what I must do to protect our honor."

A short distance behind the conflicted noble, hidden in the shadows of the trees that bordered the cemetery, Renji held his breath and kept his reiatsu under control. His chest ached at Byakuya's words, at the agony that underlined every word. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping on his captain, especially right now, but his damn legs refused to carry him away. Every word rang loudly in his anguished mind, until he wasn't sure he could stand to hear another. As he reached the breaking point and he started to move, Byakuya rose and turned to leave. Renji sucked in a quick breath and ducked behind a tree, where he waited until he was sure that the noble had gone.

In the silence that followed, he stepped out onto the manicured grass, slowly making his way to the place where his troubled taicho had knelt. His heart still aching fiercely, he claimed that same space his superior had, holding back speaking as he gathered his thoughts. As distracted as he was, he failed to notice what was taking place in the trees he had just vacated.

Ichigo stood watching as the redhead knelt and lowered his eyes respectfully. He leaned forward, peeking out of the trees, his eyes concerned as they noted the heavy slump in Renji's shoulders and the slight shaking of his body as he steeled himself. He swallowed hard, his eyes softening even more.

I should…

"I suppose it should not surprise me to find you skulking around, meddling where you should not," Byakuya's voice intoned softly.

The substitute had to bite down on his tongue to avoid crying out in surprise.

"Byakuya!" he hissed, his eyes blazing, "You scared the crap outta me! What're you doing, sneaking up on a guy like that? You complain about me!"

I was about to leave for work, but I sensed Renji's presence here and it was clear from his riled reiatsu that he is upset."

"That's an understatement," Ichigo huffed softly, keeping his eyes locked on the downcast redhead, "He was a mess this morning, waking up and finding you were gone. It took me forever to bring him out of the rafters."

"Is that what you call it?" Byakuya said dryly, "But I suppose neither of you ever feels the need to concern yourselves with setting a privacy shield."

"Sorry, I was a little distracted with the guy who was falling to pieces in front of me because of you."

"Because of me?" Byakuya objected, "How do you…?"

"Well," Ichigo said, crossing his arms and nodding in the redhead's direction, "If he was upset about anything I did, why would he be at your wife's graveside, about to pour his heart out to her?"

The substitute read the look of guilt rising on Byakuya's handsome face and backtracked slightly.

"Look, Renji is upset because he thinks that it was wrong for him to go along with you last night when you goaded us into that drinking game that led to the three of us…"

"You do not have to say it," Byakuya whispered abruptly.

"Right. Anyway, he's upset at himself, because he's worried that you were gonna regret what we did, and then you'd probably be angry with him for going along with it instead of objecting. So, is he right? Are you having regrets? Is that why you were here, pouring out your heart to Hisana?"

Byakuya scowled.

"You have no right…!"

He broke off and he and Ichigo turned their attention back to Renji as the anguished redhead began to speak.

"Hisana-sama," he managed, his voice shaking, "I saw Taicho talking to you. Didn't mean to listen in, but I've been kinda worried about him. I was stretching my legs yesterday and I overheard something else I guess I wasn't supposed to. I mean, I know about the elders pressuring Taicho to get married and have kids. He's mentioned that, but I heard that the elders were making Tetsuya have a kid for him instead…and that just…"

Renji paused, his body shaking harder and his tortured eyes closing for a moment.

"I know you were there just a few years after Taicho saved Tetsuya, so you'd know how bad he was messed up in that prison. No way he should have to do something like that, and no way that Taicho should have to do something like that to someone he loves. It may not be romantic love, but there's no doubt in my mind that Taicho loves Tetsuya. He may not talk about it, but what he did last night was a scream of frustration. I…uh…I hope that you don't think poorly of him for that. He's a good guy. He really loved you. Even though he doesn't always get to show what he feels, the people who love him understand…You, Tetsuya…and…me."

Byakuya and Ichigo exchanged stunned glances.

"Yeah," Renji sighed softly, "I really have fallen in love with Taicho. Not that I think in a million years he's ever gonna return that love, but…I love him."