Chapter 3: The Monster Who Loves Me
"Here is your gift, big brother!" Yuzu laughed, handing Ichigo a wrapped package.
Ichigo accepted the gift from her hand with a smile and handed her a wrapped gift in return. The two exchanged gifts with Karin, then all three sat down to the big meal that the girls had made.
"Why isn't Dad here?" Yuzu asked, looking around, "I thought that he was coming home early today."
"Naw," Ichigo sighed, sounding unsurprised, "A big emergency came up and he's having to stay at the hospital helping out tonight. Looks like we're on our own."
"Well, what do you wanna do after dinner?" asked Karin, dishing up a full plate and setting it in front of Ichigo, before filling the other two plates for herself and her sister.
"I don't know," the ginger-haired youth said solemnly, "We could watch some movies or go out and do something."
"Yuck, the weather's too bad for going out," Karin grumbled, "There's not exactly snow, just slush all over, and it's freezing. We're better off here, watching movies and playing games or something."
"Sounds good," Ichigo said, looking surprisingly interested, "It's been a while since we just relaxed together and had some fun, and no school or other crap getting in the way."
The three plowed through the hot, savory food, then adjourned to the living room, where they played games for several hours before watching and laughing at the late night horror movies that came on the TV. Ichigo waited until his sisters had collapsed and fallen asleep, curled up in the couch, then he turned off the TV and lights and checked all of the doors. He started on the way up to his room, his mind hearing again the words that Aizen had said to him.
"Ichigo, will you be coming back?"
"I don't know," Ichigo answered honestly, "I have to think about it."
"Well, while you are thinking, you might check the battlefield for pieces of my zanpakutou. As he is now allowing you into our world, you can find him and restore him."
"If I did that, it would only be to turn him over to the authorities," Ichigo said warningly.
"Who would destroy him," Aizen said warningly, "Is that what you want?"
"I don't know," Ichigo whispered, "I don't what I want."
"That's a lonely feeling, isn't it?" Aizen asked more softly.
"Hey, Ichigo," Kon yawned as he entered the bedroom, "Are they asleep now? Can I go down and watch my...?"
"No, you're not watching that perverted crap while they're in there and could wake up. I'm going out, Kon. I want you to watch over them while I'm gone. And no funny stuff, you got it?"
"Yeah, yeah!" the mod soul sighed in an irritated tone as Ichigo removed the soul candy from the doll and swallowed it, shifting to shinigami form, "I'll just do that. But Ichi, where're you going?"
"That's my business, not yours," the shinigami substitute said off-handedly, "You just do what I told you and don't ask questions."
"Sure. Fine, Whatever you say," Kon murmured, watching as Ichigo opened the window and disappeared out into the storm, "Man, something is just not right with you lately. Oh well, now that creepy Aizen's in jail and that Ginjou guy is six feet under, I guess whatever it is can't be too bad, ne? Wha-atever! I'm gonna go watch some movies of my own!"
He placed his hands on his hips and made a loud raspberry at the window the shinigami substitute had exited, then left the bedroom, headed for the living room.
Outside the house, Ichigo flash stepped into the park near his house and stopped on the bank of the river, looking around, grateful that the storm was keeping people inside. He reached into his breast pocket and withdrew a small, handheld device that Kisuke had given him.
Since they've given you a green light to pass freely into Soul Society, I can give you this. Just press the activation switch and a senkaimon will open for you. It's not subject to monitoring by the twelfth, although if you stray from the pathway, you might stumble into areas covered by that division, so don't get drawn off course.
Ichigo sensed the pathway and passed through the doorway that opened. He walked into the precipice world and watched as the senkaimon closed. He stood silently for a moment, listening to the echoing drip of water from the ceiling of the passageway. He heard the soft thrum of the cleaner and was instantly thankful that, for once, the thing wasn't chasing him as he passed through. His journey was, in fact, extremely quiet...almost too quiet. And it gave him time to continually return to Aizen's curious request.
"Well, while you are thinking, you might check the battlefield for pieces of my zanpakutou."
"Kyouka Suigetsu," he whispered, his eyes troubled as he remembered his conversations with the rogue captain's zanpakutou.
You link strongly with people and creatures. You have empathy, Ichigo! And this empathy reached out to me when I would have died, and it anchored me. I am alive because of you. I owe my existence to you now. I have not forgotten my master, though he happily parted with me. It is just that, being understood by you...it had an impact on me. You reached out to me in a way that not even my own master ever has. And I think that if anyone can help us...you can, Ichigo!
"Why would he even think I would help him?" Ichigo whispered into the darkness, "I'm the one who made it possible for them to put Aizen in that cell. Why would he think I would help Aizen get out?"
He sensed the exit and stepped out into Soul Society. He stepped down into the Rukongai and made his way towards the area where Karakura Town had been placed. Then, just beyond, he found the battlefield. A gentle snow began to fall as he reached it. He watched the graceful. floating snowflakes while walking about the scarred and burnt ground, not consciously meaning to search, but finding himself looking for any little bit of Aizen's broken zanpakutou.
It's probably gone. I can't see how a zanpakutou with its shinigami separated from it and it's inner spirit gone could survive. It just doesn't seem possible.
His first perusal of the area yielded nothing, as did his second. Ichigo sat down beneath a scarred tree and watched the snow fall while the wheels in his mind ground slowly forward. Finally, he closed his eyes and focused on Kyouka Suigetsu's presence that laid within his own inner world. Fixing on that with his inner eye, he rose and walked with his eyes closed, pacing slowly across the broken ground, pausing as he sensed reflected power down at his feet. He opened his eyes and caught his breath painfully, stunned at seeing a small piece of metal and a bit of the broken hilt with green strands still attached.
"Kami...!" Ichigo breathed disbelievingly.
He bent and retrieved the pieces, then searched the area and found several more. He gathered all of the pieces and held them carefully, looking around quietly.
But what do I do with them? I would go to Kisuke, but he might want me to give them to him. He could destroy them or do weird experiments on them.
No, I don't want Kyouka Suigetsu to be treated that way. Central 46 would also probably destroy them. And even though Byakuya might actually understand the situation, he couldn't defy the law to help me. I wouldn't ask him to. So, what can I do?
He walked back to the tree he had been sitting underneath, and sat down again, holding the pieces of Kyouka Suigetsu in his hands as he focused intently. After a few moments, his awareness faded and he found himself back in his own inner world.
Ichigo walked quickly to where his world and Aizen's had collided. He passed through into Aizen's inner world and sought the lake where the zanpakutou's spirit had spoken to him before.
Kyouka Suigetsu was already reflected on the surface of the lake and waiting for him, an anxious look on his pale face.
Ichigo Kurosaki, you came back!
"Did you really doubt that I would?" Ichigo answered, laying the pieces of Aizen's shattered zanpakutou in front of him, then looking down into Kyouka Suigetsu's deep, green eyes, "I don't know if I dare help you to repair this."
I understand, Kyouka Suigetsu said, bowing his head, After all, my master did use me to cut you and your friends. And I did not hesitate to be used in that manner.
"I think what I need to know is...would you do the same now?" Ichigo queried, "If I gave you back to him and he ordered you to attack me and my family, would you?"
"I..." the spirit said, struggling for words, "I do not know. I am of his soul, but at the same time, I am a soul of my own. I am compelled to help him, but even so, I have my own will, my own desires. It is...very confusing!
"Then, you understand why I can't trust you."
Yes.
"I will try to repair you, but you will remain sealed. I'm going to have Zangetsu place the seal. He will hold you back from actually using your powers until I give you leave to do that."
Very well. Ichigo...I thank you. I am grateful.
"Yeah, well don't be," Ichigo warned the spirit, "I still don't know what I'm going to do. I have a lot to think about before I decide that."
I understand.
Ichigo focused silently on the broken pieces of the sword that laid on the ground in front of him. He envisioned the restored blade, down to the very last detail, closing his eyes and pouring his reiatsu into the scattering of metal bits. He felt the stirring of Kyouka Suigetsu's soul, and some time later, the gasp of surprise and approval as the spirit was slowly rejoined with the renewed weapon. When the healing was finished, Ichigo left Aizen's inner world and carried the blade back into his. He met Zangetsu and handed him the blade, offering a warning as he did.
"Don't let him out. Don't unseal his powers."
What are you planning to do with him? Zangetsu asked, looking into his master's troubled eyes.
"I don't know yet," Ichigo said truthfully, "I have to think about it."
Ichigo was surprised in the end that his method of thinking sent him back to Central 46, where he again received permission to visit Kyouka Suigetsu's imprisoned master. He walked silently alongside the Muken guard, listening to the man's attempts at polite conversation and offering appropriate responses. He felt himself coming awake again as he entered Aizen's cell and listened to the door creak and groan as it closed behind him.
"Ichigo, Kurosaki," Aizen said curiously, "You have returned."
"Did you think I wouldn't?" Ichigo asked, sitting down in a chair in front of the heavily bound prisoner.
"I wasn't sure," Aizen confessed, "Now, you have me very curious. Why have you come, Ichigo?"
Ichigo struggled to think of the reason and blurted out the first thing that occurred to him.
"It's the changing of the seasons," he answered, "The winter solstice. It's not a time for being alone...not even for someone like you, Sousuke Aizen."
"Ah, so your presence here is...a gift?"
"I don't..."
"I am grateful," Aizen said softly, looking into his eyes in a way that made the youth freeze and stare back breathlessly, "You have been very kind. Certainly something I do not deserve. But you are like that. You don't think like me. You don't expect that all people should get what they deserve."
"Whoa!" Ichigo snapped, his eyes darkening, "Wait a sec. If you think people should get what they deserve, then why did you hurt Momo Hinamori so badly? She never did anything but practically worship the ground you walked on! She was mindlessly devoted to you!"
"Yes," Aizen said blithely, "and the consequence of trusting too deeply, of worshipping the wrong person is what she received."
"What? Are you saying...?"
"I am saying that she shouldn't have trusted me...that if she had not, she wouldn't have been useful to me."
"I don't get it! I don't understand how you can be so cold to people! They're people, damn it! Living, breathing people! Byakuya is a person and Renji and Rukia, but you manipulated them and turned them all against each other! And the thing is, you fucking enjoyed doing that! How could you?"
Aizen's eyes blinked slowly, taking in the younger man's clenched hands and almost desperate expression.
"Byakuya Kuchiki was an agent of the noble houses and the Gotei 13, both of which protect the king, who I want to destroy. To ease my passage to the king, I had to bring the hougyoku to full power. Kisuke Urahara chose Rukia as the vessel to conceal the hougyoku in..."
"Because you found out about Kisuke's hougyoku and arranged for her to be sent there! You wanted to use her specifically! Why?"
"Again, it goes back to what I said before. I wanted to punish Byakuya, because he is an agent of my enemies. Rukia and Renji are both close to him, and they were close to you."
"And why did you target me?"
Aizen's lips curved upward and his eyes glinted softly in the darkness.
"You are an anomaly, Ichigo Kurosaki. I was there when fate turned in your direction, when the collisions of power inside your mother paved the way for your birth. And when you were born, I wondered."
"What?" Ichigo asked, his eyes widening as the look in Aizen's revealed eye took on an unusual expression of longing.
"Before, no one could challenge me," Aizen whispered, "I was already at a level above everyone around me. Not one of them could begin to understand how lonely that was."
Ichigo came to his feet and moved closer to the prisoner, staring almost dazedly as Aizen continued, "But you...even before the hougyoku was completed, you had unnaturally strong powers. I couldn't help but notice you. And you remember, that even while the shinigamis tried to cut you down and even as they disrespected you, even as they refused to see the gift in your existence, Ichigo, I not only embraced it, but I helped you!"
"You...?"
"I purposely did not use my shikai when you attempted to attack me on Soukyoku Hill. That left you with a whisper of opportunity. I manipulated your circumstances, pitting you against opponents who would force you to develop or die. And in the end, I destroyed the cleaner, giving you a way to complete your training so that you could oppose me."
"You told me all of that," Ichigo remembered, "But it doesn't make any sense. Why would you do those things, when those were things that could lead to your defeat? Why set yourself up to lose to me?"
"Ichigo, you already suspect the answer to that. And this is what torments you."
"What?"
"Come closer...please."
Every instinct he had screamed for him to stay out of the other man's reach, but strangely, his feet moved and he grew closer to Aizen. He stopped in front of the other man, looking down into his unbound eye.
"I didn't really want to win."
And strangely, Ichigo felt perfect truth in the statement.
"I didn't want to stand at the top. To stand at the top, is to stand alone. I didn't want to be alone. So, even as I carried out my plans, I worked on you. Day and night I watched your progress. Every step forward you took, I was pleased. With every one of your victories, my hopes grew. And even that last day, I never planned to destroy you, as long as you did not disappoint me."
"Disappoint you?" Ichigo asked, pulling up a chair and sitting down in front of the prisoner.
"To have had all of those chances and to have failed to challenge me would have meant that you were weaker than I had hoped. But the truth is, you were even stronger than I planned. And as my powers failed me, and I lost to you, I was surprised at what I felt inside."
"What was that?" Ichigo asked, frowning, "Did you hate me?"
"No. I was grateful."
"What?" Ichigo asked, his eyes going wide again, "You were...?"
"I was glad...that finally someone had not disappointed me. I told you...we all yearn to find someone stronger than we are. We all want to have a higher power to turn to. And when I couldn't find one, and I was forced to do as I did, because of that...I surprised myself Ichigo. In you, I created what I didn't have...that power higher than mine. And even as I fell at your feet, I realized, but could not bear the realization that...I am in love with you."
Shock flooded Ichigo's body from end to end and he struggled to make his lips move. But even if they could have moved, his voice was frozen somewhere in his throat and his mind was spinning so hard that he thought he might fall.
"Ichigo Kurosaki," Aizen said, still looking into his eyes with perfect seriousness, "I love you."