A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was hoping to get around to it, but I was babysitting my nephew. Too many kids in my house yesterday lol.

This chapter has a lot going on. I think a lot of you are understanding both sides. Elena has a right to experiment and Damon shouldn't be so hypocritical, however she has gone beyond that and became selfish at times. This chapter will dive into the hurt they both have felt from each other. And it will continue on in the next chapter too.

Enjoy!

DPOV

Deployment wasn't what I'd thought it'd be. It was kind of boring most of the time. Sometimes I felt like there wasn't a purpose for being there. It was hot and dry. So much sand.

But there was a stretch of about three months where I got to train soldiers from other countries to help defend themselves against the surrounding countries. And that felt good. That made me feel like I was doing something. Something good. Something useful.

It was a time to be away from home and do a lot of thinking. I couldn't lie that most of the time I thought about Elena. I hoped that she realized what I was saying and was trying to get back to her old self. But I had little hope that she would ever be the old Elena again.

I got her letters. And her texts. And her voicemails. I ignored them all. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want the excuses, or the arguments. I was half a world away, and I really didn't have the energy to argue with her. So, I let them pile up, left unread. I saved them though. I was tempted many times to just open one. Just read one sentence. One word even. I often wondered what was said in them, but I just let it be.

I kept in contact with my family of course. Nothing was really new with them. Over the summer Stefan tried updating me on Elena, but I was unwilling to hear about it. I think he mumbled something about her being a waitress at the Grill, but everything else went in one ear and out the other.

I was happy to be back home, as in the United States. I missed the familiarity. I missed the variety in greenery. I spent a couple weeks back in Texas preparing to go back home for a few weeks. They made us go through some debriefing before we could return home. You know… Make sure there isn't any long-term psychological effects and what not. It was mellow over there for the most part. The only scary part was when I had to wear my gas mask for a few days because close by Syria was gassing their own people.

When I returned home my family was getting ready to go to the Gilberts cabin for Labor Day weekend. I wasn't planning on going because I was still trying to avoid Elena, but then I heard she wasn't going to come. She had started school and was going to stay back and focus on school.

Their cabin was one of my favorite places to go. We always had the best time there. There was so much to do. Friday night, Jeremy, Stefan and I used up all the gas on their four wheelers. We went fishing at dusk, and we stayed up sitting around the fire until it went out by itself.

Saturday morning, I woke up a little too late. It was almost noon, and the sun was shining through my window. It felt good to sleep in, I had missed that.

Jeremy popped into my room, "Hey want to go out on water for a swim? We're going to take the pontoon out on the lake."

"Yeah," my voice sounded raspy. "I'll be down in a minute."

I didn't bother showering since I'd be swimming in the lake in the matter of seconds. I would shower when we got back. So, I brushed my teeth and threw on a swimsuit. It was a hot day today, almost humid. I grabbed a towel throwing it over my shoulder and grabbing the sunblock off the table. I squirted some in my hand and applied it to my face and shoulders.

I walked down the stairs as I continued rubbing in the sunblock. My mom and Miranda were packing a cooler, as my dad and Greyson were getting the boat ready. Jeremy and Stefan were messing around, shoving each other like a bunch of nine-year-olds.

"Need help?" I asked my mom as she closed the cooler.

"Would you mind carrying that?" She gestured to the cooler.

"Sure thing," I bent down to carry it out to the boat.

As soon as the hot air hit my skin, I couldn't wait to get in that water. It was one of my favorite things. Floating out in the middle of the lake. Letting my ears settle under the water line, as I floated on my back. It drowned out the sound of the outside world as I looked at the clouds in the sky, and the birds fly by. It was so peaceful. So relaxing.

I set the cooler down on the boat, as everyone else piled in. I don't know how I missed it, but a beautiful brunette caught my attention. She sat at the back of the pontoon. Her hair was long and curled. Sunglasses on, as she looked down at her phone. She wore an oversized white t-shirt that had a Harry Potter quote on it, that made me smile for a brief second. Her tan legs were sticking out from her jean shorts. Her toes painted a bright pink.

Elena.

As if I said her name out loud, she looked up from her phone, and I quickly looked away. I took the towel off my shoulder and set it down on a seat towards the front of the boat. I sat down next to Jeremy, who was laughing like a hyena about something Stefan said.

I thought she wasn't coming. I wanted to ask why she was here, but I didn't want her to know I cared. So, I jumped in the conversation with Jeremy and Stefan and acted like she was just a ghost I didn't even see.

It didn't take long for Greyson to drive us out to our spot in the middle of the lake. My dad threw down the anchor, and as soon as we were stable, I jumped in the water. I was looking forward to the peacefulness. The quietness. But mostly now I just needed to get away.

I thought of every excuse to go back home, but I rode up with my parents so there wasn't an extra vehicle. I could tell them I'd come pick them up on Monday when they were ready to go home. But it made me feel guilty. My parents didn't get to see me often so what possible excuse could I give them that would be good enough to take more time away from them.

After I floated for a while, I swam. I swam far from the boat. Probably not the wisest thing to do. Since my head probably looked like a tiny dot to all the other boats out here, but I just didn't want to see her. I needed to release all the pent-up energy I had. I needed a clear head.

Hopefully she was just here for the day and then she'd drive back to campus. Because I don't think I could handle being stuck in the same space as her for two more days.

I swam back to the boat after I got tired of treading water.

Elena stood up on top of the boat, removing her shorts and t-shirt. Perfect. She was getting in the water, which meant I could get out.

I groaned when I saw her in the perfect coral swimsuit that made her tan skin stand out. Her perfectly sculpted ass, and tits were hard to ignore. But as I climbed the stairs back in the boat, I shook it off. She jumped in the water, as I grabbed my towel to dry off.

That is how the day on the lake went. She'd get in the water, I'd get out. She'd get out and I would get back in. I don't think she really tried to make eye contact with me, but I wouldn't know because I avoided her at all costs.

I think my nosey mom was picking up on the tension because she kept giving me looks, that were less than subtle.

Jeremy and Stefan were like seven-year-olds insisting we go into town on the boat to get ice cream. The parents were ok with it, because they wanted to stop at the bar for a drink. So, when we drove back, I got seat jacked by my mom which forced me in the back by Elena. She sat reading a book, in the corner, so at least we could keep up the not talking part.

Her wet hair was blowing in the wind causing droplets to hit my skin. It was starting to agitate me. So, when we got to the dock, I quickly got up.

"Elena, tie up the boat, would you?" Greyson told Elena.

His tone was stern. I had heard rumblings that her parents were really upset about the party. They must still be punishing her for it.

Elena book marked her book and stepped off the boat, struggling to tie it around the post.

"Help her Damon," My mom ordered me, stopping me with an arm.

"No," I said a little too aggressively.

"Damon," My mom gave me a look that I knew not to mess with. I groaned in annoyance, before rolling my eyes and turning to grab the other rope as everyone else walked into town. I quickly wrapped the rope around the post several times before putting the loop around the top.

I glanced at Elena out of the corner of my eye, and she did the same thing at the same time.

"Damon I"-

I turned before she could finish her sentence, practically jogging to catch up to everyone else.

The rest of the day was just as awkward as it was earlier.

There was a part of me that felt bad for her. She seemed to struggle with the tension. But I was still too angry and upset to give in to that. After dinner I had gone upstairs to shower and then I made my way outside. My parents and the Gilberts were playing cards inside. I think Jeremy was up in his room. When I stepped outside, I immediately noticed Stefan sitting on the giant wooden swing with Elena down by the water.

He had his arm casually draped across the back of the swing, and she was laughing at something he must have said. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt, and she had bare legs, but I'm assuming she had shorts on or something underneath. She had her legs tucked up; her arms wrapped loosely around them. Stefan had pulled her into his side and was giving her a hug. She leaned her head against his chest for a brief minute before he pulled away. I wasn't jealous. They were just friends. I just missed being that person for her. It was a conflicting feeling. I wanted to push her away at the same time that I craved to be holding her like Stefan was.

I noticed Stefan pull away from her after a minute before he patted her knee a couple times and then got up.

I shook my head, not realizing I had probably been staring for way too long. Not that they could see me, but it still felt odd. I casually made my way out to the dock. It was starting to get dark out, and there was nothing better than watching that sun set from the dock.

I sat down, letting the tops of my feet dangle in the water. The sun was a bright orange, reflecting off the water. I could hear the faint sound of bugs, and the sound of the water gently hitting against the rocks near the shore.

She was really quiet, because I didn't even hear her approach me until I saw two tanned feet with bright pink polish next to me. She didn't say anything as she sat down. She just let her feet copy mine.

We were both quiet for a long time. A part of me really just wanted to get up and leave, but something inside me kept me still. I couldn't avoid her forever. It was probably good to just get this over with. Say our peace and move on.

"I'm guessing you haven't read my letters," she finally broke the silence.

A faint pang of guilt fizzled in my chest. She obviously put a lot of time in those letters considering I got one every week for almost eight months, sometimes two or three a week.

"I don't blame you for not reading them," she continued after I didn't respond. "I haven't been a very good friend… And you were right. I did change."

I took a deep breath, deciding I wasn't ready to hear this.

"I realize that now, and I'm sorry"-

"Elena," I stopped her. "I just really don't want to hear this right now." I stood up and headed back inside before I let the walls come down and let her weasel her way back into my life.

I stayed in my room the rest of the night, until the house was silent. I was sure everyone was asleep by now. I wasn't tired at all as I laid in bed, trying my hardest to fall asleep. But I tossed and turned for too long, and I would just sit on my phone if I wasn't sharing a room with Stefan who was the lightest sleeper ever. So, I threw my blankets off, threw on some sweatpants and quietly tiptoed down the stairs and outside.

A faint scent of cigarette smoke filled my nostrils, and I found the source almost immediately. Elena was sitting on the edge of the porch, her legs crossed one over the other, balancing on the ledge. Her back was leaned up against the cabin, as she took a drag from her cigarette.

"You smoke now?" I couldn't help the judgement that filled the air.

She glanced over to me for a second as she blew out the smoke into the pitch-black night. "Habit I picked up from college."

She seemed more reluctant to talk now than she did before. Which I'm sure has everything to do with me telling her I didn't want to talk to her.

I sat down in the empty chair a few feet away from her. "Can't sleep?" I asked her. I don't know why all of the sudden I was talking to her. Maybe the empathetic side of myself was winning over my bitter side.

She flicked at her cigarette apprehensive to answer me. "Not really."

It was then at the faint glow of the moon I could see the puffy eyes and the tear-stained cheeks. And immediately I wanted to rescue her. Make her feel better. Hold her. Talk to her. Tell her everything was going to be alright.

But I had a good feeling she was crying because of me.

"Me either," I decided to speak.

She absentmindedly took another drag from her cigarette. "Why'd you start smoking?"

This time she blew out the smoke from her nose as she put out the reminder of the cigarette on the wood of the deck. She crumpled up the butt and shoved it in the pocket of her large hoody. "Probably the same reason I started doing a lot of stuff. Because everyone else was doing it."

We were both silent, unsure if that was as far as this conversation was going to go tonight.

"I actually like it though," she finally spoke. "As much as it's a nasty disgusting habit, it's relaxing."

I've smoked cigarettes before. I never got into it enough to buy them. I'd just occasionally bum them off my friends after I had some beers, and she was right. It was relaxing.

"I'll quit eventually," she said quietly. "It's just all I have left lately."

I wasn't sure what she meant by that. I hadn't talked to her in so long. I had no idea what she had been up to, and for a long time I didn't want to know.

My curiosity was tugging at me, "What do you mean by that?"

She opened her mouth, like she was going to give me a real answer. But she quickly shut it and shook her head shrugging. "I guess, I don't know."

Her chin rested on the tops of her knees as she gently swayed. Her eyes looked vacant, and for the first time I had no idea what was wrong with her. "You know… You may be a different person now. But I could always tell when you're lying."

She seemed bothered by that, tucking her hair behind her ear, before pivoting her body so she could hop off the railing. "Goodnight, Damon," Her voice was not what I expected it to be. When she was bothered, she would sound mad. She'd usually stomp off head held high holding all the stubbornness in the world.

But she was different this time. Sad and down. Perhaps lost and defeated were the right words to describe it. She didn't have the fight and the fire that she usually had. It was quite subdued and lonely sounding.

"Wait," the words flew from my mouth.

She paused just before going inside.

"Can I have a cigarette?" I lamely asked. I didn't want her to go, but my stubbornness was too prideful to admit that.

She dug in her sweatshirt, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. I took it from her letting the cigarette balance between my lips while I lit the stick. I took a drag, and it was instant calm that washed over me. "You're right. It is relaxing," I said as I blew out the smoke away from her face.

"I didn't realize you smoked," she raised an eyebrow.

"Occasionally here and there," I shrugged. "Now are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"What'd do you mean?" She straightened up.

"What's got you smoking outside at midnight, while the rest of the house is asleep?"

She turned away to hop back up where she was sitting earlier, "My life is kind of in shambles."

I waited for her to explain as I enjoyed the ease of the cigarette between my lips.

"My parents don't trust me. I almost flunked out of college after one semester. I lost my friends. And I caught Tommy cheating on me," she pulled out her pack of cigarettes. I'm assuming just talking about it, made her want another one. She struggled with the lighter for a minute before she took a sweet sigh of relief as she inhaled the burning cigarette. "But it's all my fault, so I really have no one to blame but myself."

I quietly tapped on the chair with my free hand not sure what to say. Part of me wanted to laugh evilly glad she got what was coming to her. But the other half of me felt bad. She may deserve her parent's rath and the bad grades, but as far as the shitty friends and the asshole boyfriend she could've done without.

"You can say I told you so," she said after a moment of silence.

"I won't," I flicked the ashes to the floor. "I'm sure you know that already."

She nodded her head slowly. "Mostly, I'm kicking myself for how I treated you. I should never have said the things I said or acted the way that I did. Because you were right, I was changing. And it wasn't for the good."

"How long did it take you to figure that one out?" I asked coldly.

"Pretty much the minute I found out you were gone," she spoke softly.

"Why? Because you didn't have anyone to cry to anymore?" I spit. The emotions of nearly nine months ago coming back with vengeance.

She coiled from my tone. "No, because you're my best friend and I didn't listen to you."

"Was," I corrected. "I was your best friend."

I watched as fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"No, you don't get to do that," I leaned forward in my chair. "You can't use your tears to make me feel bad for you."

She put out her cigarette, her hands shaky. I could hear her sniffle as the brushed her wet face with her free hand.

"You blamed me for changing you, and we both know that isn't true," I kept on. "You liked the person you were becoming, you even said it. So, I don't believe you when you apologize."

In a second it was as if someone lit her ass on fire. She jumped off the ledge to stand in front of me. The tears gone, the sadness gone, nothing left but anger.

"You don't even know what it was like to be me!" Her voice was raised, and she jabbed her finger in my face. "You were Mr. popular. Quarterback, and captain of the football team. Every guy wanted to be you, and every girl wanted to be with you. You walked down the halls, and everyone gave you high fives. Everybody knew who you were."

Her voice was starting to break, when she gestured to herself. "I was a nobody. I was invisible to everyone. Yes, I had you. And yes, I had Stefan. But you know how you felt when I was busy with my friends and Tommy, and I only spent a couple times with you when you were home. Well, I felt that all the damn time! You were always with your buddies or Rebekah, or some other chick. You probably felt like you saw me all the time, only because you had no time. You used every extra minute you had on me, but what's that when you only have a few minutes to spare?"

She took a breath as I sat there stunned.

"And what was even worse, was when my best friend," her voice was totally shattered at this point. "Pointed out to me that I have no life. The one person that mattered the most to me in this whole world reminded me of who I am. Do you know that I cried myself to sleep that night? And where were you?" She paused for just a second to collect herself, before she spoke softly. "You were with your friends. And I don't blame you. We decide who were going to be, and I can't blame my decisions on anyone else."

"But before you point fingers remember that the small fraction of time that you spent alone without me… That's how my entire life has been."

I was stunned into silence. I never looked at it from her perspective. I knew that she didn't have any friends, but she always seemed like she was ok with it. Like that's how she wanted it. I never thought that it bothered her the way that it did.

"I'm sorry that I changed. I'm sorry I got lost in the drinking and the partying. But I think I've learned my lesson. And I'm certainly paying for the mistakes. I'm finding out that I will always have to put effort into school if I want good results. I know that I have to earn my parents trust again. I know that the friends I made were not true friends. And I accept the fact that I lost my virginity to someone who didn't care half as much for me as I did for him. But perhaps the worst mistake I'm paying for is this," she gestured between us. "Because when my world came crumbling down, I had to accept that the one person I needed most in the world didn't want to see me or talk to me. And it's no one's fault but my own. It tears me apart that I ruined our friendship. But I've had to lean on the only person I have left. Me." She took a deep breath. "I am picking myself up slowly. And for the first time in my life, I am proud of myself. I can say for the first time in my life that I like who I am. I may have no friends, no trust, and no life, but at least I can say I am liking who I am becoming… Can you?"

Before I had time to answer she was gone. And I was left to analyze and reflect on the person that I had been for the last 22 years...

A/N: What'd you think? How do you think things will go from here? Please leave a review and I will see you next week :)